


A True Alpha

by Hopefulbadger



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alpha Clarke Griffin, Alpha Lexa (The 100), Alpha Octavia, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, F/F, Omega Raven, Omega Verse, The 100 Femslash, Trans, trans alpha
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-18 13:25:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 46
Words: 85,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14214096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopefulbadger/pseuds/Hopefulbadger
Summary: A True AlphaSummary: Au, Clarke and Raven live together while finishing up college , and one day Raven gets a call from her alpha Octavia , telling her how her friend Lexa is finally deciding to date again. So an Trans alpha Clarke decides to tag along . trans alpha , omega raven , alpha Lexa , Alpha Clarke , Alpha Octavia. Alpha/alpha A/b/o omegaverse





	1. Chapter 1

A True Alpha

Summary: Au, Clarke and Raven live together while finishing up college, and one day Raven gets a call from her alpha Octavia, telling her how her friend Lexa is finally deciding to date again. So a Trans alpha Clarke decides to tag along. trans alpha, omega raven, alpha Lexa, Alpha Clarke, Alpha Octavia. Alpha/alpha A/b/o omegaverse

Author's note: If you like Fin you probably won't like the first chapter. He ends up being a casualty of the story in this fic, like in the show. But I won't mention him by name, and it will only be in this chapter.

Also. because I have had people who didn't know this about me complain about my normal omegaverse stories, not even ones dealing with trans issues, I am trans. I am a transgender woman, so I know what I'm talking about when it comes to trans issues, this is just a story that happens to explore some trans issues.

"Clarke! You are gonna send me into a heat if you don't stop!" Raven yelled from their apartment kitchen as she tossed her fried rice in a large wok.

"You are on suppressants!" Clarke hollered back from the bathroom as she continued to spray the rut cologne all over herself.

"Oh you mean those pills you take to allow yourself to do that once a month without dripping during your classes!?" Raven appeared in the doorway swinging a metal spatula like she was ready to attack.

Clarke growled channeling the inner alpha she wished she had as she glared at her roommate. "If I don't everyone will know! Doctors only prescribe enough to dampen heats, not get rid of them. Plus you said it was ok if I took half of yours. You are on a higher dose anyway... Lucky cunt…" Clarke muttered the end.

"Yeah! And I enjoy heats which is why I'm fine with it. But seriously. I'm gonna need to take more if you are gonna pile it on in the apartment like that. I haven't bonded with Octavia yet so that stuff affects me still." Raven explained.

"Sorry… but you know why this matters to me." Clarke looked away her eyes hollow.

"I know." Raven answered caringly. "Here." Raven opened the medicine cabinet, pulling out her suppressants and handing Clarke one. "You will need it if your gonna be soaked in rut pheromones like that."

"Thanks. I'm already uncomfortably damp." Clarke admitted frustrated with her body.

"Yeah, I'm not surprised. Now imagine without your suppressants! "Raven growled.

"Thank you." Clarke's voice sincere, and guilt-ridden.

"Yeah yeah." Raven dismissed rolling her eyes as she heard her phone ring from her room.

"Betcha that is your alpha calling to make sure you stay away from me." Clarke teased smugger than her stature warranted.

"Yeah yeah!" Raven yelled as she ran to her phone. "She already knows I love you, and that you aren't a threat." Raven added picking up the phone.

"Raven! Your friend! She still likes alphas right?" Octavia asked a little too loud.

"I… I don't know." Raven answered caught off guard.

"You said she fucked your ex!?" Octavia argued.

"So?" Raven sighed.

"So my best friend has finally decided to get back out there and she is liberal enough to not judge." Octavia explained.

"It's more than being liberal. It's respecting who my best friend is." Raven half growled into the phone." I've already explained this to you! She is an alpha."

"Just bring her, the bar by your place in twenty! We already ordered drinks.

" I'm making fried rice." Raven argued.

"You are making fire and smoke!" Clarke yelled as she took the smoldering wok off the stove.

"Fuck. Wait… were you listening in on my conversation?" Raven yelled.

"You are a great friend and I love you for standing up for my identity." Clarke smiled as she popped into the room where Raven stood On the phone.

"Fuck, see you in twenty we are getting ready to go now." Raven sighed.

"Love you!" Octavia cooed into the phone.

"Love You too." Raven growled her heat more and more imminent by the second.

"Clarke go hard on the pheromones again." Octavia questioned quickly catching the familiar growl just before she intended to hang up.

"Yup." Raven growled again glaring at the alpha waiting in her doorway impatient with burned rice.

"Yay! Tell her I said thanks! Love you. See you soon!" Octavia sang.

"Who said I wanted to go?" Clarke teased.

"First, the fact that you listened in and didn't object, second, you are the one that pointed out I ruined my rice." Raven sighed, grabbing the wok and heading to the kitchen to throw it in the sink. "And it's not up to you anymore. You haven't dated since he had his car accident." Raven glowered.

"He lied about being engaged! I need time to recover!" Clarke argued.

"It's been a year. And he was engaged to me!" Raven argued reflexive.

"You know none of that is the real reason." Clarke looked away, for the first time unsure as to whether or not she really wanted to go with Raven to the bar.

"I know." Raven gave her friend a supportive hug.

"No one wants an alpha like me." Clarke held to Raven.

"You don't know that." Raven reassured.

"I do." Clarke began to cry. "He was only driving so fast because I told him the truth of who I am.

"He was an asshole. A cheating bigoted asshole and Octavia says her friend is accepting." Raven comforted, soothing Clarke as best she could.

"Thank you." Clarke sniffled.

"And you owe me for sending me into a damn heat!" Raven teased.

"So if I go we are square?" Clarke smiled hopeful.

"only if you make yourself scarce after the double date. I need the apartment, and I don't plan on being quiet!" Raven offered.

"Deal!" Clarke smiled.

"Now. Get your best alpha makeup on, and even use your packer if you want. We have a double date to go on!" Raven cheered.

End of chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this!?" Clarke began fidgeting with her crotch.

"You are the one who told me she has been dying to do it for months!" Raven giggled.

"It's so big… it's impossible to ignore!" Clarke growled.

"Yeah. That's the point, most alphas have trouble hiding their bulge when they go into a rut. Hell, I noticed three on the way here that weren't even hiding it." Raven assured opening the door to the bar for Clarke.

"Thanks. I appreciate the suppo-" Clarke was cut off.

"Raven!" Octavia called from the bar, already two or three in.

"Oh god… you are cut off." Raven sighed.

"Clarke right?" Octavia did a good job of attempting to look as if she had instantly sobered up.

"I... Yeah." Clarke looked away, noticing that Octavia had a bulge just as big as her own.

"I would love for you to meet Lexa! LEXA! Yoohoo!" Octavia whistled to Her friend whose attention was locked on some omega, clearly in heat, wearing a tank top more air then cloth.

"Hmm yeah?" Lexa turned around to see Clarke in her comparatively conservative jeans and blouse with the noteworthy bulge and obvious scent of rut. "Well hey there cutie." Lexa's head did a quick nod as she gave a smoldering glare at Clarke.

"I'm an alpha. Not a cutie!" Clarke growled, getting up in Lexa's face suddenly.

Lexa gave a pleased growl as their eyes locked deeply, lexa noticing something different in the alpha's eyes.

"Hey! How about we get a table!" Raven suggested trying to diffuse the situation.

"Yeah, I'd like that." Lexa smiled to Clarke seductive.

"Whatever." Clarke chimed in cold, looking away from the curious alpha's eyes which seemed to see right through her cologne.

"Sounds good, right here guys!" Octavia smiled hoping a kind face could smoothe it all over despite the obvious tension.

"Hey, it's gonna be ok. She was just hitting on you. She likes you." Raven whispered into Clarke's ear, a hand on her back reassuringly.

"That's the problem, she is..." Clarke swallowed." you know... You see it... Sexy... I... You know!" Clarke got flustered, whispering a little louder than she wanted to.

"That's good. Just don't freak out. I know she called you cute, but I don't think she meant it like that." Raven reassured quietly as they approached the table Lexa and Octavia had already taken.

"Thanks. I will try to not be so…" Clarke trailed off.

"Alpha." Raven giggled.

"Yeah..." Clarke sighed as they sat down.

"You ok love?" Octavia asked, grabbing her omega's hand.

"It's been a long day. And someone's rut" Raven glared at Clarke and then Octavia. "Or two someones! Aren't making it any shorter for this omega."

"Mhmm well, whenever you want I'd be happy to take you back home." Octavia offered to glares from both Lexa and Clarke.

"Let's help these two cultivate some conversation first ok love?" Raven raised an eyebrow.

"Thank you Raven" Lexa smiled. "But I'm sure Clarke and I could get along without all that social lubrication..." Lexa licked her lips staring at Clarke.

Clarke audibly swallowed caught in the glare.

"I…i… uugh..." Clarke stumbled.

"How about we Dance for a bit while these two get to know each other. They seem… captivated with each other and I don't wanna hinder that." Octavia's suggestion turned to an order as she grabbed Raven's wrist, pulling her away.

"So..." Clarke looked away.

"I'm sorry." Lexa apologized.

"I… you're what?" Clarke did a double take confused, sure this is the first time she saw an alpha apologize.

"Most of the alphas I've met are more into testing each other's dominance by saying stuff like that. But I understand it made you uncomfortable. So I'm sorry." Lexa scooted closer to Clarke in the U shaped booth.

"I... Thank you." Clarke blushed, flattered that the alpha cared more about her comfort than dominance. "I… do you date other alpha's frequently?" Clarke asked hesitant, scared, but excited.

"Almost exclusively. It's honestly why I was so comfortable in being so forward. Especially all the alpha women I've been with enjoy that teasing, give it as good as they get and such." Lexa explained.

"I... This is my first time doing anything like this." Clarke looked away, glancing back each moment faster and faster as Lexa continued to approach her.

"Stop me if I get too close." Lexa smiled knowingly.

"I will." Clarke swallowed hesitant, wishing she had taken another suppressant. She had really overdone it with the cologne.

"You smell delightful. Different from all the other alphas I've scented before. It's captivating." Lexa explained as if it made her ever closing proximity normal.

"I... I do?" Clarke stammered, relaxing in her seat. Opening her arms, inviting the interested alpha.

"You... Do..." Lexa's hand hit Clarke's thigh, closer to knee than anything else, innocent enough, but obvious that she wanted it to be anything but innocent.

"I... Oh god…" Clarke gasped as Lexa's hand retracted immediately.

"I'm sorry. Your scent. It was sweet. I thought you liked me getting closer." Lexa apologized scooting away.

"I do... I… I did. You are ok. I... I liked it." Clarke began to pant, her core now soaked, her heart racing.

"Are you sure. You look... Stressed… worried." Lexa acknowledged hesitant, trying not to make Clarke uncomfortable.

"I'm good... Just my h-" Clarke caught herself." rutting... I… m… I'm rutting!" Clarke stammered, knowing that Lexa already knew, but still not wanting to acknowledge the reality of her body.

"I know." Lexa licked her lips. "It smells great. I'm dying to know what you would smell like down there." Lexa dropped her vocal register, her voice taunting, feeling like an auditory equivalent of her silver tongue slipping against Clarke's aching core.

"I... Ohhh… Lexa... We… we are in public..." Clarke averted her gaze once more, panting, trying to hide the obvious signs of a heat somehow welling up within her despite the extra dose of suppressants. "Fuck..." Clarke sighed under her breath hating her own body now more than ever.

"Muttering that under your breath the second after you remind me we are in public?" Lexa taunted, returning her hand to Clark's thigh.

"God..." Clarke whispered the word a prayer.

"I'd love to hear you say that with a different inflection." Lexa taunted, her hand slipping farther up.

"I... S..." Clarke wasn't sure what she wanted any more. She craved deeply for Lexa already, but something in her felt weary, as if a shoe was about to drop.

"Stop?" Lexa's hand paused immediately.

"Don't… stop" the words fought the way through Clarke's lips.

"of course!" Lexa forfeited the slow pace and allowed her hand to find the bulge that she hadn't been able to get out of her mind all night so far.

Clarke gasped, bucking into the pressure she could feel through her packer, caught In her self, lost in need, craving for the alpha next to her to press her down, take her, despite the biology she had, she didn't care, she wanted lexa, anyway she could have her.

"I..." Lexa gripped the fake phallus. "Clarke?"

"Ohh..." Clarke moaned.

"Clarke… your cock..." Lexa paused." I… what's going on."

"I..." Clarke pulled away realizing it..." you didn't know!?" Clarke gasped.

"Know what? Have a tragic dick related incident? Or something." Lexa pause seeing the horror on Clarke's face. "Fuck! I'm so so sorry! That was really insensitive. It's ok. I don't mind. I promise. I'm so sorry. Your body is entirely valid no matter what happened. No matter who you are." Lexa explained.

"I..." Clarke stammered.

"I'm so sorry. Whatever it is. You are safe here. No judgment. I promise." Lexa promised.

"You are really nice..." Clarke looked away, hesitant and worried.

"I try. I'm sorry if I said something not ok." Lexa apologized again.

"I... I am an alpha!" Clarke declared overcompensating.

"Well duh. You reek of rut." Lexa rolled her eyes.

"I… well… that isn't me."

"Wha?" Lexa raised an eyebrow.

"It's my cologne." Clarke expanded.

"I don't understand."

"I'm actually entering a heat right now." Clarke brought her hands up defensive worried that she would be attacked.

"Clarke..." Lexa sighed understanding for the first time.

"I... I thought Octavia told you." Clarke tried to explain.

"She didn't because it wasn't any of my business. That is incredibly personal. Also, it explains your sweet scent. I don't usually like the scent of heats… I know it's uncommon for an alpha but..." Lexa trailed off shrugging. "There's only one omega's heat I've liked."

"I… thank you. That is actually really nice of you." Clarke allowed herself to look to Lexa, the alpha's eyes full of understanding sympathy. It was then that it clicked for Clarke. Lexa was an alpha that liked alphas. She must be accustomed to bigotry, sideways looks, people calling her slurs.

"I'm sorry you had to fear I would react poorly." Lexa offered the words of kindness.

"I... Thank you." Clarke smiled relaxing.

"Of course. And I want you to know. I don't care what dynamic you are. I have been with alphas, omegas, and betas. I admit I've never been with a trans dynamic person. But. I'm not against it. And you do still smell great. Are you open to continuing this?" Lexa inquired.

"I would like that. But Maybe we go a bit slower tho?"

" Oh... Yeah sorry. I... I don't know what happened to me, it all just got away from me. I... Your scent… the way you... The way you reacted to me. I didn't want to stop." Lexa admitted.

"I didn't either. But I am in a heat now." Clark sighed frustrated. "I... I don't wanna make any lifelong mistakes."

"I won't do anything you don't want. I promise." Lexa assured.

"Thank you."

"So... Are you ok?" Lexa checked in.

"I… I'm rattled. I... Can't believe I passed as a Normal alpha.!" Clarke smiled.

"You pass really well. and you make a sexy alpha." Lexa growled playfully.

"I… ohhh..." Clarke moaned.

"I... Oh sorry. I... I didn't know." Lexa whispered feeling guilty.

"I... Only get heats once in a year or two after I started taking more suppressants. So when they come. It's bad." Clarke explained.

"Do you need to go home?" Lexa offered.

"Probably." Clarke admitted. "Oh fuck! "

"What's wrong?"

"I promised Raven the apartment tonight." Clarke's head dropped in frustration hitting the table.

"Hey hey. Clarke its ok. How about this. Come to my place. I live alone. I have a guest room. And I will watch over you during your rut." Lexa offered the name switch hoping it would comfort Clarke.

"Thank you." Clarke hugged Lexa suddenly.

"Of course. My cousin liked it when I called his heats ruts. And as far as I care it's all the same thing. It's just a person biologically driven to hump their brains out." Lexa chuckled.

"Yeah..." Clarke chuckled too.

"Sooo how are you two doing! You seem close!" Raven smiled as she checked in on them, Octavia behind her, grinding herself against the omega, clearly in a rut."

"Yeah. You two can go hump your brains out." Clarke smiled giving raven permission to leave them.

"Thank you!" Octavia sang happily. "You good Lexa."

"Yeah, I'm good." Lexa smiled. "Have your fun."

"Oh... Octavia..." Clarke caught their attention just as they were about to head off. "Thank you. I appreciate you not sharing my secret. And FYI Lexa has been nothing less than perfect about it." Clarke thanked.

"Of course. No problem. I swear I'm not as ignorant as this one makes me out to be!" Octavia bucked into Raven, causing the omega to whimper aching for her alpha.

"Get me to my place now! I'm gonna take your whole fucking knot so fucking hard." Raven growled pleased with her lover and how supportive she had been to her friend.

"Of course love. Let's go."

"See ya!" Clarke and lexa called together watching their friends head out.

"So I have heating pads, pillows, blankets, and water to keep down the cramping better than beer back at my place. You wanna get out of here?" Lexa offered.

"That sounds nice, but... What are you expecting us to do once we get there?" Clarke asked unsure what to do or say.

"What do you want to do. I am expecting me to do whatever you are comfortable with. If you want me to help with your rut. That's fine. If you just need the place to crash for the night, that's also fine. And I'm ok with anything in between too." Lexa offered.

"How about... If I ask for it. You can help me through it. But your pants stay on the whole time no matter what." Clarke suggested.

"That works fine for me."

"Thank you." Clarke gave Lexa a quick kiss on the cheek before they headed out.

End of chapter 2


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Sorry, the place isn't too tidy." Lexa apologized, knowing she had let her standards of cleanliness slip in the past couple years.

"It's not that bad. Raven and my place gets worse than this five minutes after we clean." Clarke admitted honestly, surprised that someone else considered it untidy.

"Thanks." Lexa smiled softly watching Clarke fidget full of hesitation and uncertainty. "You ok?"

"I..." Clarke drifted uncomfortable in admitting her inner conflict as her hands rose and fell repeatedly, clearly wishing to do something.

"Clarke?" Lexa's voice gentle and caring.

"I… don't... Not like that." Clarke squeaked. Lexa looked to Clarke, eyebrow cocked, face shifted to show her confusion.

"Sorry. I... Just please don't say my name like that." Clarke gave some clarification but not enough.

"I'm sorry Clarke, but I don't understand, are you ok?" Lexa slipped into the same gentle caring, soothing register as earlier.

"I…" Clarke swallowed down the need for a moment, despising her heat, her biology for making her this way. "That... Tone... The… care… in your voice." Clarke stammered.

"Ohhh!" Lexa realized, her face lighting up, almost proud of herself. "I get it! Sorry. Didn't know… soo… what is a better tone? I don't wanna make it worse."

"That is good. I... Just that tone made me… want to... Submit. To you." Clarke admitted completely.

"I figured it out eventually. And I understand why that can be … less than fun." Lexa nodded.

"Yeah… try infuriating." Clarke did her best alpha huff.

"It's gonna-" Lexa caught herself, knowing that comforting words such as 'its gonna be ok' would only exacerbate the issue.

"Thank you." Clarke smiled knowing what had just gone through the other alpha's mind. "So. I know a couch isn't normally the best place to rut. But. Mine is actually rather nice, and we can watch something while your rut fully sets in." Lexa suggested gesturing to the couch in her living room.

"That sounds really nice." Clarke smiled softly, meandering over to the couch where she did her best to plop down and present herself dominantly. Clarke spread her legs, arms draped along the back of the couch and its arm.

Lexa sat down on the other side of the couch, a seat between them, grabbing the remote and presenting it to Clarke with a bow of her head. "Your choice." the two words held the weight of a thousand between them. Lexa knowingly made her actions in a submissive nature. Clarke was unsure whether or not Lexa's actions were from a place of honest intent to submit, or to satiate some part of her and nothing more. This doubt almost left Clarke more frustrated than anything. She didn't wish to be patronized. She wanted someone who actually wished to submit to her.

Either way, Clarke pushed aside her doubts, reaching out, stroking the side of Lexa's face with one hand as she took the remote with another. "Good girl." Clarke praised, growling satisfied as she did.

Lexa pushed her face against Clarke's hand, enjoying the grace of the other woman's soft warm palm. Lexa felt her body sing with the appreciation as a hum escaped her. "T... Thank you..." Lexa's voice surprised even herself a touch. She had submitted in the past occasionally, enjoying it more than the average alpha, but never craving it. Not like she did now, not the way her voice reflected.

Although the words couldn't have been more sincere, they didn't sound that way to Clarke. The fear, doubt, and stress brought on by her dysphoria and her heat misconstrued the words. "I don't need you to patronize me." Clarke growled frustrated, looking away again, something it seemed as if she had the Patton on at this point.

"I..." Lexa's voice caught in her throat. "I wasn't."

"Oh please. I've heard alpha porn stars do a more convincing submission." Clark growled shifting to get up from the couch.

"Please." Lexa's voice almost a beg. "You don't have to leave. I promise I wasn't faking it." Lexa promised, grabbing Clarke's hand weakly, just enough to assure Clarke that she wished for her to stay.

"I… Really?" Clarke turned back.

"Really." Lexa assured.

"But your an alpha." Clarke questioned without even thinking.

"And so are you." Lexa reminded.

"I..." Clarke stammered caught in her own words. But touched that Lexa would reassure her so unquestionably.

"Alphas can enjoy submitting to other alphas." Lexa explained the words Clarke already knew. But never realized could ever apply to her in anything other than her most affirming of dreams.

"And you?" Clarke sat back down completely, looking to Lexa, hopeful but guarded.

"I think you are sexy and confident. And I think I don't wanna push another alpha to go farther than she is ready to go. Especially when I'm probably the first alpha she has been within this context." Lexa answered.

"Thank you. You are very caring." Clarke relaxed a little, stretching her hand out to the other woman, who again rubbed her cheek against the warm inviting palm.

Lexa hummed thankful, enjoying the warm gentle skin on hers, the skin all over her body tight in anticipation, tingling slightly in excitement.

"You are very cute." Clarke smiled, allowing her free hand to come over and scratch behind Lexa's ear, earning a deep purr.

"I... Thank you..." Lexa stumbled out between purrs.

"Come here, rest your head on my lap." Clarke coaxed gently, feeling her whole body flush, her core wetter than she would like.

"Yes alpha..." Lexa crawled closer to Clarke, gently placing her head upon Clarke, giggling at the squish of the packer that still rested between Clarke's legs.

"Comfy?" Clarke followed up with a pleased growl.

"Verry much. Thank you." Lexa rubbed her head softly against Clarke, knowing it would press the packer into Clarke's core.

"Ohhh… you learned a trick didn't you." Clarke chuckled back.

"You like it. I can tell from your scent. Even though your cologne. Your scent is strong." Lexa reveled in the scent that underlaid the artificial one.

"I take as many suppressants as I can to try to hide that." Clarke admitted unhappily.

"I didn't mean strong like thick. I meant strong. Like an alpha's. I'm sure you don't think it that way. But it's there. It's strong. It wants me to know. To feel comfortable against you." Lexa explained, her voice gentle, vulnerable.

"Thank you." Clarke whispered as she allowed one of her hands to run through Lexa's soft hair. "So what do you like to watch?"

"I honestly just watch cooking shows." Lexa admitted.

"I'm more than up for some food network." Clarke agreed, clicking the tv on as a random food competition began to play.

"So." Clarke filled the empty space with the first word that came to her.

"Yes Clarke?" Lexa turned to her attentive.

"Octavia said you had just finally decided to get back out there." Clark lead. "What happened?"

"My wife died. She was assaulted coming home one night she died from her wounds some couple days later." Lexa pressed her head against Clarke needing the support of another person, warm, breathing, alive.

"I… oh god…" Clarke's mouth dropped hating that she had asked. "I'm so sorry."

"It's ok. It's in the past. I loved her. But she is gone." Lexa reminded herself of the last part.

"Lexa..." Clarke mouthed hollow.

"C... Can I hug you?" Lexa looked up to Clarke.

"Of course girl." Clarke pulled lexa up, into her lap, pulling her torso close to her own. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked." Clarke apologized hugging Lexa close.

"You didn't know. It's ok. I'm ok. It's… just been a long time since. Since I've done this. Since I've... Held someone, been held, touched more than a handshake." Lexa admitted, holding Clarke back.

"It's ok. I understand. My last partner. He was an Alpha. When I told him who I was. Who I wanted to be. He speed off to go see the woman he was engaged to, that I didn't know existed. He died in a crash on the way there. I understand having the person you love suddenly disappear. Gone. Nothing left. No one to hold." Clarke whispered back, feeling Lexa hold her tighter as she did the same.

They spent a not insignificant amount of time there. Together. Empathizing with each other. Knowing the other's pain. Stuck in a hug, a promise that neither would live that pain again. Lexa eventually let go first. She took a moment, allowing them to look each other in the eyes, to ensure that they were both ok, and to ensure they both wished to continue this. "Are you ok?" Lexa asked first.

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah." Lexa confirmed.

"Good." Clarke smiled, allowing lexa to return to resting her head in her lap.

"He was an asshole. I can't believe he would be upset because of who you are." Lexa added.

"Yeah, he was." Clarke laughed.

"I'm sorry it happened. But I'm glad you are away from someone that. Who wouldn't accept you?" Lexa nuzzled Clarke.

"Lexa?" Clarke asked.

"Yeah."

"You really accept me?" Clarke followed up.

"Of course I do. Clarke." Lexa sat up. "Clarke. I don't know you well. But I know you are an alpha. Of that I'm certain. And I wouldn't ever see you any other way." Lexa declared.

Clarke backed up, worried she knew where this would go. "Doesn't mean I'm an alpha worth being with… in this body... Heats instead -" Clarke was cut off by Lexa's lips on her own.

"No." Lexa demanded, for the first time truly dominant with Clarke.

"Lexa." Clarke whispered caught off guard.

"You are worth. And I know where you were going. Don't think I don't. You don't need a fucking cock to be an alpha. You don't need ruts. You can be dominant in a heat. Hell, you can be getting stuffed by an alpha, begging for more and it doesn't for a moment make you any less an alpha. You are who you are." Lexa caressed Clarke's cheek, watching the tears form and fall.

"Thank you." Clarke mouthed, knowing if she actually spoke it would devolve into sobs.

"Nothing to thank me for Clarke. And I don't know what this will be. I don't know if we will ever go any farther than this. Then a kiss after I rested my head in your lap. But whatever this is. Even if its nothing more than this. Octavia has my number. She will always give it to you if you want it. And I will always be happy to remind you that you are who you are." Lexa assured.

"Thank you." Clarke found her voice. "How... How did you come to understand how... How to say just the right thing?" Clarke asked.

Lexa looked down for a moment. "He would keel over If he could have heard you say that." Lexa chuckled somber.

"Lexa?"

"My cousin? I told you about him?" Lexa reminded.

"Yeah. I think so." Clarke nodded.

"He killed himself a little after I and our whole family didn't accept him. He was closest to me. I tried my best. But I just didn't get it at first. And... Then there wasn't a second. So... I spent a lot of time after his death learning never to make the same mistakes." Lexa explained, remorse clearly threatening to drown her in between each word.

"Lexa... I'm so sorry." Clarke gasped, clutching Lexa close in a hug.

"It's ok. That happened much longer ago. I was only fourteen or fifteen. I hadn't even presented yet. And I've healed. Moved past it." Lexa explained. "I'm ok. It's ok."

"I'm sorry you had to endure so much." Clarke sympathized.

"I'm ok. And I'm glad I can now be wise enough to help you today." Lexa assured.

"You are helping. A lot." Clarke confirmed.

"I'm glad." Lexa smiled. "You look tired." Lexa added.

"Exhausted." Clarke answered.

"Suppressants?"

"Yup!" Clarke sighed.

"You can take my bed if you want." Lexa offered. "I honestly love this couch and fall asleep on it once a month anyway."

"I..." Clarke stuttered.

"Yes Clarke?" Lexa replied.

"Can we share the bed? No strings. No sex. For now at least." Clarke suggested.

"That sounds nice. I would like that." Lexa nodded.

"Thank you Lexa." Clarke hugged her again tighter.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked.

"Yes." Clarke paused unsure what was next.

"what if I want strings?" Lexa proceeded cautiously.

"I would like that." Clarke smiled and nodded.

"May I kiss you, my alpha?" the words meaning so much more as they left Lexa's lips.

"Yes my alpha. I would adore that."

Lexa moved swiftly and kissed Clarke, deeply, surprising both of them as they fell back on the couch. Lexa spread her legs over Clarke's core, rolling herself onto Clarke's packer as she kissed the alpha deeply. "Sorry, I… just needed to try that." Lexa pulled back, out of breath, her core aching and wet for the other alpha.

"It…" Clarke panted tired, aching and having trouble catching her breath. "Was... Amazing... B… but I'm... Tired..."

"Bed now, continue tomorrow." Lexa suggested.

"Sounds good."

End of chapter 3


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Lexa woke to Clarke wrapped around her. Clarke had entangled her legs around one of Lexa's, currently rolling her hips against Lexa's thigh, giving soft and gentle whimpers as she did. One of Clarke's arms was wrapped under Lexa, holding onto the other alpha's hip. Lexa chuckled pleasantly as she looked down to see Clarke's head resting upon her left breast, and her free hand on her right, cupping it, squeezing it gently, pleasurably. "Oh... Fuck Clarke." Lexa gasped unsure if the woman grabbing at her was awake or not.

Clarke In Fact still asleep, moaned more, her hips speeding up along with her hand, caught in the sweetest of dreams. "M… mine..." Clarke growled in her sleep, plunging her cock deep inside a screaming Lexa in her dreams.

"I… Clarke." Lexa could smell Clarke's scent, unhindered by the cologne now. "Oh, God..." Lexa moaned, feeling herself stir for the omega pheromones.

Clarke's dreams feed off of the noises Lexa made under her, dreaming the woman under her, full of her pounding cock cried out for her, craving her release. "Your pussy… feels soooo good..." Clarke growled, bucking her hips hard as she began to wake, her jeans and panties soaked with slick. Clarke half awake half asleep, found Lexa's peak under her mouth through her shirt, licking at the pert nipple, groping Lexa's other breast even more, dominantly squeezing it in her hand, needing it with her palm almost painfully for Lexa.

"Clarke!" Lexa screamed, pain encroaching on the pleasure in just the best way. Lexa bucked her hips, feeling her clit swell, pressing against the jeans she wore still from last night. "D… damnit..." Lexa growled fidgeting with her skinny jeans, trying to release her swelling cock from the torturously tight trousers.

"Mhmm good girl… cum for me…" Clarke growled pleased, cumming herself, wetting her core even more.

"Clarke… wake up." Lexa nudged her, trying to escape her grasp, not wanting to upset Clarke, especially if she was about to have a pounding hard on standing to attention.

"I... Oh god. " Clarke realized what she had done as she awoke further.

"M… morning." Lexa panted attempting to calm her still growing cock. "Are you ok? You sounded like you were having a great dream." Lexa chuckled.

"Oh God. Lexa. I'm so sorry... I shouldn't have touched you like that without talking to you about it first." Clarke recoiled.

"Clarke!" Lexa exclaimed worried for the other woman.

"Fuck. Lexa, I'm so sorry." Clarke echoed.

"I liked it. A little too much for these damn skinny jeans. But I liked it." Lexa smiled, still fidgeting with her jeans.

"Oh god. Ummm that looks painful." Clarke eyed the stiff outline of Lexa's hard cock fighting her jeans with a stuck zipper.

"It's not pleasant." Lexa groaned finally freeing herself as the zipper moved. "Fucking Christ that's better." Lexa sighed relieved.

Clarke's gaze was caught immediately by the member, long and hard, perfectly pristine, pounding pinkish red and angry, aching to be buried deep within her, to fill her, to satiate her heat. Clarke swallowed, her eyeline unwavering, caught and pulled in by Lexa's hardness.

"You like?" Lexa chuckled.

"I adore… I crave..." Clarke whimpered.

Lexa's eyes flashed with a delicious idea, both to satiate herself, and to appease Clarke and to comfort her. "M… my alpha... I... It aches for you..." Lexa whimpered, allowing herself to fall into a more and more submissive headspace.

"Are you sure you want this?" Clarke looked back to Lexa as she moved closer on all fours towards the alluring member.

"Need it... Need to feel you... Around me." Lexa whimpered, pressing her head back into the pillow, craving for the other alpha to alleviate the pain of her pounding cock, to press her down into the bed and take her into her mouth.

"Ohh… such a good girl asking for her alpha to help." Clarke praised, her hand dominantly pressing down on Lexa's belly as she moved on top of Lexa, taking the tip into her mouth, swirling her tongue along it, enjoying as Lexa squirmed under her.

"Oh god! Clarke!" Lexa whimpered, her hips rising to meet Clarke's tongue and lips. Lexa's hand slammed down upon the back of Clarke's leg, clutching to her desperately.

"Good girl." Clarke praised pulling back from the phallus which was weeping for her. Clarke licked her lips smiling, enjoying Lexa's panting and whimpers under her.

"C… Clarke!" Lexa panted heavier, her flesh beginning to burn, her knot threatening to form.

"Yes?" Clarke drew a finger up the underside of Lexa's cock, intentionally driving the alpha crazy.

"Please! M... My alpha…" Lexa could feel herself begrudgingly submit farther than she intended, her alpha pride sore at the request. "Such a good girl. Asking for my mouth just right." Clarke lowered herself, taking her mouth to the side of Lexa's length, licking up its side, her tongue and lips sucking teasingly at Lexa.

"C... Clarke. I… it hurts. Please." Lexa released her death grip on Clarke's leg.

"Yes, my girl. I will take care of you." Clarke assured, rubbing her hand over Lexa's tight core. Clarke then allowed herself to lower her already salivating mouth, consumed by the heady scent of Lexa's pheromones. Clarke slipped her mouth onto Lexa's head, taking her in inch by inch. Each second Clarke grew closer and closer to the marvelous scent of Lexa, where it was strongest. Clarke felt her heart pump faster and faster as she enjoyed the moans and gasps Lexa made for her. Clarke felt herself take Lexa past the back of her mouth, slowly down into her throat, a mix of excitement, ache, and pleasure filled her. "Lexa" Clarke moaned onto Lexa's cock, causing Lexa to arch in deep pleasure as Clarke's lips met her pelvis.

Clarke then began to pull back, allowing the vacuum she knew alphas loved to form around Lexa's member, coaxing forward the alpha's climax, repeating the process again and again.

"Ohhh, Clarke! I… I'm… c... Close..." Lexa moaned, weak, her body in control of her words and actions, her mind overwhelmed.

"Not yet. Not until I say." Clarke managed to order in between dives onto Lexa's cock.

"I… can't... Control… it..."Lexa whimpered, not wanting to disobey.

Clarke knew just how to fix that issue, she adjusted her speed, slowing down tauntingly, knowing the excruciating edging pain it would give Lexa, and delighting in the noises Lexa made confirming Clarke's hypothesis. Clarke continued alternating slow and fast, intentionally starving Lexa of release, enjoying each and every moment that she had control of the alpha.

"Cla... Clarke…" Lexa panted, her climax ever more eminent despite the reduced speed after many cycles.

Clarke, ever more used to taking Lexa deeply down her throat after almost thirty minutes of slowly pleasuring the alpha under her allowed the pounding cock to slip from her mouth momentarily. "Cum for me. Let me drink you in." Clarke ordered gently, replacing the cock in her mouth.

Lexa wanted to contest the order, to remind Clarke that her knot may pop, splitting her flesh if she were to cum now. But she knew she was too far gone, her whole body feeling as if she was floating in the sea, gentle waves overturning any order she may have attempted to make to her own body. She was gone, consumed by the pleasure, her whole body lightheaded from her persistent panting and moans. Instead of fighting Lexa gave in, accepting the pleasure Clarke gave her, feeling her whole core tense extremely, tighter than she thought possible, before the floodgates finally released, her lower body shaking, the pent up energy needing to escape, the endorphins flooding her, drowning her pleasurably. Clarke swallowed all of Lexa, delighting in the slightly sweet taste of the other woman, removing her mouth with a large gulp, the sticky feel of semen still sticking to the back of her throat in a way she didn't dislike.

"C... Clarke..." Lexa felt immense relief as her cock began to deflate instead of swelling even more, splitting her base as she feared.

"Mhmm someone was a very good girl." Clarke praised Lexa with a smile, shifting to rest her head on Lexa's chest.

"Fuck… t… thank you m... My alpha." Lexa panted.

"I'm glad you enjoyed." Clarke kissed Lexa's cheek. "Now is my girl too tired to help me out now?" Clarke smiled devious.

"I... Clarke... Oh... God." Lexa sighed still trying to catch her breath.

"Someone having trouble collecting herself." Clarke teased, moving to kiss Lexa.

"Y... Yeah." Lexa sighed.

"If you wish, once you catch your breath, I will let you taste me. Lap up the slick that pooled between my legs while I swallowed your aching dick whole." Clarke offered teasingly.

"Fuck… Clarke..." Lexa sighed, her cock stirring once more, coming to more and more from her dazed state, no longer passively taking in Clarke's scent. Lexa now took each breath with deliberate intent, taking in every nuance of Clarke's heat pheromones. Lexa was fully awoken after only a few breaths, her nose suddenly at Clarke's neck, breathing in deep, her hands at Clarke's core, trying to remove the soaked jeans that blocked her access to her alpha's core.

"Good girl!" Clarke growled, grabbing Lexa's ass.

"Clarke…" Lexa paused. "Smell sooo good." Lexa moaned, lost in Clarke like catnip, now licking and sucking at Clarke's neck, just above her scent glands.

"Such a good girl." Clarke growled pleased resting against the pillows as Lexa continued completely focused on pleasing her Alpha's neck.

"Clarke..." Lexa whispered her name craving the other alpha's pleasure deeply, but unsure how to proceed.

"Yes, Lexa? Have you forgotten your task?" Clarke taunted.

"I… Clarke. Your packer. what do you want to do with it?" Lexa asked hesitant, knowing it might be a more than sensitive topic.

"Oh fuck. Sorry." Clarke immediately felt insecure and frustrated.

"Clarke. Nothing to be sorry for. I just want to please my alpha." Lexa comforted with softer loving kisses to Clarke's neck.

"I..." Clarke fidgeted, trying to remove the fancy boxer briefs she had purchased to hold her packer. "Fuck!" Clarke growled.

"What's wrong?" Lexa brushed a hand over Clarke's chest trying to calm her.

"I… it won't come off." Clarke's groan died out into a whimper that she despised herself for making.

"What?" Lexa questioned confused.

"My fucking underwear!" Clarke growled again furious, trying to compensate for her whimper.

"What happened?" Lexa asked again.

"I don't know!" I bought it to hold the packer. But… uugh! It's stuck! It's like it shrunk three fucking sizes!" Clarke fidgeted, making little headway.

"Let me help hun." Lexa offered, turning around on the bed, to see what was wrong with the boxer briefs. Lexa could feel the thick concentrated scent hit her almost immediately, the underwear almost completely soaked with Clarke's slick. Clarke's wonderful delicious slick Lexa thought to herself, knowing that the slick was indicative of how badly Clarke must be aching to be filled, to take her hard cock deep inside her, to finally let her knot pop inside of the sexy little alpha. Lexa adored how Clarke's sexy wide hips fidgeted on the bed, on some level she knew it was just the underwear, but in her head, it was Clarke writhing in ache, desperate for release. Lexa imagined watching on for hours as she let Clarke's ache build, stroking her cock slowly in front of her, making her watch as she pleasured herself and Clarke was made to watch upon her, nothing she could do to relieve the burning ache to be filled, but to writhe in place. Lexa moaned caught in her own mind, taking it all in, captivated. "You smell so good Clarke…" Lexa cooed, her goal lost to her until she got a forceful nudge from Clarke. "Lexa. Focus. You can't do anything to me while these are still stuck." Clarke reminded.

Lexa moaned deeply at the thought.

"Lexa!" Clarke yelled exhausted, frustrated and damp.

"I… oh. I… I'm sorry Clarke." Lexa apologized looking away.

"Please help." Clarke whimpered.

Lexa caught her self, wishing to make a taunting comment, and to play with Clarke, but knowing that she wasn't up for that. "On it. I'm sorry Clarke." Lexa nodded, pulling with Clarke as she realized what had gone wrong, laughing slightly as they made more and more headway.

"What!?" Clarke half roared furiously at the laughter.

"It's dry clean only." Lexa couldn't contain herself anymore as she laughed.

"Oh my god." Clarke's head dropped back defeated as Lexa worked the shrunken underwear the rest of the way off of Clarke, seeing how tight it was, and realizing that it would probably have been extremely painful if Clarke hadn't already been in the pain of heat. Lexa kissed just above Clarke's pubic region apologetically, as if to forgive the irritated flesh.

Lexa watched as Clarke's chest repeatedly rose and fell before hearing it, the soft sobs of the woman next to her. "Clarke?" Lexa asked worried.

Clarke just shook her head back and forth, her successive sobs almost silent.

"Clarke." Lexa sighed.

Clarke remained unresponsive.

"Hey. Clarke. Look at me." Lexa didn't demand as her first instinct was. Instead, she laid next to Clarke, resting her head on the same pillow with the other woman, speaking with nothing but care and concern.

Clarke turned her head to see Lexa's deep caring eyes.

Lexa watched back, her heartbreaking at each tear she watched fall from Clarke's face.

Clarke paused for a moment caught in the silence, as her thoughts went stale and spoiled in her own head. "W-what now!? What!? Are you gonna tell me alphas don't cry!? That I'm weak and undeserving of being an alpha!? B-because you are right! I'm a weak alpha!" Clarke yelled as the tears came even faster.

Lexa layed there, next to Clarke, waiting. Knowing Clarke would work herself up and finally get to cry it out. Lexa steeled herself, watching, knowing what was to happen, confident it was what would be best for the other alpha, that processing these emotions would be better than suppressing them. Even certain it was what would be best, watching it, watching the pain Clarke felt, the doubt, self-loathing. It broke her heart more and more with each passing moment. Lexa felt herself already so far gone for this woman she had known for a matter of hours. Seeing her in any pain was disheartening. But this pain. The pain her cousin had felt so deeply that she lost him. It was almost too much, almost. But she felt she needed to be strong for the woman crying in her bed. And that gave her what strength she needed. "No." Lexa answered simply.

"No?" Clarke's voice fearful.

"No. Alphas cry. I cry. Do you think me an unworthy alpha?"

"N-no." Clarke whimpered.

"Good. Now I will let you in on a little secret. Wanna hear it?" Lexa offered.

"I-" Clarke paused nodding.

Lexa moved closer, whispering into Clarke's ear. "You are an amazing alpha. You are a strong alpha. And most importantly. You are a caring alpha." Lexa pulled back, running a thumb over Clarke's cheek before wiping away her tears.

"Lexa." Clarke whispered, tears drying.

"You are. I promise Clarke. You are." Lexa scooted closer to the other woman, wrapping her arms around her.

"Thank you Lexa." Clarke found a niche slipping her head against.

"Are you ok?" Lexa asked.

"No. But I think I will be." Clarke answered.

"Ok. What would you like to do?" Lexa offered.

"Can we go back to sleep?" Clarke asked, holding to Lexa still a little shaken.

"Of course hun. Rest." Lexa suggested softly, holding Clarke as they fell back asleep.

End of chapter 4


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Good morning!" Lexa called hearing her bedroom door open.

"I... Why did you leave the bed?" Clarke asked, her throat dry and sore from crying.

"Well. I was hoping to get you some breakfast in bed. But as it turns out watching food shows all the time doesn't necessarily mean you are a good cook. You may or may not have woken up because I screamed at my eggs." Lexa sighed. "They didn't turn out right."

"It smells good!" Clarke offered trying to cheer Lexa up.

Lexa chuckled softly. "Well, you do too."

"Yeah… you probably wouldn't be able to smell me so much if I had some pants to cover up my… down there." Clarke lamented, knowing her pants and underwear were still too wet to wear, if they even fit.

"I left a choice of a skirt or jeans I figured would fit you with options of boxer, or panties on my dresser. You were the one that chose to come out her bottomless." Lexa giggled.

"Oh fuck!" Clarke scrambled back into Lexa's room to throw on some clothes.

"I wasn't upset with you totally bottomless! It was really cute in fact!" Lexa yelled from the kitchen, plating her eggs on toast for the both of them.

"You could have told me!" Clarke glared.

"Yeah but this way I got to see your ass as you ran back into my room." Lexa smiled smug.

"I'm keeping these now." Clarke's glare didn't waver.

"Worth it. And here. Eggs on toast. I did my best. But I failed to make them as smooth as they are supposed to be." Lexa sighed disheartened.

"Thank you. It really does smell good." Clarke's icy glare melted as she looked down to the eggs, picking it up and taking a bite.

Clarke melted at the first taste. It was rich, creamy, decadent, in a way that fed her hindbrain, kicking her omega instincts she tried so hard to hide into overdrive. Clarke pulled the toast from her lips as she moaned, her body reacting. In less than a moment, her instincts picked up the subtle things Lexa had done all night and now this morning, all the things that proved her to be an ideal mate. She knew how to comfort Clarke, she could cook food that stole half her breath away, she was understanding when Clarke did and Clarke didn't want to have sex, she was strong enough to finally get the death underwear off, she was kind, supportive, and she even provided an array of clothing. "F… fuck..." Clarke tried to catch her breath, all the thoughts going right to her core, her scent releasing as she felt her extreme cravings of her heat hit all at once.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked worried seeing the look of worry on Clarke's face.

"I... I have to go." Clarke stood up and scrambled out of the apartment, sprinting home, fighting her body with everything she had. Desperate not to give in to her omega cravings, full of self-loathing.

"Clarke?" Lexa was left there, alone, in her empty apartment, confused, smelling Clarke's heat. Lexa tried to figure out what she had done. She made excuse after excuse in her own head for why Clarke would leave so suddenly, barely even a word. but each and every excuse became more and more evidently incorrect as she continued through her life without a word from Clarke.

The memory if that night weighed heavy on her mind. Lexa awaited a call, a text, Even a mention that Clarke had asked about her from Octavia. But it never came.

"Well hey there!" Raven smiled, sitting with Octavia in their kitchen eating breakfast as Clarke scurried into the apartment, slamming the door behind her and collapsing against it, her heart racing, her breath completely gone.

"You have fun with Lexa?" Octavia called smug. "Told you they would be perfect for each other!" Octavia teased Raven.

"You did not! You asked if she liked alphas and then said Lexa was liberal enough." Raven argued.

"Close enough." Octavia smiled.

"You are the worst!" Raven got up, kissing her alpha on the cheek and dropping her plate in the sink, only to be startled by Clarke's door slamming.

"Apparently she agrees." Octavia recoiled surprised.

"What the hell happened?" Raven asked confused.

"I have no idea. Want me to check on her?" Octavia offered.

"I got it." Raven replied moving towards Clarke's door. "Clarke?" Raven knocked on her door.

Raven could hear Clarke crying.

"Clarke?"

"What!" Clarke yelled.

"Ok, then I'm coming in." Raven sighed with nowhere enough patience for Clarke's shit.

"What the hell Raven!" Clarke yelled from the corner of her room where she sat crumbled up in a ball.

"Clarke." Raven began, sitting down next to Clarke, resting her legs over Clarke's.

Clarke snapped to anger. "You wouldn't do that to any other alpha!"

"Yeah, and there aren't any other alphas I've known since I was two who I reconnected after five years because we were fucking the same asshole before he died. I was there when you had your first heat. For fuck's sake, we cuddled the one time our heat cycles matched up and we were both single so that we wouldn't feel cripplingly alone." Raven took Clarke's hands in her own caringly. "There are no other alphas I think of as a sister."

"Sorry." Clarke sighed.

"Clarke I love you to death hun. But really. If your only issue with this is that you want me to see you as more of an alpha, that isn't the issue. The issue is that I see you as family." Raven elaborated.

"I see you as a sister too." Clarke sighed, allowing her forehead to drop onto Raven's shoulder.

"So what the hell happened hun?" Raven asked worried for Clarke.

"Raven she was amazing." Clarke looked up to Raven, longing, and remorse in her eyes.

"Clarke? That's good right."

"Raven, she was perfect. She is an alpha, but she submitted to me" Clarke said it with a hushed tone.

Raven slapped Clarke's arm with the back of her hand playfully. "Damn girl alpha as fuck!" Raven pushed Clarke playfully.

"And it's not that she doesn't enjoy being an alpha. I could tell that she did. But she just intrinsically respected and understood that I'm an alpha too." Clarke raved.

"Clarke that is amazing." Raven smiled excitedly.

"And I fucked it all up." Clarke began to cry again.

"Clarke! What happened?"

"You remember the boxer briefs you helped me pick out for my packer?"

"Yeah?"

"You know how the people at the store said I should get it as tight as possible so that I could use it for straps too?"

"Yeah"

"You know how I only get one or two heats a year cause I steal your suppressants?"

"Yes"

"You know how that leads my heats to be... Overly… slick... And… wet?"

"Haha yeah, we had to buy a new fucking mattress after your last one."

"You know what happens to dry clean only fabric when it gets wet?"

"Oh my god." Raven smiled holding back hysterical laughter.

"Yup." Clarke sighed.

"Oh God..." Raven giggled

"I still have those marks you get when you wear socks that are too tight all over my core and upper thighs." Clarke rolled her eyes.

"Fuck... Are you ok?" Raven asked.

"I think so... I'm pretty sure my ass is flatter now tho." Clarke joked.

"Bubble but." Raven teased.

"apparently!?" Clarke yelled.

"Wait, wait, wait, so you got soaking wet, and your undies shrunk, so what. What happened?" Raven questioned.

"Remember how you called me bubble but?"

"Yeah."

"Well, my bubble but was too big for the underwear to come off. They got stuck when I tried to take them off because she was gonna eat me out." Clarke explained.

"You slut!" Raven cheered." Get some!"

"Yeah yeah. Well, I tried. But… I... With the her asking me what I wanted to do with the packer, and then with the me being too weak to so much as take my underwear off! It was just too much. I felt so weak. I broke down crying. I hated myself, my body, all of this shit. I couldn't deal with it. And she ended up pulling them off of me and then I went off on her for no reason. And she was so fucking sweet. And I ruined it. And this morning she acted like it was all fine, and... Something... Omega in me took over when she made me breakfast. It scared me. And... I ran off." Clarke finished her story.

"Clarke. If you call her I'm sure you can figure it out. You really seem to like her." Raven suggested.

"No! I will never be able to see her again!" Clarke screamed.

"Clarke?" Raven gave a dubious look.

"No! I can't face her. I… I just can't. Even if I could handle my inner omega, I couldn't ever withstand that embarrassment." Clarke insisted.

"Clarke. I get it's scary. But she really seems pretty great for you." Raven pushed.

"Raven I love you. But no. Ok. No." Clarke demanded.

"Ok. Well if you change your mind Octavia gave me her number." Raven offered.

"Ok." Clarke sighed. "But how was your night?"

"Oh, it was just the usual, got knotted, Let Octavia bite me, bonded my girlfriend." Raven listed off casually.

"Raven!" Clarke screamed.

Raven smiled.

"Let me see your bite girl!" Clarke cried excited.

"It's still healing." Raven turned her shoulder, revealing the gauze taped to her shoulder that Octavia placed there to ensure her omega didn't get an infection. Raven carefully peeled it up, revealing the pristine copy of Octavia's dental records.

"Omg!" Clarke cried out.

Raven smiled even wider as she replaced her gauze. "Well, hun. I'm gonna let you get some rest, it sounds like a certain bubble but didn't get much sleep with all that fuckin." Raven stuck out her tongue playfully.

"Thanks Raven." Clarke gave Raven a tight hug.

"What for?" Raven tilted her head.

"For being a pseudo-sister, and for making sure I get back out there. I know Octavia was there for you the minute he died. But I just wasn't ready to move on that soon. But I'm glad you made sure I did eventually."

"Of course hun. Any time." Raven held Clarke back.

"And thank you for standing by me about who I am."

"Clarke. Always." Raven promised.

"Love you."

"Love you too, now go get out there, your bonded alpha is waiting for you!"

"See you. Get some rest." Raven ordered.

"Yeah yeah."

"How'd it go?" Octavia asked sitting at the table still.

Raven moved quickly to sit on her Alpha's lap." We need to get them together." Raven ordered.

"Oh, we do do we?" Octavia chuckled.

"Yes. We do." Raven confirmed.

"Oh? And why is that?" Octavia asked.

"Because my pseudo-sister is in love."

End of chapter 5


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Lexa! Lexa! Lexaaaaa!" Octavia sang outside of Lexa's door, knocking on it occasionally. "I know you're in there!"

The door swung open, suddenly to reveal a very dour alpha. "What Octavia?" Lexa growled.

"Oof what happened to you sour puss." Octavia teased to get the door slammed in her face.

"You disappeared for four days!" Lexa yelled through the door. "What the hell happened!? '

"Open the door and I will tell you." Octavia replied.

"No." Lexa denied cold.

"Oh come on Lexa! I bonded with Raven!" Octavia dangled the nugget of news in front of the door certain Lexa would bite.

The door opened again swiftly. "Bitch better not be lying." Lexa glared.

Octavia forced her way into Lexa's apartment before the door could be closed on her again. "I'm not Lying. And I will tell you all about it if you talk to me about what happened with Clarke."

"Did she talk to you? Did she want to see me again!? What happened!? She ran off! She never said anything! She left her packer! She didn't even finish breakfast!" Lexa questioned to a cadence of her turbulent mind, impatient and anxious.

"So she stayed long enough for you to cook breakfast! Go you!" Octavia smiled.

"What do you know that I don't. Why didn't you answer?" Lexa snapped too perceptive for her own good.

"No. She didn't ask. And no she said she doesn't want to see you again." Octavia admitted. "I… ok." Lexa stepped back, finally unable to deny the reality of the situation that she already had known for days now. "Yeah... Totally, ok. I... I understand." Lexa stumbled backward nodding trying to process it.

"Lexa." Octavia started.

"No, no I… it makes total sense. I get it. Who wants to fuck a widow with dead cousin baggage."

"Lexa!" Octavia yelled snapping Lexa from her own head. "You wanna know what Raven said?"

"Pfft I don't care, what Raven said doesn't matter to me, why would I care about what Raven said. I don't know what you are talking about." Lexa spoke faster by the moment mirroring her mile a minute mind.

"Wow, she was right. Damn Raven is magic. And geez you are losing it hun." Octavia sighed worried for her friend.

"I'm not losing anything! And I don't need to hear about your omega's pussy!"

"Dear god, so not what I meant, that said. Raven does this thing" Octavia began an intensely complex hand gesture before she stopped herself "not the time Octavia." She reminded herself.

"Well!? What did Raven say!?" Lexa asked impatient.

"You really wanna know?"

"Yes, Octavia!" Lexa snapped.

"She said Clarke loves you!" Octavia sang.

"She uugh pfft, totally not true no way, I... Love?" Lexa questioned intrigued.

"No! No way, she won't even call me, she totally doesn't love me, you are crazy!" Lexa ranted literally pacing in circles as she spoke.

"You two are so cute." Octavia cooed.

"You think!?" Lexa turned to Octavia hopeful.

"Dear god, she has a fucking summer cottage up there, doesn't she?" Octavia tapped on Lexa's forehead.

"I... Pfft. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure. Then explain to me why your scent reeks of trying to mark territory." Octavia smiled smug.

"I..." Lexa gave up.

"You love her!" Octavia echoed her sing-songy voice from earlier.

"I…" Lexa was done fighting.

"She is scared hun. You just need to talk to her. Raven said it was just that Clarke got scared by how strong her feelings were. But she is too embarrassed By what happened to face you." Octavia explained.

"That's ridiculous. She was nothing but beautiful, cute, and human, sexy and perfect. She has nothing to be embarrassed over!" Lexa replied.

"So. Go, grab her dick that she left here, go get that girl, give her back her dick and then if she wants, give her an extra one too!" Octavia smiled cheekily.

"No." Lexa answered confident.

"No!?" Octavia yelled in shock.

"No."

"Lexa you literally have the best excuse to go see her! She left her dick in your house!" Octavia couldn't help but laugh.

"Octavia the answer is no." Lexa insisted.

"What the hell Lexa! You love this girl!" Octavia yelled.

"I barely know her, we spent one night together and she doesn't want to see me." Lexa reasoned.

"Lexa I love you to death, but I can't believe you are being such a lying bitch right now." Octavia snapped cold.

"Octavia." Lexa gasped hurt.

"You know exactly who the hell I am talking about!"

"Don't you fucking dare!" Lexa snapped back. "You are defying her last fucking wish!" Octavia went there, cold and unwavering.

"You have no right!"

"When you betray her last breaths!? I have all the right!" Octavia yelled.

"She was my wife, she was just a friend to you." Lexa yelled.

"She was my best friend! I introduced you two!" Octavia growling, baring her teeth.

"You still have no damn right." Lexa mirrored Octavia.

"You promised her! I was there with you as you held her hand and she had one final request of you! 'if you find someone; someone you even have the slightest inkling that you've found someone you can love as much as you love me. Don't you dare hold back. Chase them with everything you have. And don't let go. Just like you did with me. ' You promised her, held her hand as she faded. And if you just let Clarke slip away without a word you forsake that promise, and you know it. If you didn't agree you wouldn't argue with me about it." Octavia quoted costia as tears began to fall to the floor from both of them, missing a woman that meant so much to them, the reason they became so close over the past two years, costia never wanted the women she loved most to be alone.

Lexa stood silent, tears flowing from her as she processed.

"I'm texting you Raven's number, she can give you a time and or place to see Clarke if you change your mind. I hope you do. Raven and I both see how happy you two could be together if you got your heads out of your asses. But we can't pull them out for you." Octavia finished cold as she turned and headed home, leaving Lexa alone in her apartment once more, haunted by the ghost of costia that lived in each picture she still had up of each of them together, the memories staring her down, the epitome of peer pressure from someone no longer there to push. Lexa collapsed crying missing the woman she loved and lost as to what to do next.

End of chapter 6


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Or you could just talk to her and get your dick back." Raven suggested hopeful.

"No! Raven I already told you no!" Clarke snapped.

"Ok ok ok, sorry. But seriously I saw how much you spent on them. Those underwear were over a hundred bucks man." Raven reminded.

"Yeah well, the underwear also tried to kill me." Clarke argued. "And it's not like I could return them even if I had them again."

"Fair, fair." Raven nodded as her phone chimed for the thousandth time that morning.

"Ohh somebody's got an impatient alpha, better respond soon or she'll get you." Clarke teased.

"Yeah yeah" Raven checked her phone. "Someone's alpha is impatient." Raven sighed quickly typing up a reply.

"So you up to come with me again?" Clarke asked hopeful.

"Ummm when are you going?" Raven replied messing with her phone.

"Right now?" Clarke shrugged.

"No, not now!" Raven urged distracted.

"Why not, we are both free." Clarke countered.

"Umm… how about you do some light Googling and when you know what you want and what won't try to kill you then we can go." Raven suggested, stalling.

"Ok? Sure sounds like a plan." Clarke cheered heading back to her room to review holsters, underwear with slots and pockets, packers, and even more phallic accouterments.

After about an hour of searching, Clarke could hear the door knock. "Raven, it's probably your alpha!" Clarke yelled from her room.

"I think it's for you, you get it!" Raven yelled back from the kitchen, only feet from the front door.

"What the hell are you talking about Raven? I haven't had anyone here since we moved in, there is literally no one who it could be that they would be here for me." Clarke complained exiting her room and becoming infuriated as she saw how close Raven was to the door, sitting just drinking her coffee in the dining room. "What the hell Raven!?" Clarke yelled angry.

"I'm gonna let you have some space" Raven sipped her coffee walking away to her room as there was another knock.

"Uugh whatever Raven. Who the hell- oh... You" Clarke opened the door to see Lexa holding a packer and the underwear, now cleaned.

"Hi." Lexa smiled scared.

"I... Hi back." Clarke looked away, her complexion glowing a bright red full of embarrassment.

"I brought your stuff back." Lexa offered Clarke back her packer and underwear

"Thanks" Clarke grabbed them, hiding them behind her back immediately.

"You never finished your eggs." Lexa sighed, hollow, hurt, scared.

"I... I'm sorry. They were really good." Clarke assured.

"So it wasn't the eggs?" Lexa asked as Clarke stood silent, scared embarrassed and unsure what to say. "I... Look, Clarke. I felt like there was something there that night. I really had fun, and honestly, I like you a lot. But. If there's nothing here. If you really don't want to see me again, just tell me. You won't see me again. I promise." Lexa laid it out, allowed herself to be vulnerable despite how much she hated it.

"Lexa" Clarke whispered.

"Sorry I shouldn't have come." Lexa apologized turning away.

"Lexa." Clarke grabbed her hand stopping her. "You are right. I Felt it too. R... Raven says I ran because I got scared." Clarke blurted out, afraid of actually never seeing Lexa again.

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!" Raven popped out from behind a corner jumping for joy. "I knew it! You two are so head over heels!"

"Raven!" Clarke yelled.

"Right, right, privacy, privacy." Raven rolled her eyes hiding behind the corner again.

"How about we talk in my room?" Clarke offered.

"I'd like that if you would be comfortable with it." Lexa smiled as Clarke led the way.

"I... Fuck... I don't have anywhere to sit really, are you comfortable sitting on my bed with me?" Clarke asked.

"Clarke we have slept together. I think we are fine to sit on a bed." Lexa smiled.

"I... I think that in itself would be the reason not to try and talk while sitting on a bed." Clarke reasoned, sitting with Lexa.

"You are still In a rut. But you are taking extra suppressants to hide it." Lexa observed, still holding Clarke's hand.

Clarke swallowed, feeling her body react to the alpha drawing attention to her cycle. "Y... Yeah."

"Are you ok?"

"It's a rut. it hurts, my body aches, I crave… contact, another alpha. Someone to... To fill me, fix the ache." Clarke admitted, unsure herself at which point she switched from explaining to seducing.

"You are?" Lexa moved closer, taking in Clarke's scent.

"I am." Clarke gave a whimper, giving herself that one, despite the knowledge it would inevitably turn to many more.

"And you… want an alpha, to help you through, your... Rut?" Lexa asked, inching closer, over Clarke as Clarke leaned further back in the bed, allowing Lexa to slowly work her way to being atop her.

"I do." Clarke whimpered, her core threatening to ruin another pair of pants despite the higher level of suppressants she was taking to manage her heat.

"And you want me, to be that alpha? To fill you, to fix your ache?" Lexa asked.

"Lexa."

"Clarke."

"I, I think I want more than just that." Clarke whimpered again.

"What do you want baby?". Lexa asked, her cock stirring, aching to take.

"I want you to... I want you to be my alpha. I want to be your alpha as well." Clarke answered, wrapping her arms around Lexa.

"Clarke." Lexa caressed her cheek gently with one hand. "You've been my alpha since the first moment your hand touched my cheek that night." Lexa answered soft, caring, honest.

"Lexa."

"Clarke."

"Thank you for coming back. For..." Clarke trailed off.

"Of course Clarke. admittedly, Raven was right, I'm head over heels." Lexa moved closer, centering herself above Clarke.

"Fuck." Clarke felt her heat rage up again as she spread her legs for Lexa.

"It will be ok. I will fix it hun." Lexa offered as Clarke nodded, and undid her pants.

"Thank you again Lexa." Clarke whimpered.

" Clarke?" Lexa asked removing her pants, freeing her cock from their confines. "Do you want my knot?" Lexa offered.

"Y! Yes!" Clarke panted, grabbing at Lexa's back, clawing into her.

"Rough... I like it." Lexa bucked herself against Clarke, intentionally slipping her cock against Clarke's puss without pushing inside her.

"Oh! God!" Clarke screamed, panting, craving Lexa more and more.

"Good. I'm glad you like." Lexa kissed Clarke softly, deepening the kiss slowly as she aligned herself against Clarke, setting her head at the other alpha's entrance.

"I... What... What about... Your bite?" Clarke whimpered.

"B… bite?" Lexa caught off guard.

"My neck… it itches, burns for you, for your teeth, your bite." Clarke admitted.

"I won't bite you, not today. I want to take up the bond with you. But I'm not ready. Time. Please." Lexa requested.

Clarke nodded, understanding. "That is more than ok."

"When I knot you. Would... Would you like to bite me?" Lexa offered.

"Yes!" Clarke screamed both in response and in reaction to Lexa slipping her cock inside of her slowly.

"That's it..." Lexa mused, enjoying the warm wet velvety texture of Clarke's slick and tight entrance, threatening to envelop her completely and melt her mind from pleasure. Lexa hadn't felt herself inside someone else like this in years, and Lexa knew Clarke was certainly worth the wait as it felt as if her dick would melt into the pleasure.

Clarke's eyes flashed dominant for a moment before a possessive growl burst from her throat in a register omegas rarely use.

Lexa was caught in the growl, the sonorous notes of ownership in Clarke's throat. Lexa then felt Clarke's move, hitching her leg over Lexa, using the momentum to swing them both over, landing with Lexa on her back and Clarke on top of her. "Fuck… you..." Lexa lost herself in a desperate moan, feeling herself now fully buried into Clarke.

"That's a girl." Clarke licked her lips pleased as she gave a soft growl. "That's it..." She rolled her hips, sitting straight up, straddling Lexa, feeling the woman under her stir deep in her core.

"I... O... C... Clarke..."Lexa found words an almost insurmountable challenge as her body moved instinctively, meeting the other woman's hips, feeling the soaked sensitive lips against her pelvis, intoxicatingly alluring as she moaned, her body doing the work for her.

Clarke gave a pleased sexy seductive moan, leaning down, intentionally allowing Lexa to slip slightly out of her as the alpha whined desperate for Clarke to take her whole length in again."You feel so good inside your alpha. Such a good girl for me, ahhhh!" Clarke tossed her head back enticingly. "Filling me like such a good girl! "

"C... Clarke!" Lexa screamed, bucking up, in desperation. "Need to!" Lexa screamed in pleasure and pain, her knot already beginning to split, the base of her cock burning painfully, reminding her that her body needed to fill Clarke's.

"Hold it." Clarke couldn't have looked more pleased as she returned to riding Lexa, bottoming out on her once more.

"I... I..." Lexa's breaths cutting off her words, sharp and pained. "I can, can't!" Lexa felt the climax approaching.

"Do I have to punish you to make sure you don't cum too early?" Clarke raised an eyebrow, holding Lexa's hips still by force, and fighting herself to come to a complete stop.

"Fuuck!" Lexa whined. "Need!"

"How do you wish me to punish you if you are a bad girl by the way?" Clarke mused, her eyes darting along the alpha's tight body, glistening with sweat, muscles tense, dying to finally cum.

"I… whatever my alpha wishes..." Lexa whimpered and whined.

Clarke cracked a wide smile, slapping one of Lexa's breasts hard enough to make her gasp, but not enough that it was in any way truly unpleasant. "That was quite the beautiful look on your face." Clarke began moving again, but slowly enjoying herself completely, Lexa large and filling her in all the best ways, a soft and glorious burn of the slightest stretch making everything evermore delightful as Lexa filled her, ever so slightly larger than Clarke could naturally take.

"Fuck… Clarke… I… goddamnit..." Lexa moaned, rolling her hips up submissive as her breast throbbed, sore, but aching to be slapped again.

"That's it." Clarke sped up, knowing her climax was impending.

"I'm… gonna! Oh! Clarke!" Lexa screamed, bucking up, her cock releasing, her knot bursting, a searing pain along her base for a moment before relief like setting a white-hot piece of metal in ice water, washing over her, pleasure and release echoing through her body.

"Fuck! That's it!" Clarke came immediately as Lexa began to spurt into her, her bodybuilding in a symphony of sensation as she rode the forming knot, adoring how it massaged her g spot as her clit rubbed against Lexa, driving her climax further and further. "God you feel fucking good inside me!" Clarke gasped, grabbing at Lexa's breasts, massaging them, enjoying Lexa's body as her orgasm raged on, her body alight in suffocating pleasure.

"Fuuuuck… baby..." Lexa moaned, Clarke still sequentially clamping down on her as she massaged her breasts.

"That's... Ohhh..." Clarke collapsed onto Lexa, breaths heavy, catching up with her, soaked and pleasantly numb.

"Goddamnit..." Lexa sighed.

"Good?" Clarke smiled softly into Lexa.

"Amazing…" Lexa moaned.

"Good… now, are you ready?" Clarke requested.

"Yes. I... I am." Lexa felt it then for a moment, her flesh quivering, anticipation growing for the bite, her body needing Clarke.

"Mhmmm I'm gonna love getting to see my bite on your neck." Clarke hummed.

"Clarke! Just do it!" Lexa shivered, scared at her own reactions.

"Lexa? Are you ok baby?" Clarke picked up on the frustration immediately.

"I... ohhh" Lexa melted feeling Clarke's hand gently caressing her neck, the exact spot that was still quivering to be marked.

"Baby. what's wrong?" Clarke kissed the spot as if she knew perfectly the exact spot that was driving Lexa mad.

"Never… wanted a mark before." the shiver cascaded down Lexa's body, reminding her just how much her body needed this.

"Ohhh"

"It's scary." Lexa shivered again.

Clarke wanted to laugh at the fact that this was Lexa's reaction to what she was constantly going through, her body feeling as if it was constantly betraying her. "I understand." Clarke empathized softly with care and concern.

"Thank you." Lexa melted, again, more than she had intended, feeling herself want to submit for Clarke even more.

"Would you rather I not mark you?" Clarke offered, "I won't if you don't want me to."

"I don't want you too." Lexa's eyes met Clarke's whose were filled with disappointment. "I need you too. And that's why I am scared. I… just, please... Go… go slow… b… be gentle." Lexa pleaded.

"Of course." Clarke smiled, finding the spot that made Lexa jump once more, kissing it, dragging her tongue along it gently as she felt Lexa tense, and her cock still inside her.

"Fuuuuck." Lexa moaned.

"Ready?"

"Yes."

"If it's too much, tap my back twice ok, and if you are ok to keep going, rub your hand up and down my back.?" Clarke requested.

"Yes my alpha." Lexa submitted.

"Good girl."

"Ohhh"

"Here?" Clarke confirmed, taking her teeth to the spot.

"YESS!" Lexa screamed, immediately feeling Clarke begin to bite down, the pressure growing from pleasure, to sensual to pain. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke, bracing herself, and readying her hand on Clarke's back.

"I... it hurts, but… it...Feels good" Lexa whimpered as she hesitantly allowed her hand to slide up and down Clarke's back, urging her forward. "FUCK!" Lexa gasped, shuttering, pushing her neck into the beautifully perfect pain of the bite as it broke her skin, unaware her hand was still rubbing up and down Clarke's back, ensuring she bite down harder and harder. A devilish deep pleased growl busted through Clarke's vocal cords, her body on air getting to mark the beautiful woman under her.

"Clarke…" Lexa panted shocked as her body gave in completely to the alpha growl. Clarke delighted in the deepening bite, knowing she was approaching the ideal depth as she lapped at the sensitive flesh in between her teeth where the metallic taste began to grow.

"I… I..." Lexa panted, no longer moving her hand up and down. "Ahhh!" Lexa winced feeling it go just a touch too much, tapping twice on Clarke's back.

Clarke released the pressure immediately, slowly removing her teeth, "Are you ok?" Clarke asked worriedly, lapping at the bite.

"Mhmm yes… that's nice... It's sensitive. But nice." Lexa moaned softly.

"Mhmmm thank you Lexa..." Clarke smiled.

"I enjoyed. Thank you, my alpha." Lexa purred.

"Good girl." Clarke praised.

Buzz buzz.

"What was that?" Lexa looked around startled.

"My phone. Your head is right where my ass was before we… got distracted." Clarke laughed, fishing her phone from under Lexa's pillow, checking it and immediately groaning.

"What's wrong?" Lexa tilted her head.

"Raven." Clarke sighed.

"You know she kept you here so that I wouldn't miss seeing you." Lexa admitted.

"I figured as much." Clarke nodded unsurprised.

"What did she say?" Lexa's interest was peaked.

"Nothing she is just being pushy." Clarke dismissed.

"What did she say." Lexa giggled knowingly.

Clarke growled. "You know what she said, don't you?"

"Maybe..."

"Grrr!"

"Love you too." Lexa kissed Clarke quickly.

"I..." Clarke turned a deep red. "I… what!?"

"You heard what I said." Lexa smiled smug.

"I love you." Clarke sighed, the jig up.

"I love you too Clarke." Lexa held the other alpha.

"Mhmmm I love you Lexa."

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! I fucking knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!" Raven could be heard through the thin wall.

"Raven!" Clarke yelled.

"Love you too hun" Raven laughed.

"Were you listening the whole time!?" Clarke yelled.

"Only once the moans and screaming stopped! You guys were too loud to ignore at that point anyway." Raven complained.

"Oh god." Lexa blushed.

"Your place next time." Clarke growled.

"As long as there is a next time."

End of Chapter 7


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Clarke woke to the delicious scent of alpha surrounding her, her throat making soft aching whimpers without her knowledge as she brushed her face against Lexa.

"Hey there?" Lexa smiled holding the alpha nuzzling her.

"I... Mhmmm..." Clarke licked at Lexa's neck, immediately finding the alpha's scent glands.

"Baby..." Lexa whispered cautious, her body's heat rising to remind her of her rut as Clarke licked and slowly added in soft suction on her scent gland.

"Sooo good..." Clarke moaned deeply.

"Baby… you are gonna send your rut crazy if you don't stop… you aren't gonna enjoy it baby." Lexa warned, worried, not wanting to worsen Clarke's dysphoria.

"D... Don't care..." Clarke replied breathily.

"Mhmmm fuck... Baby..." Lexa felt Clarke nip the gland hard.

"That's it. There you go! "Clarke rolled on top of Lexa, nipping deeper, harder, rolling her bare puss over Lexa's swelling clit.

Lexa released a deep demanding growl unintentionally.

"Bad girl!" Clarke scolded, pinning Lexa's hands over her head.

"I... Fuck… you're stronger than I thought." Lexa growled frustrated, pulling her hands, unable to overcome Clarke.

"Hmph, I spend a lot of time in the gym to be just as strong as other alphas." Clarke smiled proudly, grinding her hips along Lexa's cock, now hard and throbbing.

Lexa growled horny and flustered." You… tease..."

"Oh, my poor little alpha doesn't like it when I rub my pussy over her aching cock? Maybe I should just stop? Maybe you would rather just watch, I have a toy with a knot bigger than yours in my nightsta-." Clarke found herself on her back before she could finish.

"I can do better than any of your damn toys!" Lexa roared, bucking into Clarke's soaked puss easily.

"Fuck! Lexa!" Clarke screamed pleasurably at Lexa's roughly forcing herself inside her.

"That's better! You are my alpha! But I'm your alpha too! And I won't let you think some toy can fuck you better than your alpha!" Lexa bucked in hard, causing Clarke to arch hard, her body growing in reaction with each plunge.

"Mhmm Lexa!" Clarke moaned, rolling her hips into each thrust. "Much better than my toy!"

"good girl!" Lexa praised, nipping along Clarke's neck.

"Fuck! Lexa!" Clarke suddenly felt her skin itch, burn and crave for the bite, for the bite of her alpha.

"Grrr! You... Your skin... So... Perfect… needing… a mark!" Lexa roared, craving to take Clarke.

"Lexa… o... Oh god… that feels good..." Clarke whimpered, needing it more and more.

"God damn your… your puss… perfect…" Lexa growled, nipping hard at Clarke's neck, threatening to break the skin.

"Lexa. I need... Need your mark… please..." Clarke pleaded, conflicted.

"You want it? You want me on you? My mark on you, proving that you are mine as I am yours?" Lexa taunted, rolling her hips smoother into Clarke.

"Yess!" Clarke howled, clawing into Lexa's back. "Uugh fuck... I... Want. It... Don't… want you… uugh… to do... To do it if you don't want to tho..." Clarke whimpered, having a hard time forming words.

"I want to." Lexa growled pleased.

"I... Fuck… you didn't want to give it to me last night." Clarke reminded, fighting her base instincts to mate and be marked, worried for Lexa.

"I wasn't ready. I am now. Cum for me as I mark you." Lexa ordered, sinking her teeth into Clarke.

"Lexaaaaa!" Clarke screamed, clawing hopelessly at Lexa's back, trying to ground herself, her body cumming as her alpha commanded, feeling Lexa buck into her once more, filling her as she sprayed herself inside Clarke.

Lexa felt her teeth almost immediately break the other alpha's skin, bucking in, allowing herself to release, to cum, her knot immediately splitting, soothed by Clarke's perfect puss. Lexa growled pleased as she rocked her hips and lapped at the blood now pooling in her mouth, feeling the bond take almost immediately, the consuming waves of pleasure washing over Clarke as she came again endlessly, Lexa's knot and teeth offering no end to the climaxes.

Clarke was panting, gasping, desperate for air once Lexa released the bite, lapping and kissing the mark, where her dental records now rested, the coagulant her alpha bonding bite released sealing the wound, ensuring it would scar perfectly. "Lexa." Clarke panted.

"How is my alpha." Lexa offered the title on an attempt to ensure Clarke's dysphoria not become worsened because of the mark.

"Mhmmm perfect." Clarke moaned, her pussy still throbbing with pleasure, Lexa's knot stretching her yet.

"I love you my alpha."

"And I you, my alpha." Clarke ran her hand over Lexa's head, pulling the alpha into her chest. "Let's take a nap baby."

"Sounds good" Lexa purred into Clarke's warm pillowy breasts.

End of Chapter 8


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Mhmm, that cock of your's is simply perfect." Clarke purred, stroking Lexa, already hard again.

"Fuuck... Your rut is fucking insatiable." Lexa purred, edging for Clarke's soft hand on her length.

"Ahhh ahhh ahhh don't you dare cum without permission." Clarke scolded feeling Lexa tense.

"I… fuck… stop stroking me so fast then!" Lexa groaned a little loud.

"For fuck's sake you two! Our walls are paper thin!" Raven yelled now banging on Clarke's door.

"Be right back love." Clarke kissed Lexa's cheek before hopping out of bed heading to the door.

"You..." Lexa growled before yelling hushed and embarrassed. "You are leaving me in bed with a raging hard-on!?"

"Yup!" Clarke giggled overly pleased with herself as she opened the door just a touch.

"I wouldn't have set you two up if I knew I would lose so much damn sleep over it!" Raven growled.

"Oh come on. You were cheering eight hours ago." Clarke smiled.

"That was before I realized I had apparently installed an alarm clock that goes off every hour with 'grrrrr I'm cumming, I'm cumming, I'm cumming, ahhhhh! Good girl'" Raven imitated deadpan.

"Gotta admit her imitation of you is spot on." Lexa chuckled from bed.

"Oh just go back to stroking that sexy little cock of yours." Clarke turned growling.

Lexa snarled. "Nothing little about it."

"Damn right." Clarke sang looking back to a furious Raven.

"Out now! She lives alone. Leave! Annoy her neighbor!" Raven glared.

"Aww come on" Clarke sighed.

"I have an exam on Monday! I know you have spring break this week. But I don't, and I've gotten no sleep." Raven sighed.

"Fine fine. I'm sorry. and I love you for making sure she and I got together." Clarke thanked sincerely.

"Love you too hun. Now get the hell out of this house for the rest of your heat." Raven growled walking away.

"Hey, baby." Clarke began, pleased to see Lexa pumping at her length, gritting her teeth, clearly aching to release.

"Need to..."Lexa whimpered.

"Awww. That's my perfect aching girl." Clarke cooed, distracted from her goal.

"Please!" Lexa cried.

"Ohhh yes, baby. Cum for me." Clarke smiled, the alpha completely submissive to her, begging for permission to cum.

"T… t… ohhhh!" Lexa curled, cumming all over herself, large spirits of her seed spraying over her tight core. "T... Thank you..." Lexa panted weak, needing her alpha's embrace.

"That's my girl." Clarke purred, bending over, licking Lexa clean.

"That tickles!" Lexa giggled as Clarke licked at her belly and pelvis.

"Relax baby" Clarke kissed at Lexa's core.

"Ohhh... Thanks baby..." Lexa sighed following Clarke's orders.

"There you go love. Soooo... Raven wants us out." Clarke began.

"Too loud?"

"And too frequent." Clarke added.

"Poor Raven. You had me up and... Up… every hour." Lexa admitted.

"Yeah." Clarke nodded.

"So my place?" Lexa offered.

"Yeah sounds good." Clarke smiled.

"Good." Lexa sat up and kissed Clarke's cheek.

'Love you."

"Love you too baby." Lexa cooed.

"Mhmm now get some pants on. We gots to go." Clarke urged.

"Yes my alpha" Lexa groaned.

"Promise me you won't run off on me again, and not call for a week until I show up at your place and we fuck till your roommate kicks us out?" Lexa teased parking.

"I promise." Clarke offered with a kiss.

"You scared the shit out of me. You know that?" Lexa informed, holding Clarke's hand before they got out of the car.

"I'm sorry." Clarke paused vulnerable. "I love you."

"I love you too. I… I got scared… I... Your eggs..." Clarke began.

"I fucked em up. I know." Lexa sighed.

"No!" Clarke giggled. "No." she added quietly, almost somber. ''I… the combination of you taking care of me. Setting out clothes, being strong, cooking… the... The richness of the eggs... And the toast… I... My biology kicked in... It made me crave to submit... To be yours... In a way, I don't ever want to be anyone's. There is nothing wrong with omegas. And craving that. But... I am not an omega. I don't want that. It's not me. I don't want it to be me. And… in that moment… it was." Clarke admitted.

"Clarke." Lexa whispered.

"Hey. But. I love you. And. You have let me be more than my biology when we are together." Clarke cheered." and I love you for that." Clarke kissed Lexa appreciative.

"I love you too. And I'm sorry. I never knew... I never knew how deeply that ran. How frustrating and painful that would actually be. I mean. I knew… My cousin. But..." Lexa trailed off.

"I love you for caring." Clarke hugged Lexa appreciative.

"Love you too baby. Ready to head in?" Lexa urged.

"Yup." Clarke agreed eager.

Clarke and Lexa then quickly headed up to Lexa's apartment, completely incapable of keeping their hands off of each other.

"That ass is fucking perfect!" Lexa growled pushing Clarke against her front door.

"Mhmm fuck!" Clarke moaned wet feeling Lexa hard, rutting against her.

"That's it." Lexa growled.

"I will force you down and ride you till you beg me to cum!" Clarke argued.

"Mhmm sounds perfect!" Lexa purred at the idea, allowing Clarke to switch their positions.

"How would you feel about your alpha thrusting that cock you returned to her into your puss as I stroke that cock of yours?" Clarke suggested, rolling her hips against Lexa's tight ass, deeply pleased by the sensation it gave her, the feeling of power, imagining she could thrust a hard meaty cock of her own deep inside her lover, make Lexa scream as she stretched her.

"Fuck Clarke I..." Lexa felt her body react in a way she was unaccustomed to. "That's a girl. I can smell your wetness, your aching scent releasing for your alpha." Clarke growled.

"I… I... Fuck..."Lexa panted "where's your cock."

"Dammit. It's in the car." Clarke growled.

"Here." Lexa quickly unlocked her door and handed the keys off to Clarke. Go get it. I need you my alpha." Lexa pleaded as Clarke ran off.

The moment Lexa opened her door she could immediately smell it. Her emotions turning on a dime. The familiar scent, almost entirely long gone, now completely subtle, almost undetectable, but Lexa would always have been able to smell it anywhere. It brought tears to her eyes. Remembering that scent's owner, realizing why she had liked Clarke's scent so much.

"Costia." The word on her lips no less a ghost than the woman herself. The woman's essence in every corner of the apartment to Lexa. Some memory, some… molecule of their life together long gone, still nestled into every atom of the domicile. It hurt... It hurt more than she thought possible after so long, returning to the apartment after her first night away since costia had died. The scent she had grown accustomed to blocking out naturally, now hitting her like a wall. Lexa wanted to enter the house she once called home, where her beloved wife read on the couch, the spot Lexa had proposed in the empty living room before they had decided to move in together, where they had first made love, where Costia teased her of her wretched cooking, swearing Lexa would never cook anything edible no matter how many cooking shows she watched. Their first love. Their first lives… but now… costia was gone. And it felt to Lexa like a part of herself was too. A part that refused to allow her to re-enter the house once home. Once warm and full of love, now filled only of ghosts.

End of Chapter 9


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Authors note: thank you, everyone, for leaving reviews. I really appreciate it. And I'm glad that the people reviewing seem to really enjoy! I love this story. And being trans, it is so close to my heart.

Thanks for reading. And this story isn't going anywhere. I have a lot of plans for it!

Also, I'm so sorry for the delay getting this chapter up. I took some time for me and I'm doing a lot better! I even found someone new who is really nice :)

Hope everyone enjoys! And like I said this story isn't going anywhere. I promise. Here to stay for a while. I have a lot of ideas.

Also TW: self-harm suicide.

Clarke ran back up the stairs, excited to take Lexa. "Lexa! You ready?" Clarke called, seeing her lover standing weakly in the doorway.

"I..." Lexa whispered in pain.

"Lexa? What's wrong?" Clarke asked coming up behind her.

"Everything... Me" Lexa truly believed in that moment that she was the wrong one. That It should have been her that night. That it should be Costia standing there with the beautiful alpha, returning to a warm home.

"Lexa?" Clarke whispered terrified she had done something wrong, seeing the pain on her lover's face.

"I'm the one that should have died that night." The words spilled from her lips as the tears began to fall from her eyes, remembering. Lexa knew it was just in her head feeling the same pain; a memory; a haunting memory of the night she attempted to reunite with her late wife. The cold metal separating her skin in the hot bath, the desperate tears rolling down her face, then the slow darkening along her vision as her head slipped back and she collapsed.

"Lexa!" Clarke screamed as Lexa collapsed after grasping at her left wrist; clutching at it, no, clawing at it under her long-sleeved blouse. Clarke caught her lover, carrying her to the couch where they first kissed, laying her down incredibly worried as she lifted Lexa's left sleeve.

"No… oh no… Lexa..." Clarke sighed seeing it, holding Lexa's hand, deeply concerned. Clarke was caught in fear as she looked on at the scar, now becoming visible, the makeup smudged from their night of passion. Clarke knew what the scar was from, she didn't need an explanation; but she deeply wished there was one, one to prove her wrong, to say that her lover hadn't been in so much pain to do this to herself.

"I... Costia..." Lexa woke slowly, feeling the hand hold hers tight.

"No." Clarke answered scared.

"I... Clarke..." Lexa looked down to see her arm revealed, her secret in the open.

"How." Clarke whispered almost crying.

"I had just lost my wife Clarke." Lexa defended immediately.

"How did you survive?" Clarke clarified, not judging. Just concerned.

"My dumbass left the music on too loud. Wanted the reunion to happen to our song." Lexa chuckled and rolled her eyes as she began to cry.

"No. Not dumb." Clarke kissed Lexa's hand. "It saved your life. Allowed me to meet you. To fall in love with you." Clarke kissed Lexa's hand again.

"I love you too." Lexa sighed, wiping a tear from her face.

"I love you baby." Clarke comforted, wiping away the following tears for Lexa.

"I told you alphas could cry." Lexa smiled softly trying to cheer Clarke up from the morbid history.

"I love you baby. Are you ok?" Clarke voiced her deepest fear.

"Yes. I… her scent."

"Costia?"

"Yeah… it hit me when tried to enter the apartment again." Lexa explained.

"I'm so. I understand how hard that would be." Clarke empathized.

"Ya know. You two smell a lot alike." Lexa smiled softly.

"I... You haven't told me much about her."

"She was beautiful. Strong. The strongest omega I've ever met." Lexa smiled.

"Grrr!"

"Calm down. She wasn't an alpha like you. She just shared your strong will." Lexa smiled sitting up.

"I love you. And mine!" Clarke growled once more, this time more playfully.

"I wouldn't want to be anyone else's love." Lexa assured.

"I love you. And I'm sorry you had to endure the loss of your omega." Clarke held Lexa's hand tighter.

"It's gonna be ok. I am ok." Lexa smiled softly, comforting Clarke.

"Let's go to bed. Rest for a night?" Clarke suggested.

"You finally remember that those deathtrap underwear are the only way you have to use your cock on me?" Lexa giggled.

"We are getting new ones tomorrow, ones that won't try to kill me!" Clarke answered pulling Lexa to bed.

"Of course my alpha." Lexa smiled following Clarke, just happy to be with her lover.

End of Chapter 10


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"Good morning." Lexa purred softly waking to the feeling of Clarke's lips on her wrist." What the hell are you doing baby?" Lexa giggled.

"I'm kissing the boo-boo." Clarke answered nonchalant.

"You are digging your nose into my scar." Lexa giggled

"No." Clarke growled deeply. "I'm kissing it. Making the boo-boo better." Clarke demanded.

"Clarke… it's already healed." Lexa rolled her eyes.

"I don't care. my lover's boo-boo's get kisses." Clarke ordered dominant.

"Of course my alpha." Lexa sighed forfeiting the fight.

"Good girl." Clarke teased kissing the scar more.

"I love you."

"I love you too Lexa. I want you safe." Clarke denoted.

"I am safe baby. I have my strong alpha right here." Lexa assured.

"Good." Clarke kissed up Lexa's arm, to Lexa's neck then her cheek. "I love you."

"You will be a really good mom." Lexa smiled softly.

"I would be a what now!?" Clarke recoiled suddenly.

"You will be a great mother Clarke." Lexa purred.

"I'm not going to be a mom." Clarke huffed pulling back further on the bed.

" Clarke what are you talking about?" Lexa questioned confused.

"I'm talking about the fact that I'm not going to be a mom." Clarke answered resolute.

"Baby… you might already be. If I have any luck." Lexa moved to put her hand against Clarke's belly, but never got close as Clarke jumped from the bed seemingly disgusted by the idea of Lexa's touch.

"I'm on suppressants." Clarke argued, glaring angrily.

Lexa giggled unintentionally at first to a very cold reception from her alpha. "Baby… suppressants don't work like that." Lexa explained like it was obvious.

"Suppressants prevent conception!" Clarke yelled the words she knew to be true.

"Yeah. When you take them as prescribed. But I know you take Ravens as extra, and that it is enough that you skip heats entirely, from your own admission sometimes for months at a time." Lexa reasoned.

"So!? I hate my heats! They… they make me feel... Wrong, all submissive and wrong... They make me even more of everything I hate about being an omega!" Clarke explained angrily.

"Clarke. The reason why doctors don't prescribe suppressants like that is because skipping heats like that almost guarantees that your conception rate is extremely high. Up to ninety percent in most biological omegas. Plus, other side effects like the excessive wetness, and a complete lack of ability to consent in some cases, deferred heats are no small deal Clarke." Lexa explained.

"No! If taking suppressants as normal is an effective contraceptive then more should guarantee I don't get pregnant!" Clarke assured herself ineffectively.

"Clarke. That's not how they work. I promise you I know. My cousin killed himself the night his doctor told him that he wouldn't prescribe extra suppressants for that exact reason... His parents refused to sign the waivers that the doctor required. So the doctor would give him extra." Lexa answered, fear in her voice, the memory of the voicemail he left her sticking in the back of her head.

"Lexa..." Clarke whispered.

"I'm sorry." Lexa shook her head trying to focus. "But it's true. They have the opposite effect if you take so many you begin skipping heats."

"Lexa… I haven't had a heat since two months after I moved in with Raven. We've been living together for over a year." Clark was terrified by the plausibility.

"It's gonna be ok. I'll help you raise them. I am their mom too ya know?" Lexa smiled hopping out of bed.

"No!" Clarke shook her head.

"Hun. I'm pretty certain I'm the only person whose knotted you." Lexa laughed.

"No. I'm not having this child." Clarke clarified.

"Clarke what are you talking about?" Lexa paused taken aback.

"Lexa. I don't want to have a child. I don't want to be a mom. And if I did? I certainly don't want to have a child biologically. I have no interest in being weaker, forced to carry a baby, proof that I'm not an alpha-" Clarke was interrupted.

"It's rare but female Alphas can-" Lexa interjected only to be cut off in turn.

" No! You know that's not how it works! When an alpha is pregnant it's obvious from her scent that she is an alpha and not an omega!" Clarke yelled.

"Clarke. What are you gonna do? You are probably already pregnant. You spent most of the past day with my knot buried in you."

"Well, I'm sure as hell not gonna just let this happen, ensure everyone I know and meet for the next eighteen years knows immediately that I'm not what I say I am!" Clarke assured.

"Clarke. Even when you have a baby you are still an alpha. That doesn't make you any less who you are." Lexa attempted to comfort.

"Lexa! You don't understand! I would be less who I am. If only because who I am doesn't want to have kids." Clarke shut Lexa down.

"Clarke. That… that's my baby in there." Lexa whispered as if the potential of it changed anything.

"And it's my body!" Clarke yelled back defensive.

"I know that!" Lexa staggered backward appalled that Clarke thought that's what she meant.

"You have no right to tell me what to do with my body!" Clarke yelled stepping forward furious.

"CLARKE I KNOW THAT!" Lexa defended.

"Really!? Cause that sure sounded a hell of a lot like you telling me I can't end this without your permission!" Clarke snapped all but ready to behead Lexa, unwavering despite the fact that the whole argument was about nothing more than a plausibility at this point.

"That wasn't what I meant!" Lexa found her footing. "I thought that the fact that if! And only if you are actually pregnant with my child that it would change something! I... If you are pregnant that pup is a part of me!" Lexa paused. "I'm your mate... I… does none of that change anything?" Lexa asked, the words in truth a request, prayer, a wish, a hope, one not to be granted.

"No Lexa! And if that's more important to you than my happiness then maybe we shouldn't be each other's alpha's!" Clarke yelled, grabbing her pants and shoes.

"Clarke." Lexa whispered.

"Goodbye Lexa." Clarke sighed, looking down as she hopped into her pants.

"Clarke! You're my mate… please. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." Lexa sighed.

"I... I have to go!" Clarke wavered for only a moment before storming off.

"Clarke." Lexa whimpered, confused how it had gotten so bad so fast, and she was once again left alone in her apartment, confused, worried, and missing the alpha whose scent still lingered in the air.

End of chapter 11

Authors note: sorry these chapters have been short lately. Idk that's just the pace I've been getting recently. Also, I've been busy with a new relationship so that has slowed release of chapters. But they are still coming I promise.

Alllllso! If you like the transdynamic aspect of this story, I have somewhat of a sister story I'm working on right now. It's the same general concept of a trans dynamic person, but it will be in the Supergirl fandom, and it will feature a trans omega! Just a fun fact! I will probably be posting the first chapter for that soon! I have about a chapter written so far, so I like to get a couple more before I release anything.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Authors note: idk if I'm a good enough writer to honor this subject. But at the end of the day, I am pro-choice. It's nobody else's business what someone else does with their own body. And… idk if these chapters will portray that as my personal philosophy well or not. But I wanted to throw that out there anyway before anyone gets the wrong idea and thinks I'm pro-life or something. it's a hard topic to talk about. But if it's mentionable it's manageable (yes that is a quote, I think Mr. Rogers or something idk. I heard it from Sarah Silverman quoting someone else.) I hope to do it justice.

(Also. I am not trying to make a statement of any sort. This is just where my ideas went, and what felt like where the story had to go.)

"Y... Yeah." Octavia answered her phone groggy, sleep still crusting her eyes.

There was a pause.

"Uugh it is 8 am on a fucking Sunday! Whoever the hell you are, speak before I find and kill you!" Octavia threatened.

"Octavia." Lexa sniffled, it immediately clear that she had been crying.

"H… hi..." Octavia stumbled on her words, having not spoken to Lexa in days since their argument.

"I… brought coffee." The words held such a weighted history for the women. immediately reminding them of their promise.

"You remember that." Octavia chuckled.

"And I'm at your front door" Lexa confirmed what Octavia already knew. Ever since they had lost costia they had a long-standing agreement if either of them needed a friend they only needed to show up with coffee and they would be there for each other.

"Let me put on a shirt." Octavia answered, hopping out of bed and hanging up.

"Hi." Lexa raised a cup offering it to Octavia, as Octavia opened the door, her hair a puffy amorphous blob.

"You're lucky you brought coffee." Octavia snatched the cup eagerly bringing it to her lips as she turned around and headed to her couch, leaving the door open for Lexa to follow. "I... Am I allowed in?" Lexa asked, disheartened that another of her relationships had grown to a point of such disarray.

"The deal was no matter what was going on we only needed to bring coffee." Octavia reminded as if it were an answer.

"I..." Lexa decided not to fight as she walked in, closing the door behind her..."Well, are you gonna talk to her. I'll be damned if this isn't at least about Clarke.

"I... Did talk to her." Lexa sighed.

"Wait... Then why aren't you buried knot deep right now!?" Octavia almost dropped her coffee in shock.

"I... I think I fucked up..." Lexa hesitated.

"Wait... What happened." Octavia shook her head confused.

"I… didn't Raven tell you Clarke and I got together?" Lexa paused.

"No. Uugh little miss I need to study turned her phone off for the weekend so she wouldn't get distracted by a booty call, and we are still both on our cycles..." Octavia growled sexually frustrated.

"Ohhh... I… well Clarke I got together." Lexa explained worried it was no longer true.

"Then why are you upset?"

"D... Do you think she would hate me?" Lexa pulled up her sleeve, staring at the scar. "For trying to reunite with her that day?"

"Lexa... Wait… did Clarke leave because of that!? Fuck her!" Octavia tried to piece together a story.

"No... She... She was perfect about it. She kissed it... Demanded to kiss my boo-boo." Lexa blushed before tears began to stream down her face.

"What happened!?" Octavia pushed.

"Do you think costia would hate me for it?" Lexa demanded an answer.

"No. She never judged like that. I... If she had been there that morning instead of me she would have held you and begged you to go to her before trying it again. She would have told you how much she loved you and that she was always going to be there for you." Octavia answered comfortingly.

" Yeah… she would have, wouldn't she?" Lexa nodded tears overwhelming her.

"Hey... Lexa..." Octavia hopped up from the couch and hugged her friend.

"I fucked up Octavia." Lexa sobbed into the friend she missed deeply.

"Hey... Lexa… I… it's gonna be ok. Whatever it is." Octavia assured hugging Lexa tighter. "Hey! I can smell her on you! You two mated. That's good!" Octavia tried to cheer Lexa up.

"I… I think I've lost another mate Octavia." Lexa whimpered scared.

"Woah woah woah she is alive, right?" Octavia confirmed to a head nod from Lexa. "Ok then. You haven't lost her."

"She… she left... I... I don't think she… I don't… I don't think she wants to come back..." Lexa sobbed.

"Hey! Lexa. Sit down. It's gonna be ok. We can figure it out. What happened?" Octavia calmed

" I… she is pregnant Octavia. She is pregnant." Lexa admitted it to herself... She had already known. She knew it from the moment she woke up. The first thing she realized was the changes in Clarke's scent, her heat gone, the heady scent of omega craving knot was gone, replaced with the soft sweetness of her mate's body preparing for what was growing inside her.

"I… well... that's no reason to break up." Octavia tried to understand.

"It is if I told her not to have an abortion." Lexa grimaced, knowing that was how her words were received.

"Lexa… that... That isn't you… I..." Octavia stammered in disbelief.

"I... Well… that isn't what I said or meant... But… it's how she took it... I... I thought… I thought that because it was my baby… because… because it was a part of me it would change something. That… that she wouldn't want to get rid of it. I... I thought she would love having my child like she loves... Loved... Me." Lexa tried to straighten her thoughts as she spoke.

"Ohh… Lexa…" Octavia sighed, understanding Lexa, the urge and the hope that she could have changed her mate's mind, especially when it came to something she knew was so important to Lexa.

"She doesn't want to have it Octavia." Lexa felt the tears return once more.

"Lexa… oh god..." Octavia gasped... Realizing how much pain Lexa was in. "I... I know how long you and Costia tried for."

"I... And the first time I knock a girl up she won't keep it..." Lexa sniffled hating it. "And she left me just for asking her not to."

"Lexa." Octavia hugged Lexa tighter.

"I don't know what to do..." Lexa whimpered.

Raven woke to the slamming of the front door followed by a growl a tormented scream. "What the fuck!"

"I... I… ahhhh! B… bitch! How could she!" Clarke screamed steaming, slamming the door to her room so hard that the wood frame cracked audibly. "I... I... I..." Clarke screamed as Raven watched the fist bust through their rooms conjoining walls.

"Clarke! Not ok!" Raven yelled. "You are paying the security deposit on this place now!"

"I... I'm sorry…i... Lexa..." Raven could hear Clarke begin to sob as the hand slipped back behind the broken wall.

"What happened?" Raven popped up from her bed, realizing how bad this must be.

"I… Lexa..." Clarke whimpered, collapsing against the wall, holding her bleeding hand.

"Clarke." Raven sighed worriedly, rushing to Clarke's broken door where she had trouble opening it.

"Fuck!" Clarke yelled angrily, frustrated, upset, scared and confused. "Clarke?" Raven called from the other side of the door, struggling to open it.

"I… Raven" Clarke sniffled.

"Goddammit. Did you need to break the door?" Raven groaned, jiggling the handle to no avail.

"I… Fuck! I fucked up!" Clarke yelled, ignoring Raven's words but aware she was there and listening.

"I'd love to talk about it. I still have seven chapters to study, ten hours of sleep to catch up on, and a paper to do all by tomorrow morning, but I'd love to talk about it." Raven mumbled most of her words under her breath before speaking back up." Hey. help me open the door, whatever it is we can fix it." Raven comforted as best she could, frustrated, but concerned.

"I..." Clarke whimpered scared.

"Wait... Clarke." Raven sniffed, now ramming the door with her shoulder.

"I..."

"Clarke, what happened to your heat? You don't smell like heat. You weren't due to end for another four days?" Raven questioned worriedly. "Clarke! What the hell did you do!" Raven could feel the door beginning to give way.

"I fucked up… I didn't know." Clarke couldn't believe the situation she was now in.

"Clarke! Tell me you didn't do something stupid!" Raven finally busted through the door as the frame splintered more. "Tell me you didn't do what I'm afraid you did!" Raven ran to Clarke immediately checking her neck and then pulling Clarke's legs apart at the knees looking worriedly for blood.

"Raven!" Clarke yelled pushing Raven off.

"You didn't! Thank God!" Raven sighed, sitting down relieved.

"W… what the hell got into you!?" Clarke yelled grabbing a pillow and holding it over her lower torso, feeling violated.

"I... I saw blood on the other side of the wall... I... I was worried you did something stupid!" Raven explained.

"Raven. You know I don't self-harm. What the hell are you talking about?" Clarke thought back to how this whole argument had started and it's subsequent realization. Her care and wishing to protect Lexa. "Fuck..." Clarke noticed she was crying again.

"I... I... I thought you did something to make sure you wouldn't have to deal with heats anymore..." Raven answered worried. "What happened to your heat!?"

"Wait... What!? That's a thing? How have you not told me that there is a way to stop my heats earlier!?" Clarke yelled sitting up, furious that Raven hadn't mentioned this earlier.

"Because it is dangerous and not safe. If they had real doctors doing it I would have told you at Finn's funeral when you first told me." Raven defended. "Plus things were handled for the most part with me giving you half my suppressants."

"Yeah well, that sure fucked me over!" Clarke rolled her eyes.

"What!? I... But you aren't dying or maimed?" Raven confirmed relaxing.

"I..." Clarke swallowed." I'm pregnant."

"You're what now!?" Raven dropped her jaw.

"I'm pregnant..." Clarke repeated broken.

"No that isn't possible! You're on a fuck ton of suppressants. And Lexa is responsible, there is no way you two didn't use a condom." Raven shook her head.

"We didn't. And I am. It's why my heat stopped. I... Lexa and I had a fight... About having kids… about… this kid... Before I knew I even was pregnant..." Clarke explained.

"I... Oh... Honey..." Raven moved to hug Clarke.

"I… Raven... We mated..."

"Yeah… I know you two weren't quiet about it." Raven rolled her eyes again.

"Raven I broke up with her... With my mate." Clarke whimpered, unsure how she would deal with moving forward.

"Woah. Woah. Woah. You said you two fought. Not that you broke up."

"We did... I... She didn't want me to… I... You know I don't want to be a mom." Clarke reminded.

" She didn't want you to what!?" Raven urged.

"I... She… wanted me to keep it…" Clarke whimpered hating that she was away from her alpha at all right now, and the fact that they were so at odds with each other made everything so much worse.

"Clarke..." Raven sighed holding her friend.

"I… I left in a huff." Clarke admitted.

"Clarke... Did Lexa actually say anything like that she wouldn't let you have an abortion?" Raven asked suspicious knowing it would be out of character for any of Octavia's friends to say such a thing.

"I… no..." Clarke sniffled.

"Then is it possible it isn't over? That you two can work it out? She is your mate…" Raven tried to cheer Clarke.

"No… she... She just said she hoped that it being hers would change my feelings about it." Clarke explained.

"Well… does it?" Raven asked honestly while withholding judgment.

"Of course it changes my feelings… Bi love her... But. I don't think I want this. And especially not now..." Clarke admitted.

"Maybe that's what she was looking for… not to force you into keeping it. Just… an acknowledgment that it matters that there is a part of her in there." Raven reasoned knowing Clarke was coming around.

"I need to call my alpha." Clarke sighed missing Lexa both emotionally and physically, her body aching to be held by the woman who had seeded her.

"Then call her. Then a contractor." Raven glared at Clarke then the hole in the wall above them.

"I love you Raven. You are an amazing friend." Clarke hugged Raven.

"Love you too hun. Take care of yourself ok?" Raven moved to stand, but got caught by Clarke's hand, grabbing hers.

"Wait. You… mentioned a way I could stop my heats..." Clarke looked to Raven, her eyes pleading for truth.

"I... Clarke... It isn't a good idea." Raven tried to avoid it worried for her friend, seeing the torturous mix of hope and pain welling in Clarke's eyes. "It's a thing some... Some doctors will do for enough money on the side. I... It's pretty much just a hysterectomy. But. They take out your scent glands too. And… it stops heats. But no real documentation has been done on why removing the uterus, ovaries, and scent glands cause heats to stop in biological omegas. I mean there are the obvious reasons. But, no doctors do it legally. Its all back Alley stuff." Raven explained.

"Raven!" Clarke yelled wishing she had known about this sooner.

"Clarke… I would support you completely if it was safe. But... Clarke... It isn't. I've been doing rounds at local hospitals for my internships… I've seen five people this month come in from this botched procedure. Three of them are dead Clarke."

"I… fuck..." Clarke sighed worriedly.

"I love you, and if I were a surgeon I would offer to help myself or at least make sure you could get the procedure done correctly. But in the meantime, the suppressants are just safer hun." Raven explained her fear.

"I..." Clarke paused. "Thank you Raven." Clarke hugged Raven tight, feeling appreciative of her friend's care.

"It's gonna be ok hun. Now go get the girl." Raven patted Clarke on the back. "And let me fucking sleep!"

End of chapter 12


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"C... Clarke!?" Lexa cried as she walked up to her apartment to see her alpha sitting at her doorstep. "Clarke!" Lexa grabbed her in a desperate hopeful hug. "I... Uugh." Clarke stirred, opening her eyes as she felt her alpha's arms around her, the woman's scent sweet, calming and perfect, everything Clarke had needed. "Lexa." Clarke purred into her alpha, allowing herself to yield to her craving.

"Clarke!" Lexa reveled, holding her alpha tight. Taking in the sweet scent of her pregnant mate. "I... Was so scared..."

"I... I called. You didn't pick up." Clarke held Lexa tighter.

"My phone died." Lexa explained.

"I... Needed to see you... I knocked... I... When you didn't answer I waited at your door. I… needed to talk to you."

"Baby..." Lexa sighed." I wasn't home. I would never not answer for you."

"I love you." Clarke held to her.

"I love you too." Lexa assured.

"I…"

"I know you are... I did the moment I woke up this. I... It's why I cared so much. I... I love you. And... I... If you don't want to... I... I understand." Lexa felt the tears falling as she offered the olive branch.

"I... Lexa..." Clarke didn't know what to say or how to say it.

"I'm sorry. I love you." Lexa apologized.

"I love you too." Clarke agreed, holding to Lexa worried and conflicted.

"Are you ok Clarke?" Lexa worried.

"I... I don't think I can do this. I... I can't have them." Clarke whimpered almost upset.

"It's ok. W... Wanna go inside baby?" Lexa offered.

"Please... We need to go back to bed." Clarke requested, holding tightly to Lexa as the alpha picked her up and opened the door.

"Of course my love. I... I just want you happy." Lexa sighed, pain in her eyes as she thought to what was still in her back pocket.

"What's wrong love?" Clarke recognized the pain. It… looked so similar to her own unexpected pain.

"I... I got you something on my way home. I was gonna call and offer it to you." Lexa admitted, placing Clarke down on her bed.

"I... What'd you get me?" Clarke watched as Lexa pulled the pills from her back pocket.

"I wanted to show you that I respected your choice. Even if it isn't exactly the morning after it should still be close enough. I love you. It is your choice." Lexa offered handing them to Clarke.

"I..." Clarke held the plan b packaging. "I..." Clarke went to pop a pill free before she stopped herself, unsure. "I love you Lexa… this means a lot." Clarke thanked, feeling tears well in her eyes.

"Clarke... I didn't mean to make you cry!" Lexa rushed to wipe away the tears.

"I… I don't know if I can do this." Clarke's fingers trembled as she turned the package within her fingers.

"I love you. And this is your decision. I have already overstepped enough." Lexa rubbed a comforting hand over Clarke's shoulder.

"I love you Lexa. I… how long do I have to decide?" Clarke asked looking up to Lexa.

"Five days. Well, four now." Lexa answered.

"I love you." Clarke hugged Lexa tightly.

"I... What do you think your gonna do?" Lexa asked, her heart in her throat.

"I... I don't know yet... But. I might keep it. I love you. It is yours. I… if I have to do this… I want it to be yours." Clarke explained.

"You don't have to do this tho." Lexa reminded.

"I know. B... But I like the idea of my alpha going crazy trying to make sure I have everything I want and need while I carry her pup." Clarke smiled a little too much for her own taste.

"Baby. I... Is this your instincts kicking in? I... Should I be trying to talk you out of this choice?" Lexa feared the answer.

"I don't know. A little of instinct, a little of me I think. But I love you. And... If you promise to take good care of me and that I won't have to go out too much... Like that... And face everyone thinking I'm something other than who I am... Them… I think I could stand this. That it wouldn't kill me or drive me insane." Clarke offered.

"I love you baby!" Lexa tackle hugged Clarke, rolling around in bed.

"I love you too Lexa." Clarke giggled happily.

End of chapter 13


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Author's note: Hey I'm so sorry I've been gone! I'm back now tho! I got taken by god of war! Damn, it was so good game of the year easy! (I'm aware it's still May) but, it has consumed me along with my new someone special.

Updates will still be slow tho :(

I start at Starbucks on Friday!

side note: consent matters! I like Lexa being so taken by Clarke's scent in this chapter. But someone asleep cannot consent. I enjoy this chapter. But please understand I don't support Lexa's behaviors within, especially because they didn't talk about it beforehand.

Clarke awoke to the noises of soft growls and hands on the inside of her thighs. "I... Lexa?" Clarke realized her legs were being spread.

"Mine!" Lexa growled deeper, sniffing along Clarke's core, having had removed Clarke's pants while the alpha slept.

"Baby! I... Jesus! My pants!" Clarke sighed realizing Lexa had removed them as she slept.

"Sweet, sweet, pregnant and mine!" Lexa demanded, sniffing along Clarke's pelvis and down along her panties.

"Fuck. Lexa..." Clarke whimpered, feeling the alpha's hot breath against her panties.

"Mine!" Lexa ordered, pulling Clarke's panties to the side with one finger.

"Lexa!" Clarke wanted to fight but appreciated the growls and dominance of her alpha. "Fuck"

"Does my alpha want me to taste her?" Lexa offered, breaking the spell Clarke's pheromones had her under.

"Lexa... Please… I. Dammit… you smell good too." Clarke felt Lexa's scent hit her.

"That's what happens when a bonded pair mates and one gets pregnant. "Lexa began to nip and suck at the inside of Clarke's thigh.

"Ohh! Lexa! Please!" Clarke cried out feeling herself moisten.

"That's my girl." Lexa praised, yielding to her dominant instincts.

Clarke's face immediately contorted, angered and wishing to contest the alpha in between her thighs despite her pounding core and incessant ache. "I am your alpha!" Clarke growled, wrapping her legs around Lexa's torso and torquing her hips, forcing Lexa onto her back with Clarke on top of her.

"Mhmm, I can feel your wet pussy against me." Lexa smiled wide, still slightly under the spell of Clarke's pheromones.

"Fuck." Clarke whimpered as her body rolled against Lexa's torso involuntarily. "I love you." Lexa assured, sitting up as Clarke fell back into her lap. "I know you are my alpha." Lexa kissed Clarke softly. "I am yours too. If you really want me to not be so dominant with you ever that is fine. But please understand I'm not trying to say you are any less an alpha." Lexa assured, giving her alpha soft sweet kisses.

"I love you." Clarke held to Lexa, melting slightly.

"I love you too." Lexa soothed.

"I… can you go back to… I... To… what you were doing a minute ago?" Clarke averted her eyes.

"Of course my love!" Lexa flipped them back and immediately began kissing down Clarke's body.

"I love you!" Clarke gasped, melting back into the bed, spreading her legs slowly for Lexa, feeling her blood pump faster, her pulse pounding in her core.

"That's my girl." Lexa tested the waters once more as Clarke melted further, her core soaked as Lexa could now see Clarke perfectly through the wet white panties. soaked, pink, and ready for the alpha atop her.

"Please! Lexa!" Clarke panted, throwing her head back into a pillow. "Fuck I need you!" Clarke pleaded, her hands balling into fists, catching the sheets, holding on for dear life.

"That's it." Lexa purred pleased as she pulled at the tight panties that hugged Clarke's every perfect curve and accentuated the seductive nature of Clarke's wide hips rocking off the bed softly, demonstrating her desperation. "Lexa!" Clarke demanded, tense as pain built within herself, filling the spot where she wished that Lexa would finally grace with the soothing warmth of her tongue.

"So impatient." Lexa teased, pulling off the lacey panties that covered Clarke.

"God… damnit." Clarke mumbled, biting her lower lip, frustrated that she found Lexa's taunt so deeply alluring. Lexa giggled softly to herself as she began kissing adjacent to Clarke's lower lips. Lexa gracing her lips along the side of Clarke's, kissing softly at first and then slowly allowing her tongue to slip out and taste along the wetness that covered Clarke's labia majora.

"Lexa!" Clarke screamed almost angry in her desperation. "Stop! T... Teasing!" Clarke whimpered.

"That's my wet pregnant girl." Lexa mused as she licked slightly deeper, moving closer to Clarke's center.

"I… I… oh..." Clarke's eyes rolled back completely as she felt the warmth of Lexa's breath coating her soaked lips and Lexa's tongue striking up in between her folds.

"There you go." Lexa soothed as she lapped deeper and deeper into Clarke, growling and moaning softly as she adored the taste of her lover, the thick scent of her sweet pheromones, calling to Lexa's every sense. "Fuck..." Lexa moaned deeper into Clarke as she realized she was now completely buried in a now howling Clarke. "You… taste… mhmm" Lexa moaned, returning to devouring Clarke's puss, feeling her own body drip, deeply satiated by the taste of her pregnant lover on her tongue.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Clarke continued screaming, her hands now interwoven with Lexa's hair, pushing Lexa deeper as she bucked up onto the perfect mouth expertly sucking, lapping, devouring at her aching pussy.

Lexa growled deeply sated as she could smell Clarke's climax approaching.

"I... I… Lexa!" Clarke cried, lost to Lexa's tongue cumming as she bucked once more into Lexa.

"Ohhh that is my girl!" Lexa praised incredibly satisfied as she licked up the mess Clarke left her. Lexa couldn't believe how wonderful it tasted and smelled as Clarke relaxed onto the bed, tension completely gone from her body.

"Lexa... Ohhh." Clarke whimpered.

"You feel good?" Lexa teased.

"I… s… so… good." Clarke sighed, letting go of Lexa's hair.

"I'm glad. I love you baby." Lexa smiled, kissing softly up Clarke's body. "Need some rest?"

"I need nothing. Ooooh, I am perfect right here." Clarke moaned softly.

"That's it. I love you. I'm here. Whatever you need. I love you. I want you to be happy. I know this won't be easy on you." Lexa offered, rubbing a hand over Clarke's bare belly as she laid next to Clarke.

"I… I… thank you." Clarke smiled.

"Remember, I'm gonna be going crazy trying to make sure you have everything you want and need while you carry my pup." Lexa teased.

"I... H... How'd you… how'd you know I'd made a decision?" Clarke looked to Lexa, surprised.

"You didn't jump to take them when you woke. If it was your instincts that made you crave to keep it then it would have broken by now even if only for a bit. you would have had a clear enough head to make a decision. "Lexa answered, still rubbing a hand over Clarke's lower belly.

"I love you." Clarke smiled softly.

"I... You know. Costia and I tried… we… we could never conceive. I... I can't explain how happy I am that this is happening. I... I love you so much. I... I have wanted this for so long." Lexa admitted.

"I'm sorry love. And... I… like I said if I have to do this... I'm happy it's with you." Clarke explained.

"Baby. You don't have to. I... The pills are still on the nightstand where you left them." Lexa's eyes gestured to the package, doing her best to hide her fear.

"I love you. And… I am happy this is with you. I... Look… I love you. And... I... I want this..." Clarke smiled and nuzzled Lexa.

"I love you baby." Lexa smiled back holding Clarke tight.

End of chapter 14


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"Clarke! I swear to god if it's you I will kick you out myself! I still have three more chapters to go back over for tomorrow!" Raven yelled from her bed in her pajamas, a messy bun, and fuzzy slippers, sitting cross-legged with three open textbooks, and four notebooks messily arranged as she did her best to study for her biomechanical engineering classes.

"It's not Clarke." Octavia called back.

"Hell no! If you come in I won't even get another page reviewed!" Raven yelled back.

"I'll quiz you." Octavia offered, her voice seemingly much louder without her having raised it.

"Octavia, what the hell are you doing?" Raven yelled, catching the scent of her alpha.

"I can hear you whimpering for me already." Octavia called walking down the hallway to her mate's bedroom.

"I... The door was locked!" Raven yelled.

"You gave me a key last month." Octavia stood at the door to her omega's room, resting her hand on the doorknob, not wanting to enter without Raven's approval.

"I missed you." Raven sighed, feeling her alpha close.

"I missed you too love. It was hard to stay away so long. Especially while we are in the end of our cycle." Octavia answered from behind the thin door.

"Is your rut ok? Your knot didn't pop again without me, did it?" Raven asked worriedly, concerned that Octavia had endured much pain without her.

"It did. But I was ok. I rested and iced it once the swelling went down. And your heat? Are you ok my love?" Octavia placed a hand against the door, wishing she could hold her lover.

"I… studying was a lot slower, I... Most of the pain was subdued with heating pads, suppressants, and tea." Raven answered.

"Would you like me to quiz you? I know that you've gone over each chapter at least three times." Octavia chuckled.

"I… only did these last three chapters twice." Raven mumbled.

"I love you baby." Octavia laughed again. "I… need to sleep. I... Would probably get better rest with my alpha by my side... Maybe even better than that if she would hold me. Kiss the back of my neck gently as we fall asleep together as our cycles ebb." Raven suggested.

"I love you baby." Octavia replied opening the door finally.

"Alpha." Raven felt the scent of Octavia hit her hard as she lept from her bed, knocking a book and a notebook off as she did.

"Hey baby." Octavia laughed, holding the omega who had just tackled her.

"Alpha." Raven whimpered.

"Long weekend huh baby?" Octavia kissed Raven's forehead.

"Too long."

"I love you baby. It's time to go to bed." Octavia pulled Raven towards the bed slowly.

"I missed you." Raven whimpered into her strong alpha as she removed the books and papers from the bed, piling them neatly on the nightstand.

"I missed you too." Octavia turned around and swiftly picked up Raven in her arms, laying her down on the bed. "My beautiful girl. I missed you so much my love." Octavia echoed.

"Mhm get in bed with me baby!" Raven demanded, yanking Octavia in with her.

"That's it baby." Octavia laughed, Cuddling the omega tight. "So… umm… did you happen to talk to Clarke today?"

"Ohhhh yeah" Raven sighed. "She is pregnant."

"I know. Lexa felt terrible."

"Clarke felt terrible!" Raven corrected.

"Oof those two… need to learn to talk to each other." Octavia rolled her eyes. "Yeah… Clarke… she is pregnant." Raven's eyes snapped to Octavia's, watching and waiting patiently to read her responses.

"Yeah. I heard there was a scare. What's she gonna do?" Octavia tried to hide her own feelings on the topic.

"I… I… I don't think she is sure yet. But... I think she is afraid more than anything. I... When I knew her as a kid... She always wanted to have a child. But... It all changed when she presented as a Biological omega. She suddenly had no interest in it. I… I think she convinced herself that she never wanted to have a child because she knew she couldn't have one the way she wanted to. She has wanted to sire a child for decades. But she never wanted to carry one, especially not as an omega." Raven explained.

"Poor Clarke." Octavia sighed realizing just how hard it must be for her.

"Yeah... I... Whatever she does... I know it won't be easy for her." Raven agreed as she nuzzled her alpha.

"So… what would you do if you were her?" Octavia smiled as she saw the omega's head immediately pop up.

"I... Uugh... I mean... I… I want kids… so… I... I would keep them." Raven blushed.

"Oh? You do my love?" Octavia grabbed Raven and rolled around in the bed with her.

" I... Of course." Raven blushed deeper. "I think I would like that." Octavia kissed Raven happily.

"Awww baby." Raven felt her breath hitch, feeling her core tense, her heat still burning softly in her.

"That's my girl. But baby making for your next heat. Rest tonight. Exams tomorrow." Octavia kissed her omega softly.

"Mhmm damnit. You're the worst, getting my heat all riled up at the end of my cycle and then reminding me that I have exams to come still tomorrow." Raven groaned angrily.

"Yes yes love. Now get some rest. Your alpha is here and she will protect you my baby." Octavia kissed Raven's forehead before holding her close in the bed, ready to sleep.

"I love you too baby." Raven relaxed. "I... You really mean it? I… baby making next month?" Raven whimpered scared but hopeful.

"I would really like that" Octavia nodded softly.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

End of Chapter 15


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"Mine." Octavia growled softly, nipping at the omega in her arms as the alarm blasted.

"O!" Raven moaned, moistening, breathing in the strong scent of alpha rut subsiding.

"That's my girl." Octavia mused.

"I... I have exams today." Raven reminded.

"You also have a loving alpha who will drive you to the exam room." Octavia assured.

"I... Don't have long." Raven cautioned.

"When has it ever taken me long to make you cum?"

"Ohhh fuck." Raven whimpered.

"That's a girl." Octavia moved, rolling Raven onto her back.

"I... Only have an hour..." Raven felt her pulse race, Octavia pulling her legs open as the alpha kissed down her thighs towards the damp core only covered by her panties.

"Then I'll make you cum twice. Once now... Once in the shower." Octavia promised, nipping at the inside of Raven's thigh.

"Octavia! Oh... Fuck... I... O... One is... E... Enough... F... Fuck..."Raven tried to catch her breath.

"That's my princess." Octavia moved closer, licking up and down along the wet spot on Raven's panties.

Raven couldn't find words, her breath leaving her completely as her muscles gave in completely. Raven couldn't help but Give in completely, her loving alpha between her thighs whispering such words.

"You like hearing that you are my princess?" Octavia offered, lapping slowly at the wet spot, purring softly as she tasted her lover through the panties.

"I... I..." Raven stammered, soft and ragged moans escaping her lips.

"There you go. All aching?"

"Fuck! G... G... Get my panties off! Now!" Raven screamed feeling torturously close already.

"Aww? My little princess doesn't think she can cum with her panties still on?" Octavia teased in between deepening licks along Raven's pulsating core.

"I... Please! I... Wanna cum!" Raven pleaded, scrambling to remove the panties that clung to her body preventing her from fully feeling her lover's delightful tongue.

"No! Bad girl!" Octavia swatted at the hands trying to remove the panties. "You will now have to keep them on till you cum for being a bad little princess." Octavia smiled wide looking up towards Raven.

"Y... Yes, my alpha." Raven nodded weakly.

"Much better." Octavia offered, returning to the now drenched panties coated with her lover's perfect slick, the perfect sultry scent filling her mind, driving her to help her omega release.

"O! I... Fuck... M... More..." Raven whimpered.

Octavia hastily obliged devouring Raven, sucking and nibbling softly at the swollen clit of her omega.

Raven let loose a desperate scream as her legs wrapped around Octavia, her body shaking as she came. Octavia delighted in the climax of her mate, lapping deeper, helping Raven through her climax as she broke down and released in pleasure.

"I... I... O... O... Octavia..." Raven tried to form words as her climax ebbed.

"That's my perfect princess." Octavia purred, picking Raven up and carrying her to the bathroom.

"I… baby..." Raven melted into the arms of the strong alpha.

"Yes my love?" Octavia smiled back, pleased with herself.

"I... Mhmm, that was really nice baby."

"I'm glad. Because now it's time to clean you up while getting you all dirty again." Octavia chuckled to herself turning on the shower.

"I only have… fifty minutes to get to my exam." Raven reminded.

"I know. I know. And you will be all dry, clothed and thoroughly satisfied." Octavia assured, allowing Raven to stand.

"I... May I remove my panties my alpha?" Raven dropped her head submissive.

"Of course my love." Octavia answered as she slowly undid the buttons to Raven's top.

"I." Raven felt her breath run off as she felt the alpha's hands so close to her chest, slowly disrobing her.

"That's my girl." Octavia moved in closer slipping off Raven's top, kissing the omega deeply, capitalizing on the omega's breath running away from her.

"Ohh." Raven kissed back, grabbing at Octavia's sides, desperate to have something to hold to as her knees melted to jelly.

"Good little princess." Octavia praised.

"I... Baby..." Raven stammered.

"That's it. Now. Let's get into the shower. It's nice and warm, just how my baby likes it." Octavia smiled wide, turning her back to Raven and stepping into the shower, pulling her hair over her shoulder, revealing her perfect silhouette to the omega.

"Fuck… I... You" Raven felt her feet following on their own. Failing to stop as she walked into her alpha, hugging her tight, pushing her body against her alpha's needily, craving the love and support only her alpha could give.

"Aww, baby." Octavia locked her fingers with Raven's. "You ok love?" they both felt the warm water rush over them, bringing them closer together in the cramped shower but to them, it couldn't have felt better if it were bigger than the whole apartment. "I missed you so much." Raven whimpered.

"I missed you too." Octavia comforted. "No... Baby... It wasn't just that... I... Baby... I don't wanna be away from you like that again. Not ever." Raven explained.

"Raven. I would have come if you called. I came without you even calling! Not to mention… you were the one that told me not to come. Not to call or text even baby. I would have been happy to come and help quiz you. Or just help you study baby. I... I love you. And this was no easier on me baby. When I say I missed you… I mean it." Octavia bore her sensitive heart. The one she had hidden when her lover asked her to stay away during the height of their cycles, pushing away her insecurities, playing strong for her omega, but no longer.

"I... Baby." Raven sniffed as Octavia could feel the tears hit her back.

"Raven!" Octavia spun around, hugging the omega tight.

"Octavia… never leave me again."

"Never love." Octavia released the hug, stepping out of the shower and grabbing her pants, ignoring the water dripping on the floor from her.

"Baby?" Raven shivered, retreating under the warm water, insecure from her alpha wandering off so suddenly.

"Here." Octavia stepped back into the shower, taking Raven's hand, placing a key in it.

"I…"

"You move in on your time. In your own time. I have a spare under my doormat. I will get a copy made of it for myself today while you're in exams. I love you. My bed Is Yours… when you want it." Octavia closed Raven's hand around the key.

"What about Clarke?"

"What about her?"

"I... She... She is going through so much. I can't leave. I can't leave her. Not now." Raven answered.

"I love you. And as I said. In your own time."

" I love you baby. But where do you expect me to put this key?" Octavia giggled.

"Oh? Well, I have one idea." Octavia growled, slipping a hand up between Raven's thighs, immediately finding the still slick core.

"I... Damnit... O..."

"That's a girl." Octavia could feel Raven's hands shoot up clutching to her, the key digging into Octavia's shoulder.

"Fuck baby." Raven felt herself pushed against the wall of the shower, water beating down on them, as Octavia's fingers found her sweet spot, sending shocks along her whole body.

"My princess. My omega." Octavia whispered into Raven's ear, her tongue darting out to tease along the Omega's earlobe.

"Y... Y... Yours!" Raven whimpered.

"I want you to cum for me princess."

"Octavia. I..." Raven was caught in the alpha's advances, two fingers slipping deeper inside her, curling up and catching Raven's g spot, causing Raven's head to swim, completely taken by her alpha's hands-on and inside her.

"That's it my princess." Octavia continued unrelenting.

Raven writhed under her alpha's expert touch, masterful in all things Raven. All things her lover. "Baby! "

"There it is. Right there. Let it happen love. Relax." Octavia coached.

Raven followed her alpha's instruction, rolling her hips into Octavia's fingers, feeling the climax wash over her as she gave herself over to Octavia.

"That better baby?"

"I... Uugh. Yes. Much." Raven held to the wall of the shower to stay upright.

"Good. Now, turn around. I will get your hair." Octavia smiled reaching for the shampoo.

"Of course love."

"Good." Octavia took the shampoo slowly working it into Raven's scalp and working it down.

"I love you." Raven purred.

"I love your shampoo." Octavia giggled. "It always smells like you. Perfect, my wonderful omega."

"Of course." Raven rolled her eyes.

"I love you too baby."

"Thank you."

"Always my love." Octavia promised.

"No." Raven clutched to the key. "For... For the key... I... I can't come now... But... I love you. And I want to."

"I... Well. You know… we don't have to move into my place?." Octavia pulled out the body soap and began to caress her omega's body.

"What do you mean baby?"

"I Mean Lexa has been dying to leave that apartment for years. After her omega died she came so close to moving dozens of times. But she couldn't let it go... Buuut now that she has a pregnant alpha on her hands... She might be wanting to find a starter house. Maybe the four of us could find a duplex or something. A nice way to save on rent. And a great stepping stone for you two." Octavia explained. Her hands slowly making suds against Raven, coating her breasts, her belly, her arms, her ass, cleaning her lover as if worshipping. Performing her one true religion. Paying homage to her lover.

"Mhmm baby." Raven hummed, her lover's hands calming her, prepping her for the long day to come. "I'd like that."

"I'll talk to Lexa if you talk to Clarke?"

"Sounds good love." Raven nodded.

"I love you. And it's time to rinse off and dry up. You have exams to ace." Octavia began rinsing off and grabbing them both towels before shutting off the water.

"Thank you baby." Raven purred, humming as she stepped out, burying her face in the fluffy towel.

"Go get em love" Octavia kissed her omega's forehead.

"I love you." Raven moved closer, hugging Octavia not wanting to move.

"I thought you were all worried about getting to your exams on time?" Octavia giggled, slowly wrapping her arms around Raven.

"I… uugh." Raven whimpered clinging tighter.

"I know baby. But it is time to get some clothes on and get going." Octavia urged, knowing if she let her omega be late it would be her head.

"I love you. I need you."

"I know. I'll drop you off and I'll be ready to pick you up when you get out. I took the day off on Thursday when you asked me to not message you all weekend. I knew you would need me. That we would need each other." Octavia assured.

"I love you so much." Raven sniffled, crying softly, happy, relieved.

"I Love you too. It's time to go." Octavia urged.

"Ok. I'm ready." Raven wiped her eyes and looked up smiling.

End of chapter 16


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Author's note- So like. First off idk much about IRL pregnancy. I'm AMAB (assigned male at birth) and I will never be pregnant, barring a miracle of science. But this is omegaverse so… I'm gonna just write what I feel like. Not worry too much about IRL accuracy.

"Morning." Lexa smiled as Clarke stirred, laying half atop her.

"H… hey?" Clarke cracked her eyes slightly, nuzzling closer to Lexa.

"Hows my alpha?" Lexa cooed, rubbing Clarke's back.

"I..." Clarke paused, groaning discontent with herself, her urges, and how she was acting.

"It's ok. You are ok. I love you." Lexa understood immediately.

"I'm not ok Lexa..." Clarke tried to sit up and growl but found her body still stuck to Lexa, holding the alpha tight, craving the embrace of her mate.

"Clarke." Lexa's fear evident as her whole body tensed with fear.

"I... I don't like being this way… I... I don't like this..." Clarke explained.

"Do you not Like it. Or are you afraid that you Like it, and you don't wanna seem weak?" Lexa countered.

"Are they different?" Clarke groaned, nuzzling closer.

"Yes. Because I'm an alpha too. It scares the shit out of me every time but I adore giving myself over to you the way you are giving yourself to me right now. And I ad-"

"No! It's not the same! For" Clarke interrupted, losing steam immediately as she popped up in bed. Immediately feeling the magnetic pull of her alpha, her body wanting to return to nuzzling the woman who had seeded her. "I... I..." Clarke stumbled, her mind foggy and clouded with needing her mate." I... I don't have a choice… you do..." Clarke whimpered giving in and feeling her drowsiness take her back towards sleep, whimpering more as she laid her head down on Lexa's belly, purring as their skin met, the sensation of her alpha against her the most perfect experience in the world, however also intensely bittersweet.

"Oh… baby..." Lexa sighed, looking inward to herself, as she ran a hand up and down Clarke's back, soothing her back to sleep, the first days of the pregnancy clearly taking their toll on her.

"I... Love you." Clarke sighed as sleep took her.

"Pour baby..."Lexa lamented, hurting that her lover was in so much pain. "I..." Lexa paused, knowing Clarke was asleep and that nothing she said would be heard or could help. And so, instead, Lexa allowed herself to drift to thought.

Clarke was right, Lexa had nothing but choice. Yes, it was hard and scary in a way to submit to Clarke, but in other ways, it was so easy. She loved Clarke with everything she had, and from the moment they met Lexa knew that she had some deep connection with Clarke and that she cared for Clarke's happiness almost, if not certainly more than her own. And the first time that Lexa chose to offer herself to Clarke, to submit. It was so easy because she could see how much the hurting alpha needed it, to see that she was entirely worthy of being who she is. It… just made everything all the easier.

Lexa paused, stopped to think what it would have been like to submit to Costia, what it was like in fact. They hadn't done it much. But on occasions Lexa allowed Costia to take the reigns in bed, and also just in home life. Submitting. She thought of it to think what it might feel like to submit to another without the knowledge that it would help validate her lover. Lexa realized then how much harder it must be for Clarke. That each and every time Clarke allows herself to submit she endures the same irrational intense indigenously alpha fear that her partner may never see her as an apt alpha once more. Furthermore that after Clarke's struggle to ever be seen as who she truly is… the idea of losing Lexa's respect for her as an alpha must be a torturous endeavor of insecurity.

Clarke yawned loudly hours later as she woke, stretching her back as she once more nuzzled the alpha under her.

"Hi baby." Lexa began softly.

"Lexa?" Clarke perked up. Hearing the fear in her lover's voice.

"Hey Clarke." Lexa caressed Clarke's cheek.

"Baby! What's wrong! Are you ok! If anyone hurts you I'll kill em!" Clarke roared.

"Always such a perfect alpha for me!" Lexa hummed, a smile growing wider over her face.

"Lexa!" Clarke insisted, worried for her mate.

"I'm fine. I was just worried about you." Lexa explained.

"I... I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me. I'm an alpha!" Clarke countered.

"I love you. And you worry about me too. So don't fight me on this."

"I... Fine..."Clarke growled, lowering her head and kissing Lexa's chest protectively.

"I love you Clarke." Lexa relaxed, allowing Clarke to kiss deeper and deeper as she moved up her chest to her neck.

"That's my girl. My Beautiful perfect girl." Clarke praised, climbing over Lexa.

"Alpha..." Lexa purred.

"Your alpha." Clarke corrected.

"My alpha." Lexa agreed, slipping further back In the bed.

"Good girl." Clarke nipped softly at Lexa's neck.

"Ohh… fuck..." Lexa panted, touching herself as she remembered she wanted to talk to Clarke.

"That's right. Feel yourself ache for your alpha." Clarke ordered as Lexa's core flooded instantly.

"I..."

"Thaaaaats it."

"C... Cla… Clarke..." Lexa fought to speak through whimpers.

"Perfect... Just perfect." Clarke delighted in Lexa's moans.

" F... Fuck… fucking… wet..." Lexa admitted, unsure if she wanted to speak or to be silenced.

"Oh, I'm sure you are my dirty girl." Clarke teased, sliding her hand down Lexa's body, towards the wet core covered only by her panties.

"D... Dammit..." Lexa moaned deeply, her hips rising, impatient.

"Awww is my girl desperate to feel my fingers on her aching pussy? To slip inside of you? To catch just the right spot, make you scream!" Clarke whispered the words into Lexa's ear, devouring the aching scent of her lover squirming and squealing as Clarke finished.

"Clarke!" Lexa pleaded.

"That's it. Mhmm, enjoy love." Clarke instructed as she slipped her hand down, catching Lexa's swollen clit, rubbing a soft taunting circle over it before meandering further.

"NOOOOO!" Any facade of self-control Lexa had left was shattered as she shook and begged. "Please! I... My clit! … oh... I... It's swollen and aching! Please! "

"Ohh I know baby." Clarke taunted, rubbing soft circles along Lexa's labia.

"Clarke!" Lexa howled trembling.

"Oh aren't you too adorable when you are wet and begging?"

"I... Ohh… yo... You... You are always. A... Always gonna be my alpha baby." Lexa promised, remembering her goal.

"Oh, of course, I will, and I will always be able to make you scream, just like… this!" Clarke moved her fingers up to pinch around Lexa's clitoral hood, massaging Lexa's clit perfectly.

Lexa screamed perfectly on cue, caught in her lover's touch, wrecked with the need to release, her heart pounding desperate to release.

"You are incredibly sexy when you are on the edge for me." Clarke licked along Lexa's neck.

"Ohhh… y... Y... Yours..." Lexa moaned, eyes half-lidded, allowing herself to drown in the overflowing pleasure of her lover's fingers at her core.

"Do you want to cum?"

"I..." Lexa felt her release inevitably near. "Please..."

"No." Clarke demanded.

"I... I..." Lexa whimpered.

"You aren't allowed to cum until I say you can."

"Clarke!"

"Do you understand?" Clarke pressed.

"Y... Yes, my alpha… I... B... But I need to..." Lexa whined.

"Too bad. Hold it. Hold it like a good little girl." Clarke growled as her dominance went straight to her head, feeling perfect, exquisite and delightful as she felt truly herself.

"Y... Yes m... My alpha." Lexa cried, screaming as her body demanded relief.

"Good girl." Clarke pulled her hand away as a sick smile filled her face.

"C... C… Clarke!" Lexa looked to her alpha confused.

"I love you." Clarke's smile widened.

"I... W... I... What!?" Lexa panted frustrated, wet and confused.

" It's called denial my love."

"I... D... Dewhat now!?" Lexa asked angrily.

"It's me telling you, when you can and when you can not cum." Clarke explained.

"I... I..." Lexa grew flushed beyond the point Clarke thought possible.

"You like?"

"I... I... I'm horny!" Lexa groaned flustered.

"Because of what I did or what I said?" Clarke raised an eyebrow.

"I... B... Both. Yes. I..." Lexa fidgeted, her hands traveling towards her core.

"Bad girl!" Clarke stopped her.

"I... But… I... Wet... I... It hurts baby."

"Mhmm perfect. I like that." Clarke nodded. "Do you? Do you enjoy being wet and aching for me? Incapable... Unallowed to release?"

"I... I..." Lexa looked away.

"Good girl." Clarke praised.

"I... Clarke?" Lexa swallowed down her embarrassment and drowning arousal.

"What's wrong baby?"

"I... I want you to know... To know, that no matter what I will always see you as a strong alpha. My strong alpha." Lexa assured.

"I know baby." Clarke dismissed.

"No… really... I... I did a lot of thinking as to why you feel so scared submitting."

"Lexa... Yes… it is that. But it's more. That... It isn't me. It's not what I want to be. it isn't who I am. I..." Clarke paused, Lexa listening eager to understand. "I don't feel like I'm me when I'm being submissive. I... Sometimes. Sometimes it's ok. Sometimes I don't hate it. Sometimes I can enjoy you caring for me and being dominant. But most of the time it feels like I'm betraying who I am. It just makes me feel wrong." Clarke expounded.

"I love you. And I won't lie. I don't completely understand. But I don't need to. I love you. And all I need is for my alpha to be happy." Lexa replied, bearing her heart, holding her lover's hand.

"I love you baby." Clarke smiled.

"I'm sorry. I... Even just taking in your scent now, and knowing what I do about pregnancy… I can't imagine how hard that will actually be on you." Lexa shied away from Clarke's eyes scared.

"Yes. I... It is scary. But… I love you."

"You don't have to do this. I..." Lexa grabbed the plan b pills from the nightstand. "I bought these for a reason. I mean it. I support you. I support your decision."

"I know love." Clarke closed Lexa's hand around the packaging. "I made my decision. I love you."

"I love you too Clarke. Thank you."

"But. You are gonna be suffering a lot of denial. Mhmm at least if you wanna be a good girl." Clarke teased.

"I... I..." Lexa blushed. "I think I might be ok with that."

End of chapter 17


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"Thank fucking god." Raven sighed exiting her third exam of the day, wiping the sweat from her brow and finally turning her phone back on. Raven initially put her phone back in her pocket, sitting down on a nearby bench as she pulled out her backpack, looking for her water bottle and her suppressant pills. She hadn't taken full doses since she met Octavia. She had only been taking enough to ensure it would prevent any accidental pregnancies. Raven turned the container around in her hand reflecting on the talk she had with her alpha the night before. Raven waited, staring the pills down as if they would give her some definite answers, to lead her to what she should do. The weight of the choice held heavy on her symbolic of much more than just take the pill or don't. It was the decision as to whether or not she was ready to move on in her life. College was almost over. Christmas was coming and after she would only have one more semester until graduation, not to mention that if they left by new years she and Clarke could get out of their lease... Assuredly not with their security deposit after this weekend, however.

Raven's deep concentration was broken by her phone all but literally exploding with messages and phone calls. "Hmm!? Oh, Octavia! "Raven perked up excited to hear from her alpha and to inform her that it was time to go home. Raven pulled out her phone flipping it in her hand happily unlocking it.

5:48 pm

2 Text messages: Octavia Blake

6 text messages: Clarke Griffin

Facebook message: Clarke Griffin

5 Missed calls: Octavia Blake, Clarke Griffin

2 Voicemails: Clarke Griffin

"ooh lordy. What'd Clarke do this time?" Raven braced herself unlocking her screen and checking Clarke's messages.

Raven!

Raven! I need my friend to talk to!

Call me!

Fuck exams! Sorry!

Haha sorry! I know you were pissed I didn't have any. But you know I suffered finishing final projects over the past two weeks.

Well. You should be getting out soon. I. I'm sorry. But. I need you to tell me if I have my head on straight and it is kinda a time-sensitive issue.

"Oh god... Clarke, what did you do?" Raven sighed, hitting the call button worried as she got comfy on her bench not expecting this to be quick.

The phone rung startlingly loud as Clarke stroked up and down at Lexa's swollen cock, precum leaking readily as Lexa pleaded, whimpers drowning out all of her own thoughts bar the recurring mental scream that consumed her mind NEED TO CUM! IT HURTS!

"Aww, baby. You really wanna cum don't you?" Clarke lifted her lips from Lexa's swollen perked and aching nipple.

"F... F... Fuck..." Lexa panted, her cock and pussy drenched, core impossibly tight, desperate for relief.

"Now I have a phone call. If I leave you here will you be a good girl and resist the urge to touch?" Clarke teased.

"Y... Y... Yes... Yes, mistress." Lexa nodded broken, deep in subspace.

"Good girl." Clarke slapped Lexa's tight beautifully aching breast, causing Lexa to scream almost spilling over the edge.

"Ohhh..." Lexa whimpered, melting into bed, whole body pulsating and sensitive, constantly at risk of tipping over even without stimulation if she wasn't careful.

"Very good girl" Clarke added grabbing her phone and walking out of the room to speak with Raven.

"Pick up pick up pick up." Raven urged the dial tone.

"Raven!" Clarke cheered into the phone hearing the last 'pick up'.

"What happened? Are you ok?" Raven pushed worried.

"I... Mhmm yeah, I'm great!" Clarke mused thinking of Lexa moaning and desperate.

"Clarke. You left me… eight messages! During my exams! I thought you were dying or something!" Raven groaned disappointed with herself for not knowing better.

"Well depending on your perspective, it is a life and death issue." Clarke's tone changed incredibly more serious.

"I... Fuck... Is everything ok!?"

"I... So... I went back to Lexa after I left yesterday." Clarke began.

"Well duh, where else is a person on their cycle gonna go." Raven rolled her eyes.

"I... Fair." Clarke admitted. "And... She offered me plan b. To end it. As a sign of support."

"Clarke! I understand If you wanna do it, and it's your choice! But... Don't do it just cause it isn't the exact way you wanted to have a kid!" Raven interrupted.

"I... Well, I didn't." Clarke replied snide and shocked.

"I'm sorry. I know it isn't my place."

"It isn't!" Clarke snapped.

"I'm sorry." Raven echoed exhausted.

"I... It's ok. I... What do you mean not the ' exact way I wanted '" Clarke questioned.

"I mean you have wanted to be a mom since you were four Clarke." Raven's voice sincere and concerned.

"I... What the hell are you talking about!?"

"Clarke. I know you never liked to admit it. But I know you know it too. Until you presented you were so gung ho about having children when you were older. You always wanted to sire little ones! You wrote a whole page paper on wanting to have four kids when you grow up in kindergarten!"

"I was in kindergarten!" Clarke yelled back.

"So you admit it!?"

"I. I wanted to sire children Raven!"

"Exactly!" Raven cheered! "You want to be a mom!"

"I wanted to be a mom! Presenting as an omega changed all that!" Clarke's voice finally showing how deep the wound ran as it trembled.

"Clarke."

"No Raven! No!" Clarke asserted. "It isn't! It isn't the same!"

"No Clarke. But it is incredibly similar. Nine months, forty weeks. After that, it is the exact same. You will still be a mommy and still an alpha Clarke. And I know how much a part of you wants that. No matter how hard you have worked to silence that part of you." Raven argued.

"Well. I messaged and called to ask if you think I'm crazy to keep it... I didn't take the pills. They are still resting on Lexa's nightstand." Clarke admitted. "But... Uugh... I guess I know where you stand."

"Clarke I love you to death. I'm sorry if I upset you. But I felt like you needed to hear it." Raven soothed.

"I know... But... I... Raven... Are you sure I'm doing this for the right reasons?"

"Do you want to be a mom?"

"Of course I do… I've always wanted to be a mom..."

"You know your answer hun." Raven noted.

"I love you too hun." Clarke returned.

"Now... Don't you have an alpha to return to?" Raven giggled.

"Oh my god! Did you know if an alpha gets horny enough they can grow their cock even when not in their rut!?" Clarke yelled hushed into the phone, excited by the news.

"Just couldn't go a whole… three days without her cock could you?" Raven teased.

"Oh come on like you aren't gonna try it Tonight!" Clarke teased.

"Fair point fair point" Raven agreed.

"Well, night night." Clarke offered a goodbye.

"Ohh wait wait wait!" Raven interrupted.

"What wrong?" Clarke stopped before hanging up.

"I... So I was talking to Octavia... And. She was wondering if we wanted to move out? And get a place together. Potentially with her, me, you, and Lexa. Octavia suggested we try to find a duplex." Raven pitched.

"Hmm. You wanna move out?"

"Well if we don't well be stuck in our current lease another year. Honestly, when Octavia first pitched it she asked me to move in with her… I said I couldn't leave you with everything that's going on going on. But… Clarke. I still need you too. So whatever you wanna do. We will do that ok?" Raven offered.

"Of course Raven. I'm here for you too hun." Clarke comforted into the phone. "I will talk to Lexa. See you at home tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Thanks Clarke." Raven sighed.

"You ok?"

"Scared. I... Everything is changing..." soft whimpers of fear escaped Raven.

"Hey... It's gonna be ok. I promise. And I'm sure Octavia would agree." Clarke calmed a soft reassuring voice.

"Thanks. Hey, I just saw Octavia's car. I will talk to you later ok hun?"

"Have a good night Raven. Talk to you later." Clarke hung up as she returned to her lover. "Hey baby?" Clarke opened the door slowly seeing Lexa, still hard as a rock, eyes half lidded, face contorted in aching pleasure in bed.

"I... Ohh... Clarke... I... It hurts. Please." Lexa whimpered

"I love when you are caught up in bed aching like that." Clarke mused.

"I... Fuck... I… it won't go down baby..." Lexa whimpered.

"You were rock hard." Clarke smiled.

"It's still so swollen, softer but I'm still aching to cum." Lexa replied.

"Perfect. Now don't touch. Let it go down, mhmm I want you to be constantly drenched, so close constantly aching." Clarke smiled relaxing in bed. "Wanna watch tv?"

"I... I..." Lexa whimpered, further aroused and having a hard time unwinding.

"Good girl." Clarke made herself comfy as she clicked on the tv.

"What the hell have I agreed to..." Lexa shivered, curling up into Clarke a deliciously soaked hard and aching alpha.

Raven ran off to the familiar car, opening the door and hopping in eagerly. "Hey love!" Raven hugged Octavia before putting on her seatbelt.

"Hey love." Octavia replied back, kissing her omega.

"Heed you know when I got out?" Octavia tilted her head as she buckled up.

"You told me two weeks ago that you had three exams today and the times of them all, and I set an alarm to remind me when to pick you up that night."

"Aww. I love you baby." Raven grabbed one of Octavia's hands tight and held it. "I love you too." Octavia squeezed back. "I knew my omega needed me."

"You are perfect."

"No. I just love my girl."

"S... So... I... I didn't take my suppressants today. Not even the reduced dose I normally take." Raven lead.

"Are you sure?" Octavia paused. "Are you sure you wanna do this?"

"Yeah. Clarke can't be the only pregnant one."

"I love you. I'm so excited."

"We can provide for a little one right?" Raven paused scared.

"Well, your internship from this summer turned into a post-graduation job offer right?" Octavia reminded.

"Yeah."

"And with my income… The gym has been doing well." Octavia pushed out her chest proud.

"You think we can do it?" Raven double checked.

"I'm sure we can love." Octavia assured.

"Thank you baby." Raven purred, holding close to her alpha, eyes growing heavy on the car ride home.

End of chapter 18


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"I... Uugh... Clarke?" Lexa questioned as she woke, her core painfully tight.

"Mhmm, you smell good..."Clarke purred, pleased, rubbing her cheek against Lexa's warm chest in the cold morning air. "You feel good." Clarke added, wrapping her legs around one of Lexa's and pulling the covers above her shoulder.

"F... Fuck..." Lexa groaned, Clarke's pleased scent not doing anything to help her arousal abate. "C... Clarke..." Lexa whimpered.

"You really think I don't notice?" Clarke slipped her hand down, wrapping it around Lexa.

'Clarke!" Lexa cried out, bucking up into Clarke's hand.

"That's it baby. Hmm, I like the idea of making you edge first thing in the morning."

"I... Ohh... That feels really good baby." Lexa moaned, rolling her hips as Clarke stroked at her.

"Good. I'm glad. Now tell me when you get close." Clarke instructed.

"I... I already am." Lexa groaned feeling her cock overly sensitive, each and every inch of Clarke's touch perfect and delightful.

"No. tell me when you think even one more second will push you over, when your cock is just about to spray your perfect seed all over yourself like a bad girl. Understand?" Clarke clarified. "I... Fuck... Ok. D... Damn. Baby... I... You..." Lexa had trouble with words.

"That's right love when you feel too good to form words baby." Clarke praised.

Lexa writhed, moaning, so close as Clarke pumped her length perfectly, her pace picking up. "F... F... Fuck! C... Close!" Lexa howled.

"Good girl." Clarke praised, pulling her hand back suddenly.

Lexa's jaw opened slowly as she released a belabored grunting moan, feeling something of a spark in her loin before it died out and her arousal spiked once more, feeling an abnormally large amount of precum leak down her painfully sensitive shaft. "F... F... F... Fuck... Happened..." Lexa moaned, her chest pounding, heart... Aching in an in an entirely unfamiliar way.

"You ok love?" Clarke checked under the covers to confirm her suspicion. "Ohh fuck... Baby..." Clarke sighed. "Someone didn't tell me fast enough."

"I..." Lexa felt a tear fall down the side of her face, confused by the rush of overwhelming emotions.

"Oh… baby." Clarke whimpered feeling bad for the alpha unintentionally experiencing her first ruin. "It's gonna be ok. I'm here." Clarke assured, looking to Lexa, wrapping her arms around the crying woman.

"I. Wh... What's happening? Why am I crying!?" Lexa questioned confused.

"It's ok. I'm here." Clarke wiped the tears from Lexa's Face. "I... You ruined."

"R... Ruined? Ruined what?" Lexa sniffled.

"I... Well, I guess technically I ruined your orgasm. But... Same thing." Clarke kissed Lexa's chest trying to calm her emotions.

"I… love you." Lexa held to Clarke.

"I'm here. I'm sorry. Are you ok?"

"I... Feel... Really weird."

"Hormones can go a little crazy when you ruin, so do emotions."

"I... Yeah... Sounds about right." Lexa agreed, calming down as her erection finally subsided.

"Is it getting better?"

"Yeah... But... I'm not sure I wanna do this anymore Clarke."

"Ok. Done. We won't do denial ever again. I'm sorry." Clarke declared immediately.

"I... I'm sorry love. I know you enjoyed it."

"No no no! Lexa. I love you. Yes, I did enjoy it. But I'm fine. I care about you. I love you." Clarke corrected.

"Thank you baby." Lexa cooed, relaxing and holding Clarke closer.

"I… speaking of which… umm... I talked to Raven last night." Clarke built up.

"Yes?"

"And… she... She mentioned that she and Octavia were… well, they were thinking, and they wanted to know if we wanted to find a place... And move in together."

"You wanna move in together?" Lexa giggled slightly in surprise.

"Well. Yeah. And... Like rent should be pretty good cause we would all be sharing a place together. I... I uugh. I admit I kinda looked some places up while you were sleeping. Between the four of us. We'd certainly be able to swing it. we… we would actually save a lot of money, even just from the perspective of someone living in what's pretty much a glorified dorm room." Clarke pitched the idea, supporting it as she did.

"I. I'll think about it love." Lexa retreated into herself.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing love. I... Nothing."

"Lexa?" Clarke pressed.

"I love you."

"Please. Talk to me."

"Clarke... I... I'm going to die in this home. I decided that more than half a decade ago."

"It's beautiful Lexa! This is it! We have to have it!" Costia squealed ecstatic.

"Haha, she has said that about all of the places we have toured." Lexa turned to the realtor as she grabbed Costia, covering her mouth playfully.

"Well do remember this is a very high demand area, and the view is wonderful." the realtor reminded always selling, diligent with her ABC's intent on earning her coffee.

"Give us a minute?" Lexa requested.

"Of course" the realtor walked away leaving them to enjoy.

"Shut up baby, I like this place and each happy word you say, I can see her mentally adding another thousand to her sales fee." Lexa whispered.

"I can't help it Lexa! "Costia smiled. "This is the one."

"You want it?" Lexa giggled softly.

"Lexa... This is the home we will raise our children in Lexa!"

"Oh really? You think this is gonna be the time baby?" Lexa grabbed Costia by her belly, immediately, kneeling down and growling into it. "Are my baby's gonna be growing in here any days now!"

"Hehe maybe if my alpha can get her cock up." Costia giggled.

"That happened one time in high school when I was on painkillers from my wisdom teeth!" Lexa argued angry at first, but giggling too as she saw her Omega's smile.

"I love you Lexa."

"I love you too Costia." Lexa hugged the omega tight. "So?" Lexa stepped back doing a spin. "What exactly is it you like so much about this place?"

"Well, as you know, it is just a couple blocks away from my work, so I can walk in and out every day, you won't have to drive me anymore. It has a beautiful Master bedroom where we can have a huge king bed, mhmm for all the baby making."

"Damn I'm liking it more already."

"It has a study for your work, so when I get home, and you are still stuck at your computer I can sneak up and attack you with kisses!" Costia jumped at Lexa kissing her vigorously.

"I love you."

"it has this wonderful open kitchen, dining room, living room for us to relax in, and for me to do my cooking in, And... Best of all. It has two extra rooms for our children." Costia cheered.

"Oh really?" Lexa leaned back smiling.

"You can't see it?" Costia paused in her tracks.

"I dono." Lexa lied, wanting to see her lover get all excited.

"Uugh fine! Come on!" Costia grabbed Lexa's hand, yanking her and dragging her to the far end of the large apartment.

"This! This will be our daughter's room!" Costia opened the first door. "She will do her homework at a desk right here, she will scream at us for not letting her go out to a party when she is 15 from a bed right here!" Costia envisioned before pulling Lexa to the room adjacent to the one they had just entered. "Now this one! This will be our son's he will be right here when he gets his heart broken for the first time, and we will hug him and tell him it will be OK, that he'll find a new better boy, girl, or person. He'll be right here when he receives his first college acceptance letter."

"So. Do you already have a school picked out for him, or just anywhere that'll take him?" Lexa jokes.

"Hartford of course! A doctor, not just a chef like his mom."

"Oh? Well, I'm glad he has so many choices."

"Oh, Lexa! Come onnn you know I'll be happy with anything as long as they are happy!" Costia groaned.

"Yes yes love." Lexa smiled pleased with herself, hiding her true excitement and overflowing joy with sarcasm and cynicism.

"Come on now!" Costia pulled Lexa once more back to the living/dining room /kitchen. "Over there, I will make breakfasts for you and our babies, plan soccer practice times and PTA meetings, prep goods for bake sales! But that isn't even the best part of this room! This, this is the room our babies will take their first steps, they will learn to crawl, walk, even run in this room! Now, wouldn't you love to wake up in..." Costia sprinted to the master bedroom with Lexa being dragged behind once more. "This room to the sound of little baby feet pitter-pattering out there!?" Costia sighed in awe of the thought.

"That does sound really nice baby." Lexa nodded.

"I love you Lexa. And this is the home we will spend our lives in. Where we will settle down. And live for the rest of our lives. Lexa... We can afford this, we can afford this now, save, give our children a good life, and... Then we can retire comfortably, not worried about the mortgage we closed on years before we retired. And… then we can spend our elder years here together, having big family Thanksgivings, Christmas, everything! Lexa! This could be our home. We could die in this home, together. In our sleep, happy comfortable, holding each other in our sleep as we pass calmly together. Happy." Costia sighed, all the emotions overflowing through her into each and every one of her words filled with love.

"Ok."

"Ok?"

"Ok. We will buy it. We will live here, we will start our family. And I promise we will even die here. Together. In love." Lexa nodded smiling wildly happy to see how happy her omega was.

True to Lexa's word they purchased the home, they had already filled out the mortgage paperwork and the bank was eager to liquidate the property, so they were actually able to move in the same day.

Five years later

"Octavia! Thank you so much! You are amazing! "

"Well... I would have thought you would say that after I was your wife's maid of honor and made sure Costia didn't get cold feet, but sure. No problem."

"Costia had cold feet!?" Lexa looked up from the table she was getting scared.

"No. I wanted to see you squirm tho." Octavia laughed.

"Asshole!" Lexa wanted to throw something but knew it had to all look perfect for her omega.

"Calm down it was just a joke."

"Uugh! You are the worst!"

"Yeah yeah. So? Five years huh?" Octavia looked around at the small romantic night Lexa had planned out for Costia once she got home.

"Yeah. We moved in five years ago to the day." Lexa nodded.

"Well. Guess it's time I head out. She should be walking home by now." Octavia sighed, heading for the door.

"Thank you so much Octavia! I... Never would have been able to cook her favorite meal. She rightfully hates everything I cook." Lexa admitted rushing over to hug her friend.

"Yeah... I'm sorry hun but your cooking does suck. I'm glad I could help tho." Octavia hugged back. "You two have fun tho. And hey. It will happen this time hun. I believe in you two." Octavia wished Lexa a stroke of good luck with the baby making before heading out.

Octavia very unluckily was the one to find Costia that night stabbed several times, bleeding out in the streets over the money in her wallet. Octavia first called 911 and then Lexa who arrived before the ambulance. She died before midnight the next day, leaving the two of them alone, Leaving Lexa to mourn, to wonder, what was she to do now with the home they decided to die in together, what do do with it but die in it herself, alone.

End of chapter 19

Author's note: so I'm really happy with this chapter. It was a challenge to start but I found a grove in the flashbacks, and knowing what would happen I actually started crying halfway through I was so invested In Lexa/Costia. Also, I totally didn't expect the end to be such a gut punch until I got there.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"Lexa what the hell are you talking about!?" Clarke recoiled, sitting up in bed.

"I am going to die in this home Clarke." Lexa answered calmly.

"And so you've just made this decision for me?!" Clarke glared.

"No. I'm just informing you of the decision I've made for myself. Clarke I love you, and you are welcome to move in here if you wish. But I will not be leaving this home." Lexa explained.

"And if I don't wanna move in here?" Clarke tested.

"Then I won't force you to move in here." Lexa answered quizzically.

"So what I just can't live with my alpha unless if I move in here?" Clarke pushed more.

"I mean... I guess? I love you. But... I'd much prefer if you moved in here." Lexa paused looking inwardly.

"Well, I'm glad you've left me such choice in the matter!" Clarke struck verbally.

"Clarke I love you, and this isn't about you!" Lexa replied more angerly than she intended.

"Fine then! Maybe I should just go back home. Cause I certainly don't feel all that welcome here anymore!" Clarke snapped back, stepping out of bed and grabbing her clothes.

"Clarke!" Lexa tried to stop her, frustrated.

"I love you Lexa, but I need some time to think." Clarke looked away, on some level knowing her choices were wrong on some level, but she was hurting, crestfallen and frustrated by the alpha's immediate dismissal.

"Fine then. Just run away the second an argument starts." Lexa hissed, getting out of bed as well, hastily throwing on her clothes.

"What!?" Clarke turned to Lexa shocked by what she heard.

"Clarke have you ever actually stayed and talked to me when you get upset instead of running?"

"I... I..."

"Yeah. So go on. Runoff, just like you did after our first night, after I outrageously wanted you to consider keeping our baby, and now like you will when I tell you I don't want to move out of my beautiful home I purchased with my dead wife!" Lexa elaborated, tired and frustrated, but not yelling.

"I... I what!?" Clarke snarled furious with Lexa because she knew there was something to what she was saying.

"I'll be cooking. What do you want for lunch? Or will it be dinner by the time you get back?" Lexa teased scathingly. "I..." Clarke huffed wordless as she dropped the clothes in her arms.

"What cat got your tongue? Or just lose your panties?" Lexa questioned, throwing the pair of panties she found next to her side of the bed back at Clarke.

"No. You are right. I... I run. I always run." Clarke admitted.

"Oh, fancy? New trick staying this time?" Lexa scoffed, coldly hiding her own hurt.

"Lexa." Clarke tried to reach her.

"I'm still gonna start cooking. You have fun staying or running off or whatever tho." Lexa sighed, trying not to cry thinking of what Costia would say about her acting in this way.

"Lexa. Please." Clarke requested.

"Please what Clarke!? What do you want?"

"I... Talk to me."

"Talk to you? And what exactly is it you want me to say!? That I have since the day I stepped foot in this apartment known that I would live the rest of my life in this home!? That I made a promise to the woman I loved that we would die here together, and that I've now failed her on that, that this Is all I have left of her!? That I gave the most wonderful woman in the world seven years of my life and Now she is gone, and this home is all I have left!" Lexa began crying, her back still to the other alpha.

"You don't love me like you did her." Clarke stumbled backward, falling to the ground.

"Clarke, stop overreacting." Lexa dismissed.

"No... It makes perfect sense... I'm not an omega, not like her. How could you ever love me the way you did her." Clarke forfeited.

"Clarke you can't believe that!"

"It's the truth, isn't it?" Clarke shook in fear.

"Clarke." Lexa wiped away her own tears, turning to see the true pain Clarke was enduring.

"I... You don't love me."

"Yes, I do Clarke. Of course, I love you." Lexa rushed to Clarke's side. "Clarke." Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke. "I... I'm sorry I'm not enough." Clarke whimpered.

"No! Don't you ever dare think that!" Lexa screamed.

"I am!" Clarke yelled back.

"No, you are not! Clarke! I love you!"

"I... I..."

"Clarke I loved her. But that doesn't mean I don't love you. I can love the two of you."

"I love you too Lexa." Clarke sniffled, hurting, but realizing Lexa didn't mean any of what she said to be hurtful.

"I do love you Clarke. nothing will ever change that."

"I'm sorry I was going to run away."

"It's ok love. I... It kinda sounds like that is just what you are used to." Lexa sighed.

"I... A little bit." Clarke nodded.

"Are you ok baby?" Lexa asked worriedly.

"I... I will be. I'm sorry baby. I... Are you ok?"

"I... Yeah. But... I think I have something to show you." Lexa outstretched her hand for Clarke.

"W... What is it?" Clarke lifted her head, sniffling as she wiped away tears. "I... I just need to show you something. I... I think I'm ready." Lexa explained.

"O... Ok baby." Clarke nodded as she stood up with Lexa who took her to the other side of the apartment, opening a door Clarke didn't even know Lexa had. "W... Where are we going?"

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time baby." Lexa answered, leading Clarke to the second half of the apartment containing the true master bedroom and the room Lexa once called a study. "This... This is the other half of my apartment."

"Fuck Lexa! It's huge! I... I knew your place was nice, but... DAMN..." Clarke cursed shocked when she saw the master bedroom looking out upon the city.

"I haven't been in this room since the week she died. I tried to sleep in the bed we had shared for a couple nights after she died. But... Our bed smelled too much like her. I... I couldn't do it. So... I sealed it up. It and my old study. I... I don't use it anymore."

"Are you ok?" Clarke asked again.

"I... I loved this room. I never planned to go back into it until I was ready to die."

"Do we need to leave this half of your house?" Clarke ran a hand along Lexa's back.

"I… I'm Fine. I will need to get used to this half of the house." Lexa sighed.

"Why's that?"

"Because. I'm gonna ask Raven and Octavia to move in with us." Lexa explained.

"W... What the hell?!"

"Well... I have the room. You wanted to move in with them, this is almost certainly bigger than whatever you three could afford." Lexa reasoned, even if how she had phrased it was a little presumptuous.

"And you would be ok with this?!"

"I... I love you. And Octavia is my best friend."

"I love you too. I… Thank you baby" Clarke hugged Lexa tight.

"Try the bed." Lexa giggled.

"What?" Clarke tilted her head confused.

"Try it. You will like it."

"O... Ok?" Clarke moved towards the other bed and crawled atop it, immediately purring as she slipped under the covers. "Ohh fuck... This is wonderful... Ohh this is my nest now and you have to ask permission to enter it!" Clarke declared, rolling around in the most perfect California king bed.

"Oh really?" Lexa chuckled.

"Yess… mhmm, it smells good too."

"Yeah, your alpha spent five dozen ruts in that bed. I'm certain you like the scent. Plus! You aren't even far enough along to crave a nest." Lexa realized.

"Too bad, mine!" Clarke giggled.

"Uugh whatever... I... I'm gonna go check the other room. It... It's been a long time since I was in there."

"You said it was your study right?"

"Yeah."

"So... What'd you study? Come to think of it... I never see you go to work... What the hell do you do?" Clarke questioned shocked she hadn't learned prior.

"I... I was a writer. I sold a book when I was younger and I made enough money that I could afford the down payment on this place, and health and life insurance for me and Costia… we figured we would want our kids to be well taken care of If anything bad happened to us. So we got sizeable life insurance policies. I... When she died... I had no reason to write anymore, no need to provide, and no muse." Lexa explained.

"Wait... So... You just don't do anything?"

"I... I cook. I spent the last two years since she died learning to cook."

"Huh?"

"I... Costia was a chef. And. I couldn't cook for my life. But... After she died. I started learning to cook. To feel close to her."

"You... You are quite the loving woman, aren't you... Once someone has your heart... You'll never take it back, will you?"

"No. I won't. And you have it baby. So... Do me a favor ok?" Lexa approached the bed, slipping in it with Clarke.

"What's that baby?"

"Don't go and die on me love."

End of chapter 20

Author's note: So. Not many of you may know, but there is a sister story to this one. This is a story of a trans alpha, and I have another about a trans omega that is for the Supergirl series. Just a heads up in case you like this type of thing.

you like this type of thing.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"So." Clarke breathed in deep preparing herself to leave, knowing she would miss her alpha. "Looks like I'm off."

"I love you baby." Lexa kissed Clarke.

"Mhmm, I... fuck, I am gonna miss that."

"Well, it will be waiting right here whenever you are done with Raven." Lexa offered.

"You know… I might need you to pick me up." Clarke trailed two fingers down Lexa's chest.

"Oh really? Why is that?" Lexa quivered as Clarke's fingers traced over her belly.

"Well... I might be moving in next time I come here." Clarke turned her hand and grabbed at Lexa's sex

"I... oh fuck. Yes, I would like that. M...my bed is your bed…" Lexa whimpered.

"I like that." Clarke purred pulling her hand back.

"Should I start moving back into the other side of my apartment?" Lexa asked timid.

"I... I'm not sure yet. But... I will tell you when I find out." Clarke smiled before heading out.

"Hello" Clarke sang entering her home.

"Hey Clarke. Raven is napping, I'm making her dinner for when she wakes." Octavia replied, stirring the hearty stew.

"Did Lexa teach you to cook?" Clarke giggled.

"Huh? Did she teach me to cook?" Octavia huffed.

"What'd I do?" Clarke questioned.

"You know she used to have me teach her? When Costia was off being sous chef and then head chef at the place down the street from them Lexa had me sneak in and try to teach her. She was hopeless." Octavia reminisced.

"What? I don't believe you. Lexa said something about being a bad cook before..." Clarke couldn't say it.

"Before her wife died."

"I... yeah. But, she is a great cook now! I don't believe that she could have been that bad." Clarke shook her head in disbelief.

"Well she was, the woman could barely cook anything without setting off all the smoke alarms in the building. But... she has cooked nonstop for the past two years. I… I know it's her way of connecting with Costia. I... honestly sometimes I wish I had something I could do to feel close to her like that." Octavia lamented her missing friend, the bloodstained images burned into her brain, her best friend stabbed and bleeding out in the street, left alone to die.

"Are you ok?" Clarke rested a hand on Octavia's shoulder, the cooking alpha with her back to Clarke.

"I... I miss my friend Clarke. Losing someone is hard." Octavia admitted.

"I understand. I... I lost my father years ago." Clarke hugged Octavia from behind. "It gets better."

"Thanks Clarke." Octavia smiled softly.

"Well... I... I do have something that might help... or at least help you feel closer to her?"

"Hmm? How?" Octavia spun around to look to Clarke.

"Well, Raven mentioned that you two wanted to move in together, but that she didn't wanna leave me alone. And we talked about the four of us moving in together..." Clarke began.

"Yeah, but what does that have to do with Costia?"

"Hang on! I'm getting there! I spoke to Lexa… and she said she wasn't interested in ever leaving her apartment. She wants to live there for the rest of her life. That she wanted to 'die in that house'."

"Wait, slow your roll. She said what now?" Octavia stopped Clarke.

"She said she didn't wanna move out. It was kinda a big argument for a hot minute but we figured it out." Clarke sighed relieved.

"Lexa? Your Lexa? The Lexa who eye fucked you in the bar last week?" Octavia questioned.

"Oh wow, that was the last time you were in the same room with us wasn't it?" Clarke giggled surprised.

"Yes. I... uugh I'm calling that dumb alpha, watch the stew ok?"

"Only if I get to taste it!" Clarke bargained.

"Whatever, I need to go yell at your alpha." Octavia grumbled.

"Ok. Have fun!" Clarke ignored, leaping at the stew to taste the Divine smelling concoction.

Octavia flipped her phone on, calling Lexa immediately as she stepped out of the apartment into the hallway. "What the hell is wrong with you!?"

"Wow love you too friendo?" Lexa countered.

"You want to die in that house? You want to die in that house my ass!"

"I... how'd you know I said that?"

"Umm because it's the same words you said to me when I came to see you in the hospital, half alive! And that isn't something your alpha just adlibs, she was quoting you." Octavia yelled angrily.

"I... O... I didn't know." Lexa sighed, realizing that she had scared Octavia.

"What the hell is going on with you?! Do I need to drag your ass back to grief counseling!?"

"No, no. I'm fine I promise." Lexa assured.

"Well!? What's going on then? Because last time we talked about this you were ready to leave the home that felt haunted to you. The house you had me help seal off half of for you."

"I opened it again." Lexa spoke softly, immediately garnering Octavia's attention.

"H... how was it? Are you ok?"

" Yes. I... it was kinda nice in a way. I... I had Clarke there with me. I...it made it a lot easier. It made... made me feel strong and safe as I went back to that side." Lexa worked her way through her explanation slowly.

"I'm Glad. You deserve that closure Lexa." Octavia smiled.

"Yeah... I... I'm actually moving into my old room now. I forgot how nice that bed was."

"Geez Lexa. I... I mean congratulations. That is really big. What... what changed?"

"Clarke changed me. She made me remember what it was like to love instead of lose. I! It reminded me of the happy times. It made me not want to lose this... this home I shared with her for half a decade. I... I wanna keep it. To cherish what I have left of her as I proceed in my life with Clarke." Lexa explained.

"I... well you have really thought about this huh?" Octavia admitted.

"Yes. I have" Lexa agreed.

"I... I'm glad you are ok." Octavia sighed.

"I'm glad you are such a caring friend." Lexa teased.

"I... I was worried about you."

"I'm sorry. That wasn't my goal when I told Clarke to offer for you three to move in."

"You offered what now!?" Octavia choked on air.

"Oh fuck she didn't tell you?" Lexa groaned.

"N...no! I-"

"Octavia!" Clarke popped her head out of the apartment. "It's boiling and smoking, I took it off the heat, but... I might have been a bit late?" Clarke winced.

"I... fuck! I'll call you later Lexa." Octavia hung up. "Grr, Clarke!"

"Sorry! You didn't tell me to lower the heat!" Clarke defended.

"I know. I'm sorry I'm just..." Octavia trailed off, rushing in to save the food. "Hey? O? You ok?" Clarke questioned.

"I... just. Stressed." Octavia ignored, prodding at the stew, sniffing at it. "Clarke? Did it burn or simmer?"

"Huh?"

"You are an even more hopeless cook than Lexa was aren't you?" Octavia relaxed.

"I... I can make microwave Mac N cheese!" Clarke argued. "Most of the time…"

"Yup... hopeless." Octavia sighed relieved her food was fine. "You two are perfect together."

"Aww, thanks!" Clarke cheered

"Not a compliment" Octavia mouthed to herself.

"So... we were wondering... cause you suggested the four of us moving in together..." Clarke began again.

"I'll talk to Raven. But yeah. It seems like a good idea. I've covered that apartment since Costia and Lexa first showed it to me, so I'm all for it." Octavia answered.

"I... how'd you know?" Clarke tilted her head.

"Lexa told me a bit. Kinda spoiled your surprise."

"Oh..." Clarke deflated.

"Surprise?" Raven wiped the sand from her eyes as she entered the kitchen where her friend and alpha stood.

"Raven!" Clarke cheered, tackle-hugging her friend.

"Hey hey! Be careful! I just woke up and I still have a bad leg remember?" Raven reminded having a hard time keeping her balance.

"I... oh yeah, sorry. I... forget sometimes." Clarke admitted a hint of guilt obvious.

"It's ok" Raven patted Clarke's shoulder understandingly.

"I... I am sorry." Clarke repeated.

"Hey. Chill. It's ok." Raven emphasized.

"I... ok."

"Hey! Stews ready!" Octavia broke the awkwardness, pulling bowls down from the cabinets.

"Oh is that the surprise!? It smells great! Thank you my alpha!"

"Nope, I will let Clarke tell you the surprise." Octavia denied, doling out hefty servings for the three of them.

"So? What the hell is going on?" Raven yawned, picking a seat and shimmying in her fluffy pajamas, happy to have them in the winter's cold.

"Too cute." Octavia cooed, dropping a bowl in front of her Omega and kissing her gently.

"I love you baby." Raven kissed back.

"So? Clarke?" Octavia placed her own bowl and slid one to Clarke.

"Yes! So. You wanted the four of us to move in together? Yes?" Clarke reminded.

"Yeah, I... well yeah, I just figured it would be really nice, and it would be a good stepping stone for us." Raven agreed.

"Well, Lexa invited us to move in with her. She has the room, frankly, it would be quite an upgrade for all of us except for Lexa."

"Huh!" Octavia huffed "she would be the one getting the biggest upgrade! She gets to sleep in the same bed as her pregnant mate!"

"I... you know?" Clarke's eyes shot open.

"Oh please, even if Raven hadn't mentioned it to me, your scent reeks of it." Octavia laughed.

"I... well maybe I should take my scent and eat in my room?" Clarke picked up her bowl and walked away.

"O." Raven glared.

"What?!" Octavia contested.

"She is sensitive about that!" Raven whispered.

"About what?" Octavia scooped a spoonful of stew into her mouth nonchalant.

"Octavia!" Raven snapped.

"What?" O dropped her spoon.

"Octavia I love you, but sometimes you can be a little dull."

"What is the problem love?" Octavia sighed.

"Clarke hates her natural scent. Having a fellow alpha address it like that hurt her." Raven explained.

"I didn't do anything Raven." Octavia dismissed.

"Octavia. You don't always need to in order to hurt someone."

"I..." Octavia huffed confused but knowing Raven was right. "I'll go talk to her."

"Thank you."

"Clarke?" Octavia asked as she knocked on the alpha's door.

"What!?" Clarke hissed, her mouth full.

"Can I come in?"

"No."

"I. Coming in." Octavia groaned pretending to not have heard Clarke.

"I said no!" Clarke yelled from her desk chair.

"Can I sit down?" Octavia requested.

"No!" Clarke fought just to fight.

"I'm sorry." Octavia apologized sitting down on Clarke's bed without permission.

"I... didn't expect that." Clarke admitted.

"Look, Clarke. You are my omega's best friend, and i- is that a hole in your wall!?" Octavia noticed.

"I... yeah it was a bad day a and... that happened." Clarke admitted.

"Well first of as a part of my apology please let me fix that for you."

"I... thanks." Clarke sighed.

"Look. I am the first to admit, I don't know everything about the whole trans thing. But I do care about you. Raven is my omega, and I know she sees you as a long lost sister. And that she is happy to have you back in her life after what happened back then." Octavia attempted to bridge build and soothe their occasionally somewhat tense relationship.

"Octavia... Do you see me as an alpha or a-"

"Of course! I'm not super educated, but I'm not an asshole!" Octavia snarled.

"Or, a trans alpha?" Clarke finished.

"I... what do you mean? How are they different?" Octavia squinted.

"Am I a normal alpha to you or just a trans alpha?" Clarke posted the question, knowing it was phrased more than a tad tricky.

"I… well Clarke, you are trans dynamic." Octavia answered. "So... a trans alpha"

"No O. I am an alpha who happens to be trans. Not a trans alpha.

"I... ok, well whatever your an alpha."

"No! Not whatever. This is who I honestly this has always been the reason I've been apprehensive around you. I never got the feeling you really saw me as an alpha. And I'm not sure we should live in the same home until you see me as who I am, A True Alpha."

End of chapter 21


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

"I'm not doing it Raven, I'm not living with her if she isn't going to see me as I am!" Clarke argued, stuffing her clothes into a suitcase.

"Look I know she isn't perfect but she means well and she cares about you." Raven sat in Clarke's desk chair after having sent Octavia out to get some groceries to talk to Clarke alone.

"Raven. You know it isn't that I just hate her right?"

"Yes. I know" Raven agreed.

"I... it's... just... I can't live with that. It will get in my head and mess with me if I have someone in my home who I know doesn't quite see me as I am. I... it will kill me a little bit every day!" Clarke explained.

"I know. But... I don't really think you gave her a very fair chance." Raven argued.

"I... you aren't wrong. But..." Clarke paused, frustrated.

"Look, she will be back any minute now. Give me a chance, let me talk to her. I want us all to be able to be happy together. If we can't be then we shouldn't live together. But I really think we can." Raven hoped.

"Raven! I am not interested in being reminded that there are so many people who don't see me as who I am just cause I go to get a cup of coffee in the morning, especially if I'm getting that coffee in my own home!" Clarke protested, still packing, moving to the second suitcase.

"What's more important to you? Living with your best friend or not living with your best friend's alpha?" Raven paused.

"Raven... that isn't fair"

"I... I know. It isn't. But now I have to choose between my alpha and my best friend!"

"I... I... fine." Clarke allowed.

"You'll let me talk to her?" Raven smiled.

"I will let you talk to her. And if! If she gets it then I'll consider it." Clarke allowed.

"I love you Clarke!" Raven hopped up and hugged the alpha

"Yeah yeah." Clarke's demeanor swayed drastically as she felt her friend hug her." I'm sorry that... that my being this is fucking with our lives."

"Clarke… I... this isn't your fault. Like I said... I understand. I... look Octavia surprised me most of all by being as knowledgeable and politically correct as she was the night she introduced you to Lexa and didn't share your secret. I... she isn't the most experienced in it all. And she does mean well. However, I know that can still hurt." Raven empathized as the front door could be heard opening.

"Thank you. I really appreciate it." Clarke cooed.

"I'm gonna go talk to her. Don't leave just yet ok?"

"Yeah yeah, go get that alpha." Clarke dismissed.

"love ya!" Raven ran off and began to help Octavia with the groceries.

"She calm the fuck down yet?!" Octavia grumbled.

"O." Raven sighed, giving her a look.

"No! Raven, I'm not wrong!" Octavia insisted.

"I... I" Raven thought her words out carefully. "I... Octavia..." Raven looked down to her leg, remembering how she felt returning to school after… remembering how she hated being looked at no longer as Raven, but the hobbled girl, the cripple, the girl who got shot. The knowledge of how to explain to her alpha setting in.

"No! I'm not giving in on this! I care about her and I have been nothing but respectful! She just wants something to be mad about." Octavia insisted, shuffling groceries away irritatedly.

"Octavia..." Raven's voice weak and timid." Do you see me as a cripple because of my leg?"

"I... what the hell are you talking about? W... what does this have to do with anything!? And no! Of course not!" Octavia threw the groceries down outraged.

"I... and if someone did? Did just see me for that aspect of who I am? Despite the fact that I am a whole human, more than just my injury? And what if I had told them that hurt me? That I don't want to be seen as just that part of myself. But they ignored that?" Raven posed.

"I, I'd fucking kill them!" Octavia growled.

"Well... that's what you just did to Clarke."

"I... no! I. N...not the." Octavia sighed.

"You know it is." Raven reminded.

"Fuck!" Octavia cursed grabbing one of the shopping bags, a different color than the rest and storming off to Clarke's room.

"What the hell?" Clarke yelled as Octavia barged in.

"Your an alpha! I'm an asshole! Alphas should know how to fix walls." Octavia grunted throwing the home Depot bag at Clarke who was still packing.

"I... what?"

"I'm an asshole. Your an alpha. I'm wrong. Happy?" Octavia growled.

"I..."

"I'm not gonna say it again, wouldn't want Raven gettin any ideas like I actually know the words I'm wrong or something." Octavia joked trying to warm the icy room.

"I... thanks." Clarke smiled.

"Thank Raven... she is the one that made me realize it. I'm sorry. I... I didn't mean to hurt you. But. I think I get it."

"I... I really appreciate it." Clarke nodded.

"So. Let's teach you how to fix this up so you two don't lose that security deposit."

With a whole patched in both the wall and Clarke and Octavia's friendship, the three called Lexa over to help them all pack up. They all enjoyed the leftovers of Octavia's stew, joining around the dining table, the apartment stunningly hollow already, but that night it needed none of the items that once made it the house of Raven and Clarke. Because that night for the first time it truly was a home. The family they had chosen surrounding them, comforting each other with gentle smiles, loving hugs, teasing kisses between mates, all shared, making that table, in the empty house a home.

All four understood after that night that things would go smoothly and that it was the correct decision to move to Lexa's home. They all knew it was fast, and that in more than one way naive. But that didn't matter to any of them. They knew, they all knew in their hearts that they had found their family. And... little did any of them know, it wouldn't be long till more than one of them desperately needed it.

End of chapter 22


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

"No no! Really! Please! I wanna make sure I understand!" Octavia urged.

"Ok. Go for it." Clarke giggled, pleased that Octavia really did care.

"So let me get this right, it's the difference between simply giving the lipservice of yeah yeah you are whatever you say you are vs. a true understanding and respect for are who you are?" Octavia asked, more timid than she was comfortable with, but honestly wishing to fully understand how she was wrong rather than the simple understanding that she was incorrect.

Clarke hugged the fellow alpha. "Perfect." Clarke confirmed, a little shocked Octavia was able to put it into words than she could herself.

"Thank you baby!" Octavia kissed her Omega.

"What did Raven have to do with it?" Lexa eyed quisitive.

"Oh. Well we were talking about everything from last week before we moved in this morning and she told me it was just like how after she got back from the shooting even if someone said they saw her the same a lot of the time it wasn't true, or it was only paying lip service to the idea." Octavia explained.

"Oh, gotcha." Lexa nodded comprehension setting in before she noticed something was clearly wrong with Clarke who was hiding into her softly, holding to her in a fashion very unlike the proud alpha.

"Yeah. I'm glad I could help you understand baby." Raven nuzzled her alpha on the couch they rested on after the long day.

"I love you my omega." Octavia teased, secretly grabbing Raven's ass and slipping a finger under, tracing it up the back of her slit out of sight of a distracted Clarke and a concerned Lexa. "I... oh... Lexa! H... how was your day!?" Raven jumped trying to redirect her alpha's focus.

"Oh? I... my day was good. I tried a new recipe, and Clarke ate it all." Lexa giggled, grabbing her alpha by the waist and pulling her close to an angry growl.

"No!" Clarke growled, focus turning and demeanor changing from worry to anger to understanding love for her alpha's care. "I am not an omega you can move around as you please." Clarke whispered into Lexa's ear. "I will punish you for this Tonight." Clarke threatened.

"I love you." Lexa giggled.

"I love you too." Clarke kissed her alpha

"So what do you do Lexa? I'm just not patient enough to not ask anymore. We have been here for a week, and I don't understand how you afford this place." Raven asked out of the blue.

"Oh? I was a writer, but I haven't done it in a long time. Between my last book and the insurance settlement from my wife's life insurance... I … don't worry about money anymore." Lexa answered.

"Oh... cool." Raven processed surprised, unaware what to say.

"So! I know you are a student, but what do you study?" Lexa returned.

"Oh me!? I am finishing up my degree in Biomechanical engineering." Raven perked up.

"Interesting, what draws you to Biomechanical engineering of all things?" Lexa questioned.

"Oh. Well. It is actually because of my leg."

"Your leg?" Lexa hadn't heard the story yet.

"Oh god, you don't know. Well, when I was sixteen I got shot." Raven shifted on the couch showing off the small scar that rested near her spine on her left side just above her ass.

Octavia growled possessive, grabbing at the omega's shorts and pulling them up.

"Hey!?" Raven yipped.

Clarke looked away suddenly clearly upset.

"Grr!" O continued.

"Not cool!" Raven glared, not interested in her alpha dictating which parts of her body she shared with the close friends.

Clarke began shaking as Lexa became certain something was wrong

"i... just not in front of a room of alphas ok!?" Octavia growled frustrated with herself.

"I... have to go!" Clarke cried out, hiding tears as she ran off.

"Clarke!" Lexa called out.

"Oh... fuck..." Raven sighed, having seen the signs of guilt wearing at Clarke occasionally for a while now, but not wanting to speak up, to make it worse. Completely unsure how to help.

"W... what happened!? Clarke!" Lexa stood up.

"Lexa... it's ok. I... I got this."

"Raven!? What is going on?"

"I... it's a long story. I... Octavia can fill you in." Raven stood, readying to follow after Clarke but being stopped by Octavia holding her hand.

"Are you sure you'll be ok." Octavia wouldn't let Raven go till she was sure.

"I will I love you. I... I need to help my friend." Raven replied running off.

"I... o... what happened?" Lexa asked now that the other two were gone.

"I... it's a long story. But it has to do with why the two of them originally stopped being friends."

"There was a time they weren't friends!? They are thick as thieves!"

"They haven't always been."

"Clarke this is a bad idea!" The young omega called to her friend, shaking and timid.

"What are you talking about Raven? It's gonna be fine!" Clarke puffed up her chest, attempting to look strong and mature, ready to handle anything and everything.

"Clarke! You can stop playing the edgy omega! The rest of them are already halfway down the street!" Raven yelled hushed.

"Don't call me that!" Clarke gnashed, hiding the pain, trying to seem tough.

"Clarke I know you like big bad Anya over there, but you know she only dates other alphas!" Raven glared." And I don't appreciate you dragging me all the way out to the bad part of town so you can follow her to get pot of all things! Just to prove you are bad too" Raven performed air quotes around bad.

"I... I..." Clarke growled showing fury to hide her fear, the hormones of recently presenting, and being a naive teenager making logical thought hard.

"Your gonna get us shot!"

"You know what fuck you Raven. I don't need to hang with a little pussy omega like you!" Clarke snapped.

"I... Clarke!" Raven shook, scared by the outburst, her heart dropping.

"What!? Too scared to reply!?"

"Clarke... don't do this. Please." Raven whispered.

"Why don't you just go home, little weakling!" Clarke yelled intentionally loud enough for the others to hear.

"Fine Clarke. I... don't get shot." Raven replied initially with anger but then with fear.

Clarke ran off catching up to the others, attempting to seem tough by pushing away her friend.

Clarke wouldn't learn what happened for another month after once she had finally achieved a reprieve from her grounding, her mother having sent her off to boarding school without a phone, terrified of what might happen to her daughter if not given a significant change.

"Clarke?" Raven knocked on the door.

"No!" Clarke yelled crying, full of guilt.

"Clarke." Raven repeated, cracking the door open.

"No!" Came a shriek followed by sobbing.

"Clarke. We've talked about this."

"It's my fault Raven Clarke sniffled."

"No, it isn't." Raven countered.

"You wouldn't have been down there if it weren't for me!"

"I chose to follow you and the other five people we were both hanging with."

"But you wouldn't have gone near them if it wasn't for me."

"Clarke. I learned very early on that I needed to stop blaming myself and others for an accident."

"An accident that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't begged you to come with us! And then turned you away when you said it was too dangerous!" Clarke cowered in a corner loathing herself.

"Clarke." Raven sighed, rounding the bed, now able to see her friend, sobbing, seeing the scar simply too much. The manifestation of her mistakes reminding her of what she caused, of how her mistakes caused her friend so much pain.

"It's my fault Raven." Clarke heaved, tears streaming down her face.

"No, it isn't." Raven sat down with Clarke, grabbing her friend's hands. "It was an accident. No one's fault but the idiot who pulled the trigger." Raven sighed, holding tight to Clarke's hands trying to calm her.

"W... why don't you hate me? I... I was awful. And then I... I just disappeared. I left you all alone there after it happened!" Clarke rambled.

"Now that wasn't your choice and we both know it. Your mom shipped you off."

"I..." Clarke stopped, unable to give a reason for how that too was, in fact, her fault.

"Stop! Stop blaming yourself for this."

"Raven."

"No. It isn't your fault."

"You could have died Raven!" Clarke screamed.

"But I didn't!" Raven yelled back breaking through. "I'm fine. The pain Is gone, my leg doesn't stop me from anything in my life, and because of what happened I know what I want to do. I know my path for life. That accident you think is your fault? That you constantly feel guilty over cause it could have killed me? It is the reason I found what I want to do. If it weren't for that …I'd be stumbling my way through college with no clue what I want to do. No plan."

"And so it lead to Raven knowing that she wanted to become a Biomechanical engineer?" Lexa asked her fellow alpha, still resting on the couch occasionally hearing screams from the corner of the apartment.

"Yeah. I've talked to her about it a lot. And it is why she never really held the incident against Clarke. I... it is weird but I think in a way she is thankful. Raven apparently had a lot of fear about what she would do with her life after a certain time. But. Because of this. When she saw the doctors, how they helped her, the design of the brace that made it so she could walk again. It inspired her. Gave her the answer she had been searching for for a while. I personally am just happy she is ok and Happy." Octavia explained.

"I... I can see why she is so scared of Raven hating her for it tho." Lexa sighed worried for her alpha.

"I certainly understand too. But Raven has never really blamed Clarke. I... honestly admire her ability to forgive so easily." Octavia looked down and away.

"You ok hun?" Lexa reached out worried for her friend now too.

"Yeah, I'm fine. But Clarke might want you."

"Yeah. I... I'm gonna go check up on them." Lexa agreed.

"Hey?" Lexa called, seeing the door already open.

"Come on in." Raven answered.

"You two ok?"

"I am. What about you hun?" Raven wiped a tear from Lexa's face.

"I... yeah." Clarke sniffled.

"Good." Raven hugged her friend tight.

"I love you two. I want you both ok." Lexa quickly knelt down and hugged both Clarke and Raven.

"I love you too baby." Clarke giggled.

"Well I'm flattered but I met you two weeks ago." Raven rolled her eyes.

"Ruin the moment much Raven?" Clarke laughed harder.

"I don't care. I'm just glad you two are ok." Lexa sighed relieved.

"You two ready to go back to resting on the couch. Finalizing the move was a lot, and I'm tired." Raven suggested.

"I... you and Octavia enjoy the couch. I'm tired too and... I think it's time I...

We get some rest." Clarke rubbed her belly.

"Oh please! It isn't like you felt any kicking." Raven teased.

"No. But... but she is tired." Clarke replied knowingly.

"She?" Lexa looked to Clarke tears forming.

"I... I'm not certain. But... she feels like a she. Yeah." Clarke tears forming as well.

"Well, I will let you girls rest then." Raven kissed them both on the cheek before heading off to rest with her alpha.

"She…" Lexa reveled.

"She baby." Clarke agreed.

"I love you!" Lexa picked her alpha up, spinning her around.

"Ooof! Hey babe! Time to put me down, spinning was not doc recommended." Clarke giggled.

"Sorry! I... I'm just really happy." Lexa put Clarke down.

"I love you, and I'm glad you're happy. I am too. But, I think it's time to sleep." Clarke suggested drowsy.

"Yes my love, of course. Let's keep our little girl healthy." Lexa agreed.

"Mhmm yeah." Clarke yawned, crawling into bed, purring immediately adoring the comfort of the warm bed in the winter.

"That's my girl." Lexa cooed.

"Grr… your alpha." Clarke reminded.

"Of course my love." Lexa flopped into bed with Clarke, immediately holding the alpha.

"I love you. And … I'm glad your my baby momma" Clarke teased sincere.

"I'm glad you are mine." Lexa agreed, holding Clarke closer.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight. Sleep well baby."

End of chapter 23


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

"No! I'm tired!" Clarke groaned from bed.

"Come on Clarke! We don't know what the sudden stopping of your suppressants did to the baby!" Lexa argued.

"I wanna sleep!" Clarke hugged her pillow tighter.

"Tooo! Bad!" Lexa pulled at Clarke's feet, pulling her from the bed.

"Lexa!?" Clarke screamed kicking as Lexa pulled her off the bed.

"There you go!" Lexa giggled as Clarke's ass fell off the bed and she began slipping off of her own accord.

"AHHH! I..." Clarke squealed falling off into Lexa's arms. "I... you asshole!" Clarke laughed with her lover, relieved to be safe. "You could have hurt me! Or the baby!"

"I made sure I could catch you, also pulling from under the bed made sure I didn't get kicked." Lexa smiled wide.

"Uugh you are the worst!" Clarke huffed, a smile growing to match her lover's. "But I love you." Clarke's expression softened as she moved to kiss her lover.

"I love you too." Lexa cooed, kissing back, deeper and deeper, parting her lips softly for her alpha, feeling Clarke take the opportunity immediately.

Clarke moaned softly into Lexa, deepening the kiss, pinning the alpha down, moving her hips gently to rest over Lexa's core. "B... baby..."

"I... fuck... Clarke." Lexa tried to catch her breath." I... we still need to go!"

"Yeah? Then why is that clit of yours swelling already?" Clarke teased.

"I... I... it's still from that denial you were doing."

"No it isn't! That was two weeks ago." Clarke countered.

"I." Lexa rolled her hips up.

"What is it love?" Clarke kissed at Lexa's neck softly making the issue between the Alpha's legs so much worse.

"I... we haven't had sex in over a week Clarke…" Lexa looked to the side.

"I... I know…" Clarke sighed.

"I'm sorry... I know it isn't something you want right now."

"I... it's not that!" Clarke argued. "I... I want to... you know, with you... more than anything! But..."

"But you hate that bump, even if it is barely noticeable... Or not even there" Lexa argued, knowing it was more Clarke's paranoia of being perceived as an omega that made her think she had a bump already. "You want it to be flat, flat and topped with a cock instead of a regular clit." Lexa filled in.

"Y... yes..." Clarke nodded. "Even if it isn't really there..." Clarke admitted.

"I love you. And I'm sorry... I... just haven't gotten to... you know... flick the bean?" Lexa blushed.

"You what!?" Clarke burst out in laughter.

"I... uugh! Clarke! You know exactly what I mean... I... I normally do personal Friday mornings and Monday nights. You know, a good way to start and end the week. Light a candle, make a small pillow fort to get comfy in, set the right music, pick out nice panties for myself that make me feel sexy … and then..."

"Bean flicking ensues?" Clarke tried not to laugh more.

"Well yeah..." Lexa blushed.

"Well, why hasn't bean flicking... been ensuing?" Clarke finally stopped laughing.

"Well… I'm not the only one here anymore. And... well I'm not quiet when I do my thing. And even if I were, you are here. I'm not just gonna go to town on myself with you sitting right there next to me in bed. Especially without talking to you about it. And... like how the hell do you bring something like that up!?" Lexa explained.

"Not exactly quiet?!" Clarke rose an eyebrow now thoroughly interested.

"I...!" Lexa turned bright red. "Well... when we are together... I know I'm not silent, but... I do my best to still be... ya know a stoic alpha and all. But..."

"Buuuut?"

"But, when I'm alone... I... I go all out, I enjoy myself, I enjoy my body, and... well moaning… and... being loud about it aerates the blood, off-gasses CO2, and gets more oxygen and blood everywhere... and..." Lexa looked off away from Clarke.

"You scream when you make yourself cum don't you?" Clarke smiled, excited to hear Lexa do it with her.

"I do! B... but... I." Lexa scurried out from under Clarke.

"You dirty little slut!" Clarke cheered.

"I..." Lexa felt a shiver run down her neck, shocked and aching, needing her alpha, but with no intentions of letting Clarke know. "We! We need to go! We have an ultrasound to go to!" Lexa reminded.

"I..." Clarke paused, sniffing the air, noticing that there was no way the scent of arousal and ache coming off of her alpha wasn't just of having not gotten a chance to cum in the past week. "It's more than that…"

"Clothes! Now! Go!" Lexa snapped.

"I..." Clarke sniffed around. "You've been trying to get off haven't you."

"Clothes!" Lexa hid in the closet.

Clarke stood up and followed the hiding alpha, chuckling excitedly. "You like it don't you?" Clarke teased, searching through the walk-in closet crowded with the two women's clothes.

"I have no idea what you are talking about!" Lexa called from a corner hiding behind rows of clothing.

"You liked the denial!" Clarke argued.

"I! No such thing!" Lexa felt her ache betray her at the taunting words, her clit aching and slightly swollen. Lexa's heart raced as she felt the slight wetness that refused to leave grow even more. "F... fuck."

"I love you... My dirty lying bad girl." Clarke teased, pulling clothes from the way to see Lexa standing in front of her.

"I..." Lexa whimpered.

"I love you." Clarke threw her voice seductively, reaching her hand out, caressing up the inside of Lexa's thigh towards her core.

"F...fuck... Clarke..."

"Now what was it you told me about Friday mornings?"

"I... personal time..." Lexa gulped, feeling Clarke's fingers at her.

"How long have you been denying yourself?"

"I... only... only since you moved in..."

"You haven't cum since we had sex?" Clarke hooked her fingers up against Lexa, feeling wetness through the Alpha's panties, the clit swollen ever so slightly to make a small tent in the panties. "Aww? You must be sooooo horny?"

"I... l...like it..." Lexa blushed looking away, embarrassment too much.

"Ohh I know…" Clarke cooed, coming closer, massaging slowly up and down the center of the wet slit through Lexa's panties. "So… what changed?" Clarke licked up Lexa's neck slowly.

"I... didn't like the ruin... I... it hurt... and made me ache... and..." Lexa began to whimper at the thought. "I felt weak when the weird rush of hormones made me cry." Lexa shied away.

"I'm sorry love. I never wanted you to feel weak. It is never about that. It is about making you feel good, always aroused and on the edge." Clarke could see in Lexa's eyes that the other alpha had already learned this on her own in her past two weeks of self-experimentation.

"I know, thank you, and I appreciate that. I never intended to try it again, just… the first Monday after you moved in, I was, you know doing my do, and flicking my bean, and right before I got there you came home, and I was too embarrassed to tell you how much more I liked it." Lexa elaborated.

"Aww such a beautiful strong alpha who was finally able to admit it to me. You wanna do it again don't you?"

"Y... YES!" Lexa howled as Clarke dragged a finger along the puffy swollen pinkness of her clit poking through the wet white panties now transparent, showing her sex off perfectly, even in the dark closet.

"That's my girl." Clarke praised.

"I..."

"You know you don't have to do this. I love you. I was just teasing when I suggested we would do this the whole time I was pregnant." Clarke checked, worried that Lexa didn't truly want this.

"No... I... please... I..." Lexa felt her knees weak, holding to Clarke, wrapping her arms around her mate to stay upright.

"That's my baby." Clarke held Lexa close with one arm, and continued with her free hand.

"I... want to..." Lexa whimpered.

"Cum? Or ruin?" Clarke offered.

"I..." Lexa's eyes went wide, desperate in need, mind caught between pride and embarrassment of asking... no begging to only be allowed to ruin.

"Well, which one love? If you don't ask I won't give you either." Clarke threatened, whispering into Lexa's ear.

"I... r... ruin…" Lexa whimpered.

"Good girl." Clarke praised. "Now lay down, I will MAKE you ruin."

"I... only if we go to the appointment after." Lexa bartered, knees already giving out as Clarke lowered her onto the floor.

"Fine." Clarke sighed.

"I... want our girl healthy." Lexa contested with her last whim of resistance.

"I do too my love. Now. Enjoy." Clarke instructed, pulling Lexa's panties down.

"F...fuuuck." Lexa moaned, hips bucking. "I... d...damn my... my clit... I... it started swelling slowly a couple days ago... I... it's only getting bigger..." Lexa whimpered.

"I'm sure, we learned that already last time we tried this." Clarke purred, eyeing the small but still seductive swollen clit.

"I... it hurts... I... having my cock... even this small, when not in my rut... I. Uugh... I..." Lexa's every fiber tensed, hips rising from the ground begging for her alpha's touch.

"Well, I'll fix that love." Clarke assured, lowering her head to take Lexa's swollen appendage into her mouth.

"Ohhh, Clarke!" Lexa whimpered relaxing immediately, the tension leaving her as she pushed her core gently further into Clarke's mouth.

"Mhmmm" Clarke moaned approvingly, hastily going to work, sucking softly on the member and swirling her tongue along it, bobbing her head ever so slightly just right to drive her alpha wild.

"Fuck! Clarke! Love! I... I…" Lexa lost her breath fearful of spilling over.

"Uh uh uh." Clarke released the swollen clit. "No cumming, certainly not yet." Clarke took a single finger and pressed its tip and nail against the head of Lexa's overly swollen clit.

"Ohhh! I... I..." Lexa writhed softly on the ground where she rested. Lifting off of it slightly.

"Hooold it!"

"Y... yes m… my alpha!" Lexa nodded, a hint of pain commingling with ecstasy clear on her face.

"That's a girl." Clarke purred, pleased with Lexa's gentle agony.

"Oh... god!" Lexa sighed trying to catch her breath. "Clarke... w...wow... that..." Lexa purred softly, having experienced her first hard edge, teetering so close as her body wished to clench and release, but she didn't allow herself to lose control.

"I'm glad my alpha likes." Clarke mused, tracing a finger up and down the side of the inch and a half long clit.

"Ohhh! I... it feels sooo... uugh... like I need it so much more..." Lexa whimpered as her knees snapped together, trying to hold back.

"I know. I've tried it before." Clarke kissed the tip of Lexa's clit calmingly. "I wouldn't ask my alpha to do something I hadn't tried myself."

"I..." Lexa was caught in the web of her own thoughts for a moment, ensnared in the knowledge that Clarke knew. She knew what this felt like and she wouldn't have suggested it if she didn't think Lexa would enjoy. The knowledge fed into Lexa's comfort under her alpha, allowed her to feel safer in the hands of her lover. "I love you so much baby." Lexa offered gently, words filled with adoration.

"Come here baby girl." Clarke hugged Lexa's hips.

Lexa purred but couldn't help to stop herself from, raising her hips into Clarke's warmth, aching for more contact with Clarke's sensuous flesh.

"You wanna ruin now don't you?" Clarke giggled feeling Lexa's pseudo erection pressing up against her left breast.

"I... need to..." Lexa whined, bucking faster into the soft flesh, craving more.

"Yes yes, I know love." Clarke kissed Lexa's tight belly.

Lexa only whimpered more at the feeling of the soft lips against her sensitive skin, her whole body A live wire, Clarke only connecting the circuit. "I... oh..." Lexa's voice timid, needing Clarke to soothe the craving between her legs.

"Ruin for me. Tell me when you reach the point of no return." Clarke instructed, taking Lexa into her mouth once more, tangling her tongue along the clit, Working her way down, slipping a finger inside the ready wetness of her alpha, coaxing forward the orgasm in her, just to ruin it. Clarke's fingers softly spread the slick slit of the shaking alpha, so desperate for what she knew she didn't truly want.

Lexa enjoyed this, becoming a wreck so easily. Clarke between her legs delivering a pleasure so thick she could drown in it. It was spectacular in a way normal sex wasn't, only focused on getting off. But this... was the journey and this journey was deafeningly delightful.

Lexa panted, her body growing closer, Clarke's touch unyielding, driving her further as she felt herself begin to teeter. "Clarke! I... stop!" Lexa's voice a desperate plea.

"Good girl." Clarke released slowly, knowing Lexa requested the stop slightly early.

"I... I..." Lexa held to the ledge." F! Fuck! I... so close!" Lexa whined.

"Here you go." Clarke offered, stroking the tip of Lexa softly, bringing forth just enough sensation to overwhelm her lover before removing any and all stimulation.

Lexa leaked out a broken scream, the climax arriving and abating with nothing but a whimper, a hint of what it could have been. The pleasure relaxing in her body as everything called for her to beg the alpha above her to return to pleasuring her, to bring her to another true release, the fluids dripping from her a small taunt as she knew she wasn't allowed to cum.

"Enjoy?" Clarke cooed, moving to rest a head on Lexa's chest.

"Ohhh yes." Lexa hummed.

"Good baby. Rest for a bit."

"No. It's time to go..." Lexa protested weakly.

"Ok love. But rest for a moment. Ok?"

"Ok. Deal." Lexa nodded softly.

"Good baby. We'll go soon."

End of chapter 24


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Author's note: this chapter ended up going somewhere that could potentially be super triggering.

Umm, don't know how to describe it tho so…

TW: Parent being really shitty about their kid being trans/ conversion therapy

Clarke fidgeted uncomfortable and slightly irritable in the passenger seat of Lexa's car.

"Shhhh love it will be ok." Lexa calmed, reaching a hand out before turning on the ignition.

"Lexa … I don't like doctors." Clarke dismissed.

"Your best friend is training to be a doctor!" Lexa countered turning the key and heading off.

"She is training to design things like the brace that helped her walk again. Not to be a doctor!" Clarke argued.

"Are you kidding me Clarke?" Lexa giggled.

"No! I really don't like doctors!"

"Hey. Love? What's wrong? What don't I know?" Lexa questioned, reaching out, taking her alpha's hand.

"I … I don't like doctors." Clarke repeated insecure.

"Baby? What is it?" Lexa worried.

"I... my mom is a doctor... and... when I told her... when I told her what I am…" Clarke shied away from finishing her words, turning her head to hide tears, looking out the window to the urban jungle unaware of the hurting woman within the confines of the automobile.

"I... Clarke... I'm so sorry." Lexa stopped the car, pulling off to the side uncaring of the honking cars behind them. "I'm here my love."

"I... it doesn't matter." Clarke lied unconvincingly.

"Yes, it does. She hurt you. And you matter."

"I..."

"Don't you dare argue!"

Clarke whimpered, relaxing as Lexa wrapped her arms around her.

"I love you. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry your mother didn't understand." Lexa soothed.

"Ohh. She understood... that was the problem..." Clarke lamented, cars honking louder as passerbys held up angry fingers.

"What do you mean love?"

"I... you should keep driving before someone kills us." Clarke tried to lighten the mood.

"Ok. But only if my alpha promises to talk to me." Lexa threw her tone intentionally to mimic an omega concerned for their alpha, knowing accurately that it would soothe the parts of Clarke that loathed being weak and having these insecurities, this baggage.

Clarke knew Lexa did it intentionally to soothe her, but that didn't change the fact that it helped immensely. "Thank you." Clarke's voice soft and smooth as she shifted in her seat, moving to rest her head against the alpha she loved. "I... well…" Clarke went silent for a moment.

"What Happened with your mom love?"

"I... well... she... she was certain... she was certain I was just rebelling, that... that this was something I had deluded myself into believing. If... if I hadn't been of age to make decisions for myself legally she would have attempted to have me hospitalized... I... she did try... she just didn't succeed." Clarke explained.

"I... she tried to…" Lexa tried to process, remembering talk of a camp her aunt and uncle had suggested sending her late cousin to before he died, she had never understood as a young teen why her aunt and uncle had taken the idea of sending him to camp so seriously, like an issue of life or death... but after what had happened she never thought twice about it, not until now. She now understood what they had said so much more, realizing why he wouldn't be able to leave... That it wasn't a camp, it was a conversion therapy center. "I... Clarke..." Lexa whimpered, the truth of her cousin's death becoming ever more evident. The simultaneous gut punch of realizing it wasn't her fault almost as much a relief as the truth of why he had ended his life was a crushing revelation.

"I... I don't like doctors anymore. I... haven't been to one since." Clarke sniffled, nuzzling to Lexa.

"I... it will be ok my love" Lexa buried the newfound emotions, needing to be strong for her alpha. "I will be there and I won't let you go. I promise."

"I... ok baby." Clarke yawned, tired, scared, but feeling comfort in her Alpha's arms.

"Rest my love. I will wake you when we get there." Lexa whispered.

Clarke only learned it was a lie when she awoke in Lexa's arms, being carried through the parking lot. "Grrr! You said you'd wake me when we got here."

"Yeah, but my alpha was too cute sleeping against me like that." Lexa allowed Clarke to stand, kissing the woman.

"Mmmph. I love you." Clarke growled back softly, nuzzling the loving alpha.

"I know baby. Now let's go." Lexa urged, hurrying the alpha, knowing they were already far too close to being late.

The two scurried into the office quickly before filling out paperwork together.

"Clarke, Clarke Griffin." A young man in scrubs called opening the door to the back room.

"That's me!" Clarke stood up

"So you're the umm Clarke Griffin for the ultrasound?" The nurse questioned.

"I… yeah." Clarke sighed, unexcited about being in such a position, feeling her biological dynamic more than she ever wished to.

"Come right this way ma'am." The nurse ushered in a kind manner that Clarke couldn't help but mistake for condescension.

"Thank you sir." Lexa made sure to be polite seeing her alpha grumbled under her breath irritated by the perceived slight.

"I… yeah." The nurse paused, uncertain how to react to the seeming good cop, bad cop routine the two Alpha's gave him.

"Thank you." Lexa repeated trying to soothe him.

"Y... yes! Umm right through this door!" He instructed, opening the door and gesturing towards the examination chair with stirrups already set up.

"Come on baby, relax love." Lexa soothed, escorting the uncomfortable Clarke to the chair, standing by her alpha's side.

"So, you are the alpha? The sire." The nurse grabbed a stool and sitting down, pulling up a clipboard as he looked to Lexa.

"I!" Clarke growled.

"We both are." Lexa corrected.

"I... what?" He sniffed the air before gesturing to Clarke. "She is the pregnant one right?"

"Yes. But we are both Alphas." Lexa added Clarke growling deep and low.

"Huh?" The nurse shook his head.

"I am an alpha. Deal with it."

"I..." he couldn't wrap his head around it as he sniffed at the air. "I don't think so You smell like an omega. You bitches are messing with me!" He laughed it off.

Lexa lost her cool with that comment. "You will shut your TRAP right now before I muzzle you BETA!" Lexa roared. "Now I want to see your boss." Lexa watched as he gave a disbelieving glare. "Now!"

"Fine fucking crazy omega." The laughter breaking what was left of Lexa's restraint.

"You worthless waste of!" Lexa's logical thought evaporated as Clarke held her back, hugging to her appreciative.

"Back the fuck off! Fucking muzzle her!" He jumped scared, running off.

"I..."

"Shhh, baby. I'm alright." Clarke whispered.

"I... he… uugh!"

"I know. I... thank you. I love you. You are amazing for caring so much. I love you." Clark held to Lexa, crying into her back, a mixture of relief, adoration, dysphoria, and hurt.

"He… that bastard!"

"I know. He was. But you are my alpha. And you stood up for me."

"I... of course I did Clarke!" Lexa growled protective. "You would too! It's what we do. It's what Alpha's do for their mate!" Lexa answered, to her it was all obvious, the first and so far only woman, hell person! who never saw her as anything other than an alpha. Strong, proud, capable, loving. All the things Clarke saw in Lexa, all the things any passerby would have seen in Lexa. But... for Clarke it was more than novel, it was more than anything to her. Lexa never questioned. She always saw the exact same qualities in Clarke, no matter what. She knew Clarke was an alpha in her soul. And it was nothing to her, nothing noteworthy whatsoever. For Lexa, it would have been harder to see Clarke as anything but alpha. And this fact finally processing for Clarke... she would never be able to put it to words even if she tried.

"I... Thank you."

"What for my love?" Lexa asked confirmed every feeling Clarke just had. "For seeing me how you do. For never having eyes that told me I am an omega."

"Eyes that told you what?"

"I... so many people... I can see it in their eyes, that they don't believe me, that I'm not an alpha to them. But... but you. You've never had that look you never questioned it."

"Well of course. Why would I?"

"And that is why I thanked you … for your unwavering belief and support. Your... your... your undoubting understanding of who I truly am."

"I... well that isn't really something you should thank me for. It isn't even something I can control. I... you were introduced to me as an alpha and nothing I've seen has ever given me any reason to see that in any other light." Lexa explained.

"I love you so much."

"I love you too."

"What the hell did you do to my nurse! He is trembling!" A woman in a lab coat entered, clearly overly busy and frustrated with the added work.

"Oh yeah!? Jimmy fucks his face, and needs to learn to shut the hell up?!" Lexa snapped spinning around all ready to attack.

"I'm sorry she is very protective of her alpha." Clarke apologized for Lexa, holding the infuriated woman back.

"I... is someone hurt?" The woman's angry face suddenly softened, her pheromones slipping softer, clearly an alpha.

"Ohhh! Well, that little shit will be if I see his fucking face again!" Lexa growled.

"I'm fine. But... Lexa here is mad for me." Clarke sighed. Pulling Lexa back.

"What happened? I... did Austin say something stupid again?" Exhausted recognition obvious on her face.

"You bet numbnuts said something stupid!" Lexa slowly calmed still angry.

"He... he said some not so great things about me after I told him I am an alpha."

"He called us crazy and bitches!"

"I…" the woman stuttered.

"He was incredibly dismissive and transphobic." Clarke answered.

"I… I'm sorry." The doctor looked rattled to her very core.

"You need to fire him!" Lexa commanded.

"Yes. He will be fired for this."

"I... well… umm good!" Lexa nodded stoic. "I'm so sorry. I. How can I help you two alphas?" She didn't miss a beat, immediately understanding what had happened.

"I... well I am here for an ultrasound. I... I am pregnant." Clarke answered.

"Oh? Yes. I... let me get that started!" She rushed to Clarke's side, seemingly drawn to the woman, pulling a machine closer and prepping the ultrasound, her head low.

"Are you ok?" Clarke reached a hand out to the woman.

"She is shameful of her shit employee!" Lexa dismissed callous.

"Yes I... I am." The doctor looked up, pain in her eyes.

"But you aren't ok." Clarke just knew, reading the woman, an old kindred soul that Clarke intuitively knew.

"Yes. Yes, I'm fine."

"You just said you agreed after I said you aren't ok." Clarke picked it up seamlessly.

"I... no! I said I'm fine." She laughed it off.

"Ok." Clarke softened. Knowing the woman didn't want her to push, instead reaching out an open hand.

"I..." she stuttered, hands running down her lab coat, clearly shaken, only she and Clarke knowing the truth of why.

"You what?" Lexa barked harsh, dominant and protective of her alpha, inpatient with the woman she saw as complicit by having hired the man who hurt her alpha.

"I thank you, Clarke." She answered calm, taking Clarke's hand placing a small card in it, Clarke knowing to be discreet about it as she pulled her hand back to her side. "I appreciate your understanding."

"Of course. How could I not." Clarke answered reassuring, the kindness baffling to Lexa.

"So! Ultrasound time!"

"Yes! Thank you." Lexa groaned.

"Here, go for it." Clarke lifted her shirt and undid her pants, pulling them down slightly.

"Yes. So. Little cold." The doctor began squirting the gel into Clarke's belly to a small yelp.

Lexa growled despising the woman for Making her alpha yelp, glaring at her as a challenge. "Watch it." Lexa threatened in her overprotective state.

Both Clarke and the doctor giggled together.

"Yes I... I'm sorry" the doctor stifled giggles." And... thank you." The heartfelt words hitting Lexa as peculiar, but... somehow familiar soothing her apprehension.

"So!" The doctor began, placing the wand over Clarke's belly, spreading the gel, a picture showing almost immediately, the woman taking a moment to locate her target. "Here we go!"

"So... I... when I got pregnant I was still on suppressants. I took extra to block my heats, and …"

"Yes. Your Baby should be healthy, but we should be mindful to watch for complications. Many of your body's natural functions are shut down by over-consuming suppressants as a biological omega. And when adjusting, and during the pregnancy, there can be complications, but if we monitor it will be something we can prevent from actually harming you or your child."

"I... how do you know so much about trans alphas?" Lexa pressed.

"I am an ob-gyn. This is actually a common issue, unexpected pregnancies from over-consumption of suppressants. And... not all clinics are experienced in dealing with it, but... mine is" She defended with zealous pride." I am sorry you had a bad experience with the new hire, it is his second day. He... won't have a third. Especially considering I see a number of alphas in your situation."

"How many?" Clarke perked up.

"I... I see it more than I would like. Especially considering the pain those that would misuse suppressants endure to push them to such a point."

"I... oh... I'm sorry." Lexa stepped back noting the hurt behind her eyes.

Clarke nodded softly, understanding, resting comfortably in the chair, safe around these two.

"I understand if you do not wish to come back. I do. But please allow me to give you a list of clinics which are aware of the complications that may arise and how to deal with them safely." She offered.

"No need. We will come back." Clarke answered hastily.

"W- what!?" Lexa recoiled.

"Well, I'm glad to hear."

Lexa growled frustrated with her own confusion, but forfeiting as she realized this meant she wouldn't have to fight Clarke any more about going to the doctor. "Fine... whatever keeps you coming in and keeps our baby safe." Lexa grumbled.

"Yes yes love." Clarke hummed.

"Thank you." The doctor turned to Clarke who immediately opened her arms and hugged the doctor.

"I!" Lexa's eyes went wide, astounded by Clarke's change in outlook on the doctor. Her alpha was full of surprises today.

"It will be ok. You are strong, and your partner is too." The Doctor instructed.

"Thank you. You are too." Clarke assured, the hug lasting longer than Lexa was comfortable with, still on edge, her inner alpha eager to jump at anything, and feeling overly possessive, a warning growl building in her throat.

"Relax love." Clarke soothed breaking the hug with the Doctor.

"This place is so unprofessional." Lexa whispered angrily to herself.

"Shhhh!" Clarke hissed.

"No. No, she is right. It was unprofessional."

"I..." Clarke looked to the doctor, for confirmation that she hadn't misread.

"You are right but still." The Doctor confirmed. "I... well that is my cue. Have a great day you two. No charge for this one. I am just so sorry for what happened."

"I... thank you." Lexa growled, angered on some level that she had the chance to provide taken from her.

"It's ok love." Clarke corrected. "Thank you. Have a wonderful day. I will see you next time." Clarke called to the Doctor as she headed out.

"I... don't like her." Lexa grumbled, Clarke, cleaning her belly off and standing.

"I do." Clarke answered confident, the tone almost scary to Lexa, so much so it shut her up until they had re-entered the car, the irrational fear of losing her alpha to someone else crushing. Lexa could do nothing but replay it all back in her head. The interaction, what she had done wrong why Clark seemed so interested and taken by the alpha. Lexa's inner turmoil only broken by noticing Clarke turning two business cards in her hands, eyes dashing eagerly over the text.

"Y... you! You slut! You... you did like her! You. You!" Lexa steamed, slamming on the breaks, her inner alpha distraught beyond any ability to reason, nightmares playing in her eyes of her alpha being stolen. "You have the damned balls to find another woman in front of me... y...you… you whore!" Lexa broke down in tears.

"No Lexa. No. I'm... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry you had such fears. I knew you were on edge but I didn't know it was that bad." Clarke empathized.

"I... I... am I not enough?" Lexa sobbed.

" You are I promise you are." Clarke grabbed her lover, holding her tight doing her best to support the distraught woman.

"I… what is it then. When did she secretly slip you a card!?"

"She slipped me two cards. One for the clinic Nyko Ob-Gyn and hormone specialist. And one for her trans support group. They meet downtown on Wednesday nights."

"I... her what?"

"Her trans support group. She is trans too. She invited me to her support group. That is what these cards are for." Clarke answered.

"I... fuck... I... that is why."

"Yeah. I knew pretty immediately. It was how she looked at me when we explained what her employee had done. She was in pain." Clark explained.

"I... I am such an asshole." Lexa dropped her head against the steering wheel, horn blaring as she hit it.

"No. You are my alpha and you got scared." Clarke giggled.

"I... I should have trusted you."

"And you will next time.'

"I... thank you Clarke." Lexa whimpered.

"It's ok. Just relax baby let's go home. Spend the day laying in bed." Clarke suggested eager.

"Yeah. Sounds nice." Lexa agreed, sniffling, wiping her face clean.

"Come on baby. Relax. Cuddles as soon as we are home"

"I... ok." Lexa purred, still guilt-ridden, but eager to cuddle her alpha.

End of chapter 25


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

"What is it love?" Clarke asked the silent woman giving off no hint of dissatisfaction other than her hesitant breaths which her alpha noticed easily.

"Nothing love." Lexa tried and failed to mimic her alpha's calm tone.

"Don't lie to me." Clarke whispered the words a tender worried request.

"I..."

"What is it baby?"

"I... I haven't snapped like that in a long time." Lexa lamented her outburst.

"You were scared." Clarke dismissed.

"How... how can you be... be so forgiving?" Lexa half whimpered, silent fearful tears escaping her eyes as she thanked any and all supernatural forces that Clarke wasn't positioned to see the tears.

"Because of how you were scared instead of controlling." Clarke answered. "W...what?"

"Look." Clarke began to sketch upon Lexa's belly between beauty makes and freckles with her finger, enjoying her alpha's soft skin. "I... most alphas… if... if they got scared that I... that I was interested in someone else … they would be possessive, demand their omega keep their wandering eyes to themselves."

"Clarke I called you a slut and a whore." Lexa's breath hitched and she knew it informed Clarke of her crying.

"But you were worried you weren't enough. You didn't go on a diatribe about how I'm yours. You lashed out yes, but, it wasn't in a way that attacked my gender." Clarke reminded Lexa of the underlying emotional truth of her outburst.

"I... I... I was... I... I. I still worry that in a way…"

"Lexa. I am forgiving because even if you lost your temper in the face of fear, you didn't ever see me as an omega."

"You know I never would see you as that. I... you are an alpha."

"I am. But… not everyone sees it that way. Not everyone understands. You do. You more than understand..." Clarke kissed at Lexa's breast where her head layed.

"I love you Clarke. I am so sorry." Lexa whimpered softly.

"I love you too baby. Don't worry so much... you... look... I of anyone understand your dynamic pushing you to do things you wish you didn't. And... I fought it so hard I almost lost you. I... baby... just... trust me a bit more ok? I love you too. And... and it will be ok." Clarke comforted, nuzzling softly at her alpha.

"I love you too." Lexa replied, running a hand gently over Clarke's back. "I will try… no. I will be better." Lexa mouthed, promising only to herself.

"Hmm?" Clarke's purring turned to questioning from the happy relief of her alpha stroking her back to curious of the words she missed.

"Nothing my love. Just … just rest. Please. You need it baby." Lexa offered.

"Ok baby." Clarke hummed, squishing her face happily against Lexa's bosom, getting extra comfy. "Sounds good." Clarke yawned, letting the comfort escort her gracefully to sleep.

"What has you up?" Octavia gave a hasty nod of acknowledgment to the alpha sitting on her couch as she walked in, wearing nothing more than a tight sports bra and black hipster panties that did almost nothing to hide her overly swollen erection. Threatening to rip through the panties.

"Really? You are asking me that... with… that…" the distraught alpha growled softly, feeling insecure, knowing how she looked, her hair a mess, eyes swollen and red from crying while also being darkened by lack of sleep, her clothing old and slightly tattered.

"What!? I'm in my rut!" Octavia growled, opening up the fridge, subconsciously flexing all her muscles, attempting to look large and strong in the presence of another alpha.

"Jesus, trying hard much?" Lexa groaned, frustrated and angry with anything and everything because she was so frustrated with herself.

"I am in my rut, my omega is two rooms away, still moaning my name, it would take more effort to try not to look like a threat right now." Octavia dismissed, chugging a bottle of water. "And what got up your ass exactly?"

"I..."

"Lexa? What the hell is wrong? You don't do this. You don't hide shit... Or sit on your couch alone at… one am on a Wednesday while your alpha is pregnant and in your bed." Octavia sniffed to see if Clarke was in fact still home, still detecting her scent.

"I... the move back Into her old room is... I'm taking it harder than I expected..."

"Do we need to go back to counseling? Or back to group?" Octavia offered, her one-track mind slowly switching rails from mate, fuck, breed to worry, concern, assist.

"No! I… no I don't … I'm fine."

"This isn't you fine"

"I... I will be fine."

"So you admit you aren't fine."

"How could I be!" Lexa growled snapping up from the couch. I... it's one thing to be back in that room! But to be there alone! While Clarke is off back to school?! While you are at work! And Raven is drumming up internships! I..."

"When did you stop cooking?" Octavia hadn't noticed as the fresh meals dwindled as of late, but hearing Lexa speak of it reminded her of the lonely emptiness that spurred Lexa's culinary endeavors.

"I... a couple weeks ago."

"Why!? What are you doing Lexa! I... this is the shit that caused me to have to snap some damn sense into you after you woke up in the hospital! I will drag you to the grief counseling meetings again if I have to!" Octavia threatened.

"I. It isn't that bad! And I would never! I have a pregnant alpha to worry about… to support!... To care for!... To… to not scream at because I'm fucking scared and paranoid..." Lexa whimpered.

"Woah... what happened now?" Octavia stopped in the middle of crushing a second bottle of water.

"I... screamed at Clarke… I... I said horrible things…"

"Why?"

"Because I was angry and scared. I… I thought… I thought she liked her new ob-gyn... and it turns out that she is just trans and that the two of them bonded over it instantly… I. I got so scared and then angry... and I... I just snapped at her… I... I don't feel like I deserve to sleep next to her tonight…" Lexa admitted.

"You know her waking up without you will wreck her emotionally. I... I can't imagine falling asleep with Raven and waking up without her! I... I would murder everyone in my way till I found her, and Clarke will have that instinct plus pregnancy hormones."

"I know. She... she has an alarm at nine to get ready for school. I will sneak back at eight thirty Incase she wakes up early." Lexa dismissed.

"Lexa... that isn't any way to help with paranoia and anxiety… and... what has you so wound up? Even without cooking... which you still haven't answered why you stopped..." Octavia remembered.

"I... I'm writing again... about her..."

"What?" Octavia performed the world's first septuple take, shocked to hear Lexa had begun writing.

"I… well when we opened up that half of the apartment... we opened my office too… and, I have all of her papers, her work, her recipes, her notes, her diary, her mail, letters, love notes she left me. All of it. Her whole life's work, boiled down to paper alone. And... I've been going through it, all of it..."

"I... even... even her K-" Octavia received her answer before she could finish asking.

"Even the kitchen. Everything about it. All the paperwork, all the permits and plans, her whole grand plan." Lexa nodded.

"I... so... what are you doing with it?"

"I'm writing a biography, for the woman who would have fed hundreds if she hadn't been killed."

"And... she is now on your mind constantly and in your mind incessantly? Following you everywhere?" Octavia knew the answer already.

"I...I feel like I see her out of the corner of my eye constantly Octavia. I, I feel like I'm going insane." Lexa whimpered.

"It's ok hun." O tossed away the bottle of water and rushed to her friend's side, hugging the woman.

"I... fuck... O. Your... your dick is poking me." Lexa giggled.

"Deal with it. I'm hugging my friend. And she certainly needs a hug." Octavia dismissed.

"Thank you O." Lexa hugged back, resting her head on Lexa's shoulder.

"Of course hun." Octavia assured, repositioning, pulling her hips back and then sitting down next to Lexa.

"I… it's just so much..." Lexa sighed.

"I bet Clarke would love to hear about it. Not that I don't want to hear it... but you know how you would feel if your alpha was hiding things like this from you." Octavia argued.

"I!" Lexa deflated, ashamed of what she was hiding from her mate, and infuriated with herself that she had let it drive her to lash out at her lover." I haven't even begun to deal with the news about my cousin…" Lexa grimaced.

"I... you have a cousin?"

"Yeah. You knew him."

"I. Oh... Illian." Octavia acknowledged, the somber morbidity settling in.

"He. He didn't kill himself because of me O."

"Of course he didn't! Lexa! I've been telling you this for over a decade! It isn't your fault! It takes more than one patient but not very well understanding fifteen-year-old to make someone kill themselves. Illian was great. But he had his issues. He was troubled and clearly not happy." Octavia ranted.

"I, I know Raven. But I, it's more than that." Lexa sighed preparing herself to deal with the newfound layers to the emotional baggage.

"Wait... what do you mean."

"Well. Clarke mentioned to me that when she came out to her mother, that her mother attempted to have her hospitalized."

Octavia gave a patient but dubious look.

"Clarke's mother was going to have her sent to a conversion therapy camp."

"Ok? But what does that have to do with-"

"My aunt and uncle. They were going to send Illian to a conversion camp. I was a kid! I didn't understand! I didn't know they even existed at the time! So when I heard them talking about sending him to 'camp' like they were sending him in for a life sentence …" Lexa felt the tears beginning.

"Lexa..."

"I… I... I didn't say anything. I… I didn't know... I... he is dead now... because he knew what they were going to do. I know it. I just know it."

"Lexa!" Octavia hugged her once more, wrapping her arms tight around the alpha, doing her best to ensure that her friend knew she wasn't alone.

"I don't know what to do Octavia."

"Yes, you do." Octavia ordered stern to the sniffling alpha." You have to go in there, lay down with your alpha and tell her you need her. Because you do. Clarke will be strong for you, especially when you can't be. And given the insight of all the things you just told me she will forgive you. She loves you more than anything Lexa. And she needs her mate to be open and honest with her. She will hold you. She will talk this out with you. And she will make sure you feel safe."

"I love you Octavia." Lexa nodded allowing the tears to fall.

"I love you too Lexa, Now... I think you have an alpha to confide in."

"Yeah … well, you have an omega to cum in." Lexa teased, sniffing.

"Damn right!" Octavia agreed, standing and heading back to her bedroom, a spare water bottle and a snack in hand for the omega awaiting her.

"Fuck!" Raven moaned, the door clicking open once more.

"That's what we just did, yes my omega."

"Ooooh!" Raven moaned the nickname of her alpha.

"Yes my good little girl?"

"Fuck... I... I'm still dripping... I... your cum is slipping out..." Raven moaned disheartened.

"Well that's what happens when my knot deflates and I pull out of you." Octavia teased, walking closer to her omega and opening the water bottle. "Drink my love. You've certainly been depleted of fluids."

"I... mhmm thank you my alpha." Raven purred, her strong mate providing and even bringing the water to her lips.

"You ok baby?" Octavia caressed Raven's cheek, seeing the drain of the lengthy session had on the omega.

"I'm, off. It's been a long day and my heat has taken me a lot out of me. Uugh. You helped. But you also made it worse in a way." Raven admitted.

"Well, a good knotting and twelve consecutive climaxes tend to do that to my beautiful little girl." Octavia answered prideful.

"I... yeah." Raven blushed.

"I bet that pussy of yours tastes delicious with my cum pouring out if it."

"I! Octavia!" Raven whimpered, wanting to swat at the alpha but finding herself still overly weak.

"Are you saying you don't want my tongue dancing along your swollen pussy?"

"Fuuuck! I! Please!"

"Good girl." Octavia praised, moving down, placing the water on the nightstand for the omega, positioning herself above Raven, dropping her head and lapping at the mess of wetness and cum leaking from the stretched omega.

"Octavia!" Raven gasped.

"Good girl." Octavia purred, drinking in her omega.

"I! Octavia! Damn! More! Fuck!" Raven panted trying to catch her breath as Octavia moved deeper, sucking at the omega's sensitive slit, devouring her.

"Good girl, I like it when you are wrecked, me between your thighs.

"O! I! Please. I... need to!"

"You wanna cum baby?"

"Yes! Fuck! I'm so close! More! Please!" Raven writhed softly, raising her hips for Octavia.

"That's my girl!" Octavia purred, attacking the omega's clit, sucking it into her mouth and grazing her teeth against it softly before soothing it with her tongue expertly swirling it around Raven's oversensitive nub, drawing forth her orgasm.

Raven bucked and screamed, finding energy she thought to be long gone from her exhausting day and being knotted repeatedly.

"That's my girl!" Octavia praised, patting the omega on her slightly bulging belly, accustomed to being filled throughout the long night.

"I... didn't think I could cum again after the last one." Raven tried to catch her breath, drained and dazed by the umpteenth climax of the night.

"You can always cum for me baby." Octavia reminded full of herself feeling extra dominant and able to provide.

"Jesus... what got into you baby?" Raven whimpered, watching her muscular alpha wearing only a tight pair of athletic bra and panties crawl atop her. "You know exactly what!" Octavia growled and nipped at her omega's mating mark causing a spontaneous belabored moan to escape from her omega.

"I! Oh god. Fuck you… need to slow down with that! I... god my... my everything is so sensitive."

"Well, that's what happens when we both go off of our suppressants and your heat kicks in the day I get a promotion and a raise." Octavia teased.

"Does it really count if you gave yourself the promotion." Raven eyed, unable to hide that her omega instincts still adored knowing that the alpha was more than able to provide.

"On the day you go into your first heat without suppressants it does,"

"I! Didn't plan this timing right." Raven groaned.

"You planned perfectly! We are gonna have a baby! And your alpha will provide, make you and our baby happy." Octavia boasted.

"Yes yes, I'm sure you will, but... I... full heats are terrible." Raven complained.

"Really? I rather enjoy us both being off suppressants!" Octavia argued overly pleased.

"Really? I'm shocked! You get extra confident, your muscles swell so you only look sexier, not to mention that you are showing it off completely unashamed, you get to bury your cock inside of me constantly because I'm craving you every moment of the day, I'm overly slick for you to the point I'm worried about ruining my pants, and you get to boast about being able to provide, and no matter how ridiculous or corny it is it still makes me drenched and crave to spread my legs all over again and beg for your cock." Raven growled.

"You are drenched and you crave to spread your legs for me and beg for my cock again?" Octavia lost any of Raven's other words after hearing those.

"I! Fuck you! You get all the good stuff, and I have to take the week off school and I'm constantly exhausted, overheating, just thinking is hard, and my core feels so empty!"

"You feel empty?" Octavia couldn't help but enjoy as her cock twitched.

"I love you. But when we go off of suppressants you turn into a slut."

"Oh like you aren't too?"

"I!" Raven whimpered, feeling her instincts will overwhelm her and push her to spread her legs, the alpha over her releasing a dominant scent that demanded it. "You asshole!"

"Do you want me to stop? I'd be Happy to just cuddle."

"Fuck! No. I... please. That … your scent. It is too much. If we cuddled... it would feel like someone left burning coals in my pussy!" Raven pleaded.

"Of course my love. I'm here, relax baby" Octavia lowered the register of her voice, ensuring it would calm the omega. "Relax." O repeated, taking a hand and slowly massaging Raven's slit, knowing it would help even if just a little.

"D...damn that feels good." Raven took a sharp breath, trying her best to follow her Alpha's instructions to relax.

"Good, I'm glad. And... I... if you want. We can go back on our suppressants. I don't want you in pain love. This was so we could enjoy ourselves and move forward in life, not to be excruciating for you."

"I... no." Raven immediately made intentional eye contact with her alpha. "No. I want this. I want your baby. I didn't mean to talk you out of it in any way. I, I just was complaining. I love you, and I love you filling me like this." Raven smiled softly, feeling Octavia at her entrance, the cock pressing against her reminding her of how she had been writhing in pleasure only moments ago.

"I'm glad." Octavia purred, slipping effortlessly into the omega, already spread and needy for her.

"Fuck. O!" Raven clawed at O's back, the stretch of The Alpha's still slightly swollen knot stretching her more than she anticipated.

"You like? It didn't go down all the way yet, and with your scent, it probably won't until I knot you again." Octavia offered.

"You know I like!" Raven argued, knowing Octavia could see it all over her face. "D...damn, it hits all the right spots."

"Good girl!" Octavia bucked in deeper, adoring the walls of Raven clamping down around her.

"Fuck... I... I'm gonna cum again already!"

"Soooo easy to make you release."

"D...don't tease me!" Raven's legs snapped around Octavia's hips, climax and oversensitivity driving her mad, legs wanting to close, but her alpha in the way, and with no intentions of letting up.

"That's it, cum for me, don't stop, I adore your cunt clamping down on me endlessly as your orgasm ravages you."

Raven lost any ability to form words or even logical thought, her eyes rolling back as her release only grew, her alpha fucking harder and faster, forcing her to ride it harder and longer as guttural, animalistic cries broke free from her throat. "Soooo damned good!" Octavia howled bucking in harder, feeling the repetitive clamps of her omega's core around her call forth her own climax hastily.

Raven's head didn't clear until after the alpha had sprayed herself inside her filling her completely, amazing her by how much cum her virile alpha could produce. The haze of hormones and delightful humming pleasure resonating through her body as she felt her core perfectly stretched by the Alpha's knot.

"Enjoy yourself?"

"Yesss."

"I'm glad. Now, you need sleep baby."

"I..." Raven yawned. "Yeah."

"Good. Now, sleep, relax, make sure our little one has a good place to form."

"Mhmm yeah." Raven agreed.

End of chapter 26

Author's Note: So as some of you already know I work as a barista at Starbucks, and I think it might be pretty interesting to delve down into Costia's kitchen idea.

It is specifically inspired because we had a homeless man who stayed in and around my Starbucks, and recently he was kicked out. I don't know why, just has my mind thinking about stuff. I honestly never saw the guy eat, and I saw him every day, only thing I ever saw him consume was water I had served him. In retrospect kinda wish had gotten him lunch once or twice. Idk, just been on my mind, and seems like something could explore in this story.

Thanks for reading everybody! More soon!


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Author's note: Hey! So I did a quick edit to the last chapter! Just cause I didn't have Lexa confide in Octavia about the stuff with her cousin. So just wanted to give everyone a heads up that got edited. Probably worth going back and checking the edit, it's a nice addition.

"C... Clarke?" Lexa nudged the alpha softly, after slipping back into the soft warm bed they shared.

Clarke barely moved, in a deep tranquil slumber.

"Clarke." Lexa repeated hushed, the still quiet tone retrieving no results. "Clarke!" Lexa pulled on the Alpha's shoulder, pulling her from her side on to her back.

"Grrr! Lexa... Lexa pussy good…" Clarke licked her lips, clearly deep in the dirtiest of dreams.

"You slut!" Lexa giggled.

"Hmm?" Clarke's eyes fluttered open. "I... why are you laughing? I... Lexa? You… you've been crying." Clarke could tell almost immediately even in the dark of their bedroom, the health and well-being of her mate always on the forefront of her mind.

"I have. But you made me laugh."

"Well, uugh good? How'd I do that?" Clarke questioned confused but happy that she could bring her alpha joy.

"Does 'Lexa pussy good' ring any bells?" Lexa grinned wider.

"Oh god! I... I was fucking you in my dream."

"Well, my alpha can always fuck me in real life."

"Noooot like that!"

"Huh? Why not?"

"Well first of all in the dream … I had a cock." Clarke blushed.

"Ooooh. My alpha wants to stuff me full?" Lexa giggled able to forget her struggles and worries for the moment, captivated by her alpha, and her primal craving.

"Isn't that what all alpha's want?" Clarke teased, hiding the subtle fear, that her omega instincts would devalue her efficacy as an alpha.

"Well... it isn't what I want right now... Now that you've put the idea in my head…" Lexa grabbed Clarke and pulled her up on top of her, Making Clarke lay atop her. "I think I want to feel you stuff me full, make me scream, stretch me wide, force me to cum for you?"

"You fucking tease!" Clarke growled deeply, pinning Lexa's hands down above her head.

"Well, when you talk about fucking me like that… what do you expect."

"I don't even have my damn strap right now..." Clarke frowned displeased.

"I'm sorry my love."

" Now... you were crying. Why?"

"I...I..."

"Answer, or I will never buy a new strap and fill you." Clarke threatened playfully.

"I. I woke you up for a reason love. And it wasn't to get filled by you and your perfect would be cock. I… there is a lot of stuff going on right now. I... I need to talk to you. And apologize for having kept it all hidden from you." Lexa admitted guilt-ridden.

Clarke growled protective as she grabbed Lexa pulling her close into her arms, kissing and nibbling at the top of Lexa's distraught head. "Mine! Protect. Love. Hold!" Clarke held Lexa tighter as the alpha began to giggle softly.

"Yours." Lexa echoed relieved to be held by her lover.

"So. What is it my love? What's wrong."

"There, there is so much. But. I am so relieved to finally be able to tell you." Lexa whimpered.

"Well, you have to let me read it." Clarke answered the moment Lexa finished explaining the writings she had been beginning in memoriam for Costia.

"God no!"

"Yes. I wanna read my baby's writing."

"Certainly not!" Lexa insisted.

"Why not?"

"Because… I... I don't want you to feel unspecial. I... I loved Costia. And this is my … my goodbye to her. But I'm afraid if you were to read it… that you would feel… less by comparison. Like why didn't she write about me, I'm her alpha." Lexa hypothesized.

"Lexa. I understand I got worked up and worried that you loved her more the other day. But... I was overreacting and I understand. I promise. I love you and I want to read it. I wanna know about what's going on with my alpha. And even more so if it is still haunting you so much." Clarke supported.

"Ok. Ok baby." Lexa sighed giving in, nuzzling to the alpha hugging her.

"I love you. What else is it? I can feel you are still holding something back."

"I... my cousin… the one who killed himself…" Lexa began.

"Yes?"

"Something you said the other day... it made me realize that his parents were going to send him off to a conversion therapy camp… they planned to tell him the night before he killed himself. I... I'm pretty sure he killed himself because he was afraid. Of what they would do to him... of what would happen if he got sent off there." Lexa sighed terrified of what fear he must have endured before his death.

"I... I'm so so sorry. Lexa. I... are you ok?"

"It, it is just digging a lot of stuff up for me." Lexa nodded.

"And that is part of why you've been so on edge?"

"Yeah."

"Ok. Well... I think you should talk to them."

"Them who?"

"Your aunt and uncle. It might be a way to gain some resolution for you?" Clarke suggested.

"I... maybe." Lexa sighed.

"Ok. But you have had a long day. And I know you never fell asleep. You've been sitting on the couch all night beating yourself up about this afternoon haven't you?" Clarke pushed knowingly.

"I... how'd..." Lexa stuttered.

"I was still awake when you left bed and I woke up around twelve and noticed you had left the bed. You had me worried asshole." Clarke nudged Lexa with her forehead.

"I... I'm sorry love." Lexa stressed as Clarke clearly intended it light-heartedly.

"Relax Lexa. Rest in your Alpha's arms. Breathe in and allow yourself to sleep. I know you need it."

"I... o... ok baby." Lexa yawned, feeling Clarke's strong arms around her, the pregnant alpha's sent perfect, an odorous lullaby calling her to rest her head upon Clarke's breasts and nuzzle her softly, eyelids growing heavy as she followed her Alpha's commands.

"That's my girl." Clarke purred happily.

"Ni...night night." Lexa whimpered.

End of chapter 27


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Clarke woke before Lexa, easily aware that her mate still needed much more sleep and that she should be allowed to rest. Clarke kissed the slumbering alpha on the cheek before slipping out of bed. Clarke found some comfy pajamas and headed out to the kitchen for breakfast, only to be stopped by the open door to Lexa's study. Clarke paused tempted by the idea, wishing to read Lexa's works.

Before she knew it she had sauntered in through the cracked door, flipping on the lights, finding several notepads scribbled with notes and ideas, Lexa's personal ramblings. Clarke felt the allure of the notepads, but didn't want to read them, she didn't want to completely violate her Alpha's space to read what Lexa never intended to be for anyone but herself.

"Hmmm, anything finished hiding out in here." Clarke's eyes darted over everything scattered along everything looking for something that had clearly been finished, most of the binders and notepads that adorned Lexa's study were clearly not anything more than personal papers, notes, and research. After a while, Clarke forfeited the idea of successfully finding what she wished to, turning around to find a wall adorned with a variety of novels. The bookshelves stretched from floor to ceiling, crossing the whole wall, and almost completely filled with an astounding variety of books. Clarke recognized a number of the books, but even the dozens she could identify didn't rival the hundreds Lexa owned.

Clarke's eye was easily drawn to the shelf which had the most empty space, just about eye level as she walked up to it. It held six or seven small magazines, followed by three novels listed compendium, poems, and short stories to kill. Then, the final hardcover, bold silver letters spelled out Lexa Trigeda. Clarke paused. "There it is..." she snagged the book, taking it with her as she headed out to the living room, eager to get at least a cup of coffee and maybe a small something to eat while she began to devour her lover's works.

"Hey there Clarke?" Raven called from the dining room, comfy in an overly plush robe, clearly beyond content.

"What has you all smiley?"

"Oh her? She finally got her heat satisfied just like she deserves." Octavia growled happily flipping eggs in one pan, bacon sizzling in another.

"Yeah… mhmm, it's been a very nice morning!" Raven purred in agreement.

"That's my girl." Octavia praised happy her omega was sated.

"You got any spare for me?" Clarke requested.

"Yeah. Sit on down, it'll be ready in a minute." Octavia invited.

"Here. I made coffee earlier, thought you and Lexa might want some when you woke." Raven offered pouring Clarke a warm cup.

"Thanks hun your the best." Clarke gave Raven a hug in return before sitting down next to her.

"Whatcha got there?" Raven eyed the book.

"It's Lexa's."

"Jesus? She actually letting you read it?" Octavia recognized the book from a quick glance over her shoulder.

"I... well. N...not really."

"You took from her library without permission?" Octavia half huffed half cowered in fear.

"Yeah? Uugh I? Something wrong with that?"

"No not if you want to experience her full scorn." Octavia giggled.

"I... is it that bad?"

"If you didn't get permission to read it? Yes. First, she is hella anal about her books. She is more protective over them than she was of Costia. In fact… you might be the only one that can get away with touching her books." Octavia paused.

"Huh?"

"Costia is the only person I've ever seen touch Lexa's library and not get killed for it. So... given that you're her mate... ya know what… she might actually want you to read it. But I would really talk to her about it first. That book... it is her heart and soul. She might feel … ya know. Naked in front of you if all a sudden you know what's between those pages." O elaborated, taking the pan full of eggs and doling them out speedily before adding two strips of bacon to each.

"You think?"

"I've read it. I know, it's how she felt when I looked at her for about a month or two."

"It's that personal?"

"Isn't anything that you spend three years of your life making incredibly personal. Not to mention how much of her actually made it through." Octavia explained.

"I... got it." Clarke nodded timid as she ran her fingers over the embossed letters that spelled the name of her alpha.

"Hey relax. I'm sure she will let you read it." Raven placed a calming hand over Clarke's. "She loves you. It will all work out."

"Thanks Raven." Clarke nodded in appreciation.

"Dig in girls."

"Huh? Mhmmm... Baby?" Lexa's eyes fluttered open as she felt soft kisses at her neck.

"That's a girl." Lexa could feel a hand gently caressing her side, clearly waiting patiently for consent to grope her breasts.

"Clarke? Oh, alpha." Lexa purred taking in the scent of her mate.

"morning baby."

"I... mhmm you let me sleep in didn't you?" Lexa cooed, looking around for her alarm clock to confirm the time.

"Of course I did."

"I!" Lexa went rigid noticing something else on her nightstand as Clarke continued kissing unaware.

"My girl deserves some rest. You have had a long couple of days with a lot on your mind."

"Yes! I do have a lot!" Lexa's voice teetering on shrill as she sat up in bed.

"What is it?"

"I told you no Clarke!"

"Huh? I... I didn't mean to touch you in a way you didn't wanna be touched!" Clarke recoiled scared she had pushed Lexa by waking her with kisses and gentle caresses.

"No! You! You went into my study! And you... you!" Lexa grabbed her novel from her nightstand, pulling it close, holding it over her heart, feeling a need to protect the flaw in her armor.

"I! I didn't read it Lexa! I... I mean I was gonna. But..."

"Clarke! Why the hell would you read it! Especially after I told you no!"

"I told you it wouldn't make me feel unspecial."

"But I didn't give you carte Blanche to pilfer my library!"

"Lexa! I didn't even read it!"

"You said yourself you were gonna! What changed?"

"I... Octavia. She mentioned to me that... that your novel was extremely personal... and... I never opened the book. Because of what she said. How she said it. I... I understand. That book is …"

"It is me. It is a part of me, of my life, of my heart. All of my writings are." Lexa allowed her arms to drop, once more bearing her heart for her mate.

"I know. And... I woke you up because I got impatient." Clarke sighed taking Lexa's hands wrapped around the book in her own.

"And that is why I woke you up. I wanted to ask for permission. I... I wanna know more about you. My Lexa."

"Promise… promise me..."

"What!? Anything! I promise!"

"Promise me you won't see me differently." Lexa's face was clearly full of shame and fear.

"I... why would I see you differently?"

"I... just... promise. Ok?" Lexa looked down and away.

"Well." Clarke moved closer on the bed to Lexa, caressing her cheek." what if after I read it I just see you as this amazing writer, a woman so established in her life, a perfect mate for me. A strong woman I love."

"I love you. And … that probably isn't something you will feel."

"I love you. And I have to read for us to find out don't I?"

Lexa nodded timid. "Ok." She held the book out to Clarke." Please be careful with it tho. It was the first hardcover I had printed. It is my most prized possession."

"I will guard it with my life."

"I love you."

"I love you too baby. What is it?"

"I... it's gonna be a long day." Lexa sighed trying to prepare herself.

"What is it?"

"I need to talk to my aunt and uncle."

"Oh... fuck." Clarke nodded, processing what it meant. "Do you want me to come with?"

"No. I, I have to do this myself. You have some reading to do, now don't you?" Lexa leaned in and plopped a kiss on Clarke's cheek.

"I'm here when you get back."

"I know my love. Thank you."

End of chapter 28


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

"You can do this. I believe in you Lexa."

"I... I don't even know what I want to say to them." Lexa looked around anxious.

"You spent an hour procrastinating by choosing different outfits seven times over."

"I know. I know I know. I... but this… I'm scared! These people practically raised me!"

"It's your aunt and uncle, not your mom and dad."

"Clarke... my parents were busy, working overtime to make sure I went to a good school, a good college, Making sure I could do what I wanted. And... to their credit, it worked. But in the meantime, I spent a lot of time with my aunt and uncle. They lived down the street, I spent more time with them than I did with my own parents."

"Fuck... I... that... changes … a lot."

"Yeah. So, that's why I'm so anxious about this. It is kinda like I'm confronting my parents about this."

"Ok ok. You win." Clarke agreed.

"Yeah." Lexa repeated scared.

"Come here, my baby." Clarke opened her arms for her mate.

"I love you."

"And I you, my beautiful strong girl." Clarke wrapped tight around Lexa, kissing and nibbling gently at her mate's cheek.

"Thank you my alpha." Lexa kissed back at Clarke.

"Aww. You know just what I love to hear my love."

"Of course. My perfect alpha." Lexa pulled back before placing a hand against Clarke's belly.

"It's ok. I'm ok. She is ok."

"She?" Lexa hung to the gender like it would tell her all the wonders and woes that her child might live to see.

"She." Clarke claimed confident.

"Well, then how are my girls?"

"We are ok." Clarke giggled repeating herself.

"I know it is hard on you."

"Don't worry. I'm getting more accustomed to it. And... well, having someone affirm my gender every day the way you do makes it all a lot easier. Yes. The dysphoria is still there. But it gets a lot easier when I have you here showing me I am an alpha in your eyes. It means a lot."

"I know love. And you are my alpha." Lexa comforted.

"Your stalling."

"I! Am! Uugh... stalling." Lexa deflated. "I'm scared."

"I can come with?" Clarke offered once more.

"No. I... I got this. You… you have a novel to read." Lexa flashed a smile pushing her emotions down before heading off.

"I will be here for you when you are done. I promise." Clarke hollered back at Lexa as she left.

"Thank you." Lexa thanked the air, more than aware that Clarke was out of earshot, but still appreciative tucking the threads of love strung along in each of Clarke's words into her breast pocket, knowing her tender heart could use the padding.

Lexa embarked on the drive heavy-hearted, devoid of Hope and consumed with fear and a fit of conflicted anger. No part of Lexa ever wanted to be angry with her aunt and uncle, she was almost as close with them as she was with her own parents. But. She knew what they had done. How their choices had affected her cousin, a man who was like a brother to her, dead. Because of what they had done… or... well at least threatened and planned to do. A part of Lexa wanted to fight to deny her own memories, to live in a delusional paradise where she wouldn't have to deal with confrontation of her family.

Lexa stayed secluded in her tempting fantasy world for the whole time back home. Once she had finally arrived she knew immediately they were both home from the cars parked in the drive. Her aunt and uncle had been retired for years so it wasn't much of a surprise, but Lexa dreaded it, all the same, knowing it would be even harder to confront them both together, but that it might be faster. Lexa willed herself to exit her car only to approach the front door and halted idle, trapped in hesitation. Even she wasn't sure how long she had been standing there, waiting for the courage to move only to be surprised by her uncle opening the front door.

Lexa made a poor attempt to pretend she had just been about to knock.

"Lexi!" He cried out happily unquestioning of the fact that Lexa had clearly been standing there for a long time. "Well, what brings you out to see us and the folks?"

"Hey uncle John." Lexa smiled.

"So hows my sister and your father?" He asked Lexa with a wide smile.

"I... actually didn't come down to see them just you and antie Indra." Lexa admitted.

"Well, what'd ya come down to see just us for?" John raised an eyebrow gesturing for Lexa to follow. "Come on let's grab the mail."

"Waiting on a package?"

"No. Just grabbing the mail. Indra and I are waiting on a reply from one of the charity foundations we are a part of. We need to make sure they got our donation."

"Oh really? New place!?" Lexa was aware of her aunt and uncle's charity work but didn't always know the particulars.

"No. I... One of our favorites actually. We... well it means a lot to Indra and I." He hesitated.

"Well. I'm sure it's a good cause." Lexa felt a tinge of doubt at her own words as she spoke them, fearful it wasn't, in fact, a good cause. What if this charity had something to do with the hell they had almost sent their own child to.

"So what's wrong kiddo?"

"Huh!?"

"You never come down without seeing your ma and pops less something is wrong." he glanced back to Lexa knowingly as he grabbed the mail.

Lexa watched him slip through the multiple envelopes until he found the one he had been looking for. Although she couldn't catch any of the writings on the letter, she was confounded by the rainbow stamp she noticed on the top right corner.

"You get the right one?"

"Lexa! How dare you come down here and not tell me!" Indra yelled with a wide smile from the open front door.

"Auntie!" Lexa smiled forgetting her reason for being where she was, simply recognizing her family member.

"Get your ass inside girl! It's too damn cold out here!" Indra shivered, waving them both inside.

"How are you Indra!" Lexa asked with a smile suppressing her queries for now.

"Oh well, I'd be a lot better if this bad little omega!" She grabbed John's ass as he entered through the door behind Lexa. "Would stop leaving the door open in the middle of winter!"

"Come now baby you know I'm just trying to get you to come warm me up." Her husband nudged back.

"You two..." Lexa shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"What about us little one?" Indra smiled.

"No boundaries. Not even in front of the kids."

"Oh please. You aren't a kid anymore." Indra contested.

"Fair, but still." Lexa groaned.

Sensing a lull John piped up. "Hey look! Indra it came." He flashed the envelope to his mate once more out of Lexa's view.

Her heart visibly sunk. "Yes. That's good news baby. I'm glad they got it." Indra nodded.

"It Should help them. Really." He took her hand in his.

"Yeah. I'm sure it will help… help them."

"Indra?" Lexa tilted her head concerned.

"You simply must eat! I! It is unacceptable that you gave us no notice! I wish I could have had even an hour's heads up in order to have something ready for when you arrived!" Indra deflected, rushing to the fridge and searching for something to cook.

"Indra please relax." John attempted to soothe his wife, but she had already pulled out salad fixings and a knife slicing tomatoes to form the first course.

"Indra I'm fine. I grabbed something on the way here for breakfast."

"Now that is so much worse!" Indra swung around, waving the knife in the air.

"Ok knife down love." John approached, pulling the sharp object away.

"It's ok. I swear. I don't need to eat Indra." Lexa laughed relaxing.

Indra huffed angrily.

John lowered his head for Indra, drawing her in to hug him, knowing it would soothe her to hold her omega.

"Better?"

"A little." Indra growled playfully earning a giggle from the other two.

"So Indra. Our little Lexi here has a problem."

"She does?" Indra looked at them both, their facial expressions explaining better than words could. "Well? Lexa? What is it that you couldn't go to your parents about?"

"I!" Lexa paused, caught off guard and unprepared for the conversation.

"What is it Lexi. You know you can talk to us. No matter what it is."

"Even if it's about that new mate of yours you havn't let us meet yet!" Indra teased.

"Huh!?"

"Oh please, you reek of an omega."

"Not to mention your new mating bite."

"I!" Lexa interjected.

"And... if I'm not mistaken!" Indra looked to her mate.

"That is a pregnant omega." John finished.

"You have a lot to fill us in on!"

"She isn't an omega!" Lexa rose her voice unintentionally.

"Ok, ok." John nodded not wanting to upset his niece.

"I'm so sorry I just thought from the scent she was an omega." Indra apologized immediately.

"I...I… Indra! John! We...we need to talk about him." Lexa finally brought herself to bring him up.

"About who Lexi?"

"John you know who." Indra hung her head low.

"I... I do not!"

"The same reason we write endless checks to your favorite charity! No matter how much we give it won't bring our son back!" Indra snapped.

"I… Illian..." John sighed his soul breaking all over again.

"You know... I thought I was the reason he did it... I thought it was my fault for not understanding him."

"Lexa!" Both her aunt and uncle went to hug her in unison, knowing her pain and hating that she had been under the same weight of guilt as them for so long.

"Stay away from me!" Lexa recoiled from them. "No! I know it was you two!"

"Yes, it was." John admitted as Indra collapsed. "We never understood till it was too late."

"We were supposed to protect him! Our sun! I failed him!" Indra cried from the floor.

"I…" Lexa saw the pain she once held on their faces, having never expected this reaction.

" We made the worst mistake a parent can Lexa. And I understand if you hate us for that." John knelt down next to Indra on the floor, stroking a hand over her back. "And if you want to yell or scream or whatever… I understand that too. But... please. Not in front of your Aunt. She... alphas don't take the loss of a child well. Not that anyone does. But… please. Just... if you need to yell and scream come back another time and I will gladly be your punching bag. Just not her. I can't lose her too." John pleaded.

"I... I'm so sorry." Lexa sighed, kneeling down with them.

"There is no redemption for what we've done." Indra shook on the floor.

"Ok. It's time to go to bed love." John instructed, knowing it would help her. "Please. Lexa help me pick her up to bed."

"Of course. I... I'm sorry John." Lexa picked Indra up on her own, holding her close. "I... I" Lexa tried and failed to find words as she attempted to discern her own feelings.

They took Indra to bed silently, and John tucked her in, kissing her forehead. Lexa wanted to speak. To say anything, to bridge the gap, but she had no knowledge of how. She watched and followed his cue as he sauntered somber from the room, clearly mourning all over again. Her uncle made his way directly to the fridge, removing two beers, then sitting at the kitchen table offering for Lexa to join him.

She hesitated, but she joined him, sitting across the table, looking to the beers as he offered one without a word.

Lexa shook her head softly finding her voice. "I'm driving soon. I... have an alpha I need to get home too."

"She treat you right?"

"Yeah." Lexa nodded. "I just hope I can do the same for her."

"You will. You always do. Never met anyone you didn't do right by."

"I can think of one person… but I'm not sure anyone really did right by him now." Lexa didn't mean for her words to be quite as pointed as they were.

"That… that's … fair." Her uncle nodded back.

"Fuck... I. Didn't mean it to come off that bad."

"Yes you did. And... I understand. We deserve it. Indra and I."

"I'm sorry."

"How'd you figure it out after all this time?" He lamented the idea of never having his niece look to him with … anything but pity and disdain again.

"My girlfriend. My alpha." Lexa paused. "She... mentioned to me that her mother once threatened to send her off. To a camp. A conversion camp. All because she isn't biologically an alpha."

"I'm so sorry. I... you must hate us."

"I don't hate you. I! I don't understand." Lexa looked down.

"Your aunt and I were terrible parents. So terrible we aren't parents anymore. We thought we were helping. But we weren't. I ended up having to cut my son's lifeless corpse down from his ceiling fan while his mother's heart broke."

"You weren't terrible parents." Lexa whispered.

"No? Well then we were ignorant beyond belief, we failed him. And now he is gone. It was our fault." He corrected, drinking his beer, exhausted with feeling for the day already.

"Please stop."

"Stop what?" He dropped his glass back upon the table.

"Beating yourselves up for this." Lexa sighed, having a hard time finding anything else to say.

"Lexa there is no stopping. My son would be alive if I had understood! If I hadn't been a close-minded!"

"Stop!" Lexa yelled.

John inhaled, winding up to counter, but forfeiting instead. "Fine."

"I don't understand! John… how... why! Since when have... since when were you two ever the type of people who would send your kid off to…" Lexa wanted to accuse him of horrible things, but decided against beating the battered man further.

"Losing our child changed us. You know that Lexa."

Lexa nodded softly remembering the nights she stayed at their home after he had passed, hearing them both sob from across the home, never sure of what to do, or how to comfort them. Then she recalled the guilt she felt, feeling as if it were her fault they were so broken, that if she had done something! anything different! Anything that could have saved him. "I understand."

"After he died we were angry. We were scared. And... we reached out, our church was how we found out about the camp... and for a while we stayed, hoping to find some solace in god, that maybe he was in a better place. And the rest of the congregation… were less than sympathetic. There are many wonderful churches in this world. But... we were not part of one. Some of the members told us it was a good thing. That the world was better without him." His face reflecting the horror he held knowing people like that we're still out there. "We left very shortly after. We never went back. Instead, we went to support groups, found others, who had made similar mistakes, others who had suffered like your aunt and I had. The letter we were awaiting. It was a confirmation that a local shelter for LGBT youths had received our yearly donation."

"I... well I understand a bit more." Lexa processed.

"Yeah."

"I was a little dumbfounded realizing that was your reaction to him but your reaction to hearing I was getting married to a girl was buying us a car as a wedding present." Lexa laughed awkwardly.

"Well... a lot changed for us. a lot. And...I'd Like to think we are better for it."

"And Indra?" Lexa looked up, scared to see the strong alpha female, her role model through her whole life, the woman Lexa had always aspired to be, break down like that.

"Like I said. Alphas… don't take the loss of a child well. Believe it or not, this is progress. She... she is a lot better when she isn't focusing on him. And... when the anniversary of his death was a matter of days ago."

"I... oh God... it... it was in late January..." Lexa sighed, almost guilty for forgetting.

"She always does a little worse this time of year. It's why she freaked out about you eating. She wants to take care of her child. She needs to protect someone who isn't there anymore, and it kills her."

"I'm sorry. That can't be easy on you." Lexa could see how it weighed on him.

"It isn't. But it is harder on her."

"How can I help."

"You can't Lexa."

"I..."

"Well... I know you have an alpha to get home to. I don't wanna keep you. And I assume you have the answers you were looking for." John stood from the table, not wishing to dwell on this any longer.

"I'm sorry. I will go. But. Let me say goodbye to Indra first." Lexa stood with him, unsure what else to say, she didn't really want to go, but she didn't want to overstay her waning welcome.

"Ok. Just. Be easy on her. Ok?"

"Of course." Lexa hugged her uncle knowing he could use any support he could get.

"Thank you Lexi."

Lexa made her way back to Indra, opening the cracked door to find her aunt still crying on the bed, softer now, but crying, all the same, curled up, holding a pillow Lexa recognized as one of Illian's. Lexa knew instantly Indra had taken it when he died, needing something to hold that smelled of her cub, wanting something to hold on to, something to trick her olfactory sense to think he was still there. It broke Lexa's heart when it processed that the pillow must have lost his scent years ago, that the last thing she had to trick herself he was still there was gone, but she still held to it desperately wishing to have something of him left.

"Indra?"

"I'm sorry." She answered, unmoving, voice weak.

"Indra." Lexa repeated, approaching the bed, hesitant and unsure of how to help her aunt.

"I did it to him. I made the choice. Did he tell you that? That he didn't want to. That I convinced him. That we needed to protect Illian!" Indra's self-loathing saturated her voice, holding tighter to the pillow, caressing it softly as she closed her eyes.

"No, he didn't. But … that is the past. We all made mistakes." Lexa tried to comfort Indra, laying a hand on her shoulder, Indra curling tighter into a ball, her back to Lexa still.

"You need to forgive yourself."

"There is no forgiving this!" Indra turned around to snap at Lexa.

"Yes, there is." Lexa laid onto the bed with her aunt hugging the hurting alpha. "I... I know it isn't the same, but I understand. I felt like I had failed Costia. Like it was my fault. I should have protected her more. Been better. Saved her somehow. But... just because we are alphas, doesn't mean we are perfect. We are flawed and we can't save everyone we care about." Lexa empathized.

"It isn't that easy Lexa."

"Nothing about it is easy." Lexa tucked her forehead into Indra's neck just as she had when she was a scared child. "But you aren't alone." Lexa threw back words Indra had comforted her with for decades.

"Lexa…" Indra held the child in her arms. "It isn't that simple."

"No, it isn't. And that's why John, my parents and I are all here for you. we all love you. And we are here."

Indra clutched to her, breathing through as she missed her child, but finding some semblance of comfort holding her niece. "Thank you Lexa."

Lexa stayed there with Indra for a long time, no longer worried of overstaying any welcome, only worried for her hurting aunt. She stayed there until Indra stopped crying and fell asleep, hoping it would do something to help the hurting mother. Once Indra finally calmed and fell to sleep Lexa returned to the living room to see her uncle passed out on the couch, five beers lined out in front of him, all empty. Sighing worried for him leaving a note before she headed home.

John and Indra,

I love you two so much. I hope you two are feeling better. Please don't keep punishing yourself. It takes more than one thing to push someone to what he did. And, I've learned as of late that people suffering what he was are already going through so much. This was not your fault. Forgive yourselves, and take care. Mom and dad will always be right down the street for you. If you need me, call me and I will come down.

Feel better you two.

Lexa left the note under one of the beer bottles before heading home, missing her alpha, needing to talk to her about the day's Revelations.

End of chapter 29


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

"O... Octavia?" Clarke asked, knocking on the door of the Alpha's room.

"Clarke?" Octavia questioned back, rushing to put on her exercise top before the impatient alpha opened the door.

"Can I come in?" Clarke asked.

"Yeah, I... just finished changing, yeah. uugh you know Raven is at school today right?" Octavia grabbed her bag, readying to go to work.

"I'm sorry! You're already headed off to work aren't you?" Clarke sighed holding the book to her chest as she entered the room.

"No, I mean yes, but don't worry I told my head manager I wouldn't be in till three, and even if I'm late he can hold down the fort. What's wrong?" Octavia spotted the confusion on Clarke's face.

"I... had some questions..."Clarke began. "I… uugh but how's your gym doing?"

"It's ok. We are doing well enough to hire a couple more employees, so that makes life a little easier. Plus, Lexa's place is even closer than my old one, so also nice. But. You look like you need to start asking those questions."

"I... I don't understand. Uugh. I don't know where to start."

"Well, Lexa … she made me promise not to see her differently after I read it. B... but I don't understand why?"

"Are you done with it yet?"

"Not quite. I... it just feels like there is another shoe that is about to drop and I'm worried and confused and anxious, and craving pickles."

"Aka you are pregnant and reading your Alpha's book?"

"Accurate." Clarke confirmed.

"You know we have pickles in the fridge right?"

"I! We do!? Yay! But, not entirely the point. Lexa, she seemed almost ashamed when she asked me not to see her differently." Clarke explained trying to understand.

"I could see that." Octavia frowned slightly thinking back.

"Why? I... I'm about halfway through and it feels like she is about to find out about her girlfriend's self-harm. Wait, did Lexa self-harm and I just don't know about it? I would never judge her for that. I knew about the suicide attempt, but it sounded like an isolated incident." Clarke theorized.

"No. That wasn't Lexa. But. She was drawing that inspiration from someone very close to her." Octavia answered.

"So then… why? What is it that she is ashamed of?" Clarke pressed.

"You are really close… umm look it is fiction. And none of the characters are fax similes of real people. But, Lexa certainly drew greatly from personal experience and mistakes. And, I was there, when, when it happened, and I will admit it wasn't quite as bad as the book. But. It wasn't great. And certainly not Lexa's most shining behavioral achievement."

"Octavia! I don't understand!" Clarke followed up, confused by Octavia's vagueness.

"I'm sorry Clarke. But. This is something you are probably just better off reading to understand. If you need me I will have my phone on me in between personal training sessions, and I will get back to you when I can. I'm sorry. I wish I could explain better, but it isn't my story to tell." Octavia apologized.

"No don't be. It's ok. I understand. I will try to catch up with you later. I'm sorry I held you up Octavia." Clarke stepped out of the way, allowing Octavia to pass.

"Look. Lexa learns from her mistakes. Just. Remember that ok?"

"Ok. I will" Clarke agreed before returning to her bed for comfortable reading while being able to be surrounded by the scent of her strong alpha.

Clarke, however, hesitated to reopen the novel at first, fearful of what she might find, never wanting to think less of the woman she loved, her alpha, the mother of their unborn child. She contemplated her options, rubbing her belly softly, conflicted about the soft bump residing within her. Caught between the instinctual adoration, the primal love, and even her logical understanding that it was her child, something she had wanted for so long, a cub to raise, to love. But when opposed to the disdainful clothing of her anatomy unrelenting in how it reminded her that she was in no way who she wanted to be, that she is still so far from what she truly was, who she truly is.

Lexa eagerly scaled the stairs to her apartment, eager to see her mate. She rushed in, opening her door, dropping her keys and bag on the kitchen table, kicking off her shoes as she approached her and Clarke's room, catching the omega's scent, craving to hold and cuddle the alpha. Lexa arrived at the door, swinging it open to find her mate crying in the bed, holding the book to her chest, the novel clearly covered in tear stains.

"Clarke!" Lexa called, leaping to the side of the bed.

"Lexa?" Clarke sniffled surprised by her Alpha's sudden appearance.

"Baby! What's wrong!"

"She... she died…" Clarke cried harder.

"Oh, baby. I know she dies in there but it's just fiction." Lexa comforted.

"No! I'm talking about Costia!" Clarke corrected.

"I... Clarke, that isn't how Costia died, you know that."

"I know that Lexa!" Clarke retaliated, insecure.

"Clarke…" Lexa sighed, hugging her mate.

"She is gone Lexa."

"I know. I miss her. But what is wrong baby?"

"That someone… had a life like that. That she …"

"What do you know of the life she had?" Lexa recoiled.

"Octavia told me. I... at first I thought she was based on you but she explained she was based on 'someone else close to you' and I know it was Costia." Clarke explained, tears slowing.

"I... Clarke..." Lexa relaxed, caressing Clarke's cheek, wiping away tears.

"She... had a life like that... and then it just ended. Nothing. I… what if that... what if that is the type of life our baby has... that is no type of life! How! How is that right! How is that fair! How does that happen!" The sobs came hard and heavy between broken words, fear consuming Clark, worried for their cub.

"No. No. No. Our child won't have a life like that. I promise. I won't let that happen. You won't let it happen. We won't."

"You can't promise that!"

"Yes, I can. Because we will be amazing parents. Because we will take care of this little one. Like my parents did me."

"Huh yeah having you spend so much time with transphobic fucks like your aunt and uncle?"

"For your information, they are actually noteworthy donors to a nonprofit housing and feeding disenfranchised and homeless LGB and T youths." Lexa sat up in the bed, unexcited about allowing Clarke to put them down.

"I... what!?" Clarke paused. "Well! Nothing makes up for what they've done." Clarke denied, cold, remembering the last time she had spoken with her own mother.

"Yes, it does." Lexa's tone unwavering and impatient.

"Nothing makes up for that. Nothing."

"They were never anything but wonderful to me. And I won't have you degrading my parents or my aunt and uncle."

"I... I'm sorry." Clarke stepped down.

"I love you. But really. Our child will be ok. They won't have the life that she had."

"Costia or …" Clarke trailed off.

"Well given that Costia is the only of the two options that really exists, then yes Costia." Lexa smiled softly to signal everything was ok.

"I... just..."

"And. It's worth mentioning. Her life wasn't all bad. Yes, the character in my novel was based off of her. And... my novel was an apology to her. For how I acted when I found out about her struggles. I didn't have the money for a ring, so I did what I knew, I wrote, and I tried to make her know how guilty I felt, and that I understood her, her pain, what she was going through, and that if I wasn't careful I would lose her for good. And although I did lose her one day. After the night I gave her this novel we spent six wonderful years together. "Lexa took Clarke's hand in hers." She was happy, I was happy, we were so happy. That book, it isn't her story. Because her story didn't end there. She and I fell in love, got married. And yes one day she did die. But, I... I know she was happy." Lexa explained.

"Ok..." Clarke nodded scared, worried for her child. "I love you. I'm sorry for insulting your parents or your aunt and uncle... I... just."

" I know baby, I know. But I'm here. And you are safe. No one can send you to one of those places. No one. Not even her."

"I love you." Clarke launched from her spot on the bed into Lexa, hugging and clinging to her with everything she had.

"And you my strong alpha will help me protect our beautiful little one. Ok?"

"Ok." Clarke whimpered.

"It is ok. And they will be ok." Lexa pressed a warm hand against Clarke's belly.

"They like that." Clarke hummed.

"They do?"

"Yeah. And I do too."

"I'm glad... I... uugh... so, ummm. Did you like it?"

"I just said I liked it."

"No... The book!" Lexa corrected.

"I... yeah totally loved it, ya know in the same way I love being slapped and spanked. Jesus Christ, it's painful to read!" Clarke shook her head.

"Well... I don't know about slapped, but every time I've spanked you, you loved it." Lexa growled, kissing Clarke.

"I told you I loved it…" Clarke blushed.

"Yeah? Well, my masochistic alpha is about to get something else she loves!"

End of chapter 30


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

"Welcome welcome. I'm glad you all have made it!" Nyko stood at a podium with a large circle of chairs in front of her.

Some stray clapping echoed her introduction. "I'm very glad to see so many familiar faces, and I'm even happier to see the new one. Clarke! Please introduce yourself and your pronouns."

Clarke looked around, momentarily terrified as eagre eyes encroached on her. "Oh fuck" she sighed standing. "Hi! I'm Clarke Griffin. I... my pronouns? A...are she her, but I am a trans alpha." The room gave soft and kind nods welcoming Clarke.

"Thank you Clarke. Sorry for putting you on the spot like that." Nyko apologized. "Now. In honor of the new member, I'd Like to have those of us who have begun, finished, or even just have plans for transition to speak. To familiarize us all with the possible options, and what risks or headaches might be associated with them. Angela?" Nyko called her out first, knowing her story and hoping it would help Clarke.

"Yes! Well, I am Angela! Good to see everyone back, and great to meet you Clarke. Umm! So! I am cisgender, but I am transdynamic. I presented, pretty late, when I turned 17. By that time, I already knew who I was, who I wanted to be, a proud strong alpha woman. But when I presented with my first heat… it was terrible, and it hit me hard, I don't know if something was wrong and it delayed my first heat, or if it is just always that strong the first time around. But … I felt like I had been battered with a golf club, everything in me felt broken and sore... most of all my pride and... well my sense of self, my self-worth. I always figured I was a late bloomer, it isn't unheard of for secondary puberty to hit as late as 21 or even 25 in some rarer cases. But... when I presented and it wasn't as the alpha I always believed myself to be. I couldn't leave bed. I couldn't do anything. I just curled up and cried as the hormones and ache wrecked me. But! I was lucky. I had an incredible understanding family. They saved my life, giving me the opportunity to change things, to not feel helpless. My omega father had a friend when he was younger, a Friend in a similar situation to me. My parents reached out on my behalf. And... that is how I met the wonderful Nyko. She … well, she showed me very early on that I didn't have to stay in the position I was in for long. Because I wasn't 18 yet I couldn't get anything significant done for a year, but Nyko quickly got me on blockers, they stopped my heats, made me... feel almost normal, not… not myself. But... not this needy aching weakling. Now let me be clear! That isn't how I see omegas. I love omegas! I... it's... it's just how I felt when I had to endure the few heats I did. But... that was gone. And everything was a lot better. Not to say that it was perfect, being on the blockers killed my sex drive, I had zero interest in anything sexual, and my emotions were... different. Admittedly some of this is just due to the situation. But mostly it was the hormone blockers. Finally, once I turned 18, Nyko explained to my family and I that I had a choice, that I could continue as I had been or I could have a surgery, and supplemental hormones. The surgery removed my uterus and ovaries followed by hormones... so... sadly, I will never be able to have children. But that was a concession I am happy to make for what came in return. After the surgery, things took a while to get more or less back to normal, for me to be back on my feet and all, it is a big surgery, and a noteworthy risk. But... I survived, despite a couple minor complications. And, now I am healthy, healthier than I have ever been before, honestly. The hormones worked better than we expected, and due to the nature of alpha beta omega Dynamics, the hormones jump-started my system, and without my omega parts… I actually have regular ruts, powerful ruts, perfect ruts that, oh God... I have never felt more myself than when in a rut. And... I can never thank Nyko enough for all her help. She is the reason my family knew what to do, and how to help. And... a couple years ago I asked what I could do in return, and she asked me to help her make this group, to come and tell my story, to help her help others." Angela's prepped words came from the heart canned or not.

"Thank you so much Angela., Next?" Nyko offered gesturing to another of the members.

"Hi... well. My name is Anna. I've never heavily identified with either alpha not omega, and I to bloomed late. I never cared till... well till, ya know. And my presentation was never anything I was super excited about, I always just hoped I would be a beta. Honestly, Angela is a lot better at this whole thing, and she has rehearsed a lot more than me. I went through the same blockers treatment that she had when she was younger, but I stopped there, never had anything else done. And... well I'm happy too. It has done what I need, allowed me to be … well me. My side effects have more or less been the same, I still have a monthly cycle, once a week I get a little hot under the collar, I actually have a sex drive, and my clit swells a little more than is normal, happily neither." Anna explained reserved.

"Thank you! And finally." Nyko gesturing to the quiet woman looking down and away from a wheelchair, clearly careful as she considered what to say.

"It's good to meet you Clarke. I... uugh, I'm afraid to say it, but I'm pretty sure I'm here to be the warning story." She opened.

"I..." Clarke wanted to respond, but couldn't find the words, unsure of how to reply.

"It's ok. I know. It can be hard to reply to that… well, those two, they were smart, went through the official channels and all, through her." The woman gestured to Nyko. "And she is wonderful. If you have her. If you are completely unaware she exists… as I'm sure you all know, not having any solutions can be... taxing, terrifying, and … Even lead you to making drastic decisions."

"Y, yeah." Clarke agreed timidly, a couple nods coming from people across the room.

"I took heat suppressants for years, doubled, even tripled my doses, lied to doctors, stole my friend's suppressants, even my brother's. I did everything I could to just try to get it all to stop! To stop feeling like this foreign person, this person who isn't me! Someone I don't know! So... when I heard there were some back alley channels, ways to get it all to stop, to finally stop! I... well I jumped at the chance, I didn't care about the costs... I took every dime I had... and... well... when I woke, it was gone... and I couldn't move my legs. I woke in the hospital, thank God. The person cutting into me had the sense to take me there when they realized they fucked up. So... I'm alive, but … I still have my heats, they didn't fix that, but... what they did do took its toll." She ran her hands up and down numb legs.

"I... fuck... I... I'm so sorry..." Clarke tried to comfort the woman.

"It's ok... it's been a while. And... Nyko is looking into blockers for me to help." She dismissed.

"I... ok." Clarke replied unconfident.

"On that note, I'd like to pipe in." Nyko capitalized on the silences. "I'd like to admit my true reason why I am adamant about inviting you, and honestly everyone I meet who has had our particular set of personal experiences. There have been more and more stories of people going through... less than ideal and secure means to transition. And... honestly I'm scared, I'm scared for us, our kind. Who here knows someone who has been hurt or killed by improper, unlicensed hormone treatment or surgeries?" Hands flew up as heads dropped, mournful, lamenting lost friends.

"H... how have I almost never heard of this!?" Clarke questioned angrily.

"Not many people know or understand trans people or their issues, wouldn't know a seizure from improperly administered hormones, over-consumption of suppressants, or a drug overdose. And the botched surgeries… police have no idea what was going on if they find the mutilated bodies. And …When someone survives it..."

"Like I said. I woke up in the hospital, the people who did this didn't leave a contact number. And... no one cared, got written off as a robbery." The woman in the wheelchair interrupted.

"Exactly... so please. If you are going to do something, go through safe and known channels. I don't care if you use or don't use me. My business will survive one way or the other. But I care about all of you." Nyko hammered home.

"Thank you" Clarke nodded, the whole of the situation still falling upon her. She stayed for the rest of the hour-long meeting, silent, unsure what to do or say as she heard the muted voices chatter on, collaborating on conflicts, and their resolutions.

"How was your meeting?" Lexa asked, seeing Clarke already outside awaiting her mate.

"I... informative. T... tough tho." Clarke nodded softly.

"You ok?"

"I need to start treatment with Nyko as soon as I'm recovered from birth. Ok?" Clarke requested, eyes fearful.

"Treatment?"

"Transition. I... there is apparently a way... for me to be myself. I... I don't wanna wait another day more than I have to."

"Of course my love. We will figure this out, out together."

"Thank you."

"Of course." Lexa agreed.

"How was your meeting tho?"

"No Octavia there is no point! We are just here for Clarke's meeting!" Lexa disagreed.

"Oh come on, she said she could do hers alone, she even requested you let her do this first one solo. You aren't doing alright and I know it!"

"That didn't mean that I have to go back to the loss and grieving meetings again."

"I said nothing about meetings, I just said the one. And we don't have to stay for the whole thing, we can leave when Clarke's meeting gets out." Octavia pressed.

"O! I... I just don't know that I need that right now, to bring up more memories."

"It isn't just bringing up memories, it's working through them. It's processing. That's the point."

"I... I don't know" Lexa swayed.

"Yes you do, you just don't wanna do it cause you know it's hard. Plus it's gonna start any minute now!"

"Fine. Guess I have to, given the luck that it's right by Clarke's meetings and at the same time." Lexa allowed.

"Yes! Now come on!" O pulled Lexa towards the familiar meeting hall and picking two empty seats for them.

"So demanding, how does Raven live with you?" Lexa teased as the group began to form.

"Well, she has learned to obey, unlike someone." Octavia glared. "But you came, your learning."

"Grr! Like you wouldn't do anything she asked of you!" Lexa countered.

"Fair point."

"Cachao" Lexa mimicked a whip.

"Oh, and you and Clarke aren't the same way for each other?"

"True."

"Just how us alphas are. We want our mate happy." Octavia concluded.

"You think she is happy?" Lexa pondered.

"She who?"

"Clarke."

"Well... she loves you."

"We both know that isn't the same as being happy." Lexa shook her head.

"Just because Costia wasn't happy doesn't mean you didn't make her so much happier." Octavia offered a supportive hand.

"Why did you never tell me? Tell me what she was going through."

"You know why, they weren't my secrets to tell."

"I know… I..."

"Thank you all for returning!" The group's leader introduced overriding Lexa as she went to talk.

"Bring it up in the group. Shut up for now" Octavia smiled wide, eager to have Lexa work through her issues.

"Today's topic is forgiveness, for yourself, or the ones you've lost!"

"Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! Lexa can share!" Octavia cheered.

"Fuck you!" Lexa growled.

"Yes! I'd love to hear from Lexa, I could swear it's been months since you've been here, how have you been?" The leader perked up.

"Hey! I'm Lexa. And, my wife died, two years or so ago. I loved her. And... recently I've entered a new relationship, even bonded, found a new mate. And... the guilt, the grief, it's getting to me. I... uugh... so... I've been seeing her... in the corners of my eyes. Thinking it's her shadow behind me. I... it..." Lexa lost the words.

"You feel like she is watching over you, but not in a good way?" Octavia asked.

"I loved her. And if she is watching over me, I know she would be happy, and proud. And... that's how I know it's just my fears, that it's just in my head. Because... if it were her, I wouldn't feel like I'm being judged, like I have to impress the visage of her that haunts me! Every day and night!"

"Lexa..." Octavia sighed.

"How can we support you?" one of the members spoke up worriedly.

"I... I... I don't know."

"How was it?" Clarke repeated.

"Oh? Yeah. I messaged you about my group while you were in there didn't I?" Lexa recalled, pulling herself back from thoughts the meeting brought up.

"Yeah. It's how I knew to meet you over here." Clarke reminded. "So how was it."

"Oh. It was great. Really processed some stuff." Lexa lied.

"Good to hear baby!" Clarke smiled.

"Y'all ready to go home!?" Octavia cheered closing the door to the meeting room behind her, the final person to exit the meeting.

"Yeah let's go!" Clarke agreed, holding Lexa close and pulling her away, towards the car as they headed homeward.

End of chapter 31


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

"So how is the new novel going?" Clarke asked, pulling her reading glasses off as Lexa entered the bedroom.

"Oh so rabid to read more of my work you've resorted to … post 20th-century cubism?"

"Its an assignment for class." Clarke defended, putting the text down.

"I figured." Lexa smiled.

"But... yes. I would really like to read more of your work." Clarke admitted.

"You liked the first novel?"

"Well yeah, ya know, except for the whole bawling my eyes out because of how hard the end was to read." Clarke glared teasingly.

"I'm glad you enjoyed love." Lexa pulled back the sheets, slipping into bed next to Clarke.

"How much do you have written up?"

"Hmm well, actually a lot of stuff. But not much is finalized yet." Lexa answered.

"And? What's this one about?" Clarke moved closer to Lexa.

"Well, if the last one was about how Costia could have died, this one will be about how she could have lived." Lexa poised the description.

"So? How could she have lived?" Clarke continued eager for more.

"Well you'll have to read to find out won't you?" Lexa kissed her alpha gently, the punctuation on her teasing.

Clarke growled frustrated. "Not fair! How long will it take for you to finish it!?"

"Finish it!? How long did it take you to make your biggest and most detailed painting?" Lexa retorted.

"I dono, a long time?"

"It's a book, not a three-page short story baby, it will be a while till it is finished. But, I am working on a first draft. You know, rough story ideas, and such."

"Ok... but do I get to be the first person to read it?" Clarke requested, cuddling up to Lexa.

"My girl ok?"

"Uugh don't call me that!" Clarke glowered.

"What my alpha doesn't wanna be teased today."

"I mean it Lexa." Clarke shut her out.

"Woah. Clarke? What's wrong?"

"I..."

"Clarke?" Lexa's tone softened completely, her head lowering, looking for forgiveness from her alpha.

"I'm sorry."

"No. I'm sorry. I... is it an issue when I tease you like that? I... I thought you liked it on occasion." Lexa apologized looking down in guilt.

"I... I do." Clarke huffed, slipping a finger under Lexa's chin, lifting the Alpha's head. "I do Lexa I swear."

"I... I don't understand then..."

"It's… it's just gender and my choices, and what I'm gonna do are weighing pretty heavy on my mind ever since the support group. And... right now... being called that, even teasingly sounds… patronizing."

"I'm so sorry. I never mean it that way."

"I know my love. Don't worry." Clarke comforted, caressing Lexa's cheek.

"Ok... how can I help?"

"I love you, but you can't." Clarke answered. "This is just me feeling... uncomfortable in my own body, just give me love and time. Ok?"

"Of course. I... so... what type of love do you mean by that?" Lexa winked, able to smell the dampness between Clarke's thighs.

"I love you, but horny or not, I'm tired, and not up for much energy expenditure." Clarke disagreed.

"Who said you had to exert any energy. Hell go back to reading your book for class, I wanna be a good girl and pleasure my alpha." Lexa slid a hand onto Clarke's side.

"I... could really go for the relaxation of …"Clarke trailed off, spreading her legs slightly, wiggling eager hips.

"And I could really go for the opportunity to taste and pleasure my alpha." Lexa agreed, slinking further down the overly large bed, positioning herself between Clarke's legs and slowly pulling down the sheets.

Clarke let free a soft whimper hastily covered by an angry growl. Her cheeks burned embarrassed as her heart raged against her uncontrolled instincts.

"It's ok" Lexa offered. "I make desperate noises for you too don't I?"

"I! That isn't the same!"

"Why not?"

"Because I love it when you make those noises for me." Clarke argued.

"And you think I don't love it?"

"I! Well!" Clarke hesitated, growing antsy as a familiar ache grew.

"I know. I do. Remember. I'm an alpha too. And I understand how it can be scary to submit. And I know it isn't the same for us. But I'm here for you, and nothing you do will ever make me see you as any less than the alpha you are." Lexa offered.

"I love you Lexa." Clarke thanked, running a hand through her mate's hair then down and across her cheek, a gentle caress of appreciation.

"Now..." Lexa purred into the hand. "Would you do me a favor and take off your panties before you demand I devour your pussy like a good girl." Lexa requested.

"Ohh? I like that plan. Does my Lexa like the idea of being a good girl for her alpha? To have me call you a good girl as I fight to find my breath from your tongue at my clit?"

"Please!" The thought had Lexa drenched in a matter of moments, craving to taste her pregnant alpha, serve and please her as she was praised.

"Such a good girl, so eager for me." Clarke laid back, raising her hips as she pulled down panties, raising her legs and slipping them off, tossing them to the laundry bin, knowing they were already ruined.

"Of course I'm eager for my alpha" Lexa purred back, kissing and sucking at Clarke's inner thigh, slowly working her way up towards Clarke's core.

"No no no. No teasing your alpha. It's time for your dinner." Clarke smiled wide overly amused with herself when she heard the alpha between her legs whimper craving more.

"But... but!"

"No! Your alpha said no. Now, eat, be a good girl." Clarke ordered, pulling Lexa's lips closer.

"Yes... my alpha." Lexa growled contesting for a moment before obeying. She moved in closer, breathing in her Alpha's scent, feeling the odor even sweeter, knowing it was most likely due to the pregnancy. It was calling to the alpha, begging for love, support and care. "I'm here for you, you know." Lexa softened.

"Please stop talking or get out from between my legs!" Clarke snapped, detecting the tone of worried care.

"Ok baby." Lexa sighed, taking Clarke's thighs and resting them on her shoulders, wrapping her arms around Clarke, and quickly beginning her work. Lexa began with soft licks, tongue probing folds, spreading them slightly as she did. Her distinct intentional strokes designed to warm the alpha up, kissing at the tender flesh intermittently.

Clarke's breaths became heavy, the slower strokes, tantric in how they built her arousal, driving her up a wall, her body heating easily as her core tensed.

Lexa took her cues from how Clarke's body reacted for her, moistening, slick coating her pinkness as Lexa lapped it up.

She sped up as she noticed Clarke's breaths becoming shorter, heavy, desperate grasps at the air that seemed to fly from the Alpha's lungs.

"Good?" Lexa teased.

"I!" Clarke fidgeted, not pleased by the tone, taking it as a patronizing gesture instead of the loving one it was intended as. "Just keep licking. Uugh. F... focus on my clit." Clarke requested.

"Of course baby, as you wish." Lexa bowed her head back down, making quick work, sucking and lapping at Clarke's clit.

Clarke fidgeted uncomfortable at the alpha on her, licking her up, trying her best to please the alpha who didn't truly feel like being pleased.

Lexa mistook the belabored groans of her alpha for those of delight and pleasure, focusing on the clit at her lips even as hips shifted under her.

Clarke felt so exposed, so vulnerable, weak and helpless under Lexa's mouth. And worst of all her body refused to stop reacting, her heart raced more and more, her core still soaking itself only to be sopped up and drunken down by Lexa. The more Lexa devoured her the worse Clarke felt, everything simply wrong and worsening, but she didn't know how to speak up. Clarke wanted to say no, to demand Lexa stop and get off of her, but she didn't know how. The words weren't there, she simply didn't have them to say.

"I love you Clarke. My strong alpha." Lexa tried to amuse the alpha she thought was enjoying, thinking they would be ideal words to help push Clarke over the edge with.

Clarke screamed out, her body climaxing despite her complete lack of interest in such an experience. Her howl broken up by the mix of emotions, taunted and clearly pained as the instinctual praise turned to a plea for help.

"Clarke!?" Lexa lifted lips from trembling hips, finally aware of how displeased her mate was.

"Get! Get off of me!" Clarke ordered. Pulling the blankets over herself, sitting straight up in the bed.

"Clarke, what happened?"

"I! Just stay away from me Lexa!" Clarke demanded backing away herself.

"Clarke… What did I do?" Lexa pleaded scared and worried.

"I! Fuck!"

"Clarke."

"I'm sorry! I, I, my body... I... I don't feel right at the moment ok?" Clarke tried to explain.

"I. But you... I'm sorry. You could have said something sooner." Lexa defended.

"I'm sorry, I tried, I couldn't." Clarke began to cry.

"Baby?" Lexa moved closer.

"I... just! I just want you to! Stay away from me!" the words couldn't be farther from the truth, and they burned and stung the whole way from Clarke's lips to Lexa's ears, tearing apart both of their hearts.

The words broke Lexa, the only reason why she could bring herself to move was her wanting to respect Clarke's wishes above all else. "I! Ok then. I... I will sleep out on the couch tonight. You are welcome to the bed. I'm sorry Clarke." Lexa's head dropped, feeling the seriousness in Clarke's voice, not wishing to push, or seem an overbearing alpha trying to care for an omega. She stepped back, slipping off the bed as Clarke cried harder.

"T... thank you. I'm sorry." Clarke whimpered, finding a corner of the bed, curling up in it, shamefully confused, hating, and angry with herself, feeling weak.

"Again! are you kidding me!" Octavia questioned, entering the living room, forming a familiar tableau.

"Shut the fuck up Octavia! I don't have patience for your shit today!" Raven shot back a playful look.

"Calm down!" Octavia retorted, hot-headed in her rut.

Lexa's posture grew angry and defensive, growls cracking like thunder from her throat.

"Woah! Lexi!" Octavia teased hoping the patronizing joke of a nickname would break her friend from the alpha anger.

Breaking Lexa from her anger was the last thing the name did, she broke out in Furious roars, and barks of contention.

"Hey? Hey? I'm sorry. Calm down ok?" Octavia apologized, stepping down.

"I..." Lexa's growls slowed.

"Octavia? Where the hell are my shirt and bra?" Raven turned the corner exiting the hallway that lead to her and her Alpha's room, wearing nothing but thin panties that only served to depict how soaked she was in her heat, her Alpha's seed evidently slipping down the inside of her thighs.

"Raven!" Octavia went bright red for a half moment realizing how little her omega must be wearing.

"Oh God! Raven!" Lexa averted her eyes, her logic coming to her senses.

The almost entirely unclothed omega yelped loud and scared, embarrassed as she realized more than just her alpha rested in the living room. "Fuck! Lexa, I'm so sorry! I!" Raven tried desperately to cover herself finding an insolvable issue of too much body too little hands to cover herself.

"Grrr! Mine!" Octavia bolted, covering Raven with her body, wrapping the omega up in a hug, her back to Lexa.

"I... thanks baby." Raven blushed even more.

Octavia continued growling deeply, sniffing along Raven's neck, scenting and claiming the omega as a public demonstration of ownership.

"Woah… calm down baby it's ok. Lexa has a mate." Raven tried to calm her alpha who might as well have just ignored her every word.

"Mine."

"Yes yes, yours." Raven agreed giggling. "Lexa... uuugh... is... is my bra or shirt on the couch?" Raven paused awkwardly." And my pants?"

"Huh? Why would your clothes be on the couch?" Lexa questioned not understanding.

"Well uugh..."

"What?"

"Octavia and I…" Raven patted her Alpha's back looking to calm her.

"Jesus! I sleep here!" Lexa jumped from the couch.

"Wait? What!? Why? Since when do you sleep out here!?"

"It's not an everyday thing!" Lexa defended.

"You mean every night." Octavia teased.

"Oh! Shut the hell up!" Lexa threw a pillow from the couch at her friend.

"Glad to have you back with us." Raven smiled and kissed her alpha.

"Oh come now, don't pretend you don't love when I sent you like that."

"Stop you!" Raven giggled before changing the subject. "Really Lexa I know I lost my clothes on the couch!"

"No, not here, I noticed the couch was a mess when I came out here and cleaned it. But I didn't see any such explicit signs that you two had been going at it on the couch like that." Lexa answered.

"Uugh fuck fine! I'm gonna go get some clothes then!" Raven sighed frustrated.

"Good girl, love you." Octavia patted her on the back as she covered the omega from accidentally wandering eyes. "So. What happened this time." Octavia turned as Raven left the sight of her friend.

"I wish I knew... Clarke… just freaked out. I. Don't quite understand what I did wrong."

"I... I'm sorry hun. That sounds rough. Wonder if that's how she felt after you snapped at her over the thing with the doc you thought she liked." Octavia offered clearly trying to make a point.

"I! It isn't the same!" Lexa deflected.

"I dono. Just remember that back then you felt horrible and didn't know how to talk to your mate and explain."

Lexa growled standing. "I hate you."

"Love you too friendo!"

"Sanitize my couch!" Lexa screamed, heading back to her room, knocking timid on the door.

"Huh?" Clarke jumped, rushing to the door from where she had been laying crying, trying to sleep.

"Baby? It's me" Lexa called from the other side of the door.

"Lexa..." Clarke went to open the door but held herself back.

"Can I come in?"

"Of course Lexa. It's your room." Clarke whimpered.

"Didn't stop you from kicking me out earlier." Lexa tried to make light of the situation.

"I'm sorry Lexa."

"It's ok. I love you." Lexa offered, opening the door slowly.

Clarke launched, hopping on to Lexa, clinging tight to her, it evident and then some that she had been crying heavily.

"Baby?" Lexa paused.

"Lexa..." Clarke sniffed, arms and legs wrapped around Lexa.

"There there love." Lexa soothed. "What is it baby."

"I! I! I!" Clarke stammered

"It's ok. You are safe."

"I can't fight it right now! No matter how much I hate it! I want you to take care of me right now! I wanna cuddle and have you hold me and kiss me and tell me your pup's and I will be ok! And I hate it! I feel so weak!"

"Shhh. Shhh shhh. It's ok that's ok. You aren't weak in the slightest. I crave that of you too sometimes."

"It isn't just wanting those things, it is how much I want them as an omega! I know these cravings! I took the suppressants to help with them but I can't do that anymore with this damn thing!" Clarke growled at her own belly.

"I know. I'm sorry. I... but please understand. It takes a stronger alpha to admit their needs and ask than it does for an alpha to just hide like this." Lexa tried to help.

"I... I... I need you Lexa." Clarke admitted.

"I need you too. I... I got really scared when you got so mad." Lexa pulled back slightly, revealing her tears.

"I'm sorry Lexa!" Clarke's instincts kicked into protect mode, releasing Lexa and dropping her feet to the floor, immediately going to wipe away Lexa's tears, kissing the Alpha's cheek. "I... I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at myself, at my body and how I was feeling. How weak I was in the position I was in. I'm sorry Lexa. I love you." Clarke rambled, eager to soothe her mate.

"I love you. It's ok. Now. Please. Can we go to bed?" Lexa requested.

"Of course baby. I love you." Clarke agreed.

"Thanks love."

End of chapter 32


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Lexa woke slowly the next morning, stirring soft, feeling the plush pillow under her cheek, coated in the scent of her alpha, purring gently into it, the scent of her pregnant mate divine. She knew it was just a biological adaptation to find the odor of her pregnant lover so perfect, intoxicating in its own unique nuances. It made Lexa moan as she breathed it in, her eyes still sealed shut, nothing else but Clarke's pillow coated in her scent mattering to the alpha.

She stayed there, making borderline pornographic noises into the pillow until her craving for the alpha became too much, she needed her mate, her core drenched, tight, and get clit overly swollen. She reached out in the bed, opening her eyes opening slowly.

"Clarke?" Lexa questioned slightly scared, not seeing the alpha in the bed. She spun round in circles I. The bed, searching the room for the alpha, finding no sign of her mate.

Lexa lept from the bed, sprinting out to the kitchen in search for her mate.

"Hey, Lexa?" Octavia teased, Raven blushing next to her embarrassed from the previous night.

"Hi" Raven echoed.

"Have you seen my jacket? I leave it on the hook by the door, and I can't find it." Octavia pouted.

"Where is she!?" Lexa ignored.

"Who?" Raven spoke up.

"Her mate, of course, an alpha only ever gets that look when she is searching for her mate." Octavia answered for Raven.

"Oh... yeah that makes sense." Raven nodded, cuddling up to Octavia, craving the contact still in her heat. The cravings she experienced we're still a whole new world for her, completely removed from suppressants and being so close to her bonded mate had completely changed the nature of her heat, from a fun treat to spend with Octavia or a painful thudding in her core if she was alone to a wondrous ache and pleasure she lost herself to each time Octavia fucked and knotted or even held her.

"Hello! Where is she!" Lexa broke the daydream Octavia and Raven shared laying against each other.

"I... don't know." Raven shrugged, cuddling closer to O.

"She isn't in your room? I've been out here for a couple hours. I made breakfast pretty early, and Raven got up a bit after it was finished, and I haven't left since, so I just figured she was in your room." Octavia added.

"CLARKE!" Lexa screamed scared.

"Woah. Woah. Calm down hun I'm sure she is here or that she will be back soon." Raven tried to calm the alpha.

"Hey! Was she home last night when you went back to bed?"

"Y... yes..." Lexa sniffed the air looking for Clarke.

"Ok, did you check your study? Maybe she wanted to do some reading this morning? You have a whole library in there, it is not impossible she wanted to do some reading." Octavia offered, flashing her newspaper.

"I..." Lexa didn't follow up with any other words before heading off to her study.

"Ya know... I... I don't think you were right." Raven spoke up in Octavia's arms.

"I mean I'm not quite sure she is in the study, but it feels like a really logical answer." O shrugged.

"No. Not that. Not at all." Raven shook her head.

"What do you mean then hun?"

"I mean... that was no alpha looking for her mate. I mean it was, but that isn't why Lexa was so upset." Raven explained, somewhat surprised by her own conclusion.

"Well? If it that wasn't why she was scared then why?"

"That was a woman desperate for her alpha, scared and needy for her mate."

"Why do you think?" Octavia cocked her head trying to process the idea.

"Think of it this way, if you couldn't find me, would you ask around scared, and needing me, or would you murder everyone who stood between you and I."

"I... fuck... your right..." Octavia processed before giggling. "I am gonna give her so much shit once she has her alpha."

"Bad girl!" Raven swatted the Alpha's nose. "Don't you dare."

"Ooow!" O cried out facetiously in pain.

"Don't. Really. They love each other, and they both have issues with how much they need each other. They are both ashamed of submitting and craving their mate. So don't you dare fuck with them it will really get into their heads way too easily." Raven protected her friends as best she could.

"I... never thought of it that way." Octavia admitted.

"I know. I wouldn't have either, but I've seen Clarke struggling with it for a long time, and I have grown to recognize that fear on an Alpha's face."

"You are a really good friend to them you know..." Octavia hugged Raven tighter.

"Thanks baby."

Lexa ran as fast as she could desperate for her alpha bursting through the door, almost breaking its hinges "CLARKE!" Lexa called again terrified, searching the room finding no sign of her alpha, but finding her writing blanket gone along with the first printing of her novel that Clarke had returned days ago. "Clarke!"

"Hey baby?" Clarke adjusted pajama pants, entering the room nonchalant.

"Clarke!" Lexa sniffed, wiping away tears, tackle-hugging her mate.

"Hey Lexa... what's wrong?"

"I! I! I couldn't find you! My alpha!" Lexa cried out.

"It's ok love." Clarke caressed Lexa gently running tender hands down the Alpha's back.

"I… was so... scared." Lexa clung to Clarke tighter, sobbing harder and harder as her grip loosened and she fell to her knees in front of her alpha.

"L...Lexa?" Clarke took a knee to hold the alpha once more. "I'm right here. What is it."

"I... thought you were gone Clarke!" Lexa whimpered.

"I'm right here." Clarke comforted.

"You don't understand!" Lexa lashed out in fear. "I! I've already lost a mate! I! I can't lose you! No! I... it isn't the same as losing an omega to lose an alpha!" Lexa ranted.

"You aren't losing me." Clarke offered.

"I... can't lose my alpha… my mate, my..." Lexa didn't have the words to describe how or why she felt the way she did, but in that moment the only word she did have was. "Guardian."

"I will always guard and protect you my mate. I'm your alpha!" Clarke gave a grin as she attempted to playfully look as swol as she could.

Lexa laughed, breaking her tears to hold to Clarke once more, finally feeling secure once more.

"There you go." Clarke praised Lexa, patting her on the back.

"Thank you Clarke." Lexa clung to her.

"I have something I wanna show you."

"Huh?" Lexa paused.

"Come on, follow me baby" Clarke stood, offering a hand to pull Lexa up.

Lexa took the hand, following behind. "Where are you taking me?"

"You'll understand in a minute." Clarke giggled softly taking Lexa to their room.

"What are you gonna show me in here?"

"You are so impatient!" Clarke rolled her eyes.

"Yes, now tell me what it is." Lexa gained a sense of humor, her fears abating.

"Here, come on." Clarke opened the door to their long walk in closet.

"You got a new sweater or something?"

"I! Well!" Clarke blushed, knowing that she had stolen Octavia's.

"I! Ohhh." Lexa smiled as it came into view on the floor, the series of pillows and cushions stacked up alongside a myriad of Lexa's clothes and a smattering of Raven and Octavia's. "You have to tell them."

"Hell no! I need these things and they will want them back!" Clarke growled softly, hopping happily into her nest purring and rolling around.

"May I enter my Alpha's nest?" Lexa asked knowing it can feel like quite the violation of space to enter a pregnant person's nest without permission.

"That's why I showed it to you. I wanted to share!" Clarke smiled wide, patting an open spot in the nest offering it to Lexa.

"I love you baby." Lexa smiled, slipping down into the nest with her alpha, cuddling up to her.

"I... I haven't been doing well baby. I've been really stressed, and... this has been my escape." Clarke opened the door to transparency. "This pregnancy is really hard on me, and I know you aren't doing great either."

"I've not been at my peak for a while either, that's true. But I have you. And … that is the anchor I need, my guardian." Lexa kissed her alpha.

"Mhmm. Thank you... honestly this, right now. Has done a lot to help with my dysphoria." Clarke purred.

"I... I'm really glad. I want you to know, you being my strong alpha has helped me too." Lexa closed her eyes, nuzzling Clarke.

"Get some sleep baby." Clarke instructed, running her fingers through Lexa's hair calming the alpha.

"Wait!" Lexa's nose twitched. "What were you doing in here while I was calling your name from bed terrified?" Lexa smiled knowing the answer.

"I!" Clarke blushed. "Well... I heard you... well, moaning from bed... and... I... I wasn't quite ready to leave my nest, but... I got... well I got really horny." Clarke admitted.

"Did my alpha get to cum?" Lexa teased.

Clarke yelped." I! I... I came as you broke the door to your study, you screaming my name... oooof." Clarke meandered her way through the words embarrassed. "I came really hard."

"Good girl." Lexa praised.

"You are a good girl too Lexa. Now get that sleep. You need and deserve it." Clarke instructed, pulling Lexa back to her chest.

End of chapter 33


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Clarke woke hours later in her nest, whimpering, smelling her alpha all around her, accompanied by the scents she most deeply adored, her best friend, and the familiar alpha who's scent had grown on her. She went to for the alpha who had been resting In her lap from what she last remembered, finding that Lexa no longer arrested alongside her. Clarke blinked searching for Lexa momentarily in the nest before concluding that Lexa had left and that it was more or less fair, she had done the same thing to the alpha hours earlier. Clarke purred, breathing in the scents of her nest once more before making her way up on to her feet. She sauntered out of the closet and out into the living room. "Lexa!" Clarke called, rubbing the sand from her eyes groggily.

"You two, always playing tag huh?" Octavia teased, cuddling with her omega.

"You alpha in your rut. Always teasing everyone!" Raven glared at her alpha.

Octavia growled back, bucking against the omega, moaning as her cock rocked perfectly against the woman.

"Where'd she go?" Clarke yawned.

"She will be home soon." Raven giggled.

"Hmm?"

"I promise you'll be happy when she gets home." Octavia agreed.

"Wait, where'd she go?" Clarke shivered, the cold morning air breezing through an open window getting to her.

"Mhmm don't worry, she'll be home soon. Come watch TV." Raven urged.

Clarke hesitated, still focused on Lexa for a moment before she considered Raven's invitation. After a moment of consideration, Clarke decided to hop onto the couch and lay against the both of them, figuring it would be nice to be surrounded by the familiar scents.

"Hey there Clarke!?" Raven raised her hands, surprised by the alpha suddenly in her lap.

Octavia burst out in furious growls, rutting against her omega possessive. "Stay away from my omega!"

Clarke whimpered softly ignoring them both, taking Raven's hands and pulling them around her, purring happily, closing her eyes.

"I... I didn't!" Raven defended.

"Alpha slut!" Octavia snapped trying to get Clarke's attention.

Clarke just purred. "You two are really comfortable." She added, turning atop Raven, reaching around and hugging tight to them both.

"I!" Octavia softened.

"Clarke, what's wrong with you?" Raven began to worry, rubbing cautious hands over Clarke's back. Only to suddenly stop and stare at the alpha.

"I! Hehe!" Clarke paused as she watched Raven's face light up.

"Was that?"

"She kicked, she likes your scents." Clarke purred, pushing her nose against Raven and breathing deep before repeating with Octavia.

"What is going on with her!" Octavia's eyes darted between the alpha and her omega confused.

"She's pregnant baby." Raven defended.

"I don't care! She is still another alpha draped on top of you!"

"She is like my sister baby."

"Raven! I don't even want your mother holding you while you are in your heat!" Octavia snarled.

"Oh come on." Raven pushed.

"She is gonna be so happy, you know why?" Clarke nuzzled them both.

"What?" Octavia continued to lose what little patience she had left.

"Clarke, I really think you need to-" Raven was interrupted.

"Because she will have a wonderful family in us four." Clarke shifted, hugging them both, resting her head on Raven's shoulder hiding bittersweet tears, appreciative of her chosen family, but grieving her given one.

"I... Clarke …" Octavia sighed, having been informed enough about Clarke's situation by Raven to understand. "I'm sorry" she mouthed to the alpha wiping away the tears for her.

"Ohh Clarke." Raven squeezed her friend back.

"Yes, yes she will. She will be the strongest woman I will ever know with you and Lexa as her alpha mother's." Octavia comforted as best she could.

"I! I'm sorry!" Clarke snapped from her hormonal craving for familial contact. "This... is completely not what you meant Raven. I'm sorry to intrude." Dysphoria and guilt covered Clarke's face as she went to stand, hoping to hide out the embarrassment in her nest.

"No. It's ok." Octavia stopped her, holding her and Raven tight, not letting go.

Raven wanted to question the alpha but held herself back just happy that she had calmed down.

"You are welcome to go if you wanna. But as long as Raven is ok with it, you are welcome to relax with us here."

"It's gonna be ok Clarke." Raven offered.

"I... I'm... thank you. Thank you both." Clarke smiled, curling up against them, allowing herself to satisfy her cravings.

Raven sniffed, burying her nose against the top of the Alpha's head. "Are you ok?" Raven worried, scenting something off about the alpha, slowly filling with worry.

"Yeah, just... really tired." Clarke answered, blinking slowly, eyelids growing heavy.

"Ok, hun get some rest." Raven sighed concerned.

Lexa hurried up the stairs to her apartment with a mile wide grin, privacy shopping bag in hand. Eager to see her Alpha's face Lexa burst through the front door to be greeted by the peculiar sight of her mate, Raven and Lexa cuddling asleep on the couch. "I... hey guys." Lexa frowned to herself.

"It's ok Lexa." Octavia's eyes fluttered open, the alpha enjoying the two in her arms.

Lexa held down her growl. "What is going on."

"Clarke... I… is she doing ok?" Octavia asked.

"My alpha is fine thank you! And I can protect and provide for her myself!" Lexa spat.

"Hey... calm down. It's ok."

Lexa let loose her growl and barked at her friend possessively.

"You will wake them!" Octavia glared.

"I want to wake them!"

"No! You don't!" Octavia slipped out from under Raven and Clarke, letting the two down easily. "They are exhausted! And you will give them space!" Octavia ordered!

"I... Clarke can't be exhausted. She has been sleeping all night and day!" Lexa denied.

"Does she look bright eyed or bushy tailed to you?" Octavia pressed.

"I... well Raven is asleep too."

"Yeah because I kept her up all night!" O cracked a cocky smile. "Plus she is in her heat, and that is a reason for her to need extra sleep all it's own."

"Well... I..." Lexa paused.

"I will ask you again Lexa. Is she ok?" Octavia emphasized.

"Yes! She is fine!" Lexa assured herself.

"Ok then. In that case, please, just let them sleep. They both need it. Especially Clarke. She... she needs to feel supported by Raven right now."

"I can support my Alpha just fucking fine bitch!" Lexa yelled too loud.

"Not like that you idiot! Clarke needs a family! That's why she was with me and Raven!" Octavia snarled through gritted teeth as Raven and Clarke woke.

"O?"

"I'm right here baby." Octavia rushed to her side.

"Hmm, what happened?" Raven yawned still half asleep.

"Nothing my love, we are just going back to bed. This shoulder of the apartment is getting a little too cold for me" Octavia lifted her omega up and carried her away, angry eyes lingering on Lexa.

"Lexa?" Clarke asked, slower to wake, whimpering, missing the familial scents surrounding her.

"Baby? You ok?" Lexa trembled doubting herself.

"I... yeah, just missed cuddling with them. It was really nice. All four of us." Clarke rubbed her belly. "We were only missing you."

"I… oh Clarke. I'm so sorry, we'll have to all get together to do that again later."

"Maybe in my nest?" Clarke suggested hopefully.

"It's up to you my alpha." Lexa bowed her head.

"Thanks love." Clarke stood, her knees weak, feeling top heavy as she wavered. "Oh, what'd you get?"

"I... it's a gift... for you." Lexa smiled half-hearted, still feeling guilty.

"Oh? What'd you get me?" Clarke smiled back, still too tired to see the conflict in her alpha.

"Come to bed and I'll show you. You look tired."

"Yeah... I'm exhausted." Clarke uttered the words Lexa feared most, becoming ever more paranoid something was wrong, ignoring any plausibility that it could just be regular exhaustion that accompanied pregnancy.

"Come here baby." Lexa pulled Clarke close with open arms as a pretext to help her to the bedroom.

"Such a caring alpha." Clarke purred.

"Come on baby. You're tired." Lexa pulled her in close, and escorted her to their room.

"So... what'd... what'd you get me?" Clarke had begun slurring her words slightly, eyelids drooping.

"Clarke" Lexa caught the alpha as she collapsed, falling hard into her alpha's arms only to be scooped into the bed.

"Hehe, when did I get into bed?" Clarke giggled softly looking around, incredibly lightheaded.

"Clarke... fuck! Look at me! What's going on!" Lexa pleaded, sobbing scared, terrified of losing her mate.

"Mhmm alpha..." Clarke's eyes rolled back losing consciousness.

"No! No! Don't you dare leave me!" Lexa howled out, spotting the blood staining Clarke's pajama bottoms.

Octavia and Raven rushed into the room, hearing the howl worried for them both.

"Raven call 911! Now." Octavia ordered.

"Clarke." Raven whispered petrified.

"Now Raven!" Octavia ordered.

"Get the hell out! Both of you! Especially you! You! You bitch!" Lexa turned on her closest friend. "You! You knew something was wrong! Yet you did nothing! NOTHING!" Lexa roared, posture giving way as she fell down to her hands and feet, growling deep, ready to pounce.

"Octavia!" Raven pulled at her Alpha's hand urging her to run.

"Raven get out, go downstairs, call 911, now! I need you safe. NOW RAVEN!" Octavia left no room for misinterpretation as she pushed Raven out of the room and slammed the door behind her.

"Octavia! Don't be stupid!" Raven banged on the door furious.

"Go! Now!" Raven could tell there was no talking Octavia out of this as she forfeited and obeyed her mate, heading out and calling 911.

"Lexa calm down you don't want to do this! Your alpha needs you!" Octavia attempted to reason.

"I! Grr! She... died! Because of you! It's all your fault!" Lexa snarled, growing closer, ready to strike.

"She isn't dead Lexa!"

"She bleed out! In the street! Because of you! Because why!? Because you were throwing her a party!"

"Lexa you were there too!" Octavia defended.

"It's all your fucking fault! You cared more about your fucking anniversary than keeping her safe!" Lexa broke out in desperate heaves and sobs before clawing at her own face, then her wrists, clearly trying to reopen the deep scar.

"Lexa!" Octavia leaped at the alpha clearly only a threat to herself, grabbing her hands and holding them down. "This isn't your fault!"

"Yes it is! I'm the reason she is dead! I'm the reason Clarke is dying! I left! I didn't protect them!" Lexa screamed back.

"No, you aren't! And she isn't dying! Now get your shit together and help me take care of her!" Octavia demanded.

"We can't help! That is the worst part!" Lexa heaved feeling liable.

"Yes we can! At least make her comfortable. Just until the ambulance gets here ok?" Octavia suggested calmly.

"H... her nest..." Lexa stammered.

"She has a nest?! Good! Where?"

"The closet." Lexa choked out.

"Come on, they will be here soon. Let's have Clarke feel surrounded by the scent of her family before we go. Ok?" Octavia cautiously coached her friend through supporting Clarke, calmed her as Clarke was loaded into the ambulance. Octavia didn't leave their sides, standing by the. The whole time, even when the worst news came.

End of chapter 34


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Author's note: Hey! So welcome back! I know this story has been gone for a while, but it is back now. I hope some people are still around/excited to see this story return. If you are coming here from Fur and Fangs, welcome, welcome, Hope you enjoy.

As always I would love to see you over on my tumblr- hopefulbadgerjunara /

I will be doing my best to be more active there, and actually give updates? Just like Fur and Fangs, I want to get some art done for this story, and if/when that happens it will show up on tumblr first.

Clarke couldn't remember much, and certainly, none of what she did remember was very reliable. The last thing she could picture clearly was being cuddled up to Octavia and Raven on Lexa's couch. She remembered the ever-present screaming anxiety calming to just a slow boil as she had her miniature family's warmth all around her. But nothing much more than that clung with any definition in her mind. Certainly the dreams of flashing red lights and people forcing her legs apart to look at her core under an odd dress stained with what Clarke had only assumed was punch or ketchup were just that, dreams. Even as her breath stung of metal and her consciousness flickered in the strong winds of an incessant beeping she still pondered what must have brought on such odd dreams. Slowly as she sifted towards life once more Clarke began to feel the ache of the cold drip leaking into her veins, circulating her and chilling her whole body painfully. The only warmth she could feel was the raw heat of her core, feeling as if she had a heinous endeavor of a trip on a dildo made of brillo pads and a much less revolting warmth of a warm head layed over her belly.

"Wha-" Clarke despised the metallic breath that accommodated the IV drip.

"Shhh, shhh, shh. Don't strain yourself." Lexa lifted her head.

"Why… why do I? Where? Why am I in a hospital?" Clarke could tell even before her vision had accommodated to the cold lights.

Lexa's mouth opened only to have nothing leaked out but her own fear.

"Why… why do I feel like…" Clarke took a moment to find a way to describe exactly all the aches that had become her body.

"Clarke."

"Yeah?"

"You… you…" Clarke could finally hear how strained Lexa's voice was.

"I… is she ok?" Her arm jerked to her belly, immediately feeling the IV yanking her flesh painfully.

Lexa's heartbroken voice failing to form the words she never could have imagined having to say was more than an answer for Clarke.

"Lexa."

"They couldn't-"

"This isn't your fault." Clarke's hand found Lexa's, the alpha finally coming into view as Clarke's eyes adjusted.

"I! I wasn't there!" Lexa choked out. "I didn't see it! Clarke, there were signs! I didn't realize something was wrong!" Lexa argued.

"Neither did I. Is it my fault?"

"No!" Lexa half snarled.

"Then it isn't your fault either."

"It's different!"

"Why!" Clarke snapped back.

Lexa choked.

"Because you are an alpha?"

"No! Because you were completely out of it! Because Octavia warned me and I didn't listen! Because when you were out of it and you needed your family I wasn't there!"

"I'm sorry." Clarke actually felt guilty for even so much as suggesting that Lexa were for the first time ever anything but perfect when it came to her gender.

Lexa grabbed Clarke's hand, squeezing it. "I…"

"What is it love?" Clarke couldn't quite believe it, but for a moment she thought she saw a glimmer of relief in Lexa's eyes.

She shook her head.

"Talk to me." Clarke pulled Lexa's hand to her lips.

"You are so cold." Lexa worried aloud.

"I am." Clarke agreed.

"I told them to get you more blankets."

"I'm sure that you did."

"I'm pretty sure they stopped listening after they saw that you had four blankets already on top of you."

"Is that how many it is?" Clarke laughed, the two savoring that first shared grain of anything but despair.

"It's five. But I started to see eyes rolling at four."

"Were they mine?" Clarke tried to cling to the light-hearted tone, but somehow her tease had the opposite effect.

Lexa's eyes watered as she shunned any words from her throat before they could betray her lips.

"Talk to me."

Lexa shook her head shameful.

"Lexa."

"No." The alpha yelped.

"Lexa?" Clarke's voice so saccharine sweet.

"Don't."

"Why?"

"Because I don't deserve to hear that beautiful voice of yours right now."

"And why not?" Clarke huffed.

"Because when… when they told me you had lost the baby… I was relieved."

"W-"

"It meant you were ok!"

"Oh."

"How could I be relieved to hear that!? I!"

"Because you needed your alpha dumbass." Octavia answered from the doorway, Raven slumbering in her arms.

"O?"

"You didn't think I'd leave this one alone in a hospital, did you?"

"I, well-" Clarke shrugged, sitting up as best she could in the hospital bed.

Lexa turned to Octavia crying.

"You needed your alpha hun." Octavia layed a hand on Lexa's shoulder and placed a bottle of water in her hands. "You know what would happen to Raven if I got hurt? That pup 'ould be so scared and lost."

Lexa sniffled looking down to her bottle of water, seeing the reflection of a terrified woman in it.

"I'm here. It's ok… I understand Lexa." Clarke whispered.

"It's not ok! How could it be ok… that I was happy when they said-"

"Because in the same breath they said your alpha lived." O answered.

"They actually call me an alpha?" Clarke fought to keep the darkness of what had happened away, with any light of humor she could.

"Oh fuck no. But this stick in the mud corrected them every damn time." Octavia eyed Lexa.

"You are the b-" Clarke attempted.

"No, I am not!"

"You are."

"No, I am not! What alpha heard her daughter is… and is relieved!?"

"One who needs her alpha." Clarke attempted.

"One who knows the risks and complications of an alpha who was over consuming heat suppressants being pregnant."

Clarke nodded.

"I know you obsessively checked them. I saw it on your laptop in between cooking tabs." Octavia added.

"I…"

"It's ok."

"Nothing is ok! You could have died!"

"I need you." Lexa lept at Clarke, hugging and clinging to her.

"Is that why you were relieved?" Clarke whispered, wrapping her arms around Lexa, soothing her a with gentle caresses.

Lexa whimpered and whined into Clarke.

"I'm safe."

"I don't want my alpha in danger!"

"It will be ok. I am ok."

"I… thought you were… you collapsed into my arms. You were bleeding Clarke!"

"Shh. I feel ok now. I… what did the doctor say?"

"I!"

Clarke could feel Lexa go ridged.

"Lexa, you… you should sit back down to."

"What is it? A… am I ok?"

"You are Clarke, you are."

"Then what is it guys? What's wrong?"

"Lexa." Octavia hissed. "You have to tell her."

"Tell her what?" Clarke grew fearful.

"I… umm baby…" Lexa winced, a tear falling.

"What is it?"

"I."

"Lexa, you have to-"

"I know."

"Guys! I'm getting really scared! What is it! What happened. I… I know I lost… I lost…" Bringing herself to say it was too hard.

"Clarke." Lexa took Clarke's hand, sitting back down regretfully.

"What is it!?" Clarke's eyes darted between the other alphas.

"You."

"You."

"Baby, you… you had a miscarriage."

"Well doy!" Clarke rolled her eyes at what she already knew.

"I, well, the doctor. She said. She said…"

"What? What did she say? I feel ok! Am I ok!? Can I still draw? Why wouldn't I be able to draw? What is it? Really! How can there be another thing you are more afraid to tell me than that!"

"Clarke… you… you…"

"Lexa." Octavia was stern.

"The doctor said the miscarriage messed with your body. That… you wouldn't be able to…"

"Oh." Clarke's eyes flickered with understanding but no comprehension. "I… well yeah, I, well that makes sense. I, with what my body went through from so many suppressants to the pregnancy, and… yeah, I, yeah."

"Clarke."

"Baby."

"No, I… I get it."

"Clarke, hunny."

"No. It's fine."

"Clarke it isn't!"

"Yes Lexa, of course it is. I didn't want to keep it in the first place. You know I don't want to be a mother like that anyways." Clarke waived off.

"Baby."

"Clarke I don't think that you are-"

"What does it matter!"

"Clarke, we won't ever be able to have our own-"

"So!? Most alpha alpha pairings can't have children together anyway. It doesn't matter."

"Clarke how could you!"

"You don't get to be mad Lexa." Clarke rolled her eyes. "You knew I am alpha when you met me, so you knew it would be unlikely we could have children."

"I? I don't get to be mad?"

"Lexa calm down she is in shock."

"No, I'm not Octavia."

"Well I will go be 'mad' on my own, and you can come find me when you have another fucking emotion!" Lexa stormed off.

"What the actual fuck Clarke?"

"She knew what she was getting into when she bonded me."

"Clarke you need to calm the fuck down. Lexa needs her alpha, not an emotionless cold bitch." Octavia shook her head, looking back to Clarke only once more before following after Lexa.

End of Chapter 35

Updated Author's note: My life's falling apart, my girlfriend left me while I was in the probably the worst place i've been in, in damn near my whole life, and it is everything to do just to not kill myself. I will do my best to update as much as I can, but I don't know how often that will be. Also I will probably get kicked out of my home soonish, with nowhere to go and no money, so if in a couple months this account just dies, it means I probably died.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Clarke grumbled to herself in her hospital bed, fumbling around as best she could to find her phone or her clothing, or anything really. She wasn't ready to admit it yet, and certainly not aloud, but she knew Octavia was right. She had been far too heartless, especially to Lexa of all people! The alpha was hurting and needed the woman who was going through the same that she was. "Damnit, tells me to go after her n' come find her while I'm all tied up to the IV and the machines."

"Well hey there Ms. Grumbly?" Raven greeted. "What happened to our alphas?"

"Lexa stormed off." Clarke searched still, finding nothing.

"Uugh, whatcha looking for over there?" Raven pulled her bag around opening it up.

"My phone, and maybe some clothes." Clarke huffed. " I… well I was a bit of a bitch to Lexa, and I think I really upset her."

"What happened? What'd you do? Is it something that Lunch can't fix?" Raven began pulling out several take out boxes and then a spare set of clothes for Clarke. "By the way, they cut your PJs off of you. So that's probably why they are gone. Your phone however you didn't even have on you, that was still back in your nest?"

"I… Oh right? I made a nest…" Clarke sank.

"Yeah, so what's the status, you ok? Good to go home yet?"

"Y- You don't know?"

"Know what?"

"Raven, I lost the baby."

"Clarke!" Raven dropped the food, spilling takeout all over the floor.

"I… its ok. We, I knew there would be risks when it came to this pregnancy."

"Clarke! I'm so sorry!" Raven tackled Clarke on the bed.

"How did you not already know?" Clarke winced, feeling weak and exhausted still.

"Clarke what are you talking about? How would I know?"

"Octavia knows, I figured she wou-"

"What?! Octavia knows? How? Since when! I've only been gone for half an hour!"

"I figured that Lexa told her. Speaking of Lexa, do you have my phone? I need to call her. I think I really hurt her." Clarke patted Raven on the back before subtly urging her to release the tight hug.

"Are you ok?!" Raven squeezed Clarke again, making it clear that she had been being far too subtle.

"Raven! phone?"

"Oh! Yeah, I grabbed it for you." Raven released, still overly worried. "Here."

"Thank you soooo oh crap its dead." Clarke deflated.

"Clarke, are you sure you are ok? You look more than exhausted."

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just need to apologize to Lexa. Can you go find her for me?"

"Course. Anything you need Clarke. Here's the charger in case I can't find her immediately, or if you need anything. Stay strong hun, it is going to be ok."

"Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. See ya." Clarke waived off before almost falling out of the bed as she leaned over to plug in her phone charger.

"Lexa!" Octavia called out, finally catching up to her friend.

"No! O! I need some space right now."

"You need your alpha."

"Yeah well she doesn't need me, and she made that perfectly clear."

"You know that isn't true." Octavia sighed, sitting down next to Lexa in the corner she had found.

"Really? Cause she seems to already have dealt with all this, and she has been awake for all of three minutes."

"She hasn't dealt with it."

"Well, she doesn't want me hanging around while she continues not to."

"Lexa."

"What do I do?"

"I! I don't know. I'm sorry Lexa. I know this is hard."

"Hard!? Hard! I lost my child! And my alpha doesn't even fucking care."

A nurse gave a warning glare at the two alphas on the floor.

"I am so sorry sir, we will be quieter." Octavia attempted to buy time.

"Y'all shouldn't even be sitting there." He rolled his eyes immediately giving up and walking away.

"She doesn't care O."

"Yes, she does. You know Clarke. You know she is always trying to play the strong alpha, maybe this is just another form of that?"

"Yeah well then she doesn't know what being an alpha really is. I would never be so uncaring to my mate." Lexa's head dropped, feeling guilty immediately.

"It isn't a stretch to say it wouldn't be the first time she is overcompensating."

"Overcompensating is the understatement of the millennia."

"You aren't wrong. But people can make mistakes, especially if they just had a miscarriage. Not to mention how out of it she had been lately."

"I… you are right."

"Thank you. Now.. I really think she needs you Lexa."

"I'm not saying it again."

"Good, then, come on, let's g-"

"Octavia Aurora Blake! You lying-"

"Hey baby!" Octavia shot up from her place next to Lexa on the ground. Her face was coated in guilt, knowing that her lie was caught.

"How could you lie to me and send me off! Send me off for Chinese food of all things!"

"I! I made her!" Lexa winced, attempting to take this bullet for her friend.

"You sure you wanna stick to that lie Lexa? Cause I only need to take out my fear and anger at my alpha right now!"

"I…" Lexa hung on the syllable.

"Coward." Octavia hissed.

"Your alpha wanted to apologize by the way."

Lexa winced and grinned stepping forward.

"Coward and a traitor!"

"Clarke needs me." Lexa defended.

Raven's glair intensified now only having one target.

"I told her to tell you." Lexa coughed.

If before Raven's glare had been throwing daggers it has now become a laser beam death ray hybrid.

Lexa scurried off with haste at the sight of the omega's fury.

"You bitch!" Octavia yelled, immediately earning a sideways look from the same nurse as before sticking his head out from around a corner. "Sorry again!" Octavia waived apologetically.

"He gets an apology but I don't?"

"I!"

"Oh don't you even try now."

"I swear I had my reasons." Octavia stood.

"Oh! I would love to hear them." Raven approached, her anger clear in her scent. "Because if this explanation isn't fucking amazing, you better hope!" Raven closed what was left of the distance between them, now whispering into Octavia's ear. "You better hope your knot doesn't pop for your next three ruts!"

"Three?" Octavia's gulped in fear.

"Do you wanna go for four?"

"You can't, you just went off of your suppressants."

"Do you remember-"

"That was when we weren't bonded!" Octavia prayed that she was correct despite knowing she wasn't.

"Your poor knot. I know you don't have any rutting toys, but I have a toy almost as big as you."

"That toy is tiny! Its base is barely even a knot!" Octavia growled with alpha jealousy.

"This is a hospital not a dungeon!" The nurse snapped.

"Sorry!" Raven apologized this time.

"One more and I'm kicking you both out!"

"Talk! Now! I want a good reason for why you didn't tell me what happened to my best friend!"

"Baby."

"Oh don't you dare baby me!" Raven waived a finger which might as well have been murderous to the alpha.

"Raven."

"Better."

"Raven. I'm sorry."

"Less better." The omega over-enunciated threateningly.

"Lexa did tell me, and when I told her not to tell you, she did say it was a bad idea."

"You are not helping your case."

"I! I! I got scared! Ok!" Octavia stammered.

"Why?" Raven softened ever so slightly.

"Because… I didn't know how you would react. I didn't know what you would do, if you would change your mind…"

"You didn't tell Lexa yet did you?"

"Or Clarke."

"God… Clarke! What am I gonna to tell her?"

"You forgot didn't you? In all the hubbub?"

"I!" Raven huffed insulted at Octavia's accuracy.

"Bird brain."

"It's goldfish that have the bad memories!"

"I'm shocked that you remember?"

"That's it! I'm certainly not taking your knot this month!"

"Do you even think it will form? When you are…"

"Don't know! Don't care!" Octavia turned away.

"C'monn baby."

"Nope!" Raven shivered, feeling Octavia's breath on her neck. "Don't do that!" Raven felt her resolve melt quickly.

"I'm not as strong as Lexa, if something like that happened to you…"

"You are perfectly strong!" Raven spun back around, pushing her forearms into Octavia's chest.

"I was so scary Raven. I thought if you knew what happened to Clarke…"

"That I would end it?"

"Yes."

"Calm down love. I'm not going to."

"Even if seeing it breaks Clarke's heart?"

"She won't be able to see it for at least another two months, and… I can wear baggy shirts in the meantime. Plus my scent isn't as obvious as hers was."

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"I was… I was concerned that part… or all of the reason that you were doing this now was just because it was happening to Clarke too."

"No! I am doing this with you now because we are ready for it and I love you."

"Even though you want me to suffer all alone, with a popped knot?"

"Fine. Maybe if you get really bad I'll help you and your knot."

Octavia smiled knowing she was off the hook.

"And maybe if I get really horny or a little out of it with 'pregnancy brain' I'll let you have some fun."

"I love you."

"If you ever lie to me about what happened to Clarke again I will make you regret it tho! Speaking of which how did you two even find out, isn't that like seven different HIPAA violations all in one?"

"They knew Lexa was her alpha, and I think because my scent was all over her, and I was by them the whole time even while you had to go save that project, they just assumed we were both her alphas or something."

"Great so they are expecting of that, but they still give me sideways glances when I tell them that she is an alpha." Raven rolled her eyes exhausted with the hospital staff already.

"I'm sorry."

"I understand why you didn't tell me. But that still doesn't make it ok."

"I know. And… in an effort of both transparency, and of not being forced to buy a Fleshlight to get through the next couple months, she tell you the rest or just that she lost the child?"

"The rest?" Raven's eyes light up fearful.

"Oh shit."

End of Chapter 36


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Clarke found herself further despising what felt now to be a far too common occurrence of awakening in a hospital bed. It didn't help that this time her head was throbbing painfully. Again everything was frustratingly disorienting as the lights seared her unprepared eyes. "L… Lexa? Clarke's head protested the sheer idea of speaking and moving her head.

"No, she isn't here." Raven whispered, taking Clarke's hand.

"Wha? Where is she?"

"She went home with O to go grab your school supplies."

"Why?"

"Because Lexa has no interest in letting you leave the hospital till you can actually walk out of here on your own two feet."

"Fuck."

"Oh just you wait, they don't know what you need, so they are probably gonna bring you a whole damn art studio."

"Yup. Sounds… sounds like my alpha." Clarke winced painfully as she tried to sit up.

"Doc said you were dehydrated."

"He did?"

"Yeah. Here, you need to drink dumbass."

"How can I even be dehydrated, I'm hooked up to an IV."

"Don't ask me, the nurse left me a cup of water and said if you wake up it would help."

"O… k." Clarke forfeited as she felt a straw against her lips.

"Drink. You need it."

"I can hold the cup myself." Clarke huffed before taking a small sip to acclimate herself to taking on the hydration.

"Yeah, well I wanna hold it for you."

"I'm an alpha! I can take care of myself."

"Oh I have no doubt that you can, but in order to take care of yourself, you actually have to choose to do it." Raven pulled away the straw, now more forceful as she tipped the cup to Clarke's lips.

Clarke drank the unexpected rush of water as best she could, but still ending up with a small coughing fit when half of it went down the wrong way. "Asshole!" Clarke's sore and raspy voice huffed frustrated.

"Yeah, well it's what you get for not telling me."

"Not telling you what?"

"That you didn't just lose the baby Clarke."

"Oh… Lexa told you?"

"Octavia did."

"Makes sense." Clarke grumbled.

"How could you not tell me that Clarke."

"If you didn't already know the answer you wouldn't already have started in on the 'you have to choose to take care of yourself' talk."

"You're Not wrong."

"Ahh, beautiful words aren't they. But a more beautiful form might be just saying I'm right."

"Oh, don't you dare let it go to your head." Raven paused only to growl at her friend. "I still want you to say it out loud."

"Say what?" Clarke didn't want to admit it.

"You know what! Now, do I have to try to drown you again!" Raven offered the cup to Clarke's lips more gingerly this time despite the threat.

"Oh, I can see the headline. Alpha dies in tragic drinking accident. Water the chances!?"

"Clarke." Raven pushed.

"Fine. I didn't tell you because I don't want to deal with it! Happy?"

Raven went to speak but Clarke wasn't done.

"I'm fucking terrified, and I'm angry! And it isn't right! I fought so hard to be ok with this! To be happy about this! Accept that I could be an omega mother!" Clarke began to sob. "I was happy about it Raven!"

"I know hun."

"No you don't!"

"Clarke."

"You think I can't smell it?" Clarke screamed.

"S… smell" Raven was shocked.

"What if you had to fight everything you are to be happy about that little one you are growing! And then… it was taken! You didn't even know how or why before your alpha tells you you'll never be able to try again! And it's my fault! It's my fucking fault!"

"Clarke."

"Congratulations by the way." Clarke waived off before covering her face and her tears.

"This isn't your fault."

"I'm the one that pushed you every day to let me use your suppressants, and it's the suppressants that fucked my body up!"

"Then it's my fault too."

"How!"

"Clarke I'm a doctor. Well not yet. But you know. I knew what risks there would be, and I still let you take my suppressants."

"That doesn't mean it's your fault."

"And it doesn't mean it is yours either!" Raven pleaded praying she could convince the alpha that this didn't rest on her shoulders despite knowing Clarke would almost always willingly take on any burden despite its risk of breaking her.

"Yes, it does!"

"No, it doesn't Clarke."

"This is why. I didn't want to talk about this!"

"Clarke talking about it is better than scaring your alpha off by shutting down and being emotionless!"

"Raven… I can't…"

"What you are just so afraid of being the reason Lexa can't have kids of her own that you will live as a robot around her from now on?"

"Yeah! That was my plan." Clarke looked away, immediately seeing the infinite amount of flaws it held.

"Clarke."

"No." Clarke shut down, her arguments losing vigor like the last moments of sun before it sets.

"It's going to be ok."

"How?" Clarke grit her teeth despite how it made her headache sear worse and worse, feeling as if she deserved the pain for being so stupid and heartless.

"As long as you two alphas have each other, I'm confident you two will get through anything. But if you two act like idiots…"

"We will lose each other."

"Yes." Octavia sighed, relieved she broke through but disheartened at her friend's pain. "But you won't do that will you?"

"What am I going to say to her? How… how do you ask for forgiveness for fucking up your alpha's chance to have their pups." Clarke's eyes pleaded for any answer as she looked back to Raven.

"Well first, you don't need to ask, because I've seen the way she looks at you. You will always have her forgiveness as long as you are there and talk to her."

Clarke nodded, awaiting more.

"Second, you don't need her forgiveness. At Least not for what you couldn't control."

"But I could hav-"

"Stop!" Raven flicked Clarke's nose.

"Da fuck!" Clarke's hands shot up to cover her stinging nose.

"Bad alpha."

Clarke glared and growled.

"Growl all you want. But you stop saying you could have done anything. Because you couldn't have. You didn't know you could even get pregnant, and when you found out, you stopped your suppressants entirely."

"Yeah…" Clarke rubbed her nose.

"I know that wasn't easy on you."

"It wasn't fun."

"And you did everything your doctor told you too."

"Yeah."

"So this isn't your fault. You can let yourself off the hook."

Clarke nodded weakly, passingly aware that she could stop beating herself up, however still not completely ready to do so.

"It will be ok. Just give it time, and allow your alpha to give you hugs when she gets here." Raven took Clarke's hand holding it supportive.

"Thanks Raven." Clarke pulled her friend in close and hugged her close.

"No problem Clarke." Raven hugged back, filled with relief now that she knew Clarke was at least ready to try moving forward.

Less than an hour later, both Lexa and Octavia returned with art supplies and textbooks all but overflowing from their arms.

"Someone just had to prove their strength huh." Raven teased, giving a playful nudge to tell Clarke to play along.

"Uugh my alpha providing! And with what! Homework! Why thank the lord I'm already in bed, else I'd certainly collapse at the beauty of the sight." Clarke made a show of throwing her head back in a fainting motion.

"You don't get to joke about that anymore!" Lexa yelped frazzled. It was only after Octavia hip checked Lexa and gave an obviously fake cough that Lexa realized; Clarke was making jokes! She wasn't just a robot again! Lexa immediately became completely apathetic to the books and supplies in her arms, allowing them to drop to the ground as she lept for the bed. Lexa grabbed Clarke, pulling her close and placing soft kisses at the alpha's neck as if she hadn't seen her in weeks.

"Lexa!" Clarke laughed, wrapping her arms around the alpha clinging to her. "You ok sweetheart?" Clarke caressed down Lexa's spine.

"I am now." Lexa purred, the scene subtly becoming more lurid as Lexa dropped her hips onto Clarke, straddling and nuzzling Clarke's neck.

"Well, I'm glad those two are back to normal." Octavia rolled her eyes, plopping down the supplies she had brought on a chair.

"They are getting there." Raven whispered, moving to her alpha, holding to her.

"You ok baby?"

"I would like to think things will just go back to normal for them, but… just because Clarke is back to being able to joke doesn't mean she is ok."

"I'm sorry love."

"God, you smell fucking good." Lexa grew louder, her alpha rejoicing in feeling like she actually has her alpha close once more.

"Woah there girl." Clarke yelped, feeling how happy Lexa was to see her."

"Ahem! Is this the wrong time." A doctor made sure the women knew she was now in the room.

Raven and Octavia both giggled, watching as Lexa and Clarke turned a bright red.

"I'm glad to see got have your… appetites back?" The doctor averted his eyes, finding the mess of art supplies scattered across the floor.

"Wanna get off of me love?" Clarke requested.

"Nope! Not really!" Lexa burned with embarrassment, feeling herself frustratingly slow to calm down.

"Have you… eaten anything? Since you were admitted.

"Well not yet. But I have a feeling she was about to!" Octavia snickered.

"Bad!" Raven chuckled along. "You are so bad!"

The doctor glared at the two snickering in the corner. "I've already had several complaints about you two!"

"N… no, I've only had some water." Clarke answered, as she subtly tried to push Lexa off of her.

"Well, Ms. Griffin, I'm sorry we haven't had an opportunity to talk until now. Has your alpha informed you of what happened?"

Lexa's arousal died almost instantly as the doctor's words reminded her of what she and Clarke had lost. In Lexa's instant of mourning, Clarke finally succeeded in pushing the alpha off of her.

Lexa tumbled down to the ground with roughly the exact same about of grace as the books and art supplies she had dropped earlier.

Clarke's eyes followed Lexa just long enough to confirm that her alpha was alright before she snapped her attention back towards the doctor. "Yes. Lexa informed me that I had lost the child."

"I! Yes well… in the event that we do not have a next of kin or an ICE, it is hospital policy to default to an omega's alpha-"

"She is an alpha!" Lexa lept back up looking overly frazzled.

"Yes yes, I have a note of some sort referring to that from the ob-gyn who performed the surgery."

"Surgery?" Clarke looked from the doctor to a growingly distressed alpha.

"Yes. When we informed Lexa was it?"

Lexa shook and nodded quickly.

"When we informed Lexa of the risks of proceeding with the pregnancy, and the likelihood of viability when in comparison with the risks associated she decided we abort rather than risk simply fixing the bleed."

"R… risk? Abort? A… are you saying I could have kept my child?"

"I see that you did not, in fact, inform her." His eyes pierced with judgment.

"Lexa, Raven, Octavia. I think I need some time to speak with my doctor.

"Clarke, I swear-"

"I need you to leave right now Lexa!"

"Please Clarke, let me exp-"

"NOW!"

"Clarke, do you want me to wait outside the door for you?" Raven offered.

"I… yes, but I think it's best the alphas go home!"

"Clarke p-"

"Lexa I want my things packed when I get home."

"Cla-"

"You can do it or I can send Raven to do it! And if Raven does it you won't get to plead your case, because I won't be coming home to pick it up."

"I."

"Lexa." Raven whispered to get the alpha's attention. Even if she was actively infuriated at the alpha for taking such an important choice from Clarke she knew it was more important that the two get an opportunity to at least attempt to talk things out later.

Lexa's eyes pleaded with the omega.

"Lexa it's best you go home and pack for her. Please." Raven despised having to play peacekeeper for the alpha after having learned what she had done, but she held tight to the hope that there were extenuating circumstances that did something, anything to justify what she had done, even if it were only for Clarke's sale.

"Do you want me to stay?" Octavia offered with a soft hand at Raven's back.

"No, for now, I think it's time you two just go home and pack for Clarke."

"Ok." Octavia kissed her omega before moving to assist the shattered alpha out of the room.

"I'll be right outside hun."

"Thank you Raven."

The doctor waited patiently for the others to filter out before he spoke. "Did you have any questions first, or did you want me to explain the procedure?"

"Let's start with what happened, and why you allowed her to sign off on me having an abortion?"

"Like I said, it is hospital policy to allow the alpha of an omega who has no next of kin."

"And you couldn't have woken me up? Or asked me in any way?"

"No Ma'am, you and the fetus we're both bleeding internally. Which wouldn't have been as much as an issue but your blood typed didn't match."

"What?"

"Your alpha, Lexa. Her blood type is AB positive. And yours is O negotiate. The child's was B positive. Due to the effects of the over consuming suppressants prior to conception, your uterus was not properly prepared to carry the child. When something went wrong and the internal bleeding started we had to act fast. So no we could not have woken you up."

"I…"

"We gave your alpha two choices, attempt to stem the bleeding you both had and risk it happening again when you were not in a hospital, potentially killing you both, or abort the fetus, and ensure your safety."

"I..." Clarke stammered.

"She was frantic and pleaded that we do whatever ensured you could live. We were at the time certain that you two could try again at a later date with a much higher chance of viability if you were to stop over consuming suppressants. However, after we learned that the cause of the bleeding was scaring of your uterus. I am very sorry to inform you, but what your alpha told you is correct. We suspect it is impossible for you to have a child."

"Ok." Clarke nodded.

"Do you have any questions Ma'am?"

"No. If you don't mind I would like to talk with my friend who stayed."

"Yes Ma'am. By the way, if all goes well, we have you scheduled to be able to leave in two days."

"T! Two days! I have school to get back to!"

"I'm sorry ma'am but we need to monitor your progress, and I would like to see you eating food again before we release you." The doctor added on his way out.

"I'll make sure she eats." Raven assured as she passed the doctor.

"Good, and I trust with the alphas gone there will no longer be any disturbances."

"We'll do our best." Raven gave a hopeful look to a less than warm reception from the doctor.

"I take it you were listening in." Clarke rolled her eyes.

"Course Clarke."

"What do you-"

"Clarke I love you. But no."

"Raven."

"No Clarke. I can't make this decision for you."

"I'm not asking you to make it for me!"

"No, you are just asking me how to feel about it all because it's overwhelming."

"How could it be anything other than overwhelming!?"

"I know Clarke, I know."

"I love her… But she…"

"I think it's best we eat, for now, you have a couple days to sort out your feelings."

"You still got that Chinese?"

"Course I do, and I got your favorite."

"Thanks Raven." Clarke purred as her friend hugged her, giving her the reassurance she desperately needed after the nightmarish whiplash of emotion she had endured in the past couple hours alone.

End of Chapter 37


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Author's note: Anyone else gonna do nanowrimo? I just signed up and I'm planning to use the time to write the next book for Fur and Fangs! If anyone else wants to do it with me, I wouldn't mind doing a private cabin with the readers? Just think it might be fun. Check it out, and message me on my tumblr if you wanna join.

As always my tumblr is: hopefulbadgerjunara or https://hopefulbadgerjunara.tumblr.com/ 

"Lexa."

"No! I'm not going to pack up my alpha's things for her just because… No! No! I'm just not doing it!"

"Lexa. Please."

"No this is absurd!"

Octavia slammed one of Clarke's suitcases down on Lexa's bed. "Lexa!"

"No! I did what was right! It doesn't matter if she keeps the child if she is dead Octavia!"

"You are right."

"Thank you!"

"You are right." Octavia repeated, placing the order her hands on Lexa's shoulders.

"Good. Now let's put the suitcase away and go back to my alpha!"

"No. Just because you are right… it doesn't mean what you did wasn't wrong. It doesn't mean what you did didn't hurt."

"O…"

"I know. I know why you did it. But Clarke doesn't."

Lexa grabbed the suitcase, wanting to throw it, to toss it in anger, to rip apart the room that she and her alpha had made their own. It felt like a lie, that if it could all be torn down by her attempts to protect Clarke, then what was the point! If it was so easily destroyed then it was never as special as she believed. If it could so easily be torn down then it couldn't have really been love from the first place!

"Don't. If you can't move forward… Clarke will never give you the chance she should." Octavia placed her hand on Lexa's forearm trying to calm her.

Lexa just screamed, picking up the suitcase and throwing it back down on the bed, needing anything to get out even a hint of the terrifying tumult of fear, anger, frustration, and loss that had become her life.

"You done?"

"Yes." Lexa pouted.

"You know why."

"Yes!" Lexa huffed, already beginning to pack for Clarke.

"I know this is hard for-"

"But it is so much worse for Clarke. She woke up to learn her alpha had made such a huge decision without her! Yes, I know!" Lexa complained.

"And she needs time to process."

"So do I!"

"I know. And Clarke knows that too. But she feels betrayed."

"For her alpha trying to keep her alive!?" Lexa screamed and cried, haphazardly throwing things in the case.

"Yes. I know that is hard, but yes. But on the bright side, I'm fairly certain she knows she is overreacting, that you did your best, what you thought was right."

"What else could I have done!? Just let them both keep bleeding till she died!? Or have them put on all of a fucking band-aid just for it to happen again in a month?!"

"I know Lexa. I know. But Clarke doesn't. All she can see right now is the choice that was taken from her. Her child Lexa."

"She was my child too!" Lexa screamed, panting as heavy sobs came, unrelenting emotions taking out her knees sending her toppling down only to be saved by the edge of her bed.

"I'm sorry Lexa." Octavia knelt down to hug her friend. "I'm sorry because I know no words will ever truly help, nothing can fix what you lost."

Lexa's sobbing continued as she moved into Octavia's embrace, needing her alpha, but willing to accept Octavia as a substitute.

"Breathe. It will be ok."

"How! Clarke won't even look at me!"

"Lexa I know it is hard. But Clarke needs to feel any control right now. If that means she wants you to pack for her, then we need to do it. Because once things start to feel normal for her again she will actually be able to start talking to you again. We just need to do what she asked, and give her some time?" Octavia strived to comfort Lexa, knowing how desperately she needed it.

"But what if she doesn't. What if she-"

"I know it is hard, but you did what was best. Just give her time and she will see that." Raven patted Lexa and allowed her to cry onto her shoulder for as long as the fellow alpha needed.

Even once the alpha had stopped crying she was still understandably far from calm. Despite this Lexa soldiered on with Octavia's help. The two stripped the room of anything that once made it a loving home. It was a stunning and stark emptiness when all that remained was what Lexa had kept after she lost Costia. What still remained was barely more than pictures and a few sparse books which once filled the holes better Clarke's.

"Just give it a couple days." Octavia patted Lexa on the back. "Just you wait, we'll be undoing all out hard work as soon as Clarke gets home."

"I really hope you are right O."

"I am. Now relax. It will be ok."

"What do we do?"

"Now? We sit down on the couch and watch whatever you want, romance, comedy, rom-com, horror, action, anything."

"I want to watch my alpha come home."

"I know. But Raven texted me, they are holding her for another couple days to make sure nothing else goes wrong."

Lexa's head dropped.

"Hey, this is good news!" Even Octavia knew her attempt to spin this into a positive was so thin it was beyond see through.

Lexa gave Octavia an appropriately dubious look.

"She is safe. They are watching over her, ensuring nothing goes wrong." Octavia could see Lexa derive some comfort from the knowledge. "And it gives her some extra time to process."

"Yeah." Lexa nodded longing for her mate.

"Look. Raven won't leave her side. So as long as you don't have your mate I won't either."

"Ok."

"So what's it gonna be? Cause we are having something hilarious disgusting, I dono, seven meat pizza or something, two tubs of ice cream, cause bitch I'm not sharing, and a slew of movies of your choice Lexa!"

"Thanks Octavia."

"No prob, now I want three movies in a queue on the living room TV by the time I get home."

"Yeah." Lexa smiled.

"Good."

End of Chapter 38


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Author's note: Anyone else gonna do nanowrimo? I just signed up and I'm planning to use the time to write the next book for Fur and Fangs! If anyone else wants to do it with me, I wouldn't mind doing a private cabin with the readers? Just think it might be fun. Check it out, and message me on my tumblr if you wanna join.

As always my tumblr is: hopefulbadgerjunara or https://hopefulbadgerjunara.tumblr.com/

 

Clarke spent her next two and a half days in the hospital avidly working. She had begun with emailing each and every one of her professors, assuring them that she would be back to class as soon as possible. The alpha was visibly frustrated with each professor who assured her she would get an extension, and that she need not focus on school work while cooped up in the hospital. To add to the alpha's frustration Raven repeated attempted to coax her into talking about Lexa, and nearly succeeded a multitude of times, but instead each time Clarke insisted that she was still so swamped with makeup work. It wasn't long before she began messaging several classmates, eager for anything to distract her, to help her focus on anything but thoughts of what she had lost and the alpha she blamed.

On the bright side, after her two days work, she had more finished than she would normally be able to complete in over a week. With some comfort in her excess of productivity, Clarke left the hospital looking more like she was moving out due to all the supplies that Lexa had brought her at even such an off-handed whim.

The nurse wheeling her out made sure not to let all the alpha's art accouterments go without a comedic comment which lacked any hint of actual comedy.

But Clarke just simply rolled her eyes and ignored the comments as best she could. Once Raven finally pulled the car around Clarke lept from the hospital policy mandated wheelchair, eager to leave the doctor filled nightmare of a building.

Raven assisted Clarke in filling the car with her work before assisting the still slightly weary alpha back into the car. Lexa's scent was so thick it almost drowned Clarke the moment the car pulled away. Of course! Of course, Lexa had to take her car to the hospital, and Octavia had to drive Lexa back in hers. Clarke flipped back and forth angrily as she fought to decide if this was just her bum fucking luck or if some divine being simply demanded she confront her conflicted feelings for the alpha. Clarke wished that the smell would simply go away, that she could get accustomed to it faster than she ever had, or that she could simply ignore it through sheer force of will and an incredible amount of mouth breathing. However nothing she did worked in the slightest, the scent simply smothered her slipping slowly down her throat and filling her brain with beautiful memories of the alpha tainted with anger fury and frustration.

Raven seemed to wait just long enough for Clarke to be thoroughly worked up in a huffed of emotional confusion. "We need to talk about Lexa."

Ah yes, there was the divine being which demanded she face her feelings for the alpha. "No."

"Yes. You don't have any more homework to get yourself out of this talk anymore."

"No! I don't want to talk about this anymore." Clarke huffed, taking in a deep breath and instantly regretting it as her hindbrain narrowed in on the overwhelming scent of Lexa. It wasn't just Lexa's scent built up from years of driving in the car. It was Lexa's worried scent. It was evidence of just how scared the alpha was for her. The scent was overwhelming, it not only demanded Clarke's attention, it stole it away and refused to yield. Even her best efforts were pointless to block out the thoughts of Lexa sobbing as she rushed to come see her, convinced that her mate was dead or dying.

"Clarke!"

The alpha found infinite relieved in the omega awakening her from the hellish sandstorm that was her thoughts.

"What are you going to do!? Just block it out and go off of impulse when you finally see your mate again!?"

Clarke huffed and looked out the window, unrolling it, desperate for the fresh air. "Pretty much." She mumbled into the roar of air rushing into and past the car.

"Seriously Clarke?"

"The car smells too much like her."

"Of course it does, it is her car."

"Can we just not!"

"No, we can't just not!" Raven slammed her hands angrily down on the steering wheel.

"God Raven I love you but sometimes you are the worst!"

Raven slammed on the brakes, the car jostling back and forth on the suspension. "Are you kidding me!? I just spent the past two days away from my alpha! I, a pregnant omega! Took two days off, away from my alpha! A woman who I love and need so desperately right now! All to be there for you! To help you sort out whether or not you could forgive Lexa! But no! Ms. Tough lil alpha doesn't wanna deal with her feelings no matter what!"

"I didn't ask you to-"

"And you will never have to! Because you are my best friend Clarke! That is the same reason why I won't just let you block this out and make an offhanded decision in the heat of the moment that you could regret for the rest of your life."

"I need to know if she did what I asked." Clarke grumbled.

"Really!? That is what your forgiveness rests on! On whether or not she is willing to just let you walk out the door? Clarke, I love you, but your priorities are fucked!"

"I-"

"I can respect you not being able to forgive her. But don't put her in such a horrible position, that she has to be willing to give up on you to even have a chance to stay in your life."

"It isn't about that Raven."

"Then what is it about?"

"It is about the fact that she took this decision from me! I lost my child because of her!"

"She lost her child too Clarke!"

"I… just drive."

"Clarke."

"You are right! Happy? You are right! She lost her child too! But she had a choice! I didn't!"

"That's becau-"

"I know exactly her reasons!"

"Fine then Clarke."

"I promise I took what you said to heart. But I need to know I am even capable of forgiving her before I promise to do it."

"Ok, Clarke. Ok."

End of Chapter 39


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Author's note: Just incase anyone still wanted to do nanowrimo with me, cabins are going to be set up in 10 days, I don't know if I will be able to add anyone to the cabin after that! So please message soon if you wanna join the Hopeful cabin!

As always:

Check it out, and message me on my tumblr if you wanna join.

As always my tumblr is: hopefulbadgerjunara or https://hopefulbadgerjunara.tumblr.com/

Lexa couldn't decide if she appreciated the warning text message from Raven that she and Clarke were on their way home. On the one hand, she would be prepared, at least in theory, and on the other, she couldn't stand still or even stop shaking since she had received the warning. At first, it began with a simple needing everything to look perfect, organized and like she hadn't fallen apart completely without her alpha. Lexa quickly fell down an anxiety-ridden rabbit hole, adjusting every single picture frame, pillow, and frankly everything else which could even possibly be moved. There was no such thing as correct placement for anything in the apartment; nothing could ever be perfect, and that was exactly what Clarke deserved. Lexa needed the home to be exactly perfect, if anything was anything less than perfect then that was just one more reason for Clarke to leave, to take that damned bag Lexa forced herself to pack and walk out the door without ever turning back. The thought froze Lexa's mind, holding her in her place as the fear decimated everything which once held her together.

"Shh." Octavia patted Lexa on the shoulder from behind.

"I'm so scared…"

"She is coming home Lex."

"What if it's just a stop? Before she finds somewhere else… someone else."

"You two are bonded idiot."

"I…"

"Calm down, it's ok."

"But."

"How about you let things fall apart before you try to put them back together?"

Q"Octavia I have already list such a large piece…"

"Well, I think completing a puzzle is overrated."

"It isn't a puzzle tho! It is my life!"

"Ok then." Octavia pulled away.

"Sorry…"

"It's ok. I understand. I wouldn't be ok if the same were happening with Raven and I."

"Thank you."

"Breathe."

"I knew I was forgetting something!"

"Fucking Christ Lexa." Octavia rolled her eyes.

"I'm scared ok!" Lexa yelled before literally leaping from her place on the floor.

"What!"

"That was the elevator."

"Yeah Lexa, there are probably a hundred people that live in this building. People are going to use the elevator."

"No. This isn't anyone else."

Raven knocked on the door before unlocking it herself, a courtesy knock for Lexa's benefit.

The alpha subdued another yelp as best she could, attempting to look strong as her mate arrived.

"There you go, and now you are home." Raven announced, again more for Lexa's benefit than anyone else's.

The alpha's hopes crashed the moment she noticed neither of them held the outrageous amount of art supplies and textbooks she had brought Clarke while she was in the hospital. The only hint of it all was Clarke's portfolio hanging from her hand, nothing more. Lexa broke, she couldn't even form a hello at the sight; the evidence that her alpha had no intention of moving back in, she came only to collect any artwork was left and her bags.

"Hey, Clarke. You feeling any better?" Octavia attempted to get either of them talking.

"I'm glad to be out of the hospital." Clarke's head hung almost as low as Lexa's.

"Yeah, I know you aren't the biggest fan of-"

"Doctors." Lexa whispered at just an audible level.

"Yeah. I know you and docs have a rocky relationship at best." Octavia tried to finish the awkward emptiness left from Lexa's hollow tone.

Clarke nodded without raising her eyes from the floor, sauntering towards her room without another word.

Lexa's head raised timid but too curious not to pay attention to where Clarke went.

The other two exchanged confused glances, attempting to garner any understanding of what Clarke was doing or what she was about to do.

"Do you?"

"How the hell would I know, your the one who spent the past two days with her!" Octavia whispered back befuddled.

"I don't have the slightest fucking clue!" Raven's eyes practically popped out of her head as she tried to understand why Clarke had not spoken a word to Lexa, but instead just went to her room.

"L… Lexa?"

The alpha shook her head, holding no answers for her best friend.

"Are you ok?" Raven approached.

"I… I'm just gonna give her her time. I… I can't push her. I… I'm afraid I'll push her further away."

"Lexa."

"She loves you Lexa. I… I'm sure she is just in shock still." Raven winced, approaching the alphas and reaching out attempting to help comfort her friend's mate.

But Lexa turned away, walking back to the kitchen, withdrawing the quarter pound left of the full gallon ice cream tub and bringing it back with her to the couch.

"What is…"

"I… well, that's what we were doing while our mates were away."

"You? Ms. Doesn't just live at the gym she fucking owns it, ate ice cream?"

"I can be fun." Octavia defended.

"I know you can be fun, but I never knew that fun could involve carbs in any form other than beer." Raven teased.

"But Clarke is home now." Octavia whimpered concerned as she watched Lexa hold up the movie case for Stuck in Love in her right hand and When Harry met Sally in her left. The alpha didn't say a word or even turn around to see the other two in the room.

"You got a preference?" O shrugged to Raven.

"Yes! And my preference is that that alpha goes and talks to her alpha before… before… I don't know! But them not talking certainly isn't good!"

"Ok, ok. Umm… Lex? Honney?"

"If you don't pick I'm playing Stuck in Love again."

"Lex. I… I think it's time you go try to see what Clarke is doing."

"Stuck in Love it is." Lexa stood back up, popping the disk into the player and then grabbing her double xl cherry chocolate lover's delight once more and melting into the couch once more."

"Lexa."

"Hey, I gave you a choice. Not my fault you didn't answer with which movie you wanna watch."

"Lexa."

"Do we have any pizza left?"

"No, I had the last of it for breakfast."

"You ate!? Ok, this we are talking about later!" Raven's head almost exploded.

"I can have cheat days! And any day where I don't have my pregnant omega close is a good day to get some caloric comfort."

"You are what!"

"Uugh."

"Good job baby." Raven's face fell into her palm.

"I…"

"Lexa I-"

"No. O I get it. I know why you wouldn't tell me. I get it." Lexa stood, beginning to cry.

"Oh my god, you fucking idiot! You need your alpha! Go to her!" Raven snapped.

"I…" Lexa just began to cry harder.

"That's it!" Raven growled, coming up from behind Lexa and forcefully.

The alpha tried to dig her heels into the floor, but she was no match for the frustrated pregnant omega who was damn near ready to just pick up the stubborn alpha.

"Baby! Don't push yourself." O worried, knowing no combination of words would halt the omega set in her decision.

"I! Raven!"

"No! You are taking to her! And you are talking to her now!"

"Raven stop!"

"No!" Raven dropped her shoulder, almost toppling Lexa over as she strived to get better leverage.

"I!" Lexa grabbed at the hallway walls and passing door frames, only to be pushed past to her room.

"You go in there on your own or I'll push you." Raven threatened.

"I! Fine!" Lexa did her best to wipe away tears before placing her hand on the handle of the closed door. She did her best to listen in, desperate for any clue as to what Clarke was doing, what she had been doing alone in their room for the past twenty minutes.

"Now!"

"F...fine." Lexa opened the door slowly, peeking her head in, deflating quickly.

"What!?"

"I don't think I can talk to her right now."

"Oh hell no! You are talking to her."

"She is asleep Raven." A smile crept over Lexa's face, her heart suddenly warming.

"What?"

"She is cuddling my pillow."

"Good. I told you, you needed to talk to her."

"I didn't talk to her."

"Yeah, but in attempting to, you got some fucking hope again."

"I… yeah." Lexa hummed, her alpha all but rolling over in pride and relief that her mate was finding any solace in her scent.

"Now go cuddle with her or something. And I swear if you leave her alone before you two get to talk, I'll kill you both!"

"Ok Raven."

"Good."

"Thank you." Lexa purred.

"Get in there, I need to cuddle my mate too." Raven pointed forcefully.

"Yeah yeah." Lexa nodded, walking into the room and closing the door behind her.

Despite the fact that her alpha was curled up with her pillow on the bed, the suitcase Lexa had packed for her still rested closed on the bed as well. Even the note she had left Clarke atop the suitcase seemed completely untouched, placed gingerly atop the bag. Lexa wasn't sure if she should be relieved that the bag and the note looked untouched, or if it was a sign that Clarke was just too exhausted to leave yet. She quickly began to fall down a familiar rabbit hole of spiraling terror, fears growing, paranoia setting in.

"Hmm." Clarke stirred, the noises and scent if the hyperventilating alpha enough to rouse her instincts.

"C… Clarke?" Lexa choked out scared.

"L… Lexa?" Clarke's eyes flickered open slowly.

"I… I wanted to give you time! I didn't mean to wake you!"

"What?"

"I! Well Raven forced me to come here and talk to you! She… she is certain that… that you still… that you still love me." It was beyond evident from the trepidation Lexa spoke with that it was her greatest fear for the belief to be untrue.

"Lexa… of course I still love you."

Lexa only got in one sigh of relief before Clarke opened her mouth once more.

"But that doesn't mean I forgive you."

"I… oh…" Lexa's irregular breaths grew heavy with anxiety.

"I… I read your note."

"You did?"

"Yes."

"I wasn't sure. It didn't look like it had been touched."

"I… I understand why you did it."

"Clarke, I need you. The doctor said even if they could stop the bleeding it could start back up at any time! That it could kill you!"

"I know."

"Clarke!" Lexa yelled.

"I know Lexa."

"And I didn't know that we wouldn't be able to have another!"

"I know Lexa."

"I didn't make this decision for you because you are biologically an omega!"

"Of course you didn't."

"Clarke why won't you say something!"

"You aren't really giving me a chance!"

"Because I'm scared I'm losing my alpha!"

"You aren't."

"I can't lose my alpha!"

"You aren't!"

"I… what?"

"I'm not leaving."

"Yo… you aren't?"

"No, I'm just really fucking tired, and I don't feel like unpacking right now."

"What! But! Why didn't you say anything to me when you walked in!"

"Because when I walked in, I wasn't sure what I was going to do."

"W… what changed."

"You packed my bags. And… honestly, you do have a way with words."

"What?"

"Well, I didn't quite understand your position… how scared you were until I saw your note. And… between that, and you being willing to pack my bag for me, even during all of this. It means a lot Lexa. I'm not saying I'm ok, and I'm not saying we are perfect. But you are still my alpha."

"O… ok." Lexa nodded fearful.

"But those are all things we can process another day."

"Ok." Lexa approached the bed. "So…"

"So, please move the suitcase off the bed, and come cuddle with me."

Lexa threw the suitcase almost hard enough to crack the wall, pouncing on the bed, needing to have her alpha close.

"That's a girl."

The flood gates came crashing down for Lexa at the simple praise. She buried her face into Clarke sobbing.

"It's ok. I know. I'm sorry you were so scared."

Lexa wrapped her arms around her alpha, finding all the comfort she could ever need in her arms.

"It is going to be ok. We are going to be ok. I love you. I'm not leaving."

Lexa stayed there crying into her alpha for over an hour, all the way up until she fell asleep in her alpha's arms, falling victim to Clarke's soft caresses coaxing her to relax, to release all the fear she held since Clarke first fell ill. Even though the alpha was crying, there was nothing better than finally having her home back, her mate, the woman she needed about all else.

End of Chapter 40


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

TW: alcoholism/substance abuse. The next ten chapters will focus on alcoholism and sobriety. If you don't want to read that, skip to chapter 51

The story will resume there with a small recap for those who needed to skip.

Author's Note: Thank everyone for reading. I really appreciate it. As some of you know, I have been in a rough place as of late. If anyone is interested in supporting me/ ensuring I am able to continue writing, please consider checking out my Tumblr which has a link to the best way to support me. https://hopefulbadgerjunara.tumblr.com/

Lexa and Clarke found some sort of a rhythm once more with ease after they finally achieved the opportunity to talk. That said, the rhythm was distinctly different, the open acceptance, the unquestionably of their comfort within each other's presence was gone. It had evaporated almost completely, leaving only the hints that it had once been there. Adoring glances has become almost fearful, teasing touches now taunting, soft sciences now haunting. It's emptiness latched on to both of the alpha's feasting on their loss, hindering any healing which might have happened between them. Despite this haunting them, they both moved on as best they could, forcing themselves to act as normally as possible.

Lexa specifically took the act of acting normally hard. Within two weeks she barely spent any time in her own her own room with Clarke. The alpha simply couldn't handle pretending like everything was alright, like they weren't constantly scared, like they weren't living on the edge of falling apart all over again. And so, instead of dealing with it, she hid. The alpha hid alone in her study. Lexa buried herself in her writing, developing her new novel rather than witness the remnants of pain her perceived betrayal left in Clarke's eyes. It was heart-wrenching to stay away from her alpha, but it was so so much worse to see that look. That look filled with remorse which initially flickered with anger only to die out and smolder in a saddening combination of guilt and grief.

Within a month the only time the pair spent together was the few hours Lexa slept for in-between lengthy writing and editing sessions and the occasional shared silent meal. The growing divide made for an ever more tragic sight to behold for their friends who watched on as the alpha's isolated themselves. At least on occasion, Octavia could coax her friend out from the mausoleum of writings she amassed about and for Costia. It gave her a minimal amount of comfort to draw her friend into the living room for occasional movie nights. But Raven? All of her requests to spend time with her friend fell on deaf ears. Clarke seemingly only left the room she once shared for Lexa to attend classes, and grab a small snack on occasion. By the time things broke, it had been days since Raven had even seen her friend in the apartment they shared. Their only conversations were messages Raven had sent urging Clarke to come have fun, enjoy the movie nights with her and the other aloha, or go out for celebratory drinks that they survived midterms. Sadly, none if Raven's attempts to break through came even close to swaying Clarke into leaving her room. When her best friend refused to see her, Raven simply assumed it was her own fault, that Clarke chose not to spend any time with her any longer. She figured it must have been her pregnancy. Of course, Clarke wouldn't want to be around the relatively recently knocked up omega just after having lost one of her own. But even that excuse felt thin after two months.

"Lexa?"

"Yeah Raven?" Lexa didn't have the energy within her to look up from her pasta finishing in its sauce on the stove.

"You ok?"

"Yeah. Just a little tired." The circles under her eyes did more than enough to establish just how much of an understatement it was.

"Lex?"

"What's up Raven?" Lexa wouldn't look the omega in the eyes.

"Is Clarke ok?"

"How would I know?" Lexa huffed rolling her eyes.

"Because you are her alpha!"

"She is fine, our schedules just aren't matching up great anymore, so we only see each other… we don't see each other much."

"Lexa, you are a writer, you make your own schedule."

"Do you want some food?"

"God yes, that smells fantastic, can you put some pickles on it?"

"Put pickles on my pasta and die." Lexa warned.

"I'll take it plain then." Raven's hands shot up in an effort to prove she was innocent.

"Here." Lexa passed off the plate she had originally made for herself.

"Don't give me all of it!"

"I'm not really hungry anyway, I just felt like cooking. Enjoy!" Lexa's movement was slow and labored as she plopped the pan in the sink. "I need to get back to my work anyways."

"I can't eat all your- wait! No, no, no! You don't just run off like that! I asked you a question!"

"Look I'm giving her some space, I think she and I still need it. We lost a lot. She is still here, and as long as she is here… it means she and I have time to grow back together. So I'm not pushing it."

"Lexa, are you kidding? You of all people! Really? You are gonna be just all oh well I have time?"

"Me of all people? What did I do?"

"You the woman who knows better than any of us that our time with the people we love is limited."

"Seriously? You are playing the widow card for me against me?" Lexa squinted.

"Yes! Because you aren't the only person not getting to be with your mate by staying away from her."

"Yeah yeah, enjoy my pasta."

"Look. Lexa, I'm worried for her. She won't leave that room for anything other than class!"

"So? She is taking time to herself."

"Lexa. Please. I'm worried. We are graduating in a couple months, she and I should be celebrating!"

"Your issue is that in the wake of her loss she isn't drinking?"

"No, it is that she is isolating herself! Did either of you even talk last week when you went into your first rut since she lost the baby?"

"I… I sent her a text message because I didn't want my scent to be triggering for her."

"And?"

"Two days into my rut she messaged me and said she wasn't ready."

"What did you do in the meantime?"

"I have a nice little couch in my study, I've been sleeping on it since."

"And you just thought it was normal that your alpha didn't respond to you being in your rut for two days? That is literally every alpha's favorite thing, making their mate cum over and over again during their cycle. And don't ask me why, but I know Clarke is no exception!"

"I don't know." Lexa clearly just didn't want to face the issues which still rested between her and her alpha.

"Please, talk to her before I have to push your ass back into that room all over again."

"Ok."

"Good!"

"Yeah yeah, enjoy your pasta."

"God it's so fucking good." Raven moaned into the food already filling her mouth.

"Glad you enjoyed."

"If I didn't have Octavia… mhmm damn, Clarke would have something to be scared of."

"Thanks, but your not my type."

"Don't care. This is fucking good."

"Enjoy, I'll talk to you when I'm done with Clarke. After that, you two can schedule… drinks? Really?"

"I can have… water…"

"Octavia has you on a healthy pregnancy diet doesn't she?"

"She is certainly trying!"

"Let me guess absurd amounts of cheese and butter coating pasta with bacon bits isn't on your diet."

"Is it coated in alcohol, brie, or camembert?"

"No."

"Is it chock full of tuna?"

"Enjoy."

"You tell her and I'll kill you."

"Yeah yeah, there's a little left in the pan too, enjoy."

"Eek! Yay!" Raven delved back into the delicious desiccant meal.

Lexa somehow approached the door to her own room with even more apprehension than she had opened it with months prior. The alpha played nonchalant, but she knew something was wrong ever since Clarke ignored her, even during her rut. Lexa didn't care about the pain of her knot splitting, the burn of her flesh so much hotter because she could smell her mate close without being able to touch her, or even the empty feeling it gave her to rut into the toy she bought herself to get through ruts while single. But the true reason why she hadn't returned to her bed since was because she couldn't believe the woman she loved didn't care enough to prevent her from enduring the heartache that accompanied it all alone. There was no response, no message back, no confirmation that Clarke received her message, it was a lie to save face with the omega. In fact, the only way Lexa even knew that Clarke was still alive was her scent and having passed by her once or twice after Clarke came home from classes.

Her fingers traced down the door, landing on the handle. Her fingers draped around it slowly, timidly, more than hesitant. The alpha brought her other hand up to the door as well, knocking softly. "Clarke?" Lexa rested her forehead against the cold door just as she would against her lover.

There was absolutely no hint of a response from beyond the door.

"Clarke? It's me. I… I know we haven't talked in a while." Lexa knocked again weakly. "Clarke? Baby?" Lexa called again, a tension growing after another absence of a response. There was no way Clarke was already asleep, and Lexa knew Clarke was home, she had heard her alpha arrive home just before she began cooking. She remembered it distinctly because she heard Clarke trip more than once, and the instinctively strikes of alpha protectiveness and fear that became of her when she heard Clarke tripping clumsily. She loathed staying still, simply sticking to her work, at that time still unprepared to face Clarke.

Still nothing!?

"Baby, I'm coming in." Lexa warned.

Still nothing, Lexa couldn't help but begin to shake fearful as she remembered her alpha unresponsive in her arms the night she went to the hospital. Lexa cracked the door open, still not ready to open it all the way as she attempted to steel herself. "Clarke?"

"Umm Lessaa." Clarke answered, hiccupping as she rolled over in the bed.

"Aww. Someone have a long day of classes?" Lexa cooed, imagining how she might be able to soothe her exhausted mate. For only that moment everything felt like it could all be normal again as Lexa entertained the idea of soothing her mate, tracing fingernails over exhausted flesh until the beautiful alpha finally found rest.

Clarke giggled only to be interrupted by another hiccup. "Nooo! I didn't go to class silly!" Clarke slurred.

"Of course you did silly." Lexa threw back the tease as she approached the bed where Clarke was spread out in her clothes. "I heard you unpacking your bags when you got home." Lexa wore a soft smile as she approached the bed, sitting on the edge of it before running her palm over Clarke's cheek. The Alpha's smile quickly faded as she noticed the unnaturally severe blush combined with the slight green complexion of her mate. "Baby?"

"I don't…."

"Baby?" Lexa lifted Clarke's eyelids to reveal the Alpha's red eyes raw from… crying?

"I don't feel so good." Clarke half whined, her eyes flickering closed.

"Baby!" Lexa screamed.

"Don't feel… good. H… hurts." Clarke wretched weakly.

"Clarke!" Lexa pulled the alpha close, attempting to diagnose what was wrong.

"Fuck, I'm gonna-"

"I'll get Raven! She will know what to do!"

Clarke's body rolled as she wretched again harder.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, no not again!" Lexa panted under her breath as she sprinted back to Raven who had just begun going back for seconds.

"Lexa… you need to make this more often!" Raven hummed, delighted with her pilfered meal.

"Raven it's Clarke! Something happened!" Lexa grabbed the omega's arm and yanked her, dragging her back to Clarke.

"What is it?"

"I don't know!"

"Uugh!" Clarke yelled into a painting heave, her head hanging off the far side of the bed.

"Jesus Christ Lexa." Raven rolled her eyes.

"What is wrong!? Will she be ok! She didn't look ok!"

"She will be fine. But she won't be happy in the morning."

"Oh fuck… eww." Clarke complained, plopping back down into the bed, wiping vomit from her mouth with her shirt sloppily.

"What is it!? What Happened!? How do you know she will be ok?!"

"Because… she is just shit faced." Raven sniffed. "And stoned I think. Can't you smell it? God, she smells like she rolled in a puddle of vodka."

"I… I don't drink."

"You met her in a bar."

"Because your alpha dragged me with her."

"Fair. But yeah, she is beyond shit faced." Raven sat down on the bed and gently slapped Clarke to try and help the alpha stir.

Clarke barked back angrily with a growl only for it to die out as her head pounded angrily, the room spinning.

"Yeah yeah, poor drunk pup."

Clarke growled again.

"How much did you drink?"

"I dono!"

"Yeah, then how much did you smoke?"

"Who cares."

"Oh, I don't know, probably your alpha who you scared the hell out of for the umpteenth time. She dragged my ass in here thinking you were dying!"

Clarke huffed drunkenly.

"So I ask again, how many drinks you have?"

"I don't know, I don't count anymore. I stopped counting a month ago."

Raven slapped Clarke again, but this time harder. "What?"

"I don't count anymore."

"Clarke?" Lexa whispered worriedly.

"Lexa, you wanna go get her some water? Maybe make something starchy? With some grease? Something to sop up the booze and calm her or her stomach for when she wakes?"

"No! I… if this has been going on for… Wait! Clarke! You said you didn't go to class! Why didn't you go to class."

"Because the bar is more fun." Clarke giggled, not realizing the fear in her alpha.

"Baby! How long has-"

"Lexa… please, go cook something for her."

"Hell no, I'm not leaving her right now! Clarke! Please answer me! Why have you been drinking!? Why haven't you been going to class! I… is this because of-"

"Lexa!" Raven yelled. "You can either help your mate or I can kick you out and you can sit on your hands doing nothing."

"This is my room!" Lexa protested.

"Lexa!" Raven demanded, clearly hiding something.

"No." Lexa's argument withered as her voice became a whisper.

"Did someone say food?" Somehow Clarke had already forgotten losing half her intestines all over the floor only a minute earlier.

"You want to help her? This is what she needs right now."

"Fine…" Lexa huffed hurting. "W… what do you want hun?"

"Mhmm, I feel like breakfast!"

"Good now go!"

"Yes, she has been so wonderfully specific!"

"Go!" Raven hissed.

"Fine fine. Eggs and bacon? Maybe with some toast?"

"Mhmmm sounds good!" Clarke purred.

Raven glared Lexa down until the alpha relented and left the room.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" Raven grabbed Clarke by the jaw painfully.

"Ouchie! Ouchie! Ouchie!" Clarke's face scrunched up as she tried to wrestle away from Raven's death grip.

"Ouchie my ass! What the hell are you doing Clarke!"

"What I have to to get through my day."

"When was the last time you went to class?"

"I dono."

"Are you fucking kicking me? Clarke!"

"Stop yelling." Clarke complained, her ears ringing, her jaw sore as she still fought the omega wouldn't let her go.

"I'm gonna keep yelling you fucking idiot!" Raven hissed, ironically no longer yelling. "You promised me you wouldn't get back into this shit."

"I can drink what I want."

"No Clarke. In fact, you can not drink what you want. I am very aware of this because I actually remember you crashing Fin's funeral. Literally crashing."

"Who cares!" Clarke roughly ripped Raven's hand away, bruising the omega's wrist, not knowing her own drunken strength.

Raven winced, pulling her hurting hand in towards her chest, attempting to protect it from another unwarranted usage of Clarke's strength. "Clarke I know I turn my eye occasionally when you have one or two… but… this isn't just one or two, this isn't even just five."

"Yeah well, I deserve at least six after what happened."

"You do realize deserving 'six' wouldn't mean you deserve six each and every day right?"

"Dear god, I'm gonna need another just to get through this conversation aren't I?"

"Clarke…"

"The answer to that one is yes." Clarke rolled her eyes before flopping over on the bed to open the cabinet of her nightstand. The alpha quickly pulled out a half-filled bottle of vodka. Clarke allowed the cap to casually fall to the ground before she took the almost comically oversized bottle, bringing it to her lips and gulping it down fast enough that Raven's throat burned just thinking of it. Somewhere amongst the third sizeable glug Raven ripped it from Clarke's lips.

The death grip of the drunken alpha returned in the same instant, Clarke clearly displeased with the theft of her bottle. "Clarke! Clarke, you are hurting me!"

"Give it back!"

"Clarke! Please!" Raven wanted to cry, her arm feeling as if it might give, but the thought that it was her friend hurting her so much worse.

"Give it back!" Clarke snarled. "I'm not a weak omega you can bully!"

Raven knew it was displaced anger and resentment that now landed on her head; or more accurately her wrist. "Please just don't drink anymore."

"I'll drink what I want, when I want."

"Clarke, Lexa doesn't need to see you like this. Please. Your mate needs to see her alpha is stronger than what's in this bottle."

"I am stronger!" Clarke huffed, finally grabbing the bottle out of Raven's hand and taking another two swigs before putting it down on the floor.

Raven fell back rolling over in the bed, clutching to her already bruising wrist. Once she found a calm place upon the bed, her eyes caught the vodka filled nightstand. At least seven bottles were still stacked up in the cabinet, most of them seemingly empty already.

"What did you want anyway." Clarke huffed.

"I told you Clarke, Lexa called me in to look at you cause she was scared. She thought you were sick again or something."

"Well, I'm not. So you can run along now… fucking mind to yourself and the kid you still have." Clarke struck.

"You are drunk." Raven reminded her sore heart, weary that her friend was so quick to strike at such a sore spot.

"Get out of my room, I prefer to drink alone."

"Yeah I know, it's why you are such a cunt of a drink." Raven huffed, letting her hurt get the best of her. "So I take it you would rather me break your Alpha's heart than actual her together the balls to do it yourself?"

"Don't you dare!" Clarke growled furious.

"She needs to know."

"It's none of her business! And it isn't your right to share!"

"You ready to get rid of your last three bottles?"

"Fuck you!"

"Exactly." Raven stood.

"Try to sober up. Lexa deserves that much." Raven hated being so cool, but she knew there was no point to being warm, that no matter what she did Clarke wouldn't hear her. Raven soldiered ok as she heard Clarke drunkenly mumble some other incredibly hurtful taunt which held just enough truth to make it sting despite any amount of preparation.

"Oh! Hey Raven. I'll be ready with her food in a minute." Lexa had buried herself into her cooking, the task clearly incredibly helpful in centering the alpha.

"Yeah." Raven paused uncertain. "Look."

"Is she ok!? What Happened! Is Clarke ok?" Lexa cast her spatula aside, ready to do whatever it takes to protect her mate.

"She… Clarke is very drunk. She isn't the nicest of drunks. Ok?"

"Ok then, I'll bring her her food and keep her feel supported." Lexa shrugged off.

"No. Clarke... She isn't… Lexa, she hurts people when she drinks, she doesn't handle it well."

"Ok then?" Lexa shrugged, setting up a plate for Clarke.

"Lexa!" Raven huffed frustrated with feeling ignored by the alpha. "She is drinking way too much. She has several empty bottles of vodka in there."

"Raven, what do you mean?" Lexa paused.

"This isn't the first time she has been drinking. After Fin died… she kinda crashed his funeral. I don't know how but I talked her down from doing some really dumb stuff."

"Like what?" Lexa inquired reflexively.

"Criminal mischief and whatever defacing a corpse gets filed as at best."

"From what I've heard? He deserved it."

"Yes, well Clarke still would have ended up in jail. Not to mention I'm sure she hasn't been showing up for school for a while."

"But she is so close to graduating."

"I know." Raven nodded worriedly.

"I…"

"You need to help her."

"Ok…" Lexa hesitated, grabbing the food she had made for Clarke.

"Lex-"

"I got it. It's ok. I'll figure it out." Lexa's expression was such a clearly cloudy paradox. It was confoundingly easy for Raven to read Lexa's emotions for the peculiar expression. The alpha held both a painful obviously severe concern, and overt worry combined with something Raven would never have expected to see on Lexa's face. Relief? How could Lexa be relieved in the slightest? Raven couldn't piece it together in the slightest, what in the world would relieve an alpha to hear that their mate was hurting, and in such desperate need of support. But there it was. With that though Raven processed the realization. Lexa was relieved to be needed. Since the day Clarke had returned she had clearly been attempting to handle this loss on her own, with only the assistance of apparently vodka. This whole time Lexa was all but shunned, pushed away, ignored when she tried to help. What would not being needed do to an alpha? Being ignored by their mate when that mate is in so much pain? This did more than just explained the small hints or relief which Lexa wore in between worry.

"You… you know she loves you? That she misses you terribly? She… she does need you Lexa. It's just that she is an alpha, and she doesn't know how to show that, especially when she feels so weak for what she has lost."

"Just because you know something… doesn't mean it isn't incredibly easy to forget." Lexa smiled softly.

"I… yeah. I understand that."

"Your friend is in good hands. I promise." Lexa offered that prideful alpha smile.

"Better be. If you hurt her."

"You know I won't."

"Yeah, well, I'm protective of her."

"I know. Me too." Lexa prepared herself, heading back towards her mate.

End of Chapter 41


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

Author's note: Enjoy my stories? Wanna help make sure I can keep a roof over my head and that I can continue to write and post these stories as much as I can? Consider becoming a patron! Link on my Tumblr: hopefulbadgerjunara

TW: not understanding no. Nothing happens, but a character has to yell to get the other person off of them. Also still TW Alcoholism

"I can't eat this! It's smiling at me!" Clarke whined, the plate sitting in her lap as she rested in bed.

Lexa couldn't help but laugh, despite feeling more than a little furious that Clarke would complain about her cooking.

"Now it's frowning!" Clarke sounded more like a child by the moment, clearly still tremendously inebriated.

"You need to eat love."

"But it's smiling again!" Clarke cheered.

"Yes, it is sweetie." Lexa sighed, sitting down next to Clarke on the bed. Snatching a slice of bacon from the plate Lexa spoke up again. "And now it's just starting at you! Ohhh! Creepy!"

"Ahh!" Clarke screamed, flipping the plate and breaking a yoke onto her blanket.

Lexa rolled her eyes, disappointed that she hadn't seen anything like this coming from feeding an incredibly drunk woman breakfast in bed. "Well, it certainly isn't smiling anymore." Lexa griped, cleaning the blanket as best she could, scooping the food back onto the plate.

"I blame you! You told me it was staring at me!" Clarke pouted.

"Yup, my fault, I should have known better." Lexa's frustrated tone went over her alpha's head.

"You look sexy when you're angry."

"What!?" Lexa yelped, it had been over two months since she had heard Clarke's wonderful voice seductively teasing her.

"I said, you look sexy when you are angry!" Clarke slapped Lexa's ass.

"Clarke!" Lexa immediately sat back down from having been fighting to clean the blanket with some napkins on all fours.

"You are drunk!"

"And you are one sexy piece!" Clarke growled loudly, grabbing Lexa and pinning her down forcefully. "I could just devour you!" Clarke growled, her inebriated state enabling her mind to switch goals again and again at the drop of a hat.

"Clarke stop!"

"Like you don't want me."

"I want you to stop!"

"Come on baby, I know you want it, you want me to lap you up, make you cum all over yourself! I can smell how bad you need it!" Clarke growled along Lexa's neck, completely oblivious to the litany of subtle and not so subtle movements Lexa made as the alpha prayed she wouldn't have to say that she didn't want Clarke again.

None of Lexa's wishes came to fruition however, the alpha atop her simply continued sniffing and licking along her, entirely ignoring whether or not Lexa wanted this. Clarke's grip even tightened, pinning Lexa harder when Lexa tried to wriggle out and fight for her freedom. "Clarke."

"I'm gonna make you feel so good."

"Clarke!"

"I like it when you fight just a little bit." Clarke purred.

"I'm not fighting just a little bit Clarke! I'm fighting a lot! Because I don't want this! Clarke! I said no! Now stop!" Lexa yelled loud enough to crack through to Clarke.

"You don't want to?"

"No Clarke! I fucking don't!"

"But I'm you're my alpha. I know you were dying for me to take you during your rut last week."

"Well that was then and this is now!" Lexa huffed. "Back then I didn't know you were drunk! And I would have hoped then that you would have cared more about consent!"

"I do care about consent!" Clarke protested.

"Well I just said no a bunch of times, and it was only after I screamed that you heard me. God Raven was right, you are a shit fucking drunk."

"I…" Clarke filled with shame, hating herself as she knew Lexa was right. She sat there, filling with her self loathing for minutes before she spoke again. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sure you are Clarke. But that doesn't make what you just did ok in the slightest."

"I…"

"You need to stop!"

"I won't do it again!"

"You know that isn't the thing I meant you needed to stop."

"I can't. I won't." Clarke huffed.

"Whatever Clarke. Can we talk about anything else." Lexa huffed, feeling violated, and disgusted with terrible thoughts which seeped into her mind. She began to feel at least in part responsible. If she hadn't shied away this wouldn't have happened. Clarke hadn't been drinking before Lexa left their room, had she? Does that make it Lexa's fault too? For leaving her mate alone to deal with this just because she couldn't handle those dismissive and hollow hurting looks. Lexa tried to force the thoughts and doubts from her mind, but almost immediately wished they were back as the predominant thoughts once Clarke spoke up once more.

"Why didn't you come to me for your rut?"

"I…" The memory alone was painful, Lexa despised that horrid heartache.

Clarke tried to grab at Lexa once more, but only got swatted away violently, Lexa had no more patience for Clarke being forceful.

Lexa stole Clarke's hand in a swift motion following her rebuffing of the advance.

"What is it?" Clarke was too drunk to understand the ideation of her alpha not wanting her, and horny enough not to care if she did.

"Why… why didn't you respond? Why didn't you come to me for my rut? Leaving me alone to endure my knot popping. Flesh tearing without you to soothe it!" Lexa did a poor job of hiding her hurt.

"Lexa."

"Did you not smell my body begging to have you as my flesh seared without my mate!? Even though I was only a room away? Or did you not care!"

"Of course I care Lexa!" Clarke snapped.

"Then why!"

"Because you had your rut… but… I didn't have mine."

"Course you didn't! Your body has been through so much!"

"It isn't just that Lexa! I! I didn't want you seeing me! Seeing me drunken! Like this!" Clarke began to cry. "Weak, giving in to… giving in to this."

"So you admit this is an issue?" Lexa placed the plate on her nightstand, opening her arms for her alpha.

"Just knowing something is a mistake doesn't make it that much easier to stop."

"Oh, sweetheart I know it isn't." Lexa forfeited on allowing Clarke to migrate into her arms on her own time and instead pulled the alpha close, cuddling her with all the love in her heart.

Clarke opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Lexa.

"You know Costia struggled with-"

"She never drank in the book."

"Yeah, that is a work of fiction, remember?"

"I… uugh yeah." Clarke huffed.

"And alcohol isn't the only thing she struggled with."

"I didn't say I was going to stop."

"No, you didn't. But you are."

"No, I'm not." Clarke protested.

"Yes, you are."

"You can't force me to stop."

"And that is why I won't. You will stop on your own."

"Lexa, stop." Clarke slowly found a comfortable place in the alpha's arms.

"You are going to stop on your own because you are strong, and your alpha needs you."

"You can't just will me sober." Clarke yawned.

"Because I need the real you. Not the you that you are now, trying to force yourself on me, not hearing me when I rebuff you."

Clarke winced, loathing herself, still so drunk that her memory of the event was already fuzzy, and she could barely remember or understand how she had done such a thing.

Lexa gently caressed Clarke, coaxing her to relax. "You are going to stop on your own because I need my alpha Clarke."

"I'm right here. If you needed me you could have come over and knocked on my door. Hell, it is your room more than it is mine!"

"Clarke we both know you haven't been in this room since the night you got back. You have been anywhere else until you apparently crawled inside a bottle."

"I didn't!" Clarke hid her face again Lexa, a drunken shame becoming her.

"Yes, Clarke. You did. And I'm not losing another mate. Clarke… I can't lose you."

"I… I know Lexa."

"I won't force you to stop." Lexa whispered, hoping the words would soothe Clarke.

"Yeah yeah."

"But, Raven will."

"Fuck… Raven. I hurt her Lexa."

"I know. You scared her."

Clarke winced, curling tighter. "Octavia so gonna-"

"Oh, you are fucking dead and then some." Lexa chuckled.

"Can I at least have that bacon as my last meal?"

"Course love. But you know I won't let her touch you right?" Lexa grabbed a strip of bacon and brought it to Clarke's lips for her.

"I would understand if you didn't protect me. After how much I've ignored you and what I just did."

"Well the ignoring game does take two, and you did hear me eventually and stop before anything happened." Lexa acknowledged.

"Still." Clarke whimpered full of self-loathing.

"I know sweetheart. I know."

"I…" Clarke trailed off, her eyelids falling, a strip of bacon still hanging out of her mouth.

"I'm not letting you go again hun. I'm sorry I ever allowed you to slip so far away." Lexa whispered to the sleeping Clarke. She then adjusted her alpha so that no matter what she wouldn't choke on her own vomit. Once she knows Clarke was in a safe position, Lexa didn't even try to sleep, she knew there was no hope of rest, certainly not with what she had seen in Clarke still lingering on her mind. Instead of making any hopeless attempts, Lexa instead chose to get comfortable, and soothe Clarke as she shook, shifted, and shuttered in sleep, clearly enduring a litany of nightmares.

It was a hellish endeavor, sitting silently and watching on as Clarke slumbered against her, knowing from previous experience that there trying wasn't much she could do to help her mate. This decision would have to come from her, Clarke would have to choose to save herself, and all Lexa could do was stand by and watch.

End of Chapter 42


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

Author's note: Enjoy my stories? Wanna help make sure I can keep a roof over my head and that I can continue to write and post these stories as much as I can? Consider becoming a patron! Link on my Tumblr: hopefulbadgerjunara

The initial hint of light seared through Clarke's eyes and light aflame already thudding head.

"Shh." Lexa whispered, exhausted beyond belief after a night of no sleep, constantly vigilant over Clarke. Her fingers traced drowsily on the back of Clarke's neck, gently soothing the disorientation which accompanied a hangover as best she could.

"Uugh!" Clarke groaned.

"I'm right here love."

"Fuck… I… need a drink. My head…"

Lexa's fingers froze in their place.

"W… when did you? When did you come back… back to bed?" Clarke stumbled through the words like she hadn't spoken in half a century. "I thought you were sleeping in your study."

"I was. But I came back last night. We talked for the first time in weeks love. Don't you remember?" Lexa was far from accustomed to this fear. Nothing was so nightmarish as the thought of having to watch Clarke drink herself stupid only to forget any ideation of getting sober she might have by the next night. Lexa forcibly reminded herself, that no definite decisions had made, that even by the widest of hopes it wasn't like Clarke had mad anything close to a definitive decision to stop or even slow down. But even insistent self-reminders weren't enough to tamper the comparative feeling of loss, that there must have been at minimum a hint of progress that had occurred last night which was seemingly gone.

"I… fuck… Lexa?" Clarke groaned, her stomach turning as she flipped over to the side of the bed where she had become accustomed to setting a barf bucket.

Lexa followed quickly after Clarke, pulling the alpha's hair back for her, willing to support the alpha regardless of any circumstances. "There there sweetheart." Lexa ran fingers through Clarke's hair, doing her best.

"Fuck!" Clarke yelled into another horrible heave. She could feel Lexa's loving lips lingering low on her shoulder, gracing her with more understanding than she felt she deserved after having pushed her mate away for so long.

"I'll get you some water? Ok love? Just… try not to jump right to the bottle? Ok?" Lexa did her best to catch Clarke's attention with a hand rubbing at the impossibly tense small of Clarke's back. It was everything Lexa could do not to whisper a 'poor girl' to Clarke as her alpha roared in fury that her mate was sick. She did, however, hold herself back, suspecting that Clarke would only end up feeling dysphoric. "I'll be right back love." Lexa whispered once more, standing up and rushing off, consumed with her need to find something to help her mate.

The hungover alpha was left alone to regret each and every choice she had made in her life which had lead her to yet another heinous hangover. She longed for Lexa's touch once more, everything about her biological dynamic howled out and lashed against her, even drawing tears from desert eyes as a reprise for not begging her mate to stay by her side. Her ignored inner dynamic raged. Reminding Clarke of all her pain and even worse, that which she perceived as her deepest and truest inner weakness, her dynamic refused to relent. She looked up to her nightstand, hoping to find that which gave her even the slightest of reprieve from her harshest critic. The cabinet was still open as it was left the night before, and the opened bottle still stood tall on the top.

Clarke had already wrapped her fingers around the neck of the open bottle by the time she remembered how it got there. Her memories flooded back like finding the missing link, tracing her memories all the way down the evolutionary chain.

Lexa returned with an almost intimidating gargantuan of a water bottle, even equipped with a no-spill cap. Her jaw dropped when she saw her mate.

"Lex?" Clarke whispered, now half sitting up on the bed, spinning the oversized vodka bottle in her hands.

"You didn't start already… did you?" Lexa falsified hope for half a moment.

"No, I didn't." Clarke tilted her head up gently to see Lexa.

"Are you… are you going to?" Lexa hesitated to kneel down on the side of the bed, pressing the water bottle towards Clarke however also leaning onto it for support.

"I'm sorry about last night."

"What do you remember now?"

"I remember falling asleep with bacon in my mouth." Clarke was only able to muster a smug expression for a moment before remembering the weight of her situation, and the downpour of pain that was still her hangover.

"Well… that is progress… right?" Lexa was simply striving to be some form of hopeful.

"Lexa… I hurt Raven… I … I don't even wanna say what I did to you." Clarke allowed the bottle to steal her attention back. It taunted her, reminded her how weak she was how she didn't deserve her title. No alpha runs off into a bottle and hides! No alpha is that weak! And isn't that just the perfect proof? That she had been so weak, and it was the final evidence that no matter how she saw herself, no matter who she truly was, she was still just as weak an omega as her body would suggest.

"Clarke?" Lexa repeated for the third time, snapping the alpha from her self doubt.

"Yeah, Lexa?" Clarke pried her eyes from her distorted hollow reflection in the bottle.

"As far as we go, you are fine. Just don't do it again. And for Raven? I think I might be able to cook her some pasta and earn you some forgiveness."

"And Octavia?"

"Like I said, she will have to go through me to lay a finger on you!" Somehow Lexa still being overprotective in the most perfect of ways was still something that did nothing to help the alpha still feeling weak and incapable of protecting herself.

"Yeah…"

"Look… you know all of us care more about your health than anything else. So… if you are looking for forgiveness…"

"Get sober?" Clarke filled icy, the simple thought nearly enough to push her to bring the bottle back to her lips.

"Well, yeah. We love you, and we believe in you baby." Lexa paused, reaching out. "You are stronger than this." She whispered, to Clarke's hand in hers, and pulling it softly away from the bottle.

"Lexa… I… I'm not good at this."

"At what?"

"Getting sober Lexa!"

"You don't have to be. You have your family love. You have me, Raven, Octavia, and I'd be damned if you didn't have Nyko too. Really. We have you. All you need do is ask and the three of us will run to catch you when you fall." Lexa moved closer, her voice low and loving as she made her way to plant a small kiss on Clarke's cheek.

"It isn't that simple Lexa, I can't just will myself sober." Clarke fought as her instincts forced her to press gently into Lexa's kiss.

"No, you can't. But I believe in my alpha. I need my beautiful strong girl back. The one who makes me, a strong, established alpha, roll over and beg to cum? Who makes my knees weak? Makes my pussy drip and my cock ache?" Lexa taunted lowly, kissing more at Clarke's cheek and then down her neck.

"Uugh baby, I love you, but please, please dear god don't make me think of eating pussy or sucking dick right now!" Clarke's body tensed as she fought the urge to hurl once more.

"Poor baby." Lexa hugged Clarke. "Here, you need fluids."

"I love you Lexa." Clarke hummed softly, taking the water and sipping at it, cautious not to go too fast and upset her stomach.

"I love you too baby." Lexa moved in closer.

"Six hours! Six hours, forty-two minutes! Six hours forty-two minutes and twenty-seven seconds!" Lexa's voice strained as she complained.

"There is no way in hell you counted to the second."

"I checked my watch this morning, and when I caught her.

"Hell, it's still better than Costia's first attempt. What'd she make it? Four hours?"

"And twenty-three minutes."

"You just love counting." Octavia rolled her eyes, callously popping the cap off of a beer.

"It is the only thing I can do O! I can't just force her not to!"

"Eh, fair point." Octavia shrugged, consuming a sizeable swig.

"Could you not?"

"Really?" Octavia cocked an eyebrow without lowering her drink.

"I don't know!" Lexa huffed and pounded a fist in the kitchen table.

"Well how about you figure that one out before you tell me not to drink my already open beer?" Octavia held back a growl remaining deadpan and cold, fighting not to snap at Lexa after a long day.

"Fine!" Lexa snarled.

"Look." Octavia began but paused as a loud thud came from Lexa's room.

Lexa immediately began to bolt.

"Don't."

"She needs me!"

"She is hammered. Of course, she is gonna fall down."

"She promised she would be going to bed!"

"Let me guess she also promised to stop drinking?"

"Well not in so many words." Lexa shrugged.

"I have to go check on her." Lexa insisted, pulling away.

"You took all the vodka outta her room right?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't guarantee she is ok." Lexa refused to do anything but worry as she ran back off to her room to check up on Clarke.

"Good luck." Octavia retreated back into small sips at her beer.

"Clarke? Baby? I heard you fall? What's wrong?" Lexa knocked softly at the door.

Clarke giggled back. "I fell down."

"God baby! What happened!" Lexa shook fearful after opening the door to reveal her shit-faced matte wrapped up in blankets on the floor, and an empty miniature bottle of vodka, if you could call 8 ounces miniature at least? At least, by comparison, it seemed mini.

"Hehe, you missed a bottle!" Clarke hiccuped.

"I!" Lexa sighed, feeling a failure. "Where was it?"

"In the nightstand."

"Nope! Not possible, I checked the nightstand first, I must have gotten rid of six liters of the stuff."

"You threw out my vodka!?" Clarke's eyes light up with a drunken combination of disappointment and anger.

"You told me to Clarke!"

"Oh yeaaaah!" Clarke strung her words along with the realization, chuckling to herself as she finished.

"Yeah, so where was it?"

"Where was what?"

"The bottle I missed?" Lexa brandished the bottle once more impatiently.

"Didn't I already tell you Lessaa? It was in the nightstand!"

"No! I cleared out the nightstand Clarke." Lexa strained to keep herself calm.

"You checked the cabinet of the nightstand, not the drawer." Clarke cheered, brandishing finger guns.

"Good damnit Clarke!" Lexa stomped her way back over to the nightstand, finding at least another three 'miniature' bottles stuffed away. "You told me all the vodka was… in the nightstand."

"Haha, I gotcha!" Clarke taunted, breaking Lexa's composure.

"Fucking Christ Clarke! Do you actually want to get sober! Or do you just want to play dumb games and lay on the floor a drunken mess!"

"I…" Clarke clearly was not ready for a real or a serious conversation in the slightest as her face and tone turned sour. "I didn't mean to…" Clarke teared up.

"Sure you didn't Clarke." Lexa rolled her eyes.

"Lexa!"

"Go to sleep Clarke! You are drunk." Lexa headed out, exhausted of fighting.

"Lexa please!" Clarke grabbed at her alpha's ankle.

The sober alpha growled back.

"I will be back in a bit. But for now, you need to sober up, and I need to breathe. So please, just let me go."

Clarke's grasp went limp, then her arm when slack, allowing Lexa to leave.

"Thank you Clarke. I… I'll be back in an hour or so for bed. Do you want me to wake you?" Lexa offered.

"Please." Clarke held back tears just long enough for Lexa to nod in affirmation.

Lexa too broke only moments after she closed the door behind her. Both alphas couldn't help but blame herself. At least Clarke had the comfort of her lingering buzz, and the fluffy comforter she cocooned herself in on the floor. Although it wasn't much it was of some comfort as the tears streamed, her own jumbled and fuzzy mind lashing out at her for her weakness, for not going to Lexa when she found the bottles left behind, and for not being able to stop once she had started.

Lexa crumbled the moment she closed the door behind her. The weight of her perceived duty to guard Clarke from her own weaknesses quickly growing too much to handle as she realized she would never truly be able to protect the woman she loved from the world and the vices it contained.

End of Chapter 43


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44

Author's note: Enjoy my stories? Wanna help make sure I can keep a roof over my head and that I can continue to write and post these stories as much as I can? Consider becoming a patron! Link on my Tumblr: hopefulbadgerjunara

"Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!" Raven cheered the second the odor of the simmering meal wafted her way as she entered the apartment. "Lexa you fucking goddess what is that you got cooking?"

"Shh, she is lecturing Clarke." Octavia warned, leaning back in her stool at the kitchen's island.

"God what happened this time." Raven worried, removing her jacket.

"You are showing!" Octavia attempted to retain her strong alpha demeanor, but more than a little over ecstatic excitement slipping through.

"And you are drinking?" Raven raised a judging eyebrow.

"I had a long day!" Octavia defended quickly.

"I'm sure you did but-"

"Am I not allowed to have a drink in my own home? Or do I just have to throw out all my drinks with Clarke's" Octavia spat with a quick glance to her various bottles of rather hard alcohol she had purchased years ago to have her own at home bar.

"Well! No. But-"

"Good. Because I'm not gonna."

"No one is asking you to love." Raven took a much more restrained approach. "But you know how much all of this is hurting Lexa."

"It's Clarke who can't hold her liquor, not me. And she's already got all the sympathy she is gonna get from me for a good long while."

"She didn't mean to hurt me."

"Yeah? Well, I don't mean to kill her, but sometimes accidents happen."

"O!" Raven snapped.

The alpha growled and mumbled.

"You will not hurt my best friend.

"She lays a fucking finger on you again and-"

"Stop." Raven wrapped her arms around the fuming alpha from behind.

Octavia continued grumbling.

"Hey, happy thoughts, your omega is showing." Raven reminded, gracing her lips along Octavia's neck.

Growls sweetened almost all the way to purrs.

"That's it baby."

"I am gonna eat you till you scream tonight." Octavia warned.

"What! I! Oh god baby!"

"Seeing my mate with that bump." Octavia spun around, wrapping one arm around Raven and pressing her free hand to the small hill that was her omega's core. "God, you are lucky I haven't ripped your clothes off yet!" She followed with hungry kisses, nipping at Raven's lips impatient.

"That! Ohh! That sounds nice."

"Such a good girl."

"I… but really. The… the beer." Raven fought to focus as Octavia's fingers slipped lower.

"I'm an adult, I'm allowed to drink responsibly in my own home." O deflected.

"But… oh god! You are doing that now!"

"Yup, I am."

"R! Right here in the kitchen!"

"Like my dirty little girl doesn't like the thought of getting caught."

"O! Octavia!"

"Ah and you are just so wet."

"I- I'm no… not!" Raven fought weakly.

"My soaked fingers tell a different story."

"Fucking Christ, why are you so good at that?"

"Because you are my omega, and I know just how to make you!"

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Slow down!" Raven grabbed at Octavia's arm desperately.

"That's it."

"Wanna talk bout this!" Raven fought through gasps, now unable to stop quick juts and needy rolls into the alpha's fingertips.

"I have something to talk about!" Octavia lit up. "How quickly do you think I would have you cumming apart at the seams if I actually slipped a finger inside you?"

"Don't you!" Raven panted and glared as she felt the alpha's fingers teasing at her entrance.

"But you are so wet, and you look like you need it, sooo bad."

"Fuck! O!" Raven whimpered.

"And you know just how fast I can find that spot that just makes you go-"

Raven clutched desperately at Octavia's shoulders, bruising them as she muffled screams and moans by biting her lip.

"Such a good good girl, cumming so easy." Octavia caught her mate as her knees gave out.

"Asshole." Raven griped out of breath.

"Now is that any way to talk to the woman who just gave you such a wonderful orgasm?"

"You'll live, but my panties are ruined."

"And yet somehow I'm not all broken up about it?"

"Stop drinking in front of Lexa, please? At least until Clarke is sober?" Raven fought to stand on her own once more.

"And how long is that gonna take?"

"It took her about two weeks and a half last time."

"But how long do you think it will take this time?"

"I don't know."

"How long will what take?" Lexa reentered, wiping already red and puffy eyes.

"Oh, nothing!" "How long for Clarke to get sober?" Raven and Octavia spoke over each other.

"Oh." Lexa crumbled.

"A little tact next time!" Raven glared at her mate before blushing bright burgundy, realizing that the alpha's hand was still down her pants.

"I… it's fine Raven. Don't worry. I'm accustomed to her bluntness." Lexa paused before commenting on the two all but huddled together. "You two ok?"

"Yup, just fine!" Raven yelped.

"I just needed to hold my beautiful little omega."

"Oh… ok." Lexa whimpered, still so caught in her own head filled with self-doubt, crippling feeling of being insufficient, and the weight of the world.

"Well, whatever you got cookin over there smells great! So I'm gonna go wash up before dinner."

"Yeah." Lexa agreed emptily.

"Such a shame, I'm gonna miss my favorite part, licking you off of my fingers as I make you watch." Octavia taunted her omega, removing her hand with a taunting flick at Raven's clit.

"F… fuck!" Raven moaned out, her body quivering with another round of aftershocks.

"You sure you two are ok?" Lexa checked once more, only after Octavia was already off and gone.

"Yeah."

"You, just seem, a little weary on your feet."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just been a long day." Raven offered a smile to the distracted alpha. Feeling her knees still an unreliable source of stability, Raven decided to steal her alpha's stool. The moment she sat down she deeply regretted not running off with Octavia for at least a dry pair of panties. Wishing to distract herself she spoke up. "So, I heard you were giving Clarke a lecture?"

"It's not like she heard it."

"Yeah… she tends not to listen for at least seventy-two hours after her last drink."

"Yeah…. Wait! What! Three days!"

"Well yeah."

"Why the fuck do you say three days!"

"Because, as much as I love her, that alpha can't stand pain, and she gets terrified when the tremors come."

"Tremors?" Lexa thought back to how Clarke shook just before she asked Lexa to go out to grab them lunch, and then how she returned to see her hammered mate on the floor.

"Yeah, Clarke gets em pretty bad."

"I forgot, you've been through this before!"

"Yes. In fact, I have." Raven acknowledged.

"How did you get her to stop?"

"Me?"

"Yes you!" Lexa pressed.

"I mean I don't know that I so much got her to stop as much as told her she had a problem and was there for her when she needed support. That and I dumped all the booze she had. That helped a lot."

"How long did it take you to find it all?"

"Oh? At least a week. I was never sure if Clarke was just that good at hiding the stuff, or if she would simply frequently forget that she had left it somewhere while she was drunk and find it later.

"But that really helped that much?" Lexa hoped.

"Well yeah, but that was a couple of years ago. Back before Clarke turned 21."

It took Lexa a good couple of moments to process exactly how the new knowledge affected things. "So it won't actually do anything to help if I throw out all her vodka?" The alpha's heart sank and she attempted to hide it by redirecting her attention to the meal she had been preparing.

"I… no probably not." Raven grimace.

Lexa's hand shook as she attempted to stir her stew.

"It will be ok."

"How! How Raven! How will it be ok at all! How will any of it be ok! Clarke is drinking herself silly, and, and, and there is nothing you or Octavia, or I can do about it! I'm here alpha! I'm supposed to be able to protect her! Keep her safe!" But… I! I can't do anything."

"Lexa."

"Don't argue! You know it is true!"

"Lexa. You are doing everything you can. I know it doesn't feel like much, but it is what she needs most. As long as you are patient and loving at her side, she will get through this."

"I really hope you are right."

"I am." Raven assured.

Not long after Octavia returned and the three enjoyed their meal together, doing their best to forget about it any subtle angers, frustrations, and fears. Octavia even swapped to water after her first beer was gone for worry of concerning or stressing Lexa. Not that she didn't receive a sizeable reward in the form of her omega cuddling and nuzzling up to her happily. Raven was deeply and wonderfully appreciative of the alpha offering the hidden kindness for her friend, immediately finding a new seat in the alpha's lap and adoringly clinging to her.

Seeing her friends grow so affectionate quickly became a strong sign for Lexa, signifying to her that it was probably about time to return to her alpha and their bed. Just in case Clarke was still awake and hungry Lexa hobbled together a small bowl for Clarke. She then waived off her goodbyes hastily before any of Raven or Octavia's clothes came flying off; it was certain to happen sooner rather than later and Lexa was confident she wanted to be gone before sooner came.

"Clarke?" Lexa whispered, slipping in past the cracked door.

The still inebriated alpha turned on the floor and groaned softly, new light flooding into the room which had previously only been illuminated by her phone screen.

"Why are you still on the floor love?"

"It's comfy down here?"

"More like it's easier than slovenly shambling your way back into the bed." Lexa countered with more of a smile than was truly appropriate.

"Pretty much."

"Want some dinner?"

"Dinner sounds nice." Clarke looked up at Lexa who was now standing directly above her.

"Sit up at least then." Lexa waited for no woman as she spun Clarke and her comforter cocoon around and helped Clarke sit up, positioning her against the bed.

"Hehe, my alpha is strong."

"Yeah, mine is too, even if she hasn't been showing it so much lately." Lexa pushed the bowl into Clarke's chest with slightly more force than she had intended. "Eat up, I'm tired, and I'm pretty sure you'll need me to help you up into bed."

"I don't need you to help me with anything Lexa!" Clarke shot up to unstable feet.

"Clarke." Lexa sighed

"You know what! I don't fucking care! You wouldn't treat a fucking omega this way! And I'm an alpha! I am your alpha! But you are treating me like I'm fucking helpless!"

The next words to come out of Lexa's mouth would sear themselves into her memory as easily her greatest mistake with an immense margin. "Aren't you tho?"

End of Chapter 44


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

Author's note: Enjoy my stories? Wanna help make sure I can keep a roof over my head and that I can continue to write and post these stories as much as I can? Consider becoming a patron! Link on my Tumblr: hopefulbadgerjunara

For the next three days, Clarke didn't even attempt to stop drinking, in fact, she threw drinks back even faster just to spite Lexa. The alpha intentionally drank herself stupid just to lash out at Lexa for her words. Worse yet, she was anything but reserved about her drinking. Clarke was deliberate in ensuring that Lexa witnessed her drunkenness and her descent. At least at first, the alpha hadn't been so verbose about it, simply sticking around Lexa and drinking herself into a deeper and deeper hole. However, after she passed her fifth or sixth drink each day? Clarke became damn right belligerent, spewing disdain soaked profanities. The alpha hurt, her only sliver of pride now tarnished, destroyed by her own actions, but all she could see was how the one woman who had always seen her as a strong and capable alpha no longer saw her as much more than a hopeless child.

Lexa took each strike on the chin, swallowing the vitriol down with her own guilt and self-loathing. Instead of lashing back she steadied herself, striving to seem solid for her hurting mate. In her eyes, it was all she could do. After having taken something so precious from Clarke? She knew exactly how much seeing Clarke as strong meant to the alpha, and she knew it when she had opened her mouth, but it slipped out anyway. It would never matter how incessantly or profusely she apologized and corrected herself the moment the words came out. Lexa knew that in Clarke's eyes the mistaken words would forever be how she understood Lexa to see her. Each day was somehow worse than the last for the regretful alpha, her resistance wore much faster than she would have hoped, that said she also would have hoped her alpha would lose steam and finally realize it was just a slip of the tongue sooner than three whole days later. No relief however came. Lexa knew why, she understood, no matter how much she wished it weren't the case, Clarke was still hurting. The alpha was still so caught up and lost in the words and their meaning. Nothing she could do or say would change that and lamentfully Clarke made this fact overtly clear to a painful degree.

The second day was infinitely worse than the first, in the same way that holding a glass of water feels easy at first but after a whole day? With no relief? It feels like carrying a thousand-pound weight. Lexa eroded, her once impenetrable stature seeming feeble. At each strike, she staggered somehow succeeding to stay together despite falling apart at the seams. All through the second day and into the third, Lexa's only saving grace had been that even if Clarke was acting like such an idiot, drinking herself slovenly towards another blackout, she was at least doing it at home. The smallest sliver of safety was of miniscule comfort, but it was something, and Lexa held to it for dear life. She prayed and prayed and prayed that it could at least give Clarke enough time to cool down and come to her senses before she got herself hurt or worse.

But then, at the end of the third day, more than ten drinks in, Clarke ran out, she ran out completely. The addict needed more, she tore apart her room, destroyed what was left of her nest, she even broke the nightstand in a fit of rage.

It wasn't until the loud thud and crack that Lexa was drawn back into their room to witness Clarke's meltdown. The alpha couldn't even stay on her feet, she tripped and fell to her knees with every third step.

"Clarke you can't walk, please lay down."

"No!" Clarke spat back infuriated. "If I lay down you'll just call me a worthless weakling again!"

"Clarke I never said that! Now please, you are beyond drunk." Lexa's restraint was waning.

"No!"

"Clarke!" Lexa pleaded, attempting to grab her mate, to help calm her.

The surprising touch startled the alpha still so caught up in her own mind. "Get the fuck off of me!" Clarke forcefully pushed Lexa off with all her weight, knocking Lexa into the wall.

Tears were forming before she knew what happened. Her head rung, light stinging as she tried to step forward realizing she had fallen to the ground. "Fuck." Lexa whimpered, the room spinning. "Baby please."

"I'm going out! I'm going to get more!" Clarke announced mostly for herself, but also to jab at Lexa once more, not realizing in the slightest what she had done, or how hard Lexa's head had cracked against the wall, leaving a gnarly hole in the drywall the shape of the back of her head.

"Clarke… please don't… not safe." Lexa whimpered, her head growing foggier as she gave into the sleep she hadn't allowed herself since she slipped and said the words that broke Clarke.

"That's it! What the hell is going on in here!" Octavia barked furious, wearing nothing more than boyshorts and a sports bra, sporting a small tent, clearly infuriated that something took her away from her omega, and apparently when things were just about to get kinky, given the handcuffs in her right palm.

"I'm going out!" Clarke announced again before attempting to push her way past Octavia.

"Woah there girl! Watch out!" Octavia grabbed Clarke not letting her past. "You're way too drunk to be going anywhere."

"I don't wanna hear it!" Clarke huffed, fighting angrily.

"You might be strong, but I'm not letting you go out right now, that isn't safe." Octavia laughed growing almost light-hearted for half a second before she spotted Lexa. "What the fuck did you do!"

"Let me go!"

"Lexa are you ok!?" Octavia cried out worried.

"Uugh?" Lexa stirred, almost able to wake to her name rousing her. "Clarke?"

"Fucking Christ Clarke! What did you do!" Octavia snapped.

"Let me go!"

"That's it!" Octavia lifted Clarke with ease, picking her up and plopping her down on the bed, cuffing her down to ensure she could not escape.

"You have no right! Let me go!"

Octavia had not even a single one-thousandth the patience Lexa had for the drunkard's shit. In one swift motion, she slapped the drunk right off Clarke's face.

The alpha was stunned, caught up on the shock of being struck so suddenly, the rush of adrenaline sobering her even if only for a moment. "Wha-"

"That's it! I'm done with your shit!"

"Huh?"

"Look at me!" Octavia demanded, taking Clarke's jaw forcefully. "You need to stop!"

"I don't wanna." Clarke huffed offhandedly.

"Really! Look at what you did!" Octavia forced Clarke to look to Lexa, still passed out and collapsed.

"I… I!"

"Yeah you did. Now get your fucking act together! In the meantime, I'm gonna go take her to resident doctor. You better hope she is ok. Because whatever happens to her, it's your fault. She needed her alpha and you weren't there! You just struck and struck and hurt her!" Octavia released Clarke's head furious.

"I!" Clarke attempted to speak up as she watched Octavia leave for her friend, helping her up.

"You know! I once really thought you were an alpha! Willing to put your mate above all else. Now I'm not really sure."

End of Chapter 45


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46

Author's note: Enjoy my stories? Wanna help make sure I can keep a roof over my head and that I can continue to write and post these stories as much as I can? Consider becoming a patron! Link on my Tumblr: hopefulbadgerjunara

"Get up!" A firm kick jostled the bed.

"Huh?" Clarke stirred.

"Get up!" Octavia quickly gave up on being any semblance of being nice and simply kicked Clarke herself this time.

"What?" Clarke snapped back still half asleep, her cuffed arm and kicked leg throbbing dually with pain.

"Get the fuck up!"

"Let me sleep!" Clarke tried to turn over, her arm yanking her back. She cried out in pain, feeling in her hungover stupor like her arm we're about to be ripped from its socket.

"Fucking deserve it, you dumbass." Octavia kicked again, but slightly lighter.

"Stop it!" Clarke snapped, her head pointing from the strain of yelling.

"You get your ass up on I'mma stop giving you love taps!"

"Uugh! What do you want Octavia!" Clarke barked, sitting up, her cuffed hand fighting the metal gripping at her flesh.

"Better now get the rest of the way up."

"I can't, I… something is… I'm cuffed here?" Clarke grumbled confused

"Yes you are and for good reason." Octavia paused just long enough for Clarke to attempt talking, but Octavia simply talked over her. "Now if I uncuff you are you gonna keep your damn hands to yourself?"

"Good reason!? What the hell happened last night! God, I need a fucking drink!" A firm hand struck Clarke's already sore face.

"You are fucking done drinking!" Octavia simmered, ready to take off Clarke's head.

"Fucking Christ! What the hell is wrong with you!"

"Do you even know what you did!?"

"I… no, but that happens when you blackout drinking." Clarke rolled her eyes, not realizing the weight of the situation until it dawned on her who was missing. "Wait? Where's Lexa?"

"That ring any bells?" Octavia pointed fury filled towards the wrecked drywall.

"Oof! Fuck, is that why my head hurts? I must have hit that wall hard." Clarke laughed off, incapable of recalling what she had done.

"Try again." Octavia growled through gritted teeth.

"Octavia, I don't know, my head hurts, I'm hungover, and I'm starving. Please just uncuff me?"

"You!" Octavia restrained herself from striking Clarke again. "You!"

"I what O?" Clarke pushed.

"You hurt Lexa! That is your fault! When I walked in last night Lexa was on the ground! Bleeding! Because of you!"

"No! No. No…" Clarke's yell quickly petered out into a hollow whisper.

"You! Her alpha! You are supposed to protect her! Not hurt her!"

"Is she ok! Where is Lexa! I need to see her!"

"No you fucking don't! And you sure as hell won't! Not till you are sober!"

"Where is she!"

"I sent her and Raven out! I don't feel comfortable having them in the same building as you!" O snarled.

"What! Octavia! That is ridiculous! I would never hurt them!"

"Really? Because Raven was giving Lexa stitches last night with wrists still bruised from your drunken bullshit!"

"No!"

"Yes Clarke!"

"No! That can't be-"

"Clarke you are spectacularly lucky that you aren't waking up in a fucking jail cell!"

"No." Clarke whimpered, suddenly having to face the grimmest of realities.

"Lexa swore up and down that you just needed some time, that you would realize what was wrong and fix it yourself! But I'm done fucking waiting, especially when every day your idiotic drunk ass is threatening my family!"

"Octavia… w… what do I do?"

"First?" Octavia softened, undoing the cuffs.

Clarke nodded, rubbing her chafed and bruised wrist.

"First you are helping me fix the damn hole you made. Cause apparently I didn't teach you enough about being a GOOD alpha."

"I… m n… a… alpha." Clarke mumbled.

"Just because you are an alpha doesn't mean that you are a good one." Octavia huffed.

"I… I'm not an alpha" Clarke's shattered spirit seeped out of her slowly.

"What the hell are you talking about Clarke?" Octavia rolled her eyes.

"I'm not an alpha."

"Yes you are Clarke, and you've been a right stick in the mud about drilling it into my head, now get your shit together and help me fix the wall you broke." Octavia plopped bags filled with drywall fixing supplies on the bed next to Clarke.

"I… hurt Lexa… my mate… I… how can I truly be an alpha? I should have protected her."

"Then pick your damn self up and be the alpha my best friend deserves, before I have to slap some damn sense into you again!"

Clarke flinched.

"I… sorry." Octavia deflated.

"I… hurt her."

"Yeah, you did. Now you can either wallow or fix it."

Clarke sniffled.

"What's it gonna be?"

"I… I…" Clarke stuttered, her pounding head fighting her as she wrestled with her guilt.

"Clarke." Octavia sighed, placing her hand on her friend's shoulder. "Please. Lexa needs her alpha. And I need you to be the alpha she deserves."

"How can I?"

"By being better. First, you get your ass sober."

"Then what?"

"Then? Then you beg her for her forgiveness, plead with her to give you another chance. She loves you, so she will give you as many chances as you need."

"I… thank you."

"That said if you hurt her again? No one will find your body."

Clarke giggled softly.

"Yeah. No. You are lucky you are alive after what you did to her. I will enjoy ending you if you hurt my best friend again."

"Thank you O." Clarke hugged the alpha.

"Now, here's a glass of water, and aspirin. It will help you get yourself together enough to start stepping forward."

Clarke looked up hopeful before throwing back the aspirin and guzzling down the water far too fast only to end up puking once more. Octavia was uncharacteristically empathetic and patient with Clarke, helping her out, and assuring she stay hydrated.

It was another hour before Clarke got stable enough to stand. Not that Octavia didn't off and on consider forcing the alpha to begin fixing the wall while sitting on a bucket, but in the end, she decided to give Clarke the time she needed to sober up and rehydrate. When the alpha finally got herself together, Octavia moved to her next step and urged her to assist in the fixing of the wall.

"Why do we have to do this right now? My head is still pounding." Clarke complained.

"Because, it's cathartic to fix something, especially with your hands." Octavia plopped two buckets upside-down, kicking one to Clarke before sitting on her own.

"Yeah, but catharsis can wait, can't it?"

"You ever want Alexa to come home?"

"Of course I do!" Clarke snapped.

"Good. Because I'd like something positive to tell her when I go see her later."

"You are going to see her?"

"Yes, mix." Octavia ordered, thrusting a small tub into Clarke.

"Ok." Clarke huffed, following instructions as Octavia started sanding along the edges of the hole.

"Where is she?"

"I'm not giving you an address Clarke."

"I'm asking to know she is safe and comfortable." Clarke growled softly.

"She wanted to go see her aunt and uncle, and when she said she would go, I asked her to take Raven with her." Octavia paused, catching the glare Clarke cast her way. "I didn't want her here while you were getting your act together. I needed her to be safe." Octavia straddled the border, but she refrained from saying 'safe from you Clarke'. But she didn't have to say it. Clarke understood, she knew what she had done, even if she didn't remember it well or at all. The worst part? She knew Octavia was right, that keeping those Clarke loved most away from her was for the best.

"Ok." Clarke nodded attempting to hide how much it hurt.

"I will bring them home when you are ready."

"I understand."

"I… I… well good." Octavia expected much more of a fight.

"Is she ok?"

"Raven's wrist is still a little purple."

"I…"

"Yes. Lexa is fine. She hit the wall hard, but she doesn't have a concussion or whiplash."

"Ok." Clarke kept her rage and self-doubt, her swirling sandstorm striking at her bare flesh, uncovered and no longer numbed by the alcohol her mind and body craved so terribly all trapped inside her mind. She refused to allow it to slip out, to strike out at Octavia like she had been striking at Lexa for days.

"Uugh. Good." Octavia hesitated, unable to tell exactly what was storming behind those bloodshot eyes, but still relieved and surprised that she didn't have to fight any more than she already had.

"You are doing it differently this time?" Clarke noted, still stirring.

"Well, this hole is a lot bigger than the last one. I can't just throw some gunk in it and leave it to dry. This one will take more work, and a little more care to patch up." Octavia's eyes met Clarke's, pleading with her to listen.

Clarke nodded back listening. "What about the sandpaper? Why are you standing at the wall?"

"I need to strip down what is there before we move on to the next step and fix it. I have a patch I'm gonna put on here. But if I don't put in the work and sand this coat of paint off first? It will just slip off later, revealing the hole behind it."

"Thank you."

"You needed someone to slap the shit outta you. Not gonna lie, it was even kinda fun. So, your welcome?"

Clarke nodded back begrudgingly.

"She loves you so much." Octavia offered to the hurting alpha. "Just stay tough. Make it through and she will be back home before you know it."

"I will."

"Good. Now give me that epoxy."

End of Chapter 46


End file.
